


Beautiful Rain (Newly Rewritten Version)

by J-leeDixon (J_leeDixon)



Category: Daryl Dixon AU - Fandom, Daryl Dixon/OC - Fandom, The Walking Dead (TV), daryl dixon - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Brotherhood, Daryl Dixon Smut, Daryl Dixon/OC - AU, Explicit Language, F/M, Falling In Love, Mental Abuse, Merle Dixon AU, Merle Dixon Lives, Sexual Content, Sexual Inexperience, Social Anxiety, Weight Issues, daryl dixon au, daryl dixon/oc - Freeform, slight bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-12 14:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 102,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4482338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_leeDixon/pseuds/J-leeDixon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rainey Behr suffers from social anxiety. Living a normal life and going out with her friends is a daily challenge. She longs for a man in her life, but her fuller figure, bad experiences and her own issues about her appearance are making it impossible for her to open up to a man. One night, she bumps into Daryl Dixon, and together, they embark on a completely new journey for the both of them.</p><p>Daryl Dixon/OC - AU<br/>If insecure characters annoy the hell out of you, don't read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my second try at this story. For those who have read the first one: There aren't a ton of changes in the first couple of chapters, but I think by chapter 5, the bigger changes will become apparent. Have fun reading and as always, please tell me what you think. I loved reading and discussing your own experiences with these things.

                                                                                                        

 

Chapter 1

 

The atmosphere in the bar, which her friend had picked out for their get-together, was friendly and laid back. It was probably the reason why she wasn't sweating and nervously tapping her fingernails on the wooden surface of their table, yet. She kept squirming uncomfortably in her seat, though, wringing her hands repeatedly in her lap under the table. _Why do I keep doing this? It never gets any better._ Social phobia was a bitch. It made activities, like enjoying an evening out with your friends, impossible. Rainey kept trying though. She had kept trying for all her life, always motivated to have fun with her friends and to have a good time, but as soon as they would enter a restaurant or a bar, she felt like all eyes were automatically on her, studying and judging her. She barely ever dined out, because she just knew that people saw her fuller figure and immediately thought 'Great, Fatty needs to stuff her face with more meat, huh?' Not a pleasant feeling, but she was never able to shake it. Tonight was no different. Thankfully her friends were able to distract her from time to time and she was able to relax a little. Well, maybe tonight was a little different than usual, because Rainey had found another source of distraction. Unfortunately her girlfriend had noticed. 

 

“What is it about that guy, Rainey?” Anna grinned with a shake of her head. “He's definitely not the type you usually find attractive, but yet you keep looking over there the whole time.”

 

“I don't know.” Rainey shrugged and wrung her hands again. “He looks interesting. There's something about him. He's interesting to look at.” Anna had a point. He really wasn't the type of man Rainey usually felt herself drawn to. She liked tall guys with a broad built. She was 5'7” and with her dress size fluctuating between 12 and 14 (most of the time it tended to be 14), she liked guys who would be able to make her feel smaller when being wrapped in their arms. At least that's what she fantasized about. She had never been with a guy like that. Nobody had given her that feeling of being small and delicate yet, but oh, how she wished for someone who would. The guy at the bar didn't look like he would be the man for the job. He didn't look too much taller than her. Maybe about 5'9 or 5'10. He had broad shoulders and absolutely amazing arms, giving the impression that he was quite strong and agile, but overall, he was thin and lean. Next to him, she would feel even bigger. Not that it mattered... Guys with a built like him were never interested in women with a built like hers. Nothing ever came of her crushes, but she enjoyed them while they lasted, so right now, she enjoyed looking at him for a while.

 

Rainey bit her bottom lip in order to stifle a smile, when she saw him shake his head to the side once again. His dark hair was a long and wild mess, and it kept falling in his eyes. She liked his hair. She liked his looks. He wasn't good-looking in a conventional way, but like she had told Simone, there was something interesting about him and it made her look over there repeatedly.

 

“So, how was work, Rainey?” Anna asked her, knowing that Rainey had more trouble than not at the office she worked at.

 

“Next question.” Rainey laughed a little and took a sip of her Coca Cola. She hated alcohol. She just didn't like the taste.

 

“Your boss is still being an ass to you?”

 

“Yeah.” Rainey got stomach cramps just thinking about her boss. The way he looked at her, all authoritative and arrogant, letting her know with just a single gaze, that he was better than her. Then the snide remarks, belittling her and letting her know that he thought she was stupid. She didn't know how she always ended up in situations like that. It was like it was destined for people with social phobia to have those kind of people in their life. People that challenged them and tested how much an individual was able to take before they broke down. “Can we not talk about it? Bad enough I have to go back there in the morning. How's your little brother recovering?” Rainey turned her attention back on the beautiful Russian woman, knowing that her little brother had been bitten by a neighbor dog. 

 

“He's fine. Just scared of dogs now.” Anna explained, while Rainey caught glimpse of the interesting stranger moving, out of the corner of her eye. Her attention shifted, and she watched the guy walk towards the restroom. He had a nice strut going on. He seemed confident, but then again he didn't. His confidence didn't seem cocky, but it was more like he was moving around inside this bar, like he was familiar with it and its patrons. Rainey figured, that he had to be a regular. “Aaand I lost you.” Anna laughed.

 

“Oh shut up!” Rainey blushed and held her clammy, cool hands up to her heated cheeks. “Sorry.”

 

“It's okay.” Anna smiled and put her hand on Rainey's knee for a moment in an affectionate gesture. “It's nice to see you enjoy yourself a little.”

 

“I'm trying.” Rainey gave her friend a brave smile.

 

“I know. And we all appreciate it every time you come with us. Now... we should get him over here.” Anna grinned as Rainey gaped at her in shock and terror.

 

“Are you insane? No!”

 

“Oh come on, Rainey. What's it gonna hurt?”

 

“Well, it's gonna hurt because he will be interested in you.” Rainey said it without reproach. She was used to men being more interested in her girlfriends than they were in her. The man, that was with the one she found interesting, had been eying Anna for an hour. She was sure that his companion would find the Russian beauty more attractive as well. For Rainey, her experience with men had always been one of two extremes. They either made fun of her or they really dug her curves so much, that they made tasteless and lewd remarks. No one had ever had any genuine interest in her. She wasn't ugly, people often told her that she had such a pretty face... but unfortunately she had that body which caused people to either ridicule or objectify her. There hadn't been an in between so far.

 

“Here's how I see it, Rainey. You want a boyfriend. You want someone to sweep you off your feet, but you never ever want to meet someone new. Prince Charming isn't gonna show up on your doorstep one day.”

 

“You sound like my grandmother.” Rainey groaned. She had heard that line a lot in the past ten years. Her mother and grandmother had both been married with a kid at age 20. Rainey being single, with no man in sight, at age 32 was just unacceptable to them.

 

“But she is right. How do you wanna meet someone, if you keep closing yourself off to men? Come on, just for fun... Let's just see if we can engage him in a conversation or something. As soon as he turns out to be an ass we can just leave.”

 

“No. I don't feel ready for something like that at all. I need to feel really good for that, and I don't. Not today.” Rainey told her friend while looking at her imploringly. “I just wanna sit here and look at him a little.”

 

“Fine.” Anna sighed. “Even if you don't have any faith in men, I think that there are men out there who do realize how beautiful you really are. They are probably too intimidated by your beauty to talk to you.”

 

“Stop.” Rainey blushed furiously at the compliment and quickly took another sip of her ice-cold beverage. Some people told her she was pretty, her friends told her that she was beautiful, and even though she didn't think of herself as ugly, she still didn't believe them. Never has, never will.

 

Rainey and Anna kept talking for a while, making Rainey temporarily relax and forget about other people, but then... it happened... one of her worst nightmares popped up. _No, no, no! Come on! Please no! Ugh, why me?_ This time she started sweating slightly and her squirming got more intense. It was like she was going through the five stages of grief within 5 seconds. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. She accepted that there was no way around it... She had to go pee.

Yep, it truly was one of her worst personal nightmares. She always peed before leaving the house and only ever sipped her drinks very, very slowly, because drinking too much meant having to pee for sure, and that, in turn, meant, having to get up in front of all the other people in that bar and walk to the bathroom, which was at the other end of the bar. She always felt like a bull in a china shop. No, scratch that... Like an elephant in a china shop. All shaky legs, squeezing by the tables, trying not to bump into anything with her too wide hips, and look like a fool. She kept staring towards the restroom, mapping out the best and fastest route inside her head. The fact that she would have to pass by the bar, right by the interesting stranger, only added to her nervousness. It meant that he might see her. He might see her and give her a judgmental or disgusted look, telling her with just his eyes, what he thought of her, just like a lot of other people Rainey met in her day-to-day life. She was able to take it from people she wasn't interested in, mostly because she was used to it, but from someone she thought of as attractive? That always stung.

 

“Damn it...” Rainey sighed. “I gotta pee.”

 

“Alright. I'll stay and watch our stuff.” Anna gave her friend a gentle smile. She knew things other people wouldn't think twice about were tough on Rainey due to her anxiety issues. She knew it, but she didn't quite understand it. However, she thought that Rainey was brave for trying to overcome her fears day after day after day. “You gonna be okay?”

 

“Yeah... It'll be alright.” Rainey smiled bravely, then she took a deep breath and got up from her chair. She swallowed hard and tried to keep her gaze straight ahead, not wanting to see the looks other people were giving her as she went on her way.

* * *

Daryl had come into the bar for his daily after-work drink and to meet up with his brother, Merle. It had become a habit for him in the past three months, ever since he had started working as a mechanic at a motorcycle dealership. He had used to drift around with Merle for years, spending money Merle had made with the help of some illegal activities, but when shit had hit the fan and Merle had come close to getting arrested yet again, Daryl had decided that it was time to bite the bullet and get a real job. Merle wasn't opposed to working, but as a convicted felon with a long, long record, finding a needle in a haystack was easier for him than finding a job. That's why Daryl had overcome some of his insecurities and had gone in for an interview. He had the skills, but he had lacked the experience, which was why they had resorted to one last, kind of illegal, act, and had lied on his resume. Thankfully his new employer had been happy enough with Daryl's talents, that he hadn't checked with Daryl's fake former employer.

 

As it had turned out, Daryl actually enjoyed the daily routine of going to work and doing something productive, something he actually liked, and getting paid good money for that on top of it. Him and Merle had a decent life right now, where money was concerned. And all completely legal. It was nice, for a change. The only thing regretted, was his decision to come to the bar today, instead of going straight home, but habits were hard to break. Merle was being his delightful self, talking shit and provoking other guys at the bar. If they weren't careful, it would end up in another bar fight. It had been a while since the last one, maybe Merle was getting bored, Daryl thought. However, Daryl himself, very much wanted to avoid a fight, so he decided to intervene before Merle would be able to rile the other men up even more.

 

“Come on, let's go to that table over there. Tired of sittin' on these shitty bar stools.” he mumbled and grabbed his half-full beer bottle. He got off the shitty bar stool and then swung around to go in the other direction, only to be stopped again when he full on collided with something. Well,... someone...

 

Rainey gasped in shock for two reasons. Number one being the shock of suddenly slamming into a very solid body, and number two being the shock of feeling a lot of very cold liquid soaking through the thin material of her top and chilling her skin, causing her to shiver involuntarily. “Oh my God. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry. I'm such a klutz... Sorry. Did I hurt you?” she started apologizing profusely right away.

 

Daryl looked down into the face of a visibly shaken, wide-eyed young woman. He was confused. _Why's she apologizin'? I ran into her. Shit,I spilled ma damn beer all over her._ “Stop.” he told her. His gruff town made her freeze and she looked at him at a loss for words. Daryl noticed a strong blush creeping into her cheeks, and he noticed her opening and closing her mouth several times, guessing that she was probably trying to think of something to say. She seemed extremely flustered and he had no idea why. Their collision hadn't been that bad.

 

“I'm sorry.” she all but whispered, then she bit her lip and let her eyes dart around them nervously, before they landed back on his.

 

“Nah... wasn't your fault.” he said, while he let his eyes travel up and down her body. “You alright? Fuck... I'm sorry about that.” he pointed towards her beer-soaked chest area.

 

Meanwhile, Merle walked past his back and let out a big guffawing laugh. “Whoa, whoa, whoa... careful, little brother... They got them big tanks rollin' in here tonight. Good thing she didn't step on your toes. Might'a crushed 'em.”

 

Daryl cringed internally at Merle's remark. He hated his brother's way of treating women. He was able to see the hurt pass over the woman's expression. She suddenly seemed a million times more uncomfortable than before, which Daryl hadn't thought possible. He couldn't blame her, though. “Hold on... gonna get ya a towel or something.” he told the freaked out girl, while he carefully let his hand hover next to the woman's arm. “Hey Wally...” he called out to the bartender, but he got interrupted, before he was able to ask for a towel.

 

“It's okay... I'm sorry...” she stammered and suddenly spurred back into action and walked past him towards the restroom at a brisk pace. People were looking and she was not able to handle all the attention. Also, having that interesting looking guy look at her like that, was making her so nervous that she felt like she was about to faint. Daryl watched her until she had vanished behind the door to the restroom, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip and feeling like an ass. He was sure him and Merle had just ruined the poor girl's night.

 

_Seems to be a Dixon's trait. Damn. Nothin' I can do about it now._ He turned back towards the bar and had Wally get him another beer, then he joined the Merle at the table, but he kept an eye on the door to the restroom, wanting to make sure that he hadn't somehow harmed the woman.

* * *

Rainey stayed in the bathroom for a while. She needed to dry her top and also, she needed to work up the nerve to go back out there. She was sure that everybody was laughing at her and was pitying the poor fellow from the bar, who'd gotten steamrolled by the elephant that she was. Once she felt dry enough, she took another deep breath and left the restroom. She was clenching and unclenching her fists repeatedly at a fast pace on her way back to the table.

 

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?” Anna asked when Rainey was back.

 

“I'm fine. Just embarrassed, as usual.” she muttered as she remained standing and started digging through her purse. “I need a smoke. I'm going outside for a moment. Is that okay?”

 

“That you're smoking? No. Going outside? Yes, sure. Go ahead.”

 

“Thanks.” Rainey released a breath of relief. They were sitting right next to the exit, so she grabbed her pack of cigarettes and her lighter, and quickly slipped out the door.

 

As soon as the cool night air hit her, she immediately felt better. She took long and deep breaths, trying to let go of some tension with every exhale. After two minutes she finally lit a cigarette and leaned back against the building as the smoke filled her lungs. Even though studies showed that smoking supposedly made people more nervous, to her, it felt relaxing and soothing. She shoved her lighter into the right side pocket of her jeans, and the bigger pack of smokes in the right back pocket. She watched the cars go by and let her mind wander back to a couple of minutes ago. Once again she wondered, how she always ended up making a fool of herself when she tried so hard not to. Maybe that was it. Maybe she tried too hard, but she wasn't able to turn that off. She had to try hard. It was like it was coded in her genes. It was definitely something her parents had always expected her to do. And she had. She had always given everything, but no matter what she had done and what she had achieved, it had never been enough for them. So she still kept trying. She kept trying to be perfect, even though she knew that she would never be, and that stressed her out beyond belief.

 

Her head turned towards the entrance of the bar when she heard the noise from inside get louder for a moment, indicating that someone was exiting the building. Her eyes widened and she stood up straighter, her pose becoming more rigid, when she saw the unconventionally handsome stranger come out and walk towards the spot where she stood. She started fidgeting right away, not being able to stop herself from doing it, but hoping he wouldn't notice. He stopped walking about five feet away from her, but her breath hitched when he looked directly at her, looking like he was pondering saying something to her before settling on giving her the slightest of nods. She returned the nod awkwardly, mentally slapping herself upside the head for not being better at this, but she had never understood this whole nodding thing men had going on. Women were different. Woman gave each other these close-mouthed little smiles in these kind of situations.  _Damn, why didn't I just do that? No, you had to nod like an imbecile, looking like someone was sloooowly pulling on your hair from behind. No wonder nobody likes you... You act like a three year old._

 

Daryl was unaware of the inner turmoil of the woman next to him, while he pulled out his own pack of cigarettes. Once he had his lips wrapped around one of the smokes, he put the pack back and patted down his pockets, looking for his lighter. “Damn...” he cursed when it was nowhere to be found. _Must'a left it in my damn coveralls at the shop._ He looked over to the woman who he'd smacked into earlier. She was staring at the ground like it was the most interesting thing ever, making it harder for him to get her attention. He wasn't the type of guy to just chat up random people he didn't know. He was okay jumping in in the middle of a conversation, but he hated taking the first step. He cleared his throat awkwardly and took a step towards her. He swung his left arm out in front of him, not even sure why, but probably to get her attention. Unfortunately it didn't do anything to make her look up, much to his chagrin. He was still hoping she would notice his predicament and just offer up her lighter. No such luck, though. “Got a light?” he finally spoke up, sounding much gruffer than he wanted to.

 

The young woman looked up at him at last. She nodded hastily and dug her hand into her pocket. She pulled out her lighter and handed it over. “H-here...” Rainey hoped that he wouldn't notice that her hand was trembling while she did it. She was so nervous, it was ridiculous. It was the first time in more than ten years that she had interacted with a man she had found attractive. She was a wreck.

 

Daryl took the lighter, not noticing the woman's trembling hand, but noticing her overall nervous demeanor. He sighed internally, thinking that they had truly succeeded in making another woman scared of a Dixon. He wondered if maybe she had gotten hurt after all, and had just been to scared of him to admit it. He opened the silver zippo lighter and held the flame to his cigarette. While he did it, his eyes fell on the letters which had been engraved into the metal.

 

_Rainey_

_*01/25/1982_

┼ _Probably way too soon._

_Stop smoking, sweetie!_

_S., A. and D._

 

“Hm...” Daryl scoffed out an involuntary little laugh at reading that, surprising the woman, who he assumed was called Rainey, since she owned the lighter. “Gift from your friends?” he surprised himself by asking, while he handed back the lighter, but somehow the inscription hit his funny bone, making him forget about his own social awkwardness for a moment.

 

“Yeah...” she blushed again and quickly looked down to hide her smile. The man had smiled at her the teeniest bit, and as ridiculous as it might sound to other people, it kind of made her night.

 

“Ain't exactly subtle, are they?”

 

“No.” she said and wracked her brain for something clever to say, but as usual, nothing came out, except for some stammering. “No... they're not. No... they hate it... yeah...” She was facepalming inside her head. She sounded like she was uttering her very first words ever. Every toddler was more articulate than her.

 

“Guess they care, though.” Daryl said and wondered why she was so fidgety. He no longer thought that she was scared of him, because she was smiling, and it didn't seem like one of those 'I-better-smile-so-he-doesn't-kill-me-right-away' smiles. It seemed genuine to him, but she still seemed quite nervous. It puzzled him.

 

“They do. They're good friends.” Rainey smiled, her eyes lighting up when she thought about her girlfriends. Unfortunately it was just a momentary distraction. Soon enough the nervousness crept back into her system, reminding her that she was absolutely out of her element by talking to a guy she didn't know. “Uhhmm... I-I'm real sorry about earlier.”

 

“Ain't got to be sorry. Wasn't you. I wasn't looking where I was going. I'm sorry 'bout getting' ya wet.”

 

“Oh...” Rainey blushed furiously at the double entendre. She had an overactive imagination and some not so harmless images of how he would make her wet, made their way into her head. “D-don't worry about it... “

 

“Daryl.” he provided when Rainey trailed off, thinking that she was kind of asking for his name, which she actually wasn't. She just hadn't known what else to say.

 

She looked at him in surprise when he told her his name. This was a new experience for her. Usually men didn't introduce themselves to her. She was the fifth wheel, just getting a handshake because she was in a group of beautiful woman. Nobody had ever introduced themselves just to her. Not outside of work and not without a creepy smile and a weird handshake that lasted way too long, and which usually got followed by suggestive remarks. It was either that or getting ignored. Daryl was being kind of nice, though. But maybe that was just because he felt he had to make up for spilling his beer on her? She wasn't sure, but even though she doubted his motives for being decent to her, it still felt nice for a change. “I'm Rainey... Behr. Oh, but not Behr as in B-E-A-R... I know my name sounds like a Care Bear, like it could be the name of Cloudy Bear's wife, but it's actually B-E-H-R.”

 

Daryl wasn't able to fight the smirk that broke out on his face at her rambling. The name was kind of ridiculous, but in a positive way. If a Dixon would ever use such a word, he would call it cute. _Kinda suits her,_ he thought, when he studied her more closely for a moment. He thought that she was quite pretty, which caused him to be even more confused by her behavior. He thought pretty people had it together and were confident most of the time. The woman in front of him seemed to be anything but confident. She was pretty flustered and he wasn't able to figure out why. He watched her flick her cigarette to the ground and put it out by stepping on it.

 

“Gonna go back in, I guess...” she smiled nervously and pointed towards the door.

 

“Alright.” Daryl nodded. “Thanks for the light.”

 

“You're welcome, Daryl.”

 

“Hey, sorry 'bout my brother.”

 

 _That guy is his brother? Huh..._ “I-it's okay. It was... uhm... nice meeting you.” she told him while she walked past him. He gave her another nod and watched her disappear behind a door for the second time that night. It was weird, but for a split-second, when she had said his name, he had thought that it had sounded pretty good coming from her lips. It left him with his spirits slightly lifted. He had never been the most socially apt person, but encounters like these showed him, that making an effort sometimes paid off. It might not have been the best conversation ever, but it had been pleasant enough for him. When he walked back inside, his gaze automatically traveled to the table that Rainey was occupying with her friend, and when she looked at him, he send her third slight nod, before he returned to his table. He didn't see how Rainey wore a face-splitting smile while she looked back at her friend, and actually held her cool hands up to her glowing cheeks.

 

“Oh my God, Rainey!!! See, this is what happens when you open yourself up to opportunities.” Anna's grin was knowing as well as happy. “Maybe we should come here more often.”

 

“Yeah, maybe we should.” Rainey giggled with excitement. It might have meant nothing to Daryl, but he had truly made her day. Actually, her entire year. She could safely say that, because the year was almost over and Daryl being nice to her had been the best thing to happen to her in 2014.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

**2 weeks later**

 

Rainey‘s alarm rang longer than it usually did, but only because she had to come running from the bathroom to turn it off, instead of just reaching out from underneath her cozy blanket to hit the snooze option on the screen of her phone. She had been up for half an hour already, which was a damn miracle. Usually Rainey had the hardest time getting out of bed in the morning, especially during the darker and cooler months. Staying wrapped up in that toasty cocoon her bedding provided always sounded so much better than getting up, getting dressed and facing the merciless world again. Today, though, she was in good spirits. She couldn‘t wait to get her day started, because tonight Anna and her would go back to that bar they had been to two weeks prior, the night she had admired and met Daryl. The only guy who‘d been kind of nice to her in forever. He had given her a little confidence boost and she had practically been floating the day after meeting him. Now she was craving to have that feeling back for another day, and she had said ‚yes‘ right away when Anna had suggested that they should go back there and see if he‘s there again. She was perfectly aware of the fact that he either might not show up or that he might not talk to her again, even if he did show up. But she didn‘t really care. If nothing happened, she would be perfectly happy with just sitting back and watching him a little again. That was **if** he showed up, of course. If not, she would just see the night as a reward for having completed another grueling work week. Tonight Simone and Danni wanted to tag alone to check out that bar and Daryl, and three girlfriends provided even more distraction from her social discomfort than just one, so tonight shouldn‘t be too bad one way or another.

* * *

 

Work had actually turned out to be okay. Her boss hadn‘t come into the office today, so Rainey had been able to be quite relaxed during her six hours at the office. It had turned out to be a great start to a good day, which hopefully would end great as well. After getting off of work at 2 pm, Rainey did her usual pre-weekend grocery shopping. Once she had unpacked all her bags, she grabbed the two pieces of chicken breast filet she had bought, sliced them up into bite-size pieces and stir-fried them in a skillet with some ginger, while potatoes, bell peppers and leek were roasting in the oven. After eating, she made herself a cup of coffee, which she enjoyed while she cuddled up on her sofa and watched a DVRed episode of The Big Bang Theory. Her DVR was about to burst. Yeah, she watched way too much TV, she knew that, but what else was a girl to do? While she forced herself to go out with her girlfriends at least once a week, they all had jobs and boyfriends, and were too tired to go out during work nights, so Rainey just threw on her sweats and got comfy on the couch with her laptop in her lap and her phone by her side, surfing the internet, texting with her friends and watching her favorite shows while she snacked on too many cookies (or potato chips, when she was really frustrated. Chocolate when it was her time of the month). More often than she liked to admit she found some good online porn in the form of pictures, stories or clips, and ended up masturbating herself to sleep on the nights when her friends didn‘t have time or didn‘t feel like texting their fingers sore. She liked texting better than talking on the phone. She had an aversion towards phones and she always ended up getting cut off during a conversation. She could be quite chatty when she felt comfortable, but it seemed like no one was all that interested in what she had to say, so she often sat back and listened and only offered advice if asked directly. It was funny how her friends always complained about getting cut off by their various family members when they talked to them on the phone, when they were doing the same when they were all out together. They were all professional “cut off-ers“. They didn‘t just cut of Rainey, but Simone cut off Danni, then Danni cut off Anna, and so on and so on. They didn‘t mean anything by it and Rainey didn‘t get angry about it, but while the others didn‘t think much of it, Rainey thought that she just wasn‘t telling interesting enough stories. It was ridiculous to think like that, because they were her best friends, she knew that, but she wasn‘t able to change the way she felt. “You‘re nothing. Nobody cares about you.“ That‘s what her parents had told her from an early age on. Ever since she could remember, actually, and that knowledge was burned into her brain forever. _If my own parents can‘t love me, how can anyone else? If they don‘t care what I have to say, how can others?_ She grew up thinking that she was a bother to every- and anyone, so to this day she kept trying not to be too much of a bother to the people around her. She never asked for help, even when she desperately needed it, because she didn‘t want to burden anyone else. She had friends, who were willing to help, but still Rainey was often left to deal with her problems by herself, simply for the reason that she never told anyone when she had trouble doing or dealing with something by herself. Unfortunately her friends weren‘t mind readers and Rainey was very good at acting like everything was okay, which was why sometimes they simply weren‘t able to tell when she was struggling.

 

Right now she was the center of attention within their little group, though. Everybody had been ecstatic for her about having been able to talk to that guy she liked. They were very proud that she hadn‘t just bolted. So what if she had stammered her way through it? It would be better next time. Her friends were sure of it, and they all hoped that that Daryl guy would be back and that maybe they would get to talk again. The whole thing made Rainey seriously nervous, but for the first time in a long time she was excited about something that didn‘t involve something happening on a TV show, and she guessed it was a step in the right direction. Maybe this would get her to wanting to get out more in the future, maybe make her more open to meeting new people. It had her more motivated than usual and that was good,... plain and simple.

 

Soon after she had finished her coffee, it had been time for her to get ready for her night out. She put up her hair while she took a quick shower and until her body lotion had been absorbed by her skin. As soon as she had put on her matching black bra and panties, she removed the clip from her hair and let the auburn tresses tumble down to spill over her shoulders, her breasts and to the middle of her back. She grabbed her hair brush and walked to the full length mirror in her bedroom. She watched herself brush her hair until it looked like the surface of a shiny, polished chestnut, not realizing that she wore a little smile the whole time. Soon her mind drifted off, like it always did, and she let her gaze travel lower, looking at her own body in her mirror. Her smile slowly disappeared when memories started to play out in front of her inner eye.

 

_About 9 years ago, her depression had been so bad that she had lost her job, and she‘d had no other choice than to move in with her mother for some time, until she was well enough to get back on her feet again. It had been morning and she had stood in front of a mirror in her old room, much like she was now. She had only worn pants and a bra, when her mother had come barging in. „Oh Jesus Christ, you are_ _**so** _ _fat. You look disgusting.“ That had been her mother‘s lovely way of saying good morning. Rainey had started crying, making her mother laugh at her, calling her ridiculous and way too sensitive for this world._

 

Rainey stopped brushing her hair and let her hands rest loosely by her sides. „What in the world am I doing?“ she questioned herself. „Like he is going to talk to me again. He just felt sorry for spilling his drink on me. I really am pathetic. Just because he told me his name doesn‘t mean that he wants to get married and have ten thousand kids. He‘s a good looking guy. He probably has a girlfriend who looks more like Anna or Danni or Simone. Blonde and beautifully slim and with a gorgeous smile. He would never be interested in a cow like me.“ she told herself, then she turned around and sat on the bed, fighting tears. „God, you‘re stupid.“ she chastised herself next. „That‘s not what tonight is about. I know he is not interested. He was just nice. Nice guys still exist. It‘s just about having a good time. He might not even be there. Get it together, Behr.“ It wasn‘t like she had fallen head over heels in love with him that night, that wasn‘t it, but she developed crushes pretty quickly and started acting like a hopeful, naive teenager, imagining what it would be like to get the boy she liked. Yep, she was definitely pathetic, just like her family had always told her. Not having boyfriends like everybody else must have stumped her development a little. She didn‘t feel like a grown up most of the time.

 

Before she started feeling so bad about herself that she wouldn‘t make it out the door tonight, she pulled herself out of it and pushed the memories to the back of her mind. She squeezed into her dark blue jeans, slipped her black tunic-style top over her head and then sat back on the bed in order to put on her knee-high leather boots without falling over. It was her favorite outfit, because it was comfortable and looked good on her, and that was just what she needed whenever she went out to a public place. She put all her essentials in her purse, grabbed her black leather jacket, then left her apartment and went down to her car. Since she was the designated driver, she had to pick up her friends at their meeting place by the post office. The four of them all lived pretty close together and the post office was pretty much in the middle between all their places, so whenever they met up for something, they met up there.

 

Half an hour later they were already entering the bar. Rainey didn‘t dare look around, she just focused on Anna‘s back while they found a table close to the exit again, not wanting to see if people were looking at her.

 

„Uuuuuhhh, he‘s here.“ Anna whispered over her shoulder, making Rainey‘s heart pound something awful. She started shaking as nervousness crashed through her body like a tidal wave, and she was glad that she was able to sit down quickly.

 

„Which one is he?“ Simone asked with a curious smile when they were all seated.

 

„The guy with the dark, messy hair. The one with the leather vest and the mole... See him?“ Anna described Daryl to Danni and Simone.

 

„Don‘t you all look at once!“ Rainey whispered in a panic after having caught a glimpse of Daryl herself.

 

„Oh my God...“ Danni did that thing that was a mix between a gasp and a laugh while she looked over to the bar.

 

„Yeah, I know... not my usual type... not that good-looking...“ Rainey said with a sigh, but Danni quickly cut her off.

 

„No, that‘s not what I meant. I know him!“ Danni grinned.

 

„WHAT???“ It wasn‘t just Rainey who was pretty much yelling the word out in surprise, but Simone and Anna as well.

 

„Shhhh...“ Danni laughed, when they had drawn the attention of a lot of the patrons inside the bar to their table. „I mean, you said his name was Daryl, but there‘s more than one Daryl in this town, I‘m sure... I didn‘t even... He‘s kind of my co-worker. He‘s one of the mechanics at the dealership.“ Just like Rainey, Danni worked in an office. She worked for a motorcycle dealership and was in constant contact with the mechanics, because she was the one who ordered parts for them and things like that.

 

„You work with him?“ Rainey couldn‘t believe it. „Lucky bitch. Why does stuff like that never happen to me? It sure would make work easier... Or not... Might not be able to focus.“

 

While Rainey started talking to herself, the other girls wanted to know more. „What‘s he like? Is he nice?“ Anna wanted to know.

 

„He doesn‘t look nice.“ Simone said before Danni was able to answer. Simone had a thing for pretty boys, so Daryl definitely wasn‘t her type. She liked her guys prim and proper,... A little preppy even.

 

“We know his brother isn't.” Anna mentioned, while she glared at Merle, who, like Daryl, was once again present as well.

 

„Well... I don‘t know.“ Danni thought about it for a moment. „He's only been there for a couple of months, but he's never been unfriendly or anything. He‘s quiet. Doesn‘t talk much like the others do. He‘s a little rough around the edges, but he seems... yeah, nice... I guess. He‘s well liked. Dependable, I guess, but that‘s all I know. Sorry I can‘t tell you much else, but like I said... he‘s quiet.“

 

„Oh...“ Rainey didn't know what else to say. She had hoped to get some more info, but oh well... Wanting to get another little glimpse of Daryl, Rainey let her eyes travel back towards the bar. Her breath hitched in shock, when she found him looking at her. She blushed furiously and she averted her eyes faster than anyone could blink. She started wringing her hands in earnest, almost dislocating a finger in the process. She felt Danni lift her arm and heard her utter a quiet „hi“, and knew, that Danni was waving at Daryl, greeting him from across the room.

 

„Rainey, what are you doing? Come on, look at me.“ Simone coaxed her gently. Rainey slowly looked up at one of her oldest friends and sighed miserably.

 

„On a scale of 1 to 10... how idiotic did I act just now?“

 

„Don‘t beat yourself up, sweetie.“ Simone was the one who knew Rainey the longest and the best. She knew things the others didn‘t, and she was the one who understood Rainey‘s condition and behavior the best. „You‘re just nervous. It‘s alright. It will pass. Shake it off and move on. You can do it. I would give you a hug, but that might look awkward right now.“ she winked jokingly at her, making the mortified young woman smile.

 

„Right.“

 

Simone inconspicuously checked out Daryl some more and gave a little shrug when she was done. „He‘s not my type, but he looks like he could give you a good roll in the sack.“

 

„Oh God... like that would ever happen.“ Rainey laughed. „Even if hell would freeze over and he would be my boyfriend one day, I‘d never ever have sex with him. Not with my clothes off.“

 

„You‘ll think differently once you have a boyfriend.“ Danni said.

 

„Nope.“ Rainey shook her head. „I‘ve been there remember? With Dennis? We only had sex with our pants around our ankles and even that was embarrassing to me. So no, I won‘t think differently.“

 

„Honey, you were 15 years old back then and you were together 4 months before he just showed up with a new girlfriend on his arm one day. That seriously doesn‘t count as a relationship. You had no clue what a real relationship was and I think you still don‘t have a clue. Trust me, when a guy comes along who will make you feel good about yourself and who wants to be with you and wants to show you how much he desires you, then you won‘t even think twice about it. Dennis was a 15 year old horny teenager who just wanted to get his rocks off. And now, 17 years later, I still want to kill him for doing this to you.“ Danni muttered angrily.

 

„Don‘t,... I‘m over it.“ Rainey tried to placate her.

 

„You‘re not.“ Simone cut in. „Or you wouldn‘t have stayed single since then. There were boys who were interested in you. Oliver? Dominic? Frank? Michael? Especially Oliver, he loved you so much Rainey...“

 

„No he didn‘t. Frank, Michael and Dominic were just like Dennis. They were only interested in me after I came out of hiding after summer break and had lost all that weight. They just wanted sex. And Oliver was the same. I still remember how he literally walked around me in a circle at the county fair, gaping, when he saw my new, slim and pretty body. He loved me as his best friend from elementary school. He was just curious what it would be like... And then he was jealous because I got together with his friend Dennis.“

 

„He wasn‘t jealous.“ Simone corrected her. „He was heartbroken.“

 

„No he wasn‘t.“ Rainey waved her off. The story of her and Oliver was a long and complicated one, which had started in first grade of elementary school, and had ended when he had moved away at age 17. „Doesn‘t matter anymore anyway. I saw on Facebook that he‘s married with two kids by now.“

 

„Whatever... All I‘m saying is, that there once was someone with genuine interest, but what happened with Dennis and the stuff your parents always told you made you sabotage yourself. You always wanted a boyfriend, but you never opened yourself up to anyone ever again. And now here we are... 14 years later and all you know about relationships is what you had with Dennis and the things we tell you about from our own lives. You are such a wonderful person, Rainey, you deserve to have a partner who makes you happy and who will take all those insecurities away from you and who will show you how wonderful love and partnership can be. And every man out there, who is smart enough to want to get to know you will be blessed with a beautiful, sweet, funny and caring girlfriend. Screw Dennis, screw your parents, screw everyone who ever made you feel bad and show them that they are idiots. Stop proving them right. I won‘t allow you to do that anymore. I love you way too much to see you get unhappier and unhappier with every year. Next time he looks at you, you‘re gonna show him that beautiful smile of yours, you hear?“ Simone looked at her imploringly. She wanted Rainey to have fun and have happiness in her life, and some light flirtation with Daryl might be exactly what would push her in the right direction. Even just a little conversation without any flirtation would be great. Anything to quell some of Rainey‘s fears would be awesome.

 

„I can‘t promise you that, but I‘ll try, okay?“

 

„Fair enough.“ Simone was okay with Rainey wanting to try. Better than having her flat-out refuse, like she had done a million times before.

 

„You know, I usually don‘t support your decision to be a smoker...“ Danni spoke up next. „... but I think you should have a cigarette right now. Maybe he is up for his next cigarette soon...“

 

„Oh God... doesn‘t that look weird if we are outside at the same time again?“

 

„Not if you go out first.“ Anna laughed. „Come on, go. Even if he doesn‘t come out, you look like you might need one.“

 

„You‘re not wrong.“ Rainey scoffed and opened her purse to get out her pack and lighter. „I‘ll be right back.“

 

„Take your time.“ the three women said in unison, laughing when they realized that they had all been thinking the same thing.

 

„Unbelievable.“ Rainey shook her head with a laugh and quickly took the couple of steps towards the door and went outside. The crisp night air once again turned out to be wonderfully soothing and refreshing. It felt so good, that Rainey actually forgot, that she was (kind of) supposed to anxiously wait for Daryl to appear outside. She only remembered that, when she heard the door behind her open, while she was lighting her smoke, and her heartbeat picked up accordingly. She took a long first drag while she turned her head to see who had come out, and it was a damn miracle, that she didn‘t choke on the smoke, when it turned out to be Daryl.

 

„Hey.“ he greeted with a nod when he came to stand in front of her, only two or three feet away from her this time, and lit himself a cigarette.

 

„Hey.“ Rainey hoped that her smile looked decent and not like she was an escaping inmate of an insane asylum.

 

„Got my own this time.“ Daryl said and lifted the last three fingers of his right hand to show her a zippo lighter similar to hers, which he was holding in his palm.

 

 _What the hell do I say to that?_ Rainey thought as she kept smiling at him, giving him her „beautiful smile“, like she had promised Simone. _I can‘t believe he‘s talking to me again. And of course, now I don‘t know what to say. I‘m such an idiot. Come on! Think!_ „Well, just in case it craps out on you, I got you covered.“ she finally said and tapped her right pant pocket where the outline of her lighter was visible.

 

„Good to know.“ Daryl said with the hint of a smile. A moment of silence followed. Daryl didn‘t know why, but he somehow felt compelled to say something... to keep the conversation going. He had been surprised at his own pleasant surprise when Rainey and her friends had entered the bar earlier. He had thought about his encounter with her once, a couple of days ago. He‘d seen a girl with a Care Bear t-shirt at the grocery store. It had put a little smirk on his face when he‘d remembered her speech about how her name sounded like she was Cloudy Bear‘s wife. The mini-conversation they‘d had, had left him with lifted spirits, and the memory of it had done the same, so in that instance he had briefly wondered if that living and breathing Care Bear he‘d run into and her friend would ever show up at the bar again. „Ya know Danni, huh?“

 

„I do. She‘s been my friend since... wow,... 7th grade I think.“ Rainey was surprised when she realized that she had been friends with her for about 20 years. Time really did fly.

 

„Small world.“ Daryl muttered before he exhaled a cloud of smoke.

 

„It is.“ Rainey agreed.

 

Daryl nodded and absently let his gaze travel down her body. When he caught glimpse of the outline of her lighter again, he remembered the inscription. S., A and D. „Those girls in there... they‘re the ones who gave ya that lighter? You the only smoker in the bunch?“

 

„Yeah. We all used to smoke during our teenage years... You know, at age 14 or 15,... when it was the cool thing to do. We all quit eventually. I quit all the time, but I also keep going back to it all the time. Don‘t know... just calms me down I guess.“ She quickly shut up when she felt like she was starting rambling. It‘s what happened when the dam broke and she started to feel comfortable and someone was actually listening. Then she could quickly get a little too chatty and open. And now she was shrinking back inside herself, because she felt like she had been rambling about stupid stuff, which he didn‘t even ask about. All this social anxiety stuff was the weirdest thing and she hated it with a passion.

 

„Yeah. I get that.“ Daryl said, because smoking had the same effect on him. He looked around for a moment, before he looked back at her face again, but she wasn‘t looking at him. Rainey was looking out into the street, watching the traffic and finding the cars extremely interesting. It gave Daryl the opportunity to study her a little. It was something he often did with people, without even really realizing he was doing it. Studying facial expressions and body language felt almost natural to him. It helped him figuring people out. He considered it to be somewhat of a mechanism to protect himself. Being able to read a person made him able to anticipate what was going to happen or what was going on with that person, and that gave him time to react and remove himself from a situation if need be. The woman in front of him had seemed more at ease this time around, but now, out of nowhere, she was nervous again. She was hugging herself and closing herself off, which seemed odd to him. They‘d been having a pleasant talk again, he had no clue where it supposedly went wrong just now. It was a little mystery and kind of intriguing. „So...“ he picked the conversation back up, wondering when he had turned into such a social butterfly. It was almost like her repeated silence was coaxing him to come out of his shell more, although he still wasn‘t able to explain the compulsion he felt to keep talking to her. He was usually fine with standing there and smoking in silence, even if it was an awkward one. „This gon‘ be your new hangout?“

 

„Maybe. Anna and I liked it here the last time, so today we brought Danni and Simone to check it out, too.“ Rainey replied, conveniently leaving out that they had mostly come to check **him** out.

 

„Ya liked it? I almost crushed ya...“ Daryl said with a little crooked smile.

 

„I‘m still convinced that that was my fault. It‘s always the elephant‘s fault...“ she said the last part quietly to herself, but Daryl caught it anyway, making him frown, while Rainey kept talking at a normal volume again. „I‘m too big and too klutzy to roam around freely, I guess.“ she laughed self-deprecatingly and lowered her head to conceal the redness that was tinging her cheeks. She didn‘t know why she had said that, but it was her M.O. Make fun of herself before anyone else would be able to do it.

 

 _Too big?_ Daryl was still frowning while he let his eyes travel up and down her body once again. _Looks fine to me. What is it with women always thinking they‘re fat?_ He shook his head slightly while he stepped on the cigarette butt. „Nah. Ain‘t true.“ he simply stated before he motioned towards the door with his head. „Come on.“

 

They were both finished with their smokes and Daryl led the way back inside. At least until they reached the door. Having manners, Daryl opened it for her and stepped to the side, letting her enter first.

 

„Oh... thank you!“ Rainey‘s surprise told him that she wasn‘t used to someone holding the door for her. Her beaming smile made him feel good and made him turn the corners of his mouth up into a little smile, as well.

 

„Don‘t mention it.“ he muttered. He kept his eyes on her, making sure she got to her table alright, then he gave his colleague Danni a little nod and went back to the bar.

 

„He held the door for you! Wow, he‘s a gentleman.“ Anna grinned.

 

„Oh my God, I‘m shaking...“ Rainey quickly sat on her trembling hands. The adrenalin from their encounter outside was leaving her body and it showed.

 

„You‘re glowing, sweetie.“ Simone smiled happily at seeing her friend like that. „Did you talk again?“

 

„We did. About smoking and knowing Danni, I think. It‘s such a blur right now. He asked a couple of questions.“ Rainey reported to her friends.

 

„Uh, he asked questions? That‘s good. And he smiled... I don‘t think I‘ve seen him smile before.“ Danni said all excited. „I like this! Oh wow, maybe he will start asking about you at work...“

 

„Well, let‘s not make too much out of two five-minute conversations.“ Anna, ever the voice of reason, told everybody. She was happy that Rainey finally had a good experience, but she also didn‘t want her to throw herself into any kind of false hope that her friends were conjuring up with their statements.

 

„Yeah, you‘re right.“ Rainey agreed with a smile. „But it was nice. I hope I didn‘t act too idiotic. I think I rambled.“

 

„Even if you did, he didn‘t look like he was bothered in any way.“ Simone told her. „Did you ask questions, too? Engage him a little?“

 

„No. I just clammed up a little when I realized I was rambling.“ Rainey smiled sheepishly.

 

„That‘s okay.“ Danni said. „It was still progress. I‘m proud of you.“

 

„We all are.“ Anna reassured her. The girls then started talking about other things and Rainey was able to just lean back in her chair and let herself process everything and look at Daryl inconspicuously here and there. She was a little sad when she noticed him and his brother paying for their drinks and leave a little while later, because it meant the chance for a second smoke break was gone, but she was still happy with the outcome of the evening.

 

On their way out, Daryl looked over to the girls' table, giving Danni his trademark nod goodbye, before his gaze swept over to Rainey for a split-second. Merle wasn't quite so shy. He grinned broadly at the group of women and saluted them with a cheeky wink. “Ladies...” He followed Daryl outside and pushed Daryl against his shoulder. “Awww, ya looked at her again. She gon' be your next lay, baby brother? Ya always liked 'em meaty, huh?” Merle grinned when they made their way to their vehicles.

 

“Shut up, Merle. She's nice. Gave me a light last time. All there's to it. 'Sides, someone's gotta apologize for the shit you spout at 'em girls.”

 

“Oh yeah? That why ya came in with a fucking smiley face painted on your ugly mug after you was outside with her again? 'Cause ya apologized for me? What for this time? Didn't say nuthin' to her today.”

 

“Ya said enough last time.”

 

“Oh come on, you know I didn't mean it. I was lit as fuck.”

 

“Right. Don't excuse you getting' way outta line... callin' her a big tank...”

 

“Ha, that what I said? Didn't even remember.” Merle laughed. “Yeah, guess my intoxicated self likes ta exaggerate a bit. I'm sure she already forgot. Especially with you, Prince Sweet'n'Awkward, tellin' her sorry for me.”

 

“Good Lord... Just shut the fuck up, Merle.” Daryl grunted, while he got in his old blue truck. “See ya at home.” he told Merle, before he slammed the door shut behind him. He watched Merle get on his bike, and when his older brother revved the engine and led the way, Daryl followed him.

* * *

Of course Daryl did not ask Danni about Rainey when they were at work the next week. Rainey was not occupying his thoughts 24/7, not at all, but sometimes when he saw Danni, he remembered their conversations in front of the bar and it left him with a good feeling. Danni was very tempted though, to bring up Rainey whenever Daryl stepped into the office, just to see how he would react and if his expression would change. However, she knew how that would look if she suddenly kept bringing up her friend to Daryl, so she refrained from doing so, even though it was really really hard on her. The night at the bar had been so exciting to witness and it had been awesome how happy Rainey had been and how she had still smiled the whole day after. All because of a little conversation with a decent guy. She couldn‘t help but imagine what it would be like if there would be interest on Daryl‘s side and if they would get together. She imagined that it would be pretty damn great, but she knew better than to meddle any more than they already were by planning on going back to the bar soon.

 

What she didn‘t know was, that she, along with the rest of her friends, wouldn‘t even have to meddle. Fate had a way of doing that all on its own.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 

You know that thing where two people live in the same town for years but never meet, but then when they finally do meet, they keep seeing each other all the time, even though they still frequent the same places as before? That thing was happening to Daryl Dixon right now.

 

He suddenly kept seeing that woman, called Rainey, everywhere. Out on the streets while passing her by in his car on the weekend, at the bank and at the gas station, etc., etc. Two days ago she had come out of the coffee shop he had been headed to. He had still been a couple of feet away from the door and she had walked in the other direction, so she hadn‘t seen him. He was sure she hadn‘t seen him the other times either. If she had, she had been ignoring him and he didn‘t get the impression that she was that rude. Quite the opposite, actually. Today it was a Monday, 10 days after the last time she had been at the bar, and here she was again, at the register, handing the cashier her credit card, while he stood in the same line with three people between them. While he waited he rested his weight on his forearms on the handlebar of the shopping cart and watched her. He noticed again that she was very pretty. She had big brown eyes, a cute nose with a slightly upturned tip and a mouth with a full bottom lip and a slightly thinner upper lip. She had a great smile that showed off her pearly whites. They seemed perfectly even, but observant people like him noticed, that the two upper front teeth were slightly turned towards the inside where they met, giving the impression that she might have a tiny gap, which she didn‘t. Daryl thought it made her smile more interesting and even prettier. She also had really beautiful chestnut-colored hair, that fell around her shoulders and down her back in thick waves, and her skin looked creamy and smooth. He also liked her hands. He‘d noticed them first when they had been outside smoking. He‘d never really paid much attention to how another person‘s hands looked, but he had noticed hers and had thought of them as pretty with their long and slender fingers and the long-ish, but neat fingernails, which had been filed into a square shape. He‘d found himself taking a peek whenever she had lifted her hand up to her mouth to take a drag from her cigarette. What she thought of as „too big“ had his full appreciation; her full curves were the material wet dreams were made out of. The words „real fucking feminine“ kept popping up inside his head whenever he saw her or thought of her. _A real doll..._ Daryl thought before he became more aware of the rest of his surroundings again. The guy in front of him was starting to sigh with annoyance, and was grumbling under his breath. That‘s when he noticed that the line still hadn‘t moved and that Rainey looked, once again, quite flustered while she talked to the cashier. Daryl strained his ears, trying to listen in and see what the problem was.

 

„It‘s not about funds...“ The cashier said. „It‘s not reading the card at all. It says error.“

 

„This is **not** happening.“ Rainey was blushing furiously, knowing that the eyes of the other people were not just on her, but also on her purchases, which consisted of a bottle of Coke Zero and two bags of potato chips. She was sure that every single person there was judging her for getting even fatter. Yeah, they might even be right to judge her, but she‘d had a bad day, she was down and she needed comfort food.

 

„Do you have any cash on you?“ The cashier asked and Rainey wanted to roll her eyes at her. If she would have had the cash, she probably wouldn‘t have wanted to use her card for it. She opened her wallet anyway, hoping to maybe find a crumpled up bill somewhere in there, but she already knew it was a lost cause.

 

„I got it.“ A deep, kind of familiar, voice suddenly said right next to her. „How much?“

 

Rainey turned her head, her eyes growing as wide as saucers when she recognized the man who wanted to help her out. „Daryl? No... no, no, no. Please. It‘s okay, I‘ll just put it back.“

 

„Nonsense. I owe ya anyway.“

 

„No you don‘t. Especially not money.“

 

„I ruined your shirt.“ He said and looked back at the cashier. „How much?“ he asked again.

 

„4.98.“ the cashier told him and Daryl quickly handed over a 5 dollar bill, before he proceeded to pick up the bags of chips and handed them to her. „Here ya go.“

 

„Thank you. I‘ll pay you back, I swear.“ she was so mortified that she barely dared to look at him.

 

„No you won‘t. Don‘t want it.“

 

„Can you move please?“ The cashier cut in.

 

„Yeah, sorry. You have a nice night.“ he told Rainey, then he quickly squeezed himself back behind his cart and once again, watched her leave. _She‘s got a nice ass, too,_ he thought wryly when his eyes landed on it. He briefly imagined his hands squeezing it, but quickly shook himself out of it when the line finally moved again.

 

* * *

 

Two days later Danni could hardly wait until Daryl would drop by the office. This time she had a damn good reason to bring up Rainey, and see his reaction. Apparently Daryl had been a good Samaritan and had helped her friend out when her credit card hadn‘t worked. Something about it being demagnetized or something. Danni had to admit that she hadn‘t really listened after the whole „Daryl had paid for her chips“-part, she had been too busy grinning and imagining their wedding.

 

„Ah Daryl, good! I have something for you.“ The moment had finally come shortly before their lunch break.

 

„Paycheck? Ain‘t Friday.“ he frowned.

 

„No, not a paycheck. It‘s from Rainey.“ she said and watched with glee how his frown turned into a surprised expression. „Over there.“ she pointed to the edge of her desk, where a big, rectangular, green-colored tupperware box was sitting, with an envelope on top. He grabbed the envelope and quickly opened the box and the mouthwatering smell of cupcakes wafted out and filled his nostrils. He closed the box again and tore open the envelope. Inside was a piece of paper that said Thank You! -R. in big, neat letters, and the other thing that was in there, was a 5 dollar bill.

 

„The hell...?“ Rainey had paid him back the 5 bucks and she had made or bought him cupcakes? Either way, it had been 12 damn cupcakes in that box, he figured they had cost more than 5 dollars, especially if they were from a bakery. „That woman can‘t accept a gift or something?“ he turned his frowning gaze towards Danni.

 

„That‘s Rainey for you.“ Danni laughed. „She hates, and I mean absolutely **hates** inconveniencing people. Every time that she feels like she‘s done just that, she finds twenty ways to apologize and say thank you. She is such a sweetheart and she was very grateful for your help.“

 

„It was nothing.“ Daryl shrugged, but part of him couldn‘t help but feel proud. He secretly was always trying to be a better person than his brother, and it looked like he might be getting there.

 

„To her it meant a lot. She‘s not used to decent people.“

 

„What‘s that mean?“

 

„Oh... nothing, sorry.“ Danni didn‘t like talking about other people behind their backs, even if it wasn‘t anything bad, so she stopped herself before she blabbed even more.

 

„Here.“ Daryl stuffed the thank you-note into his pocket and handed the envelope containing the money back to Danni. „Don‘t want her money. I didn‘t mind.“ he was tempted to give back the cupcakes as well, but they looked and smelled too damn good.

 

„Alright. I‘ll give it back to her. Enjoy the cupcakes. She makes them herself and they‘re to die for. You‘re a lucky bastard. Only a handful of people ever get to taste some of her awesome creations, and you‘re one of them.“ Danni grinned, before she cringed after having kind of blabbed again.

 

„Hm.“ Daryl grunted with a nod before he got back to business and told her what he had actually come into the office for. When they were done he took the tupperware box and took it to the break room with him. He got out his turkey sandwich and ate that before he opened the box back up and grabbed one of the cupcakes. They were very soft with a big splash of blue-colored frosting on top. He took a bite and almost moaned. Danni had been right. They were damn good. The cupcake was so moist that it practically melted on his tongue. It had a really pleasant light and lofty texture. He definitely didn‘t need a glass of milk to wash them down. The frosting tasted like white chocolate which she must have used food coloring on, and the best part? There was a big dollop of freaking Nutella, right in the center of that cupcake. It was paradise to his sweet tooth. Two more bites and the first cupcake was gone, and before he knew it, he‘d had four and he was stuffed to the brink. Now he felt like he should write **her** a thank you-note. He closed the box and put it in his locker. He didn‘t feel like sharing those gems with the other guys. He usually wasn‘t selfish, but he never got any homemade goods, so these he wanted all to himself for once. He didn‘t write her a note, but he vowed to himself that he would tell her how good they had been the next time he saw her. Judging by how many times he had seen her in the past week, he was sure they‘d run into each other again sooner or later.

* * *

Of course he didn‘t run into her, now that he was waiting for it. He had to wait another whooping 9 days for Rainey to show up at the bar one Friday night in mid-December. This time he had thought about her every single day, wondering each day if it would be the day that he would run into her again and being kind of disappointed at night when he hadn‘t caught her anywhere. He told himself that he was just eagerly awaiting their next meeting, because he wanted to thank her for the baked goods, not realizing that he might be developing a little bit of an infatuation with her. She kept popping up inside his head every now and then during the day, and he kept thinking about what they had talked about and the impression he had of her and what Danni had said about her, trying to put the pieces of the Rainey-puzzle together. From the way she always squirmed in her seat at the bar, fumbling around with her hands under the table, and how she went from easy-going to nervous in the blink of an eye, he figured that she was socially skilled just as much as he was. Albeit in a different way. People seemed to make her nervous, while Daryl didn‘t have much of a problem with having a crowd around him. He had trouble initiating contact with them, but once that had been established, he was okay. She seemed to be a bit at a loss for words at first, too, just like him, so maybe she was even slightly more socially inept than him. Out of the two of them, he had been the motor mouth, which was pretty comical, as well as slightly unnerving, to him. He never would have considered himself to be a chatterbox, but she was bringing that out in him a little. At least whenever he talked to her. Granted, he‘d only talked to her three times so far (if you counted the supermarket incident), but he had a feeling that it might be like that every time.

 

So when Danni entered the bar that night, followed by Rainey, Daryl noticeably perked up where he was perched on the edge of a bar stool. Before he could focus too much on the girls, his attention was drawn to the guy next to him.

 

„Ha! No way!“ Phil Norton, one of Daryl‘s and Merle‘s acquaintances, was obviously surprised at the new arrivals. „Out of all the bars in town...“

 

„The hell are you going on about?“ Daryl asked, while him and Merle both scowled at him.

 

„That‘s my ex.“ Phil smiled while pointing at the two women.

 

Daryl‘s head snapped around to look at Rainey and Danni, before he turned to look at Phil again. „Which one?“ he asked Phil, and cringed a little when he heard Merle snort in amusement.

 

„The hot one.“ Phil grinned.

 

„Hm.“ Daryl grunted, having a weird feeling in his stomach. He assumed Phil meant Rainey, because out of the two girls, he thought Rainey was the hot one.

 

“Yeah, little brother... ain't like that at all.” Merle smirked, throwing Daryl's words from the night Rainey had last been there, back in his brother's face.

 

“Shut up, Merle.”

 

„We should go over there. Sit with them.“ Phil suggested. „Haven‘t seen Danni in a while. Don‘t worry, we‘re still on good terms. Won‘t be awkward.“

 

„Danni?“ Daryl was puzzled. „Ya were with Danni?“ When Phil nodded, Daryl felt the knot in his stomach loosen again. _Really is a fuckin‘ small world,_ he thought at the same time.

 

„Yeah, that‘s what I said. What? Thought I meant the other one? Hell naaww... I like ‘em mean and lean. Also, that Rainey chick is hella weird.“ Phil snorted derisively. „Wait... ya know Danni?“

 

„Yeah, I work with her.“ Daryl replied. „Weird how?“

 

„What?“

 

„Ya said that Rainey was weird. Weird how?“ Daryl wanted Phil to clarify on that.

 

„Dunno. Danni never really talked about it, but the girl‘s scared of her own shadow. Can‘t even answer the phone some days or shit like that. Some anxiety bullshit, don‘t remember what they called it. Depressed, too. She‘s just... weird.“

 

“Ha, a basket case. You sure know how ta pick 'em, Daryl.” Merle laughed.

 

“Shut the hell up, man.” Daryl glared at his older brother, while Phil looked at him in confusion.

 

“What the hell is he talking about? Dude... are you into the scaredy cat?”

 

“Ain't like that. Merle's just runnin' his mouth about things he don't know shit about.” Daryl grumbled and glared at both men, before his gaze landed on Rainey for a second. _Depressed? How can a girl with a smile like fucking sunshine be depressed?_ Daryl wondered, but he kind of got it. He wouldn‘t call himself depressed, but there had been many days in his life when he had felt so down and had hated himself and the rest of the world, that it had been tough to get out of it again. The information Phil had just provided was another piece of the Rainey-puzzle and it fit right in with her „too big to roam around freely“-remark. The girl probably hated herself and therefore felt uncomfortable around other people. It bummed him out. She seemed nice, and he thought that a pretty girl like her should never have to worry about what other people thought of her. Judging by Danni‘s „she isn‘t used to decent people“ it sounded like Rainey had to deal with assholes (who were probably a lot like Merle) a lot, and that thought bummed him out even more.

 

„What about it?“ Phil‘s voice cut into his thoughts.

 

„What about what?“ Daryl asked.

 

„We gonna join them at their table or not?“

 

Daryl thought about it for a moment. „Maybe they wanna be left alone.“

 

„Nah, it‘ll be alright. Danni‘s cool and Rainey‘s too scared to say no anyway.“ Phil snickered, making Daryl scowl and want to punch the stupid grin off his face.

 

„Ain‘t funny.“

 

„It was a joke, man. Come on.“

 

„Nah. Said it ain't funny. You wanna go over there, go. We're gonna leave them be.“ Daryl said with finality and a hard stare at his brother, daring him to speak up. Daryl might not have minded joining the table if it would have been just him and Phil, but with Merle and his predilection for stirring up shit? No thanks. Knowing Merle, he would succeed in humiliating him and Rainey, both. He didn't want her to be more uncomfortable than she already was. A look in her direction was enough to see that she was nervously tapping her foot at a rapid pace. He didn‘t want to be the cause of making that even worse. Unfortunately he wasn‘t able to keep Phil from going over there, and he watched the guy hug Danni before he sat down on one of the unoccupied chairs, barely nodding at Rainey in greeting.

 

Merle scoffed next to him. “Staring at the girl again... You ain't foolin' nobody. Tell you what, Daryl. She's a pretty girl, but if she's crazy like he says, ya better stay away. Those chicks will fuck ya up and make your life hell. They show up at your place, screamin' bloody murder for not callin' 'em five times a day... Ain't worth getting' your pipes cleaned once or twice.”

 

“She ain't crazy, man.” Daryl knew enough to know that she would probably the last person on Earth to show up at their trailer and yell at him. She seemed way too shy for that kind of shit. Merle was one to talk, anyway, because he never followed his own advice. He always banged the crazy ones and had a hard time getting rid of them again.

 

“Whatever.” Merle laughed and kept drinking his beer, while he watched his brother trying to inconspicuously watch that girl he seemed to be interested in.

 

When she got up from the table a good 20 minutes later, Daryl got ready to go outside, assuming she was going out for a smoke. She was headed towards him instead and for a moment he thought she was coming over to talk to him, but then he noticed that her eyes were firmly focused on the bathroom door. He hesitated for a moment, because Merle was having that shit-eating grin on his face, but he wanted to do the decent thing and thank her for the cupcakes. He swallowed down his own nervousness and spoke up. „Hey!“ he called out to her when she was almost next to him. Rainey jumped and looked at him with a startled expression. She had been so focused on the door, blending out everything else, that Daryl‘s voice had scared the living daylights out of her.

 

„Oh... h-hey...“ she stammered, sounding slightly out of breath.

 

„Coming out for a smoke?“ he asked, watching her expression go from shock to pleasant surprise. He was happy, when she started smiling at him.

 

„Um, yeah. In a minute.“ she replied, before she quickly made her way to the restroom. She didn‘t know why, but this bar seemed to give her a case of nervous bladder, making her go pee every time she was there, much to her chagrin.

 

„Alright.“ Daryl nodded and slid off his bar stool in order to go outside and wait for his smoke break companion.

 

“Awww, y'all are so cute.” Merle chuckled, prompting Daryl to give him the finger.

 

“Shut up, Merle.”

* * *

Rainey was on cloud nine. Daryl had asked her if she was going to join him outside. She really couldn‘t believe that this was happening. That a hot guy was being nice to her with no ulterior motive. Just because. The feeling was almost empowering and the walk back to her table seemed a little less horrible than usual. She grabbed her leather jacket and her pack of smokes and told Danni that she would be right back. Then she went to join Daryl outside. She was just out the door when she stopped for a moment, quickly putting her jacket on, trying to ignore the spike of anxiety when she noticed that Daryl had gone a little farther away from the door and that she would have to pass by a group of three young men, who were also outside smoking. She shrugged on her jacket and was just about to take a step again while adjusting her collar, when suddenly a couple of coins landed on the ground, right at her feet, making her stop in her tracks.

 

„Hey Thunder Thighs! Dance for us! Make it jiggle, baby!“ One of the three guys shouted at her while the other two cat-called and whistled.

 

Rainey was paralyzed in shock. Unable to go past them and unable to go back inside. She was simply unable to move. Daryl wasn‘t though. For the fraction of a second he wondered if that what he was witnessing was really happening, but when he realized that it was, in fact, reality, he literally dropped everything and rushed over to the group of guys, who he assumed were barely a day over 21. He grabbed the one who‘d thrown the coins and had shouted at Rainey by his shirt and pushed him up against the building. „The fuck you just say to her?“ he snarled and pressed his fist a little harder against the guy‘s chest.

 

„Whoa, relax man. Just having a little fun.“ The young guy tried to make light of the situation while he looked at his friends, his eyes begging them for help. He was on his own, however, because his friends were slowly backing away, not wanting to catch a beating from that angry guy.

 

„Funny. You should take that act on the road, see how many beatdowns you get for spoutin‘ off that shit!“ With a quick yank Daryl pulled the guy away from the wall and literally tossed him at Rainey‘s feet. „Pick it up.“

 

The guy scrambled to pick up the coins, wincing when Daryl delivered a kick to his ass. „Now get outta here and buy yourself some fucking manners. Don‘t bother coming back or I‘ll stomp your ass.“ Daryl threatened, and if the situation would have been any different, he would have laughed at how quickly the assholes were walking down the street. „You okay?“ he knew it was a stupid question, because nobody would be okay after shit like this.

 

„Yeah.“ her voice was dull and she didn‘t really seem to be quite there with him as she nodded slowly. She was shaken, like every time something like this happened, but after years of having this happen sporadically, she was able to handle it without breaking down right then and there. „I‘m used to it.“

 

„Used to it? Ya mean this happened before? I mean... apart from my jackass brother?“

 

„Yes. Happened before and it will happen again. It‘s always something. Made fun of, getting judged or something like this...“ she explained and Daryl got the impression that she was slowly getting over the initial shock, because she was taking on some color again.

 

 _Why?_ Daryl had no clue why anyone would do that to her. Especially strangers who didn‘t even know her. While Rainey took a deep breath, he looked around until he spotted his cigarettes and the lighter he had dropped when it had all happened. „Come on.“ he gingerly put his hand on her elbow and guided her over to that spot, remembering that smoking calmed her down. He crouched down and picked the items back up, then he took out two cigarettes and put them both between his lips, lighting them simultaneously before he handed one over to her. „Here...“ he mumbled with his cigarette still loosely clamped between his lips.

 

„Thank you.“ Rainey mustered a brave smile while she took the cigarette from him. Despite being frazzled, she was very well aware of the spark of electricity she felt, when her fingertips briefly touched his. Unbeknown to her, Daryl had felt it, too, and the foreign sensation made him watch her hand with a puzzled frown, like her hand was holding the explanation to what he had just felt. „I‘ll give you one of mine before we go back in.“

 

That made him shake himself out of his stupefied state. „Hell no, you won‘t. I‘m betting those cupcakes cost ya more than 4.98 to make. We‘re more than even. Ain‘t about that anyway. It‘s a gift. Just accept it.“

 

Finally her smile widened again, and she even laughed a little, even though her hand was still trembling a little. „They weren‘t that expensive to make, don‘t worry. I just wanted to say thank you.“

 

„Ya did. I should have sent you a damn thank you-note for those. They were damn good.“

 

„Yeah?“ Rainey smiled even more. „You liked them? That‘s great. I‘m glad.“

 

„Damn near inhaled them.“ he laughed a little. „You‘re good at baking then, huh?“

 

„Ha... yeah.“ she scoffed humorlessly before she moved her hands up and down next to her body in a sweeping motion. „Exhibit A.“

 

„What‘s that mean? Exhibit A?“

 

„I mean... well...“ Rainey blushed when he looked at her expectantly. „Just look at me.“

 

„I am. Ain‘t nothing about your looks that tells me you‘re good in the kitchen.“ he told her almost sternly.

 

 _Yeah, just tells you that I love food too much,_ Rainey thought as she closed herself off a little, unconsciously wrapping her arms around herself again. She didn‘t quite know what to make of Daryl. She had a hard time believing that a decent guy like him really existed.

 

Daryl noticed her retreating back into herself, but he didn‘t want that to happen. When he spotted a picture of Santa Clause in a shop window across the street, he thought it might be a good idea to steer the conversation into another direction, hoping it would cheer her up again. „Gettin‘ ready for Christmas? Less than two weeks to go...“

 

“Not much getting ready required...“ she shrugged. „Got my little fake tree, got some decorations up... not much more to do.“

 

“Celebratin‘ at someone else‘s house? Your folks or something?“

 

„No. My family and I aren‘t exactly on 'celebrating holidays together‘-terms. They live about two hours out of town anyway.“

 

“Celebratin‘ with Danni and your other friends then?“

 

“No. They celebrate with their families and boyfriends. I‘m gonna be by myself, like every year. I don‘t mind it. It means some quiet downtime in front of the TV, lounging on the couch in comfy clothing, not a care in the world... I‘ll be counting my blessings as soon as the girls start kik-ing me about their annoying families.“ Rainey laughed when she thought about their own little tradition of the girls practically live-commenting their festivities.

 

“Kicking you?“ Daryl asked with a frown.

 

“Yeah, you know, Kik,... that messenger app for phones?“

 

“Right...“ he nodded, even though he had no clue what it was. He didn't have one of those fancy, modern phones, which were able to do fucking everything but wipe your ass for you. He had an old flip phone, and he barely even used that, so he had no idea about all these “apps” everybody seemed to be using these days. Come to think of it, probably the only modern thing him and Merle had in their possession, was their DVD player. That, and a flat-screen TV Merle had stolen out of a trailer of some dead druggie. Of course he didn't mention all that to Rainey. “We ain't doin' shit for Christmas... prolly be here... Never celebrated neither...“ he‘d never minded not celebrating. He‘d grown up not celebrating, he didn‘t know anything else. He wondered, if maybe they should start. Fortunately, mechanics made good money in the state of Georgia, which meant, that they would be able to afford some luxuries. But Merle would probably laugh in his face, if he'd give him a gift, so he better save himself the trouble.

 

„It‘s not that bad... not celebrating I mean... At least I think so.“

 

„Yeah, I‘m with ya on that one. Ain‘t so bad.“ he agreed while he watched her pretty hands go for the pocket of her jeans, now that she was finished with her cigarette. „You put that back!“ he told her when he saw that she was getting out her cigarettes.

 

„Oh come on! You already did enough for me. Please, let me give you back a cigarette.“

 

„No. Don‘t want it. Ain‘t gonna take it.“

 

„Fine, then I‘ll just make you cupcakes again.“ Rainey laughed at his stubbornness.

 

„Shit... ain‘t no way I can say no to that.“ Daryl said with a little smile, having to admit defeat. He might be strong and stubborn, but there was no way that he would give up getting his hands on those cupcakes again.

 

„Good. Even though we don‘t celebrate, consider it an early Christmas present/Thank You note.“ she smiled.

 

„Fine. Even though we don‘t celebrate, consider this your early Christmas present.“ he smirked and handed her another one of his cigarettes, but Rainey held up her hands and took a step back.

 

„Nope! Not taking it. You didn‘t take mine, I‘m not gonna take yours.“

 

„Yes, you are!“

 

„No.“

 

„Yes.“

 

„No.“ she giggled slightly. The adrenalin in her system was making her happy and brave enough to be playful with him. Also, after three or four encounters with him so far, she was more comfortable around him.

 

„Rainey...“ he said her name in a warning, but gentle tone of voice. She melted at the sound of her name coming from his lips, and she almost swooned when he took a step closer and gently grasped her wrist. He turned her palm up and put the cigarette in her hand, once more admiring how pretty it was. „Take it.“ he said as he looked up into her dark eyes. His expression turned into one of mild confusion when he started to feel slightly dizzy, but was unable to explain why. He hadn‘t had much to drink. He also felt some kind of pull, but he had no clue if it was inside his body or inside his head. It was the weirdest sensation he‘d ever felt. „Just take it.“ his voice was soft and tinged with confusion. „Or Imma give those cupcakes back.“

 

Rainey narrowed her eyes, which were twinkling with amusement. „No you won‘t...“

 

„Prolly not...“ he murmured. He let his gaze drop down to their hands. That‘s when he realized that he was still holding hers. He suddenly didn't know what to do, and he knew, the longer he held on without saying anything, the more awkward this whole thing would get. Thankfully (more or less), his brother came to the rescue, and when Daryl heard Merle's voice, he quickly dropped her hand like it was on fire, almost making Rainey drop the cigarette. He took a deep breath, as well as a step back, and cleared his throat awkwardly, while Merle came towards them with a huge grin.

 

“Awwww, aren't y'all cute.” he smirked, making Daryl and Rainey blush. “Young lady, ya got a phone I could use? Mine's about to die.” Merle addressed Rainey, which made Daryl frown and reach into his own pocket.

 

“Take mine.” Daryl held his phone out to Merle. Rainey had a weird experience when she saw that Daryl still had such an old phone. She had thought that pretty much everybody would have a smartphone these days. Apparently she had been mistaken. She didn't know how he did it... she couldn't imagine life without her I-phone.

 

“Right... Ah, look at that. 'Bout ta die, too.”

 

“No, it ain't...” Daryl frowned, knowing for sure that his battery was still almost fully charged, but Merle steamrolled him and quickly distracted Rainey.

 

“Can ya help two poor lads out, pretty girl?”

 

“Uhm... sure.” Rainey blushed even harder, but she didn't feel flattered at all by Merle. His first words to her were still fresh on her mind. Still,she unlocked her phone and handed it over. Daryl looked down at his phone, and lo and behold, it was nowhere near dying.

 

“Merle...”

 

“I'll get that right back to ya.” Merle winked at her. “Don't worry, little brother. Just gotta make a quick call. I'll even stay standing right here. Let's see...” he looked at his own phone, reading off a number from his contacts and typing it into Rainey's phone, before he held it up to his ear. Suddenly, Daryl's phone started ringing.

 

“The hell... that you?” he asked his brother in an irritated tone.

 

“Oh shit... yeah... slipped down one too far. Hold on.” Merle ended the call, then he made a show of going back to his contacts and reading off a different number. “Here we go... Ah... hey, yeah... It's me. We still on for tomorrow night?” Merle finally made his phone call.

 

Daryl peeked over at Rainey with an embarrassed expression. “I'm sorry...”

 

“No, it's alright... All good.” she promised him with a little smile, but the situation was real weird.

 

A moment later, Merle hung up and handed Rainey's phone back. “Thanks. Real kind of ya. See ya inside, baby brother.” Merle clapped his hand down on Daryl's shoulder and turned to head back inside. His mission was accomplished. Now Rainey had Daryl's number, and Daryl had Rainey's number, because of that “accidental” phone call he'd made to Daryl. If his brother truly wanted to pursue the crazy chick, what kind of brother would he be, if he wouldn't help along a little?

 

Daryl cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Sorry... he's... “ He didn't actually know what to say.

 

“Don't worry about it.”

 

“I should pay ya back for that call.”

 

“No, that's fine. I got unlimited minutes and all that stuff.”

 

“Sure?” he wanted to make extra sure.

 

“Yeah, really, don't worry about it.” she reassured him.

 

“'kay...Ready to go back inside?“

 

“Eeerrm... no. I can‘t.“ she stammered. Now he would find out that she was a freak. “I‘m... kind of... I just can‘t after that whole thing.“

 

“Ya ain‘t alone. I‘m going in with ya.“

 

“I know, but I can‘t. Literally can‘t. It‘s hard to explain... I‘m kind of fucked up in the head... I‘m... I‘ll just wait for Danni.“ she knew that this was it. She knew that he would probably never talk to her again from now on, so she took the opportunity to express her gratitude one last time. “Thank you so much for everything, Daryl.“

 

Daryl just stared at her for a moment in silence. He had the feeling that she was saying goodbye, and not only did he not like that one bit, he also didn‘t know why she wouldn‘t come back. He was sure that the assholes from earlier wouldn‘t ever show up again. “Ain‘t gonna happen again. You know... what happened earlier. Not while I‘m here. I can promise you that.“

 

“You can‘t. But that‘s okay. Could you maybe tell Danni that I‘m waiting here until she wants to go?“ Rainey suddenly looked so sad that he started developing the urge to hug her or something, much to his own shock. He was the least huggiest person in the world.

 

 _Well, she makes me talk... guess now she‘s gonna make me a hugger, too. “_ You gonna be alright?“

 

“Yeah, sure.“ she was smiling, but he saw that it wasn‘t reaching her eyes. It was obvious that she was just done for now.

 

“Alright. I‘m gonna get your friend. Don‘t wander off alone.“ he told her. Then he looked at her for a moment longer, gave her a little nod and went inside to get Danni.

 

* * *

Once she had been back in the safety of her own home, the events of that night came rushing back to her and overwhelmed her. The anxiety attack that seized her for the next 20 minutes was anything but fun, and she cried and clutched her pillow while she kept rocking back and forth like a self-soothing child. She never even realized that she did that until she started to feel better. It all happened on auto-pilot. After half an hour she felt kind of okay again and turned on the TV to distract and entertain herself. Today she didn‘t feel as happy as she usually did after an encounter with Daryl. Even though it had been their best talk yet, the other thing that happened had put a major damper on things and now she didn‘t know if she would ever be ready to go back to that bar, which meant no more nice talks with Daryl. That surely was more than enough reason to get depressed again.

* * *

“The hell was that shit out there? My phone's fine.” Daryl confronted Merle, after he'd told Danni about Rainey.

 

“Only lent a helping hand.” Merle replied with a shrug.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“Look at yer phone, dummy.”

 

Daryl was still frowning, but nonetheless, he pulled out his phone and flipped it open. _1 Missed Call_... from a number he didn't know. “So what?” he asked Merle, when he wasn't able to put 2 and 2 together.

 

“Man, I gotta spell it out for ya, huh? That's her number, dumbass. Ya got her number now. And if she's smart, she'll realize that she's got yours, too.”

 

“That's why ya did this?” Daryl didn't quite know how to react.

 

“Yup. Now it's up to you two crazy kids whatchu wanna do with it.” Merle said with a self-satisfied grin on his face.

 

“Huh...” Daryl grunted quietly, while he put the phone back in his pocket.

 

“I think what ya meant to say was 'Thank you, Merle.'”

 

“We'll see.” Daryl scoffed, before he fell silent for a long while.

* * *

Later, at the same time that Rainey got comfortable on her couch, Daryl sat in the big leather recliner in the living room area of the trailer park home he shared with Merle. They had recently moved into a nicer one, after Merle's scuffle with the police and some drug dealers at their old one. Well, this home was nicer than the old one for now. If they'd let it go to shit, then in a couple of months from now, it would be just as dirty and rotten as the old one. However, Daryl was determined to look after this place a bit better. There were a lot of things he wanted to change about his life and Merle's. Keeping the place nice, so they'd actually have something that resembled a home for once, was one of those things. It was good for Merle, too. Now that Daryl was the money maker, Merle wasn't forced into illegal activities in order to make some cash. Daryl knew that Merle wouldn't admit it, but the man had calmed down a bit over the past couple of weeks. The big challenge now was to keep him away from those damn drugs. This trailer park wasn't housing any drug dealers, as far as Daryl knew. This one was a bit more family friendly. It was mostly normal families, who didn't have a whole lot of money and didn't have much choice but to live in one of the homes around here. It felt still a bit foreign to them, but at the same time it was nice to have the sound of children playing outside drifting in through the windows, instead of the sounds of fighting, gunshots and sirens.

 

Merle was stretched out on the couch, which sat right across from where Daryl was sitting. He was alternating between watching the TV and watching his younger brother, who kept tapping his phone on the armrest of the recliner. Daryl was staring at the TV, but Merle was pretty sure, that he wasn't paying attention to what was on there at all. “Just call her. Or are ya scared, Darylina? Want me to switch over to a cat show?

 

Daryl inwardly rolled his eyes at Merle's way of calling him a pussy. He decided not to acknowledge it, but instead, he decided to tell Merle about tonight. Maybe to get justification through his brother for why he felt compelled to make sure Rainey was alright. “Somethin' happened earlier... 'fore ya came out...”

 

“It's called an erection. Happens to all the little boys eventually. Congrats, you're turning into a man.” Merle deadpanned, this time succeeding in getting a rise out of Daryl.

 

“Man, would ya shut up?” Daryl raised his voice. “Good Lord! There were guys out there. They fucking insulted her. Tossed money at her feet, told her to dance... Called her a name.”

 

“What they call her?” Merle asked with morbid curiosity.

 

“Don't wanna say it...” Daryl shuddered at the thought of actually saying it out loud.

 

“Come on, don't be a fucking baby.”

 

Daryl sighed deeply, and he felt actual goosebumps breaking out all over his arms, when he said the words. “Thunder Thighs.”

 

“Ha... good one.”

 

“Come on, man. Ya really think she's fat?” Daryl had a hard time believing that anyone would think that.

 

“Nah, she ain't fat.” Merle finally admitted. “But she's got meat on her. Curves and shit. She's got a great rack, though... Wouldn't mind motor-boating those babies, ha!”

 

“Then why ya call her a big tank?”

 

“Man, I was drunk ta hell and back. You know I don't know why I say the things I say, even when I'm sober. Dunno, she's got a pair of thunder thighs on her, ya gotta admit that. Ain't everybody into that, Daryl.”

 

“I don't get why y'all gotta call those chicks names, just 'cause you ain't into them. Don't seem right, Merle.”

 

“Hm.” Merle shrugged. “Guess that's why you're the sweet one, baby brother.” Daryl didn't say anything to that, and it was quiet for a couple of minutes, before Merle spoke up again. “What happened to those fuckers?”

 

“What?”

 

“The fuckers that called her Thunder Thighs. Whatchya do when that happened?”

 

“Pushed him around some... The others got scared. Tossed him at her feet, made him pick up the money, before I kicked his ass.”

 

“You're her hero now, huh? What she do? Throw herself into your arms and make eyes at ya? That why you were holdin' her hand and shit? Yeah, I saw that. Just admit it, you want in that girl's pants.”

 

“Was just givin' her somethin'... Stop talking trash about her. You don't know her.”

 

“But you do?” Merle scoffed.

 

“I know enough. She's alright.”

 

“Whatever.” Where Merle was concerned, the discussion was over. As long as Daryl didn't man up and called the girl, she was of no concern to Merle. However, he knew that this particular girl was different than the ones Daryl had hooked up with before. He had no idea what exactly it was, that made him feel this way, but he wasn't able to shake the feeling that this Rainey girl, or whatever her name was, would be around for a while.

* * *

A bit later, Merle had dozed off, while Daryl absently watched some reruns of Duck Dynasty. His eyes kept peering down at his phone, which he was still playing with, pondering if he should call Rainey or not. In a way, he felt like he owed it to Merle to call her, after he had gone to such length in order to get her number for his little brother, even if it was only to make sure she was okay after the incident with those immature motherfuckers.

 

 _Ah, fuck it!_ Daryl decided and opened the phone. He was just about to impulsively dial her number, when he remembered something Phil Norton had said earlier. _Sometimes she can't even pick up the phone.._. Daryl's chest deflated, when he let out a sigh. He took a moment in order to decide what to do, and used that short moment to set her up as a new contact. When he clicked “Done” it brought him back to the previous screen, and his eyes flicked to the option “Send Message”. One moment of hesitation, before he decided that it might work. She had mentioned texting with her friends. Or kicking, or whatever she had called it. She didn't seem to be having a problem with that, so he decided on clicking “Send Message”. But as soon as the texting window opened, he hesitated again. _The hell am I doing here?_ he wondered, when he had no idea how to start.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

The screen of his phone went dark several times, while he kept arguing with himself internally. He was still unsure if he should really reach out to her. What if she would call him out on that little stunt Merle had pulled with her phone? Then again, she wasn't the type to call people out. He was safe from that happening, he figured. No, he wanted to reach out. He wanted to make sure she was okay. But he felt like a moron, whenever he started typing. He kept erasing what he had typed a couple of times, because it all sounded too stupid.

 

_How the fuck do ya start this shit?_ “Hey. It's Daryl. From the bar.” he murmured it quietly, while he typed it into the phone. Then he paused and frowned at the screen. “Nah.” he erased everything but the “hey” and in a huge burst of courage, he pressed “send”. Then he waited... and waited.... and waited... Seconds suddenly seemed like hours to him, and when he still didn't have a reply after a whole minute had passed, he was disappointed and relieved at the same time. His nerves were still frazzled and he tried to calm himself down by telling himself that she sure was sleeping and wouldn't reply until morning. If ever...

* * *

After distracting herself with the help of an episode of Once Upon A Time, Rainey got up from the couch and went to her bedroom to get changed into her comfortable and cozy plaid pajama pants and her favorite gray hoodie. She wasn't too tired and she wanted to make the most of that Friday night and immerse herself in her favorite shows, so she could make some room on her DVR for new episodes, even though most were on hiatus until the new year. She made herself some hot chocolate, topped it with some whipped cream and took it back to the living room. She gathered all the pillows and arranged them so that they would cushion her body perfectly before she settled in and covered herself with her warm blanket. Out of habit, she checked her phone before she started a new episode, and saw that she had a new message.

 

She didn't recognize the number, and she frowned when she saw that it just said “Hey”. She figured that someone had programmed a wrong number into their phone, and that the message had been sent to her by accident.

 

“You might have a wrong number.” she texted back, wanting to inform the sender that their message hadn't been sent to the right recipient.

 

A couple of miles away, Daryl jumped, when his phone vibrated in his palm. He quickly checked the new message, which made a frown settle on his features. He sighed, when he figured, that he should have started with “Hey, it's Daryl from the bar” after all. Now he had to text her another message.

 

“It's Daryl from the bar. U ok?” he typed, before he hit “Send” once more.

 

Rainey received the message a couple of seconds later, and frowned in confusion. _Daryl from the bar? Who in the world i-_ “OH MY GOD!!!” she cried out in utter disbelief when realization struck. Daryl from the bar... as in THE Daryl from the freaking bar! Rainey gaped at the screen for what must have been a full minute, before she quickly opened the Kik group chat with the girls and started typing at neck-breaking speed. 

 

Rainey Behr: DARYL JUST TEXTED ME!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

 

None of the girls replied. It was late and they were probably already in bed. Either sleeping or being engaged in other activities with their significant others. Rainey was shaking and started bobbing her knee up and down nervously. “Shit, what do I do?” she muttered while she fought the urge to throw up. “Replying would probably be a good idea.” she answered herself and shakily opened the message from Daryl again, and started to reply.

 

“Oh, it's you. I'm sorry. I forgot about the whole phone thing from earlier.” Then she stopped, when she realized, that Daryl had remembered the whole phone thing and had used her number to make sure she was alright. She didn't quite know what to make of that, but a huge grin formed on her lips anyway. Daryl was texting her. Freaking Daryl was texting **HER**! Plain, old, fat Rainey. She wanted to jump up and down, but she opted for trying to finish typing her message. “I'm better now. Thank you again for what you did.”

 

Daryl read the message and felt relieved when he saw that she was doing alright. “Good. Have a nice night.” he typed and sent the message, before he shut his phone and put it aside. He hated those things. He hated being available all the time, which was why he often “forgot” his phone at home, much to Merle's despair. He never seemed to be able to get a hold of his younger brother, when he needed him to help him out with something. Daryl got a kick out of that. He was glad whenever he was able to sit out on one of Merle's adventures. Even when he had his phone with him, he preferred getting texts over getting phone calls, although texting was kind of a drag, too. Actually, he would have liked to talk some more to Rainey, but he always got tired of typing things into his phone very quickly.

 

On her end, Daryl's message delivered an icy cold shower to Rainey. She had hoped for some more texting, but obviously, Daryl was just being a nice, concerned citizen and had truly only wanted to make sure that she had gotten home okay. “Okay. You, too.” she typed with a little smiling emoji at the end, even though she didn't feel like smiling at all and even though she wasn't sure if that would even show up on his old phone. She sighed, when she put her phone back down, hating herself for having gotten her hopes up. “At least he's nice.” she told herself in a quiet murmur. “A nice, good-looking guy who was concerned for me. That's a victory.” She knew it really was, but in that moment, telling herself that, didn't make her feel better.

 

At the same time, Daryl felt weird about the exchange. He didn't feel weird about having contacted her, but more about how he had ended it.

 

“You call the girl, yet?” Merle asked sleepily when he woke up and got up from the couch, to go into his bedroom to sleep.

 

“Texted her.”

 

“Pussy.”

 

“Fuck off.”

* * *

A week later on Saturday morning, Daryl stood in the kitchen of their trailer park home and spit his coffee into the sink. “Fuck it... can't drink this shit today.” he spat, while Merle laughed his ass off at the small table.

 

“Been a while since ya got lit... ain't used to it no more, are ya?”

 

“I'm used to it just fine. Don't wanna drink this instant coffee crap. Tastes like shit.” Daryl grumbled. He might have been lying. He wasn't used to getting drunk anymore. He'd already thrown up and felt slightly better, but he still had a headache. He was jonesing for good coffee and some fatty food. He'd had a shitty week, which had been his own fault. He had kept feeling weird about how he had left things with Rainey, but he hadn't really dared to contact her without a real reason. He had hoped she and her girlfriends would show up at the bar last night, but by 10 pm, he had given up hope and had drunk his frustrations away. “I'm goin' out. Ya wanna come?” Daryl asked Merle, after he had fetched his jacket and vest from his small bedroom.

 

“Nah. I'm good. Got my coffee, got my cold pizza... All I need this fine mornin'.”

 

“Alright. See ya later.” Daryl grunted and went out to his truck and drove to Joe's Bakery & Coffee Shop, which he knew served awesome breakfast plates all day long. Once there, he ordered a big coffee and the Breaded Pork Chop Breakfast Plate, which consisted of a pork chop, two eggs with potatoes, beans and two tortillas. He also ordered some bacon, feeling that it would be the little extra fatty boost he would need to cure his hangover. Then he went over to one of the small booths and slumped back in his seat, while he waited for his food. He couple of minutes later, he almost choked on his own saliva, when he glanced over to the entrance and saw none other than Rainey entering the shop.

 

Of course, she didn't see him. Just like at the bar, she kept her eyes straight ahead. It gave Daryl the opportunity to study her some more. He had never seen her in broad daylight without the artificial lighting of the bar or the grocery store. She looked good. She wore dark boots, blue jeans, with a little rip at the right knee, and a loose-fitting, faded, black sweater under her black leather jacket. Her hair was down, as usual, and tucked behind her ear on the left side, to keep it from falling in her face, while she dug through her purse. The crisp December air had painted a nice rosy, tinge on her cheeks and had brought a vibrant shine to her eyes. She gave the older guy at the counter her pretty smile, while she ordered, but then, she went back to being nervous and uncomfortable. She was wringing her hands, shifting her weight and biting her lip, all signs, that Daryl knew by now.

 

He got a little shock to his system, when all of a sudden, her gaze did sweep to the side, nervously glancing at the other patrons, before they landed on him. He saw the surprise in her expression, then he noticed her blush while it was clear to him, that she had no idea how to act. Daryl put her out of her misery by giving her what he hoped was a friendly nod. That put a smile on her face and she gave him a shy, little wave in return. Daryl knew she was uncomfortable in this public place, but still, he found himself motioning for her to join him.

 

Rainey felt breathless. She was nervous, and she would very much like to get out of there, but she wanted to be near Daryl even more. She nodded at him and held up her finger, silently telling him that she would be there in a minute. She tried to keep the goofy grin off her face, but it wasn't really happening. Thankfully, Daryl was getting his food, while she went over to his booth, and his view of her was blocked for a moment. She took a deep breath and then sat down opposite him, smiling broadly at him, even though the look in her eyes was still a shy one. “Hi.”

 

“Hey.” Daryl blessed her with his little, crooked smile.

 

Awkward silence.

 

“Errrm... How you doing?” Rainey asked after clearing her throat.

 

“Good. You?”

 

“Good, too. My coffee machine broke down, so...” she lifted her papercup filled with the hot brew to make her point of why she was here.

 

“Sucks. We only got instant coffee at our place, so...” Daryl motioned to his own coffee.

 

“Right. That stuff can be pretty horrible.” Rainey laughed nervously.

 

“I'll say...”

 

“Also, it's my first vacation day today... What better way to celebrate than with a good 2 dollar coffee?”

 

“Could have celebrated at the bar...” Daryl shrugged with a little smirk.

 

“Maybe..., but it was Anna's boyfriend's birthday.” Rainey explained their absence.

 

“Ah... big party?”

 

“Kind of. Unfortunately. I didn't stay very long.”

 

“Hm.” Daryl grunted, not surprised that she had left the party early. He figured a big party made her just as uncomfortable as a crowded bar. “So, it's your first day of vacation?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Mine, too.”

 

“What? Really?” Rainey smiled, before she remembered something. “Oh no, then I can't give Danni the cupcakes for you.”

 

“Ya don't have ta make those.”

 

“Yes I do have to. Especially after what you did for me. I can't thank you enough.”

 

“Everybody would have done that.” Daryl said with a shrug.

 

“Ummm, nope... In 32 years you were the first to do something like that. Apart from the girls.”

 

“Don't get it...” Daryl mumbled around a bite of pork chop.

 

“What?”

 

“Don't get why people give ya a hard time. I know my brother did, but... he can be a big asshole.. especially when he's drunk.”

 

“People like to judge and make fun of fat people.”

 

“But you ain't nowhere near fat.” Daryl scoffed, getting upset over the thought of her having to endure this shit on a daily basis.

 

That made Rainey blush so hard that she thought her head might explode, but it also made her smile so much that her face started to hurt. She tried not to let him see it, but it was a lost cause. She still couldn't believe that this hot guy was being so nice to her, and even complimented her for crying out loud.

 

Daryl noticed how red she was getting in the face, but also how it made her smile widen, and he had to admit to himself, that it felt kind of good that he had been able to do this for her, just by telling her that he didn't think she was fat.

 

Rainey cleared her throat and tried to regain her composure: “Once again, you and the girls are the only ones to think so. Even my boss makes fun of me. My parents make fun of me, my grandparents tell me I'm fat, and the list goes on and on.”

 

As soon as the words had left her mouth, she regretted saying them. A case of “getting too comfortable and opening up too quick” was striking once again. She really felt comfortable around Daryl. She even forgot all about the other people around her, which was a blessing and a curse all in one, because now she thought that she sounded whiny, which she had wanted to avoid at all costs. It was too late to take it back though. _Fuck, why do I turn into a blabbermouth when someone seems interested in listening?_ It was why a lot of people didn't take her and her condition seriously. And how could they? On one hand she was supposed to suffer from social phobia, but then she suddenly kept chewing your ear off, if you let her. What people didn't understand was, that she wasn't intimidated by everybody right off the bat. There were a couple of people here and there, who gave her a good gut feeling and she was able to approach them or talk to them without too much difficulty. It was when a third party got involved and started dominating the conversation, that she would shrink back into herself and turn shy and insecure and feel anxious about the whole situation.

 

Daryl meanwhile stared at her, like he'd been frozen in place. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He just didn't get it. She was so pretty and so sweet. Why in the world would even her whole family turn against her? Unfortunately he was very familiar with things like that. He knew that parents didn't need a whole lot of reason to take out their frustrations on their kids.  _It wasn't our fault, little brother,_ Merle had told him once, when they had been younger.  _They're the fuck-ups. They weren't able to deal with their shitty lives, so they blamed us and took it out on us. Everything we did after that, was because of them._ Daryl had tried to believe it, but the doubts, that he had been to blame for everything, were still there. Still, he decided to impart some of Merle's wisdom to her.

 

“Ain't your fault. You know that, right? They are assholes.”

 

Rainey scoffed sadly. “If it would be just them, I might believe that they are the assholes. These things keep happening with a lot of different people, though. So it's definitely me. I'm the problem.”

 

“It ain't you. No asshole would make me a whole batch of damn good cupcakes just for sharing my cigarettes with them. Did you smoke it yet? The last one I gave you?” he asked with curiosity.

 

“No, I didn't” Rainey said with a sheepish smile. “I kept it. I think I'm gonna keep it for Christmas, since it was meant to be a Christmas gift and all.”

 

“Hm, yeah... good idea.” Daryl agreed.

 

“Oh!” Rainey suddenly perked up. “You want to save the cupcakes for Christmas? If so, then I'm going to make them fresh right around Christmas and give them to Danni at the last minute. No wait, that won't work,... you're off work, too.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Are you leaving town? If not I could just send them to you just in time for Christmas.”

 

“Works for me.” Daryl laughed. _Or we meet up and you give 'em to me,_ he thought, but he didn't dare suggest that. How stupid would that feel? Meet in some kind of parking lot or something, and have her give him a tupperware box filled with cupcakes, before they both got back in their cars and went their separate ways. No, that wouldn't work. If he suggested that, then he would be decent enough to meet with her and buy her a coffee. They could sit down, drink it and talk a little before going their separate ways again. But that sounded too much like a date. He realized that they were doing the exact same thing right now, and it felt nice... But it had been an accidental meeting. He didn't do dates. Even though he wouldn't mind giving her a little kiss goodbye. _What the hell?_ He startled at his own thoughts. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to shake himself out of it, but it was too late. Suddenly he saw himself in front of his inner eye, holding her face in his hands and slipping his tongue into her mouth while he kissed her quite thoroughly.

 

“A-are you okay?” Rainey's eyes grew wide, when he suddenly hunched over and held his head.

 

“Yeah, just a lil' headache.”

 

“Oh, I'm sorry.”

 

“It's fine.”

 

“Okay, umm, you'll have to give me your address. Don't worry, I'm not going to stalk you.”

 

“Pfff, not worried about that. Just seems weird that I have you send me cupcakes.”

 

“I don't think it's weird. It's your Christmas present.”

 

“Yeah, but once again, those cupcakes and postage are gonna cost way more than two damn smokes.” he smirked with a shake of his head.

 

“It's not about money, Daryl. Gifts are supposed to be thoughtful. I think you sharing your cigarettes with me was very kind and thoughtful. You helped me so much. I wasn't feeling well and you made sure to help me feel better. Oh, and you even texted me to make sure I was alright. Again, that's very thoughtful.

 

It was Daryl's turn to blush when she mentioned his texts to her. “You sure?”

 

“Of course I am sure. Don't worry about it.”

 

“Okay. I'll try.” he smirked with a little wink.

 

Rainey was grinning the whole time. She just wasn't able to believe her luck. On the other hand she was wary, because usually when she caught a lucky break, something really bad was going to follow sooner or later. Now, she didn't quite know what to say to him, so she chose a classic topic-changer question.

 

“So... what were you doing last night? Just hanging out at the bar?”

 

“Pretty much. Had some drinks with my brother, went home, watched some Duck Dynasty, I guess.”

 

“Oh my God, I LOVE Duck Dynasty!”

 

Daryl's eyes widened in pleasant surprise, and he perked up some more: “Seriously?”

 

Rainey giggled, because the surprise in his expression looked really cute on him. “Yes. Seriously. It's on my DVR. Which episode?”

 

“Uncle Si ate coon shit and that one guy's wife took him to the eye doc.”

 

Rainey almost spit out her coffee, because she had to laugh just thinking about it. “That's a good one. I almost peed my pants watching that.”

 

Dary squinted in amusement. “What's it about women always having to piss when they laugh?”

 

“It's just a figure of speech, Daryl. Unless the woman has given birth. Most of them can't cough, sneeze or laugh without peeing, I guess.”

 

“But you ain't given birth. Right?” he squinted some more and pointed at her with his fork.

 

“No, I haven't. Like I said, it was just a figure of speech. I was dry and all good. No accidents.”

 

“Good to know.” he smiled and took a sip from his cooling coffee. As it turned out, talking to Rainey was an even better hangover cure than fatty food. He figured it might have been what made him keep the conversation going. “So ya like watching Duck Dynasty... what else ya watch?”

 

“I'm catching up on Hannibal right now. I like to binge watch that. I wait until the whole season has aired, so I can watch it all at once.”

 

“What's Hannibal?”

 

“Dr. Hannial Lecter. You know, Silence of the Lambs? They made a TV show out of it. It's good. Gory though.”

 

“Hm. Maybe I'll check it out. I don't watch that much TV.”

 

“I watch way too much. I know that, but what else can you do at night.

 

“Come to the bar.” Daryl said, like it was the most logical thing in the world.

 

“Every night?”

 

“Why not? It's what I do.”

 

“Really? Every night?” Rainey's eyebrows lifted at that.

 

Daryl blushed a little. “Sounds bad, huh? Yeah, every night. Dunno why, really. Guess it beats sittin' around at home by yerself.”

 

“I don't mind being alone.” Rainey said with a shrug of her shoulders.

 

Daryl narrowed his eyes at her once more, pondering if it would be alright to ask about it. Another sip of his coffee, then he decided to go for it. “Ya look uncomfortable around people. That why?”

 

“Yeah, that's why.” Rainey's smile dimmed a little. She suddenly looked so vulnerable, that Daryl was kicking himself or asking. “It's called social anxiety or social phobia. It sucks, but not much left I can do about it. Therapy didn't really work.”

 

“What exactly is that stuff? Phil said ya can't answer the phone some days?”

 

Rainey's stomach sank even more when he said that. She had never felt comfortable around Phil, and it had been obvious that he was one of the people that thought she was being ridiculous. He sure had told Daryl all about her “freaky quirks”.

 

“It's really hard to explain.”

 

“Wanna try?” Daryl offered. He was curious about it, but he wouldn't pressure her, if she didn't want to talk about it.

 

“Ummm, okay...” Rainey was shaking her head in disbelief. She slowly got the impression that she might be dreaming. Why in the world would Daryl be this interested in her and her condition? She had no explanation for it, but she decided to just enjoy his attention for now, while she tried to find the right words. “Do you know the feeling of missing a step, when you are walking down the stairs? That short moment of fear and panic that you are going to fall and break every bone in your body?”

 

Daryl immediately knew what she meant. “Yeah. Why?”

 

“Living with an anxiety disorder, like I am, is exactly like this short little moment of fear, only that it doesn't stop. Not for 15-20 minutes. That's how long an anxiety attack lasts, and you can have many of them on a really bad day. I also get this feeling every time before I enter a store or a restaurant and things like that, whenever the phone or the doorbell rings, when something embarrassing happens to me, when people look at me and judging me, etc. etc. It makes living a normal life really tough, but I keep trying everyday.”

 

“Shit.” Daryl couldn't imagine feeling like that all the time. He imagined that it would be a ton of stress, and he suddenly realized how much effort it must take her to make it out of the house and to that damn bar whenever she showed up. How humiliated she must have felt when her credit card didn't work and everybody kept staring and being annoyed at her. _Pretty girl like her shouldn't have to worry about all this shit,_ he found himself thinking once again. The wish to be able to take all that crap away from her bloomed up inside of him, though it didn't consciously register yet. It was more like an urge to hug her and shield her from all that crap.

 

“When did that start?”

 

“Oh, probably at birth? I don't know. I've had it, ever since I can remember. I was always labeled as being shy, but it was much more than that.”

 

“How does that shit happen?”

 

“You mean what caused it?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“For me, my parents, definitely. Combined with other social experiences. I was always the outsider. In kindergarten already. But I guess I put myself in that position because of the way my parents raised me. Even as a kid I thought that if my parents don't even like me, then nobody else would ever like me. So I isolated myself, I guess. And it just went on and on from there on out. It got a bit better in school when I met my friends, but it got worse again during the last year of high school when my parents divorced and my mother flew off the handle and treated me even worse than before.” Rainey sighed, when she remembered the hard times she had been through. “Your mind never really stops working. It's stressful. Before you go somewhere, you think about everything that could go wrong and how to deal with all of those things, and after, you think about what happened and how you behaved and you always think you acted abnormal, and you keep thinking about it for weeks or even longer after the event. Like, obsessively so. Years later, I remember certain situations and I cringe and think of a hundred thousand different ways I could have acted instead of how I actually acted. Like at the supermarket. I still keep thinking about why I didn't just get money at the ATM before shopping. I can't forgive myself for not doing that.”

 

“That does sounds fucking stressful.” Daryl's mind was blown. He thought he had issues, but clearly, he hadn't seen nothing yet.

 

“It is. Daily struggle.”

 

“Hm...” Daryl pursed his lips and thought back to that night at the bar. “That was hell on earth for you, huh? With the idiots outside the bar?”

 

“It was. But you really helped me not to spiral right then and there.”

 

“What about now? You spiraling now?”

 

Rainey hesitated with her reply. It was funny how good she felt around this man. She had always been wary around guys, but somehow, Daryl took the fears away and allowed her to speak freely and without dying from embarrassment every five seconds, but telling him that she had felt like shit when she had come in? For whatever reason it was tough to admit.

 

“It was a bit rough earlier, when I came in.”

 

“Yeah? I couldn't tell. Not really.” Daryl said, not realizing that he was practically admitting that he had watched her. “Ya looked a bit nervous, but not like it was really rough on ya. Ya smiled and everything.”

 

“After so many years, I'm very good at hiding what's really going on inside of me. After a while, you get really good at acting like nothing's wrong.”

 

“Yeah... guess that's true.” Daryl knew all too well about things people were able to hide very well from others. “So what you do when ya got this attack thing? Ya try distracting yourself or something?”

 

“There is no such thing as distracting yourself and make the attack go away faster. It has to do with certain hormones, brain chemistry, and all that jazz. It lasts 15-20 minutes and you just have to get through it. Some distraction afterwards is nice. I just watch some TV, when I'm home. It's what I usually do. Anything to shut my mind off and keep myself from going in circles in here.” she tapped her finger against her temple.

 

“How often you get those?”

 

“Depends. There are days when I feel better and days when I feel worse. On worse days I get them every couple of hours. On average I'd say I have one per day or one every two days when I'm feeling pretty good.”

 

Daryl's eyebrows lifted in surprise. “You get them even when ya feel good? So you never really go a week or so without them?”

 

“No, not really. Like I said, daily struggle. Some days I'm just overwhelmed and I hide out at home. Unable to deal with the phone ringing or the doorbell ringing. Can't even take out the trash, out of fear that I'd meet my neighbors in the hall on those days. God, that sounds pathetic.” _And now I nailed shut my own coffin_. Rainey sighed, cursing herself for telling him the truth. She was a nut job and now he knew just how much. If he hadn't already known ever since that night at the bar.

 

“But you work, right?” Daryl forgot about telling her that it didn't sound pathetic. His mind was too busy processing all this new information.

 

“Yes. I work in an office, just like Danni.”

 

“How in the world are you able to do that? With your boss being an ass and all?”

 

“It's hell, but I gotta make a living. That's what keeps me going. That I'm still strong enough to take care of myself. I mean, it's not like this crippling disease that doesn't allow me to do anything. I don't want to give off that impression. I have good moments or days. I think right now I am functioning and dealing quite well, but you know, when there's bad days, they are BAD. It doesn't happen too often, though. That it's really bad, I mean. I can go weeks without a really bad day. There's just so many factors that play a part in all of this. It is hard to explain to somebody who doesn't have it. I'm not sitting at home by myself and cry all day, every day. I can still have fun and laugh and all that stuff.”

 

Daryl was amazed by the fact that she was able to live life that way. It sounded like an assload of work with all that worrying and going through all kinds of scenarios in your head all the time. He had a lot more questions, but he didn't want to pry much more than he'd already had. He started biting his lip, because he got nervous about what he was about to say. He was a guy who wore his heart on his sleeve, he was honest, even if it was sometimes rough, or embarrassing, like it was now.

 

“That's good. You seem real nice.” he blushed while he said the words. “It sucks that you have to fight like that every day.”

 

“Thank you.” Rainey's face reddened as well, and they shared an embarrassed smile, before she kept going. “I'm used to it. It's tough, but I don't know any other way of life, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Daryl got that. For him it had been the same for many years. The way Merle and him had lived life, he hadn't known anything else. He'd had no idea what it could be like. That working a steady job was actually nice. Although he had to admit that he had lucked out by finding a decent place to work and a job he actually enjoyed. Very few people were that lucky, he was well aware of that. He knew what it was like to worry about all kinds of things every day. He could imagine how Rainey felt all the time, although she probably worried about different things. It was no way to go through life. Not forever. He had found some kind of peace and he really hoped that she might be able to find it too one day.

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't want to bore you with all that stuff. I'm a Chatty Cathy when given the opportunity. I know it doesn't make any sense with what I just told you,... like I said, the whole thing is complex and complicated.”

 

“Ya didn't bore me. I asked. Don't worry.”

 

They chatted a little while longer until Rainey looked at her phone and saw the time. “Oh my God!!! I have to meet the girls for lunch. I'm late!” She felt bad for telling Daryl that she would have to leave. She didn't want him to feel like she was no longer interested in chatting with him, but the girls were waiting for her and she hated being late.

 

Daryl was more than a little surprised when he noticed how long they had sat there talking. He quickly plunked down a couple of bills and accompanied her outside to her car. She asked for his address again, and typed it into her phone, when he told her where he lived. He wasn't really able to focus on it, because his mind was still racing a mile a minute, about how nice this had been, about how quickly the time had flown by, about all this new information about her... He was starting to feel a huge amount of respect for her. Going out to the bar every once in a while was huge for someone who only ever felt comfortable behind closed doors, in their own space. He was starting to wonder if she'd ever had a boyfriend, and if so, how he had dealt with her condition. He also asked himself if she thought that he was secretly judging her, too.

 

Before she was able to get into her car, he called out to her again. “Hey.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I ain't judging you. Never did. Never will... Alright?” he looked down and peeked up at her, trying to see if she believed him.

 

“I'll keep it in mind.” she gave him her broad smile, before she got in and drove off, to meet her girlfriends. Both of them felt better than they had in a long while. Daryl certainly felt much better than he had when he had woken up that morning. He was kicking himself for not asking when she would come back to the bar, but he hoped that it would be sooner rather than later. He really was enjoying her company.

* * *

“I just don't know what to think anymore.” Simone said to her friends Danni and Anna hours later, after Rainey had left their little get-together. Rainey had told them about the texting and about their encounter at the coffee shop in the morning. “I mean, I'm sorry, but the whole thing with how he got her phone number seems weird to me. Like he put his brother up to it, maybe. If so, that means something doesn't it? Especially since he texted her that same night. And now this? That he's so interested in her condition?”

 

“That to me spells that he's interested.” Danni said.

 

“But interested in what exactly?” Anna asked. “Does he want to be friends with her? Or more than friends?”

 

“More than friends, silly.” Danni laughed. “Would you use your brother to try to get someone's phone number, if you wanted to be just friends? No, you would ask them about their number, whip out your phone and program it in right there on the spot.”

 

“I don't know.” Simone sighed. “It's all still pretty ambiguous to me. Could be just a friendly gesture, could be interest in her. Danni, he really never showed a real reaction when you gave him the cupcakes?”

 

“No, he was just surprised, but everybody would have been.” Danni explained. “Like I said, he doesn't talk much and he's hard to read.”

 

“Maybe you should test the waters a little.” Anna suggested. “I'm sure Rainey is crushing on him hard by now. I know that she says that she doesn't think he's interested, but deep down there's got to be a flicker of hope inside of her, and I would just hate to have her getting hurt. He seems like a nice guy, but if he only wants to be friends, then... I don't know... We have to prepare her for that? God, I don't know. I don't want to treat her like a child. What do we do? This is such a new situation for her.”

 

“I think we shouldn't do anything.” Simone said next. “We can't push her in any direction. That's not right. She seems to be managing things with him quite well right now. She should do what she thinks is right, and we'll support her in every way we can, as usual.”

 

They all agreed on letting things take their course. What they didn't know was, that while they talked, Rainey was self-sabotaging herself once again. She laid on her couch and stared at her newest text message. “Duck Dynasty is on. U watching?” Rainey was watching, but not really. Her mind was racing, and the thoughts that popped up inside her head, made her want to put a screeching halt to the course things were taking. She was panicking. Her mind was going through all possible reasons, why Daryl was talking to her. Why he had texted her, why he had started a conversation outside the bar that first time, in the first place. _It's a bet with his friends or something, or he's got something to prove. There's no way he likes me for me after all the stuff I just told him. Nobody except for the girls has been nice to me just because. Why would it start now? Why would he talk to me? He's hot, he can talk to any girl... to way hotter girls... why me? It's just not right. He's using me for something. I'll end up the butt of the joke. Again. No. I can't do it. I won't do it._

 

And so, she ignored his last message. She ignored the words he had told her outside the diner. It couldn't be true. She wasn't able to let herself believe it. Everybody judged somebody at some point. She was crushing hard on him and if she kept this up with him, it would lead to falling in love with him and she couldn't allow herself the vulnerability that came with that. To protect herself she would have to forget about Daryl and ignore his message. And so she did.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

**Wow, I'm so happy that so many are excited about this being back. Thank you for the wonderful feedback.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback! I live for it! Seriously! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Chapter 5

 

Daryl had never really thought about his own personal definition of hell... Until he had started waiting for Rainey to reply to the text he had sent her. He was sure that this never ending feeling of anxiousness and anticipation, which made him check his phone every five minutes, was one very special form of hell. He had never paid much attention to where his phone was, but now? He didn't let it out of his sight. He didn't know how he felt about that, because that girl was doing something to him, he wasn't used to, but he wasn't able to focus on that. He only kept wondering when, oh when she would put him out of his misery and reply.

 

As it turned out, it would be a while. The whole weekend had passed without her texting him back. At first he thought that she might have been with her girlfriends, then that maybe she was asleep already. Then he had thought that maybe she was too busy to check her phone or reply. Then, Sunday night, he thought that maybe his message hadn't been sent. But he had received a text confirming that his message had been sent (It was something he hated, since every time he sent a text, he got those crappy confirmation texts in return, but he had no idea how to turn that shit off. Also in this case, he was glad he knew for sure). She definitely had gotten that text. But then why wasn't she replying? Had he said something wrong? Or was she just not feeling the whole interacting with him thing anymore? He was tempted to write her another message, in order to ask what was wrong, but he didn't dare. He'd feel like a stalker or something. So he kept checking his phone, over and over again, finally understanding why on Earth people kept doing it. He lasted two more days, three days total, but by Wednesday, Daryl cracked.

 

On Wednesday morning, he had to go to work real quick, into Danni's office, in order to pick up his pay check before they closed for Christmas. It should have been a two minute thing, just a quick in and out, but when Danni had handed him the envelope with his paycheck, and had wished him a Merry Christmas, Daryl didn't leave the office right away. He kept standing behind her office chair, and when Danni looked up at him, he looked nervous, what with him biting his bottom lip and all. “Can I help you with anything else?” She asked politely, but with a slightly confused expression on her face.

 

She watched him hem and haw for a moment, watched him peek through his long, dark bangs, which kept falling in his eyes, and watched him chewing on the inside of his bottom lip some more, until he finally grunted out a reply. “Yer friend's phone broken or somethin'?”

 

“My friend's phone broken...?” Danni repeated to herself with big confusion.

 

“You know... Rainey?” he offered up another clue.

 

“Oh, Rainey's phone? Broken? No, I don't think so. We texted earlier.” she said with a little smile. That smile fell when she noticed that Daryl pressed his lips together in a grim line. “Why?” Danni spoke the word in a drawn out way, and with a suspicious tone tinging her voice. She got the feeling that Rainey had pulled “a Rainey” on Daryl. When Daryl shrugged, Danni sighed in exasperation. “Let me guess, you texted her, but she hasn't texted you back? Or did you call her and she didn't pick up?”

 

Daryl wasn't surprised that Danni knew about their conversation. He had figured that Rainey would tell her girlfriends. He might not know much, but he knew that girlfriends usually told each other everything. That's what he'd heard numerous times. “Not since Saturday night.” he told Danni, and felt like a whiny teenager while he said it.

 

“What? Oh man... I'm sorry. I didn't know... I... Daryl... You know... Rainey is one of the most wonderful human beings on Earth, but... she's got some issues...” Danni explained carefully. She didn't want Daryl to give up doing whatever he was doing, just because Rainey was freaking out.

 

“Yeah, I know about that social anxiety thing.” Daryl said. “She didn't say anything to you? You don't know what I did wrong?”

 

“You did nothing wrong, Daryl. Ugh, Simone is so much better at this stuff. She understands Rainey the best. Look... my guess is, that she is just scared. Right now I can't be sure of what exactly, but usually when she pulls back and shuts down, it's out of fear. If it would be any other person I would tell you to just keep at it and text her until she answers, but that won't work with Rainey. She will just get overwhelmed and will panic and all that jazz.”

 

“That mean that I'm s'pposed to leave her alone now?”

 

“No!” Danni said so forcefully and quickly, that it almost startled him. “Don't. You're good for her. She's just not used to positive male attention... it might just freak her out some. Damn, why do I keep blabbing? I hate doing that. “ she sighed miserably and leaned back in her chair. They were both silent for a moment, before Danni looked at Daryl with a hesitant, albeit curious expression.

 

“What?” he asked.

 

“Can I just ask... This is all so new to us where Rainey is concerned... I'm just wondering... You like her, don't you?”

 

Daryl's eyes snapped back up to Danni's, and he nodded silently, while a light blush colored his cheeks.

 

Danni cleared her throat. “Good... Now... How do you like her? Are you looking for a new friend or... maybe a new... girlfriend?” Danni asked with a scrunched up face like she was wincing, because she was scared of scaring Daryl off. When she saw Daryl's head shoot up and his eyes widen, she quickly waved her hands around. “No, no, no... I'm sorry I asked... You don't have to answer that... I'm sorry. I don't wanna meddle... not really. Like I said... new situation...”

 

He was shocked by the question, but mostly, because he realized that maybe he really had to ask himself that. Especially with Merle asking him almost every day, if he was so mopey because he missed seeing his new girlfriend... His older brother might have a point... He pushed it to the back of his head for now and focused on something else. Her rambling might have answered one of his questions, but he still asked for clarification. “She ain't never had a guy?” Daryl asked, his cheeks inexplicably turning a darker shade of red. The whole conversation was very awkward and he imagined that this must be what Rainey felt like all the time.

 

Danni sighed miserably once again. She was torn between telling Daryl everything, and keeping her mouth shut. She decided that the pure facts might not hurt. “She's only been with one guy, but it doesn't count, not really. She was 15 and it only lasted 4 months. But that's all I can say. You should really ask **her** about this stuff. She has no problem talking about much of anything when she feels comfortable around you, and that seems to be the case with you, so if you ask her, I'm sure you'll get your answer. Or answers... I really don't wanna talk about her without her knowing...”

 

Daryl nodded, thinking that Danni was a good friend. He noticed that Danni wanted to help, but she also didn't want to spill the beans on her friend without her consent. He respected that. He liked that. “Yeah,... I get that... just one problem with the whole thing...”

 

“She's gone radio silence on you, I know.” Danni said.

 

They suddenly heard Daryl's name being called. It was Merle, who'd gotten tired of waiting in the car. Daryl blushed anew and cleared his throat. “Gotta go.”

 

“Alright. Give it another day, I'm sure she'll come around. Probably just needs to talk.” Danni said quickly, before he was able to close the door behind him in order to prevent his brother from running around his place of work. Daryl nodded at her and quickly went to remove his brother from the premises.

 

“Told you to stay in the car, Merle.”

 

“Ya also said, that it would only take two minutes. What's the matter? Did ya have to ask that office girl about your girlfriend? Begged her to show her face down at the bar again?”

 

Daryl wanted to strangle his brother. Merle was the one to blame for all of this. He was the one who'd gotten him her number and had practically urged him to contact her. He had helped put him in this special level of hell. Daryl wanted to push Merle, and yell, but instead, he swallowed it down and just grumbled something incomprehensible under his breath, while Merle chuckled happily on their way back to the car.

* * *

What exactly was he looking for? A friend or a girlfriend? It was a good question. So far, he hadn't really done either one of those. He had hooked up with girls and had tried to act like a decent person as much as possible during those encounters, but he hadn't stayed friends with the women. Hadn't had anything serious with them either... Not that he was opposed, he just wasn't sure that he would be very good at it. Therefore, he would love to say that he wanted Rainey to be a friend only, but it didn't feel right to him. He wasn't a liar and as much as he would love to, he wasn't able to lie to himself. He had thought about kissing her. He hadn't just thought about it, he'd fantasized about it. He'd seen himself kissing her, tongues thrusting and everything. It had made his breathing pick up and his heart beat harder and faster. And yeah... he was a guy... the little fantasy had also caused some tingles in his pants. He'd also thought about having her in his arms, seeing her smile up at him while his hands glided on her ass and squeezed gently. _That ain't how ya think about friends._ He knew that much, and it scared him a little. Not because he wanted her, but because his want for her felt different, than it had felt with other girls before her. He had no idea how it had happened, but suddenly she had started to be on his mind all the damn time. He felt like he had a soft spot for her, but maybe it was more than just that. He was definitely fond of her, even though they barely knew each other. He liked being around her. He was impressed by her. He wanted to protect her. He thought she was smoking hot. He was smitten with her smile. He wanted her to know that, without him having to say it out loud. He wanted her to know that she was a very desirable woman. He wanted to get to know the real Rainey. He wanted to experience her funny side (Phil had mentioned that Danni always said, that Rainey often brought the group to tears from laughter). He wanted to know exactly how much of a “dirty bird” she was (Also something Phil had mentioned). He couldn't really imagine that sweet girl having a dirty mind, but he figured it would be fun to find out if it was true. He also wanted to experience her at her worst and try to help her through it. Laying on the couch and watch Duck Dynasty with her, had been a very appealing thought to him... He never did anything like that with his friends... But he didn't do girlfriends. Never had. That's what they had in common. He wondered if she was a virgin or if she had had sex with that one guy she had been with. He thought it would be kind of sexy if she was inexperienced. Seeing and feeling those beautiful hand of hers exploring him all shy and tentatively... Daryl groaned at that mental image and reached down to adjust himself. Not that he was some kind of Don Juan or a casanova, but he knew what he was doing. He hadn't had any complaints so far. He knew he could show her a good time, if she'd let him... But he didn't know if he could be a real boyfriend. During his adult life he had been too busy looking out for Merle and himself and there hadn't been time for dating and actually getting to know someone. He hadn't even really felt the desire to do that. Just months ago, he had been too ashamed of himself and Merle and their way of life. He had never wanted to drag anyone into that. It had all changed with him getting that job and moving into a nicer home. He had tasted blood and was starting to crave a normal life, and he figured meeting someone and eventually falling in love was part of that. Even though he had never been totally against that, he also had never really been all for it, but he would say he was more open toward the possibility now. And that possibility might just be called Rainey Behr. 

 

_I might just want her to be more than just a hook up... And of fucking course, she ain't texting me back no more. Of fucking course._ Daryl sighed deeply. One thing he knew for sure: he wanted to spend more time with Rainey and get to know her better. Now he could only hope that Danni and her other friends would work some kind of magic and take whatever fear she was feeling away from her. 

* * *

Danni and Simone had asked Rainey via Kik, if she would allow them to come over that night. Rainey thought maybe they would wanna do a pre-holidays movie night, and had gladly invited them to come. She had gone shopping real quick and as soon as she had been home, she had made pizza dough from scratch and had prepared one of her famous pizzas. Simone liked to keep it a bit healthy, so she had topped it with fresh cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, chicken breast, mozzarella and lots of oregano. It was done right on time, and when the girls entered the apartment, they both moaned when the delicious smell filled their nostrils.

 

“Oh my God, that's an awesome surprise. I didn't think we'd have dinner.” Simone smiled, much to Rainey's surprise.

 

“What? No dinner? I thought it's movie night or something.” Rainey was confused.

 

“Oh... no, it actually isn't...” Danni smiled apologetically. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

 

“Umm... okay.” Rainey got a weird feeling. “Well, table is set. Why don't you sit down and I'll get us some pizza.”

 

“Sounds good, sweetie.” Simone lead the way over to the table and sat down at her usual place next to Rainey's usual place. Rainey didn't drink wine, but sometimes she used it for cooking, so she always had some to offer to her friends. She served them the wine first, before she brought out the pizza, giving it a chance to cool off a bit.

 

“What did you want to talk about?” Rainey asked once they all had pizza and a beverage in front of them.

 

“You are making a certain someone really sad, Rainey.” Danni told her around a mouthful of pizza.

 

“Who? Anna?”

 

“Nope. Daryl.” Danni stated and watched Rainey freeze.

 

“What?”

 

“He doesn't understand why you are ignoring him. He thinks he did something wrong. This is big, Rainey. Daryl never talks, except for hello, bye and business stuff. For him to come to me and ask about you,... that's big.”

 

“What's wrong, Rainey? You told us what you guys talked about. It seemed like you were doing great. He said he texted you again?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What did it say?” Simone wanted to know.

 

“Just that Duck Dynasty was on and asked if I was watching. He likes the show as much as I do.” Rainey explained.

 

Danni and Simone both frowned at her answer. Simone cleared her throat. “I'm sorry, but what exactly was in there that made you ignore him?”

 

Rainey just shrugged while she stabbed her fork into her pizza aimlessly.

 

“You're scared.” Simone stated gently. “Can you tell me what you're scared of?”

 

“That it's all a joke.” Rainey admitted quietly. “No guy is ever like him. Not to me. It just seems off. Maybe it's a bet with a friend or his brother... We all know what he thinks of me... Maybe he made a bet with Daryl, that he needs to pick up a fat chick or something. Or I am their entertainment. That he gets me to fall in love with him so they can all laugh about me?”

 

“That's child's play, Rainey. Daryl is a grown man, very probably over the age of 30. I don't think he would play those kind of games.” Simone said to her.

 

“Think about it, Rainey. If it would be a game among friends or brothers, why didn't he come over to our table together with Phil and his brother, and give them a show directly? I don't think that's what Daryl is about. In my office it was just him and me, and he was really disappointed when he heard that you had been texting me, but not him. He likes you, Rainey. He really does.” Danni told her.

 

“Stop.” The thought that Daryl liked her overwhelmed her a little bit. “He doesn't. He can't. Not really. He knows about my issues.”

 

“So do we and we love you, because those issues don't make you a horrible person. They might make you a better person than any of us. We love you, why is it so hard to understand that someone else is seeing what we see in you? You know, that thing you always tell yourself? That 'my parents don't love me, so nobody else will'? That also works the other way around. 'My friends love me, so other people will love me, too.'” Simone told her and rubbed Rainey's arm when she noticed her friend tear up.

 

Rainey started crying. She wasn't close to the water. No, she was firmly planted with both feet  **in** the damn water. She always started crying when her friends showed her love and support. Hell, she started crying when someone showed someone else love and support in TV commercials, movies or shows. She was extremely sensitive and emotional, her parents might have been right about that. “I'm scared. I'm scared of this crush turning into more than just a crush. I don't want to be that vulnerable. I don't want the added trouble of heartache in my life.”

 

“That's understandable, Rainey, but there are risks that are worth being taken. Maybe, if you take the risk of getting to know him more and giving him the chance of getting to know you more, maybe something great will come out of that, like love and a relationship.” Danni smiled, all excited at the prospect of Rainey ending up in a relationship with Daryl. She could totally picture them together.

 

“Ha... God no. No... I thought about it. I like the fantasy of a relationship, but the real thing? No. I don't think I can do it. Not that I think Daryl would ever want to be with me, but I thought about it in general. It's too late for me. I'm too settled in my ways and in my bullshit condition. There's no room for anybody else. I don't want to fight about who gets to decide what we watch on TV. I don't want to share my bed. I don't want a guy to have to be embarrassed for me, because I'm a freak. I don't know if I can be naked in front of anyone after the last time..., I-I don't know if I can have sex with anyone, I'm too scared to open myself up and let go and let someone else have some sort of control over me. I don't want to have to shave my legs every morning, I am way too lazy to do that. I don't want to have to constantly worry about morning breath or if I'm fresh enough 'down there' for intercourse or fingering or something, all the damn time. I don't have the energy for a relationship. I'm better on my own. I can deal with being on my own. I have the fantasy of a perfect relationship. I can dream. That's gotta be enough. And it will be.” Rainey was in tears and rambling. It wasn't new to her friends, they knew that this was just a lot of insecurities bubbling up at the same time, overwhelming her and freaking her out. New things scared her, and the thought of an actual adult relationship was **very** new to Rainey.

 

Simone wasn't too worried. She had seen Rainey at her worst, and this was just a little freak out. She actually had to suppress a little laugh when Rainey brought up shaving her legs and making sure she was fresh “down there” at all times. This was so Rainey. She thought about, and worried about, things, nobody else would ever even think twice about.

 

“I get that you are worried, sweetie, but all those things figure themselves out when you meet someone you really like. You don't have to content yourself with your fantasies and dreams. You can have something real, but it takes courage. And I know that you have that. You just need to risk it, that's all. There are no guarantees, not for anybody. We all have to take leaps where relationships are concerned, not just you. Although I am willing to admit that it will be a bit harder for you than for others, but it's not impossible. Just think about that.” Simone smiled gently. “Now, back to Daryl... I can't say that I know what he is all about, and I also can't tell you what to do, that's your decision to make, but I just wanna say that I don't think that he is playing games. This isn't some anonymous internet thing.” Simone was the only one in their group of friends that knew, that Rainey had attempted internet dating years ago. Nothing good had come out of that, needless to say. Simone wanted Rainey to know that this wasn't anything like what had happened back then. “He's standing in front of you, in the flesh, liking you, asking about you, helping you out and talking to you. And when you came in from smoking that one night, he really looked like he had fun talking to you. It didn't look like an act at all.”

 

“And not all couples fight over the remote, Rainey.” Danni laughed. “And you know, the decent guys of this world don't mind some stubble or hair. Not everybody is that superficial. He's not gonna love you for your smooth legs. That's not how it is supposed to be anyway. And he'll have morning breath, too. Daryl's probably a longtime chain smoker... he'll have this really unattractive cough in the mornings, I'm sure of it. You both won't be perfect and that's totally okay. You have to let go of what you **think** adult relationships are like. You are still stuck in that teenager mindset where that's concerned. Oh, and hey... You both like Duck Dynasty, so there's definitely no fighting over that.”

 

Rainey turned her frowning gaze on Danni, after having stared at her plate during the girls' pep talk. “Why do you keep talking like Daryl and I are gonna start dating? It's not gonna happen, so please don't talk like that.”

 

Simone shot Danni a hard look. Danni was the motormouth of the group and just kept babbling and babbling about things she shouldn't babble about. She tried really hard not to do it, but it still kept happening. It was her curse. Now Simone wasn't happy with her, because they had all agreed not to instill hope inside of Rainey, but yet Danni kept talking like a relationship was going to happen. Danni clamped her mouth shut, but she didn't feel sorry. Simone hadn't seen Daryl in her office that morning. Simone hadn't seen Daryl's demeanor and reactions, especially the one to the girlfriend question. Simone hadn't seen Daryl's expression when he had asked whether or not Rainey's had a boyfriend before. Danni was sure it meant something. To her it spelled that he wanted to be more than just a friend, which is why she would just love to push Rainey a little and give her hope so she wouldn't keep shutting Daryl out.

 

The friends went back to their meal and stayed silent for a moment, until Rainey took a deep breath. “God...”

 

“Feel better?” Simone asked her.

 

“I do. I'm sorry I freaked out. Do you really think Daryl is genuine?”

 

“We do.” Simone and Danni replied in unison, making Rainey nod her head.

 

“Alright.”

 

Simone and Danni let Rainey vent some more about life in general. By the time they left, Rainey was in better spirits again and felt pretty stupid for the way she had treated Daryl. She cleaned up a bit, put the remaining pizza in the fridge and then made herself a vanilla-flavored cappuccino to take with her to the couch. Rainey turned on the TV and spent some time getting lost in different worlds. Even though she felt better, it still took her one more whole day before she had gathered the courage to pick up her phone again. Roughly 24 hours after she had promised the girls to keep trying with all of this, she opened the text message from Daryl, her knee bobbing nervously when she thought about what to write him.  _ Shit, maybe I shouldn't... Another whole day went by... He might be mad... but it's not like I wouldn't deserve it...  _ She decided to just give it a go and started typing.

* * *

Daryl had been in the middle of his third beer, down at the bar, when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He perked up and searched his pockets for the device.  _ That was... that could be her... damn, where's that damn phone?  _ He finally found it in the right side pocket of his black jeans, and he quickly flipped it open and stared at the screen.

 

_It's her!_ His stomach clenched in an unfamiliar way, when he saw that the message was indeed from Rainey. He was barely able to keep himself from smiling. 

 

Before he read the message though, he got off the bar stool and went outside where it was quieter, and nobody would be able to read the text on his phone. He lit himself a cigarette, then he finally opened her message.

 

“Hi. I'm sorry for not writing back sooner. I'm an idiot.” Daryl read, before he clicked on the reply button.

 

“What happened?” he texted back.

 

Rainey sighed. A couple of years ago she would have lied, made up excuses about how she had been swamped at work or something, but now, at 32 years of age, she had learned that lying never led to anything. He knew about her condition, so he would probably be more understanding if she told him the truth.

 

“Honestly? I freaked out. I told you I'm fucked up in the head.”

 

“Why did you freak out?” he replied.

 

“It's a long story.”

 

“Can we talk?” he didn't want to do this over the phone. He wasn't enjoying texting nearly enough to spend an hour typing on this thing.

 

“Now?”

 

“Yes. Can we meet somewhere?”

 

Rainey was already on the couch in her comfortable clothes, she really didn't feel like going somewhere, but for the sake of trying, she agreed, despite the anxiety attack that bloomed up at the thought of going out alone at night.

 

“Where?” she asked him.

 

“Meet me at the bar. Then we can go somewhere else if you want.”

 

“I'll be there in 30 minutes.” she replied.

 

“I'm waiting outside.” he sent one more text, and it calmed Rainey's nerves a little bit to know, that she wouldn't have to go inside. She took deep breaths, trying to get through her attack while she got dressed, and went on her way, so she wouldn't have to keep him waiting.

* * *

He checked his phone shortly before she had said she would be there, and when he looked up, he saw Rainey walking down the street. Although it had only been five days since he'd last seen her, he felt like it had been more like 5 weeks. Seeing her now put a smile on his face. He tried to suppress it, not wanting to look like a grinning fool, but he wasn't able to get rid of it completely. A little smile remained. He thought she looked amazing in her dark jeans, knee-high boots, a black and white plaid shirt and her leather jacket. She had her hair up in a ponytail with some strands framing her pretty face. Her eyes were all shiny and she was smiling shyly at him. Daryl felt his heart flutter at the sight of her. Yeah, Merle might be right... he was screwed for sure.

 

He quickly busied himself with lighting two cigarettes, so when she came to stand in front of him, he was able to hand one over to her.

 

“That again?” she giggled slightly when she accepted the cigarette.

 

“Yeah, that again.” Daryl smirked around the filter of his own cigarette. “The way I see it... 12 cupcakes for 12 smokes. So I still owe ya 9.”

 

“It's not about owing, Daryl. They're gifts.”

 

“Right. Then I still have 9 gifts to give ya.”

 

“Alright, if you say so.” she laughed lightly, the sound making Daryl's heart flutter again, and making warmth spread through him. “I think I'll stop arguing about this now.”

 

“Good.” he smiled before he took a dragged and inhaled deeply. “How you feelin'?”

 

“Surprisingly not as bad as I thought I would.” Rainey smiled. She was nervous, but within her normal range.

 

“Good. Like I said, we can go somewhere else. Whatever ya need, I got your back.” he told her genuinely.

 

“Thanks.” Rainey smiled and looked around. “How about the park a block down? I know it's cold, but there's usually a guy around with a cart, who sells hot chocolate and stuff...”

 

“Sounds good. Wanna walk?”

 

“Yeah, not that far.” she smiled and was glad to leave the bar behind her, when they crossed the street and walked the short distance to the park. She had been right, the guy with the hot beverages was still around, even though it was Christmas Eve. He wore a Santa's hat with blinking lights, that where shaped like tiny Christmas Trees.

 

“Merry Christmas.” he greeted them with a warm smile.

 

“Hi, Merry Christmas.” Rainey gave back. “You want a hot chocolate, too? Or something else?” she asked Daryl.

 

“Hot chocolate is fine.” he replied.

 

“Great. Two hot chocolates, please.” she smiled at the vendor, before she started digging through her purse to pay for their beverages. Daryl used the opportunity to quickly put a bill down, not allowing her to pay for them.

 

“Such a beautiful couple still outside this late on Christmas Eve?” The vendor smiled in his Italian accent. “Not celebrating in front of a tree and a fire like we old people used to?”

 

Rainey and Daryl's heads both shot up and they both blushed furiously, especially Rainey. “Oh, we're not... ummm... “

 

Daryl just cleared his throat uncomfortably, while the vendor smiled sheepishly. “I'm sorry... Just assumed. You know how it is. It's the holidays, you want everybody together and happy. I used to have a mistletoe up here, but my late wife always said it embarrassed the poor people who weren't together. Guess she was right. Here's your hot chocolate. Enjoy and have a nice Christmas.”

 

“You, too. Thank you.” Rainey smiled politely with her still red face. When they were a couple of steps away, she started laughing. “He was cute. Can you imagine how he forced people to kiss under the mistletoe?” she laughed out loud at the image of two embarrassed people being coerced into kissing. “Oh God, how awkward.”

 

“I'll say...” Daryl scoffed slightly amused. He was glad that the incident had distracted Rainey from paying. One less discussion about how he wasn't supposed to give her anything.

 

They walked to the nearest park bench and sat down. Daryl took a careful sip of the hot chocolate, before he glanced over at her and cleared his throat. “Ya wanna tell me why ya freaked out?”

 

Rainey took a deep breath to steady herself and nodded. “Yeah. But like I said, it's kind of a long story.”

 

“The way I see it, we ain't got nothin' else to do right now.”

 

“Okay. It goes back a little bit... About 9 years ago I was in a really bad place. I wasn't functioning for a while. I lost my job and I had to move in with my mother for some time. I was 23 years old and living with my mother again. My mother is not a nice person. She doesn't like me very much, so needless to say, it was hell. She bullied me, kicked me while I was down and enjoyed making me cry so hard that I had to throw up. I felt trapped and I looked for something to distract me and maybe help me to get back on my feet.” Rainey explained, before she stopped to take another breath. She took a moment to look straight ahead, while she let out a little laugh and blushed. “Here comes the really embarrassing part... I thought meeting a man would do the job. Pathetic, I know that now, but back then I was grasping at every available straw to make me feel anything but all this negative shit that was going on. So, to make a long story a bit shorter, I tried online dating. Oh, only my friend Simone knows this, so don't ever mention this to Danni, please.”

 

“Never would. What ya tell me stays between us.” he reassured her.

 

“Thank you.” she smiled at him, before she averted her gaze again. “I got a couple of messages and this one guy lived in the area. We e-mailed back and forth for a while. He was really nice and charming, so after about 3 weeks I decided to be incredibly brave, and we met. I was incredibly stupid. I let him pick me up in his car, in front of our house, let him take me to his place-”

 

Daryl tensed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It damn near made him lose his mind. “Tell me you're fucking kidding! Fucking Christ girl! Are you crazy??? You could have been killed! What the hell were you thinking? And to think that he knew where you fucking lived! What happened with him? He hurt you? Rape you? What?” Daryl was upset. He couldn't believe that she would put herself in so much danger.

 

“Trust me, Daryl, I know I was stupid.” Rainey tried to placate him. “I get nightmares just thinking about all the things that could have happened. Thankfully he wasn't a serial killer. He was just an asshole. I won't go into details, but as it turned out, it was more or less a bet. He had lost one and had to get it on with a fat chick. His friends picked me and someone else on that dating site. He was allowed to choose which one he would go for and he picked me, saying I was 'the lesser evil'. Anyway, when you were so nice to me and we had that nice chat on Saturday... well, at night I suddenly remembered that guy from back then and why exactly he had been nice to me, and I was scared that the situation would kind of repeat itself. I thought that maybe... I don't know... you lost a bet or something and had to be nice to me or something, I know it sounds silly, but I told you about my condition and how I, even though I know I'm being an idiot, can't stop myself from feeling scared and having doubts. I didn't message you back anymore, in order to protect myself. I didn't want to end up being the butt of the joke again. I've had some time to think yesterday, and I'm sorry that I assumed you were just another asshole. I really don't think that you are, but you know... Fucked up in the head. Hard to trust others, bla bla bla.”

 

Daryl's eyebrows were still up by his hairline. He felt angry which made his heart beat a lot faster in his chest, and it made him pull almost aggressively on his cigarette. So many thoughts were racing through his head, he didn't know which one to voice first. It took a moment for him to get it together. “Promise me right the fuck now, that ya ain't never gon' be this damn stupid again.”

 

“Trust me, I won't ever do that again. I know how stupid I was. I can promise you that. And no, he didn't rape me. I was the lesser evil, remember?”

 

Daryl nodded when her reply satisfied him a little bit. “But you did something with him. Didn't you? That was the bet, right?”

 

“That's really not important.” Rainey replied with a shake of her head. “You wanted to know why I didn't text you back and I told you why. I'm really sorry that I assumed you would be like him and his friends. This is absolutely not the same situation and I see that now and I'm sorry for being weird. I have to learn how to trust and what can I say? It's tough.”

 

Daryl slowly calmed down again. He took a sip of his cocoa and a drag from his cigarette, before he spoke again. “Yeah, I get that. Same for me, I guess.”

 

Rainey looked up at him with a hopeful expression. If it was the same for him, it meant that he really understood. “Really?”

 

“Yeah...Trusting others ain't easy for me neither. I'm kinda learning how to do it right now, too. Just like you.”

 

“And me going radio silence probably didn't help with that, did it? I'm really sorry.”

 

“Wasn't fun, gotta say. Didn't get what happened. Thought that morning at the coffee shop was alright, ya know? Good that you told me now. I get why ya did it. But I ain't like that. I ain't got no friends who picked you or something. You know how we met. Was nothing planned about that.”

 

“I know. Like I said, I am sorry. It's just my stupid head. It needs some time to figure things out sometimes. I treated you like crap and I can't say how sorry I am nearly enough.”

 

“It's okay, forget it. I know where ya come from, so it's all good.”

 

“Thank you.” Rainey smiled and the relief over Daryl forgiving her was evident in her voice and her expression. “I guess I should let you get back to your brother.” Rainey said and nodded towards the direction of the bar.

 

“Nah, I'm good. He left before ya texted me. Would have left soon anyway... Was kinda boring without my smoke break partner.” he smirked at her, glad that the darkness hid his reddened cheeks. The alcohol in his system made him a bit more outspoken, but it was still a bit awkward to admit it to her.

 

Rainey's eyes widened in surprise. “You mean me?”

 

Daryl smirk got bigger when he saw the surprise in her expression. “Yeah.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

“Oh okay? What's that mean?”

 

“Nothing.” she laughed and averted her gaze once more. “I just didn't think I'd be good entertainment or something.” she went on with a shrug of her shoulders.

 

“You are. It's why I don't get why guys are shitty to you.”

 

“I'm an asshole magnet.”

 

“Guess ya are, but I'll look out for you when you come to the bar. Promise.”

 

“That's really sweet. Thank you. But I understand if you'd rather not be seen with me there. I know guys like Phil will give you shit for talking to me.”

 

“Pfff, don't care about that. I can do what I want. I don't care what people say about that.”

 

“I wish I had that attitude.”

 

“Want me to teach ya?”

 

“I wish it was that simple.”

 

“Maybe it is? Who knows?” Daryl shrugged.

 

“Maybe. I don't know.” Rainey smiled with a little sigh.

 

“There might be a way to find out...” Daryl suggested with that cute little smirk.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” he smirked, but didn't elaborate. They looked at each other for a moment, both not knowing what to say, before they burst out into a little laugh. “Ya know what?”

 

“What?”

 

“Ya better let me check out the fuckers ya wanna date from now on. And for fuck's sakes, don't get into cars of guys you don't know. And don't go home with anyone you don't know.”

 

Rainey smiled, albeit a little bit bitterly.  _ There it is. Daryl Dixon just friend-zoned me. _ Making her promise to let him check out guys she wanted to date... Yeah, that was what friends did. Her heart felt a little heavy, but she was okay with that. She had been very sure that he had no romantic interest in her, but still, a little fantasy had remained. At least now she knew for sure and would be able to tell herself over and over that he wasn't interested and would hopefully be able to keep herself from falling in love with him in the future.

 

“I don't have to promise that. I don't date, so nothing for you to check out.”

 

“You hatin' on all men now?”

 

“No, absolutely not. I'm just too damaged to have a boyfriend, I think.”

 

_ Maybe having a boyfriend would be good for you, girl. Someone who shows you, you're awesome,  _ Daryl thought, before he spoke up again. “Ya ever try? Apart from that motherfucker from the internet?”

 

“Yeah, but my friends say it doesn't count. I had a boyfriend when I was still a teenager.”

 

“How young?” Daryl asked before he drank some more. It really was cold out, but the hot chocolate helped him warm up. But even if it wouldn't have, there was no way he would leave right now.

 

“I was 14 years old. We got together a couple of weeks before my 15th birthday. Lasted about four months...”

 

“And you had that anxiety stuff back then?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How'd that go?”

 

“Well, back then, I wasn't diagnosed yet. I still thought I was shy and maybe a little weird. I never talked to him about it, we were too young for that, I think. It was just puppy love. But it was great. I really liked him. Those four months we spent together were great. I loved having a boyfriend. I was so proud that I was able to have one despite being so painfully shy, you know?”

 

“Yeah, but if ya liked it so much, why you don't wanna do it again?”

 

“Because of the way it ended.” Rainey sighed deeply. “He got what he wanted and left. He cheated on me. One day everything was fine and the next he walked right past me with another girl on his arm, no longer acknowledging me.”

 

“Motherfucker.”

 

“Yeah. Got that right. I guess everybody would be really hurt by that, but 'normal' people move on after a while. Me, being so wonderfully screwed up, I just felt like I wouldn't ever be able to trust a guy again. I felt like he had confirmed what my family had always said. That I'm really not worth caring about. His friends told me that he had cheated on me with various girls the whole four months. Even almost 20 years later, every time I find myself liking someone, I remember what he did and something inside of me just shuts down. My parents comments didn't help.”

 

“Awesome.” Daryl grunted. “What did they say?”

 

“That I wasn't pretty enough. Not interesting enough and not thin enough. They made fun of me, telling me that I'm too big for him, that the poor guy has to really struggle in order to hold me in his arms... too much mass to handle.”

 

“Shit, girl. That's fucking bullshit. That pisses me off. Tell me where they live, I wanna kick their asses. That ex of yours, too. You ain't fat. I've seen fat people. You ain't one of 'em. Don't let those assholes tell you that. Can't tell ya how angry this shit makes me.”

 

“Don't get angry. It's been a long time ago. No reason to get upset about it anymore.”

 

“You say that, but you still think about it and let it keep ya from meeting guys. Right? Don't say no, Rainey, you'd be lying.”

 

“It's not exactly like that. You know I go out to places with the girls. It's not like I never want to meet someone. I try to put myself out there, but no one is interested. You saw what happened, with your brother and those guys. I either get made fun of or men actually like my figure, but they are really creepy about it and get way too close and start touching me and all that stuff.”

 

“You're confusing the shit out of me right now.” Daryl frowned.

 

Rainey laughed out loud when he said that, making Daryl smile in the process, when he heard her laughter. It wasn't the first time someone had told her that. It was a regular occurrence.

 

“What's confusing you, Daryl?” Her eyes were twinkling with mischief. He found himself liking it very much.

 

“You had a boyfriend and loved that. But you say you can't trust guys no more. Then you say that you do try to put yourself out there, meaning you do want a boyfriend, but then you say you're too damaged to have one.”

 

“Yes, exactly. Which part is giving you trouble?” She grinned with a little wink.

 

“I don't get it. What the hell is it? You want a guy or not?”

 

“I'm not sure that I can ever give you a straight answer, Daryl. It's hard to explain, obviously. I think I would love to have a boyfriend again, but I am not sure if I'd be able to do it. It's been so long, and like my friends always say, I've never been in an adult relationship, I have no idea about those, so I just don't know if I can do that. There are so many factors involved that have me worried. I don't know if I'd be able to shut my mind off enough to overcome that crap, you know? That's the best I can do explanation-wise. It would probably take the most understanding and most patient guy in the world to be with me. I am able to drive people insane pretty quickly with my attacks and sudden mood swings and such. See, that's another factor. What guy would put up with that for very long? I'm a lot of work.”

 

“Some people like a challenge, you know?” Daryl looked at her, hoping that she would catch his drift, that **he** didn't mind a challenge. He wanted her to understand that, so she wouldn't freak out and pull away again. This time out of fear of being too annoying or something.

 

Rainey scoffed. “Ha, yeah well, I haven't met them.”

 

_ Maybe ya have,  _ Daryl thought. He was satisfied with their talk. He'd learned a bit more about her and had gotten some answers. Now he was sure, that she wasn't a virgin, but probably still quite inexperienced. They kind of shared the same stance on relationships. They were both wary of one, yet not against one, but open towards one. If him and Rainey would get closer, it was something they would be able to work out together. They both lacked experience in that department, which didn't have to be a bad thing. They wouldn't have any pre-conceived notions about the whole thing, but would be able to make up their own rules, that would work for them,  **IF** it would come to that. Daryl couldn't deny the fact that he would like to try with her. But first, he would have to somehow show her that he was up for the challenge she thought she presented. He gave her his little, crooked smile. “Never say never... Ain't that what they say?”

 

“Who exactly is 'they'? I keep asking myself that.” Rainey laughed.

 

“Some assholes who think they know it all?” Daryl offered.

 

“Probably.” Rainey laughed. “Damn, you know what?”

 

“What?”

 

“I sent the cupcakes to you this morning. Too bad I didn't know I'd see you today. Could have given them to you in person.”

 

“Right.” Daryl nodded. “Which reminds me... Here.” he handed over another cigarette. Rainey took it, but she sighed, like she was trying to keep her mouth shut. “You still wanna argue about it, huh? he grinned.

 

“I'm trying very hard not to. Oh my God! Did you pay for the drinks?!” she suddenly remembered that she hadn't paid for the hot chocolates.

 

“Yeah. Why? Got anythin' ta say about that?” he asked with a challenging expression on his face.

 

Rainey pursed her lips for a moment, stifling a grin. “Nope.”

 

“Good.” Daryl chuckled, before he gave her a light. “So, whatchu doin' tomorrow? Nothin'?”

 

“No.”

 

“You should come to the bar tomorrow night.”

 

“I don't know.” Rainey was hesitant.

 

“Come on, it's Christmas.”

 

“I thought we didn't celebrate Christmas.”

 

“We gave gifts.” he mentioned with a smirk. “Might as well go have a drink or two.” he coaxed, but he was able to see that she was still a bit hesitant. “Look...I'm gon' wait for ya outside again. Ya ain't gotta go in alone and ya ain't gotta stay long if ya don't feel good. Just a drink and a smoke.”

 

Rainey thought about it for a moment. She felt anxious about being at the bar, but she really liked spending time with Daryl. Especially now, that she knew he only wanted to be friends. It took the pressure and awkwardness away. It would just be a smoke and a drink. She would be able to handle that, she was sure. “When will you be there?” she asked, making Daryl's smile widen.

 

_ Alright.  _ “How about 8 pm?”

 

“Okay. I can do that.”

 

“Good. Gettin' too cold now, huh?”

 

“A little, yeah.”

 

“Come on. I'll walk ya back to your car.” he got up and took her empty paper cup from her. He tossed it in the trash can, along with his own, and then they slowly walked back to her car, so they could both get back home and get warm.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 


	6. Chapter 6

Rainey's hands were shaking on her way from the car to the bar. Going back to that bar where she had been harassed was a really big and nerve-wracking thing for her. Daryl would have to be her anchor. She was optimistic that it would work out, because the last two times, she had forgotten everything around her, while talking to him. She really hoped it would be the same tonight, but she was still nervous and anxious about it all.

 

They smiled at each other, when she walked up to him. It was weird for her going there alone again, but the good thing was, that she had Daryl to focus on. It made it all a lot easier.

 

“Hey.” Daryl greeted her, when they stood in front of each other a little awkwardly. Both felt like they should maybe hug or something, now that they had met up a couple of times, but neither of them really dared to do it. Daryl felt his stomach flutter again, which made him swallow hard in an attempt to get rid of that weird feeling in his belly and gullet.

 

“Hey.” Rainey gave back and waved a little, before she went back to holding on to the strap of her messenger bag, with both her hands.

 

“You doin' okay? We're only gonna go inside if you're really up for it, alright?”

 

That made Rainey calm down a little. And it made her smile. Big time. “You are, like, crazy good at this, you know that?”

 

“Good at what?” he asked a bit puzzled.

 

“You're really good at handling my stupid condition. You're being really understanding, but still the exact right amount of pushy. You're like the male version of my friend Simone, only that it took her YEARS to get me. You seem to be a natural at it.”

 

That painted a triumphant smile on Daryl's face, but it got replaced by a frown quickly. _Did she just compare me to one of her girlfriends? That ain't good, right?! Fuck, gotta start doin' somethin' here..._ He realized that he didn't really have a clue about how to show her that he liked her in that 'more than friends' way. With his previous hook-ups there had been a couple of drinks, only a couple of words had been exchanged and then there had been a short moment of kissing and some more moments of fucking. He knew that was not the way to go with Rainey, and he also knew, that she was way more shy and socially inept than he was, which meant, that she would never make a move. This one would have to be all him. That's why he hoped she would come inside with him, because some liquid courage wouldn't be such a bad idea. Although he knew he would also be able to manage without it. Contrary to Merle's belief, he wasn't a pussy. He could do it. It was just the thought of it that made him real nervous, and for that, he could use some alcohol to calm him down. For now, though, he cleared his throat and shifted his weight. “You just call me a woman?” It came out gruffer than he had meant for it to come out.

 

“Oh, no! I promise!” Rainey startled a little. “I just mean, that not even the rest of my friends handle it all that well, because they just can't imagine what it's like. So you can pride yourself on your ability of being this understanding and empathetic. Not calling you a woman in any way.”

 

Understanding and empathetic... Nobody had ever used those words to describe him. It did make him feel proud. “Alright. How about it? Wanna go inside? If ya need anything just say it, alright? I got ya.” Daryl told her genuinely, looking directly into her eyes while he said it.

 

“Thank you. Again, you're really very good at this.”

 

“It was tough for ya to come here. I get that. Just want ya to enjoy yourself as much as possible. We can go in, we can stay out here, we can go somewhere else if you want to. Don't matter. Whatever makes ya feel best. Okay?”

 

“Okay. I'm good here, right now.”

 

“Good.” he gave her a little smile. “This is the first time you're here without your girlfriends, huh? Inside, I mean.”

 

“It's the first time I've been going out without my girlfriends ever! Except for yesterday.” She laughed.

 

“For real?”

 

“Yes. For real. But again, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. You're here. Knowing that you get what's going on helps me a lot.”

 

“Well, maybe that'll make you come out more often. With or without them. Don't always have to be here. There's other places we could go...” he trailed off and cleared his throat awkwardly.

 

Rainey noticed that it was the second time he had mentioned going somewhere else. “You have something in mind?” she asked curiously.

 

“Umm... dunno.” he shrugged. “Where do ya usually go? Before y'all came here to check this bar out?”

 

“Lots of different places. Cocktail bars, restaurants and such. Not really my scene. I'm the most comfortable just getting a coffee somewhere, to be honest. I absolutely love The Whistle Stop Café. That's pretty much the only place outside of my apartment where I feel comfortable the most.” Rainey explained with a little smile on her face. She had fallen in love with that place the first time she ever went, and it really was the only place she was able to relax without too much effort.

 

“They still open?” Daryl asked, thinking that it would be best to take her there instead of inside the bar.

 

“No. Unfortunately not.”

 

“Another time then...” Daryl's tone made it sound like a question.

 

“Gladly! Yes.” Rainey smiled. Now that she knew that he only saw her as a friend, it kind of took some pressure off of her, and she really was less nervous around him. She happily agreed to meet him alone again.

 

They stayed outside for two smokes, then Rainey was brave enough to go inside with him. Despite it being Christmas Day, it was pretty crowded and she wasn't able to stop fidgeting and squirming. Daryl was great, but it was just too loud and too crowded in there. Rainey felt like she might suffocate. “I'm sorry, I need to go back outside.” she told Daryl after about ten minutes of being inside.

 

“Alright, let's go.” Daryl didn't waste any time. He paid for their drinks right away and quickly led her outside. “You okay? You having an attack?” he asked and gently touched her arm when he noticed her breathing in deeply.

 

“No... just a little overwhelmed. Just need some fresh air. Phew... I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't apologize. There ain't no need for it. It's all good. You wanna go home?”

 

“No, not really, but I'm not sure that I can go back in.”

 

He nodded and averted his gaze, looking at the ground deep in thought while chewing on his bottom lip. He started shifting his weight, being a bit nervous about the thing he was about to suggest. “Look... just a suggestion... no pressure, alright...?”

 

“What?” she asked curiously.

 

“It's cold... It's Christmas. Ain't much around we can go... What about one of our places? My house or yours? We can just watch TV... talk some more...”

 

Rainey smirked. “It sounds like a good idea, but I promised someone not to go home with strange men.”

 

“Shit... that's right.” he scoffed out a laugh. “But you can text your friends. Tell them where you're going, my address, phone number... Whatever makes ya feel safe. Or we go to your place.”

 

Rainey would love to take him back to her apartment, but she wasn't quite there yet. She preferred visiting people instead of having them visit, most of the time. She liked having her space to herself and she hated being rude and kicking people out when she felt like she wanted to be alone again. If she went to visit someone else, she could just leave and go back home without much of a fuss. Her friends were used to all her quirks by now, but Daryl wasn't privy to everything yet, and she would feel really bad kicking him out. She didn't mind going with him to his place, though. Although she tended to be a bit uncomfortable at first when she visited people, it was still better than the bar or other public places. “Let's go to your place.” she said with a smile.

 

“Really?” he was surprised that she had agreed to it this quickly.

 

“Yes.”

 

“It won't be uncomfortable for ya?”

 

“A little, but not nearly as bad as something like this.” she pointed towards the building.

 

“Okay. Good. Over there, that's my truck. I'll take you to your car and then ya can just follow me, alright?”

 

“Sounds good. Oh wait!”

 

“What?” Daryl asked, ready to change plans immediately if she would change her mind.

 

“Your brother... won't he be there?”

 

“No. He's with some of his buddies tonight. Ain't gotta be scared of runnin' into him. Won't come home for hours.”

 

“Okay then.” She had to bite her lip in order to hide how big her smile was. He was being so chivalrous, it was wonderful to experience. She could certainly get used to it. When she was safely in her car he walked back to his own. While he did that Rainey took the opportunity to text the girls where she was going. She had trust in Daryl, but better safe than sorry. Simone texted her back, telling her to have fun. Rainey then put her phone back in her bag and started her engine when Daryl was back at his own car. She pulled out into traffic just in time for her to be directly behind him while he led the way. Nervousness and excitement shot through her. She was really doing this. She had made friends before, but this was new because this was a man. She felt proud that a man like Daryl wanted to be friends with her, and have her in his space. She was curious about his place. She had no idea how a “man cave” looked these days. It would be fun to find out.

* * *

“You still doing okay? Good enough to go inside?” Daryl asked once they were both parked in front of his home.

 

“Yes. Lead the way.” she smiled and made a motion with her hand to tell him to go ahead.

 

She didn't know what she had expected, but for sure she hadn't expected it to be this nice, clean, neat and warm and cozy. She had used to associate trailer park homes with words like dark, smelly, broken, etc. Not really any positive adjectives had come to mind whenever she had heard the expression “trailer park”, so this was a pleasant surprise. It put her at ease. The more she looked around, the more she liked it and the more comfortable she felt. Daryl and Merle each had a small bedroom for themselves, a nice bathroom, a cute little kitchen, a little dining area and their living room with a comfy couch and a big leather recliner. It really felt cozy and... peaceful... for lack of a better word. She really liked it.

 

“This is nice” she smiled genuinely at a surprised Daryl.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yes, I really like it here.”

 

“Don't feel too bad?”

 

“No, I actually feel pretty comfortable. Cards on the table, this being kind of a man cave, I expected socks and underwear lying all around, but this is great...Cozy, you know? Warm and homey. Really nice.”

 

Daryl tried to keep his lips from breaking out into a smile, but he couldn't help it. He was damn proud. “Alright.” he rasped happily. “How about we grab some drinks and watch some TV?”

 

“Now you're talking.” She nodded smilingly.

 

“Alright. What do you want? Shit... I think we only got water, milk and some soda.” he was suddenly embarrassed again. Inviting her had been a spur of the moment thing. He'd never had invited anyone and now he really wasn't prepared for guests.

 

“Oh... I don't wanna use up the last of your-”

 

“Stop! You ain't usin' up anythin'. Now. What is it?”

 

“Water would be great.” she smiled shyly with red cheeks.

 

“Okay... Or some coffee?”

 

“I'll stick with water. I love coffee, but more than two cups a day make my anxiety attacks worse.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yeah. Unfortunately. It sucks, because I love my coffee.”

 

“Water it is then.” He got a bottle from the fridge and two glasses and set them on the coffee table before he grabbed the remotes and plopped down on the couch next to her.

 

“Oh hey... you got Hannibal on DVD?” she was surprised when she noticed the DVD case sitting on the small coffee table.

 

“Yeah...” he quickly averted his gaze, not wanting her to see him blushing. “You said it was something you watched... Thought I would check it out. Didn't find it airing anywhere, so I got the DVDs. You wanna watch?”

 

“No, better not. I'd be too jittery driving home later.” she smiled. She was a little nervous, because he was sitting closer than he ever had before. They were touching, and while it felt nice, it took some getting used to.

 

“Still feel good?” he asked while he glanced back and forth between her and the TV, as he looked for something they could watch.

 

Rainey laughed a little. “Yes, Daryl. It's really sweet how attentive you're being, but you really don't have to ask me every five minutes. I feel good right now. I feel comfortable, which admittedly is a small miracle since it's my first time here, but really... all is good.”

 

“Good.” He said with a small smile. He was very satisfied with her reply. He grabbed his own glass with water and leaned back, putting his feet up on the coffee table. “If ya take yer boots off, you can put your feet up, too.”

 

Rainey blushed. She was comfortable, but not quite that comfortable yet. “I'm good.” she smiled politely, but shifted a little so she was facing him more again.

 

“Tell me more about that boyfriend ya had.” Daryl said. He was curious about that part of her life, and he thought maybe it might give him figure out how to get this show on the road, so to speak. “How'd ya meet him?”

 

“How did we meet...?” Rainey frowned, having to think about that for a moment. “At his New Year's Eve party, I think... No! No, now I remember. Anna had a party a couple weeks before New Year's Eve, when her parents went out of town for a weekend. Right, that's when we met for the first time. It was my first party. Well, I was 14, of course it was my first party. Anyway. Her older brother was friends with him. So many people were there, and he was this short guy, but with a broad build. He was strong and he kind of played bouncer.” Daryl watched her with a little smile while she talked. She wasn't looking at him, she was focusing on an invisible spot on his couch, with her brows furrowed in concentration while she tried to remember. It was cute. “I don't think we talked much that night. I actually had a crush on someone else and he was there, too, so all my focus was kind of on that guy. Ha... funny coincidence, they were both called Dennis. Anyway, Anna and Simone got invited to his New Years Eve party two weeks later. They asked if they could bring me and he said yes. That night we talked a little, but not much. My childhood friend Oliver was there and I talked to him for most of the evening. Dennis was busy talking to another girl and I remember that I was disappointed about that. It's funny, I don't even remember how I started having a crush on him.” she laughed, making Daryl laugh a little right along with her. “Well, that's teenagers for you. Guess it just starts randomly sometimes. But I remember that after that party I was totally in love with his broad shoulders and back. And his hair. And his eyes, and all that stuff. Good Lord, teenagers are ridiculous.” she laughed a little mortified. “Like I said I don't quite remember how it all happened, but a week after New Years, Anna and Simone said something about him being interested, too, and... Oh my God, Daryl! I remember now! I was so brave!” Rainey laughed with pure astonishment in her expression. She had forgotten all about what she had done back then. It was all coming back to her now. 

 

“What did you do? You take the first step?”

 

“I did!” She was surprised at her own courage. “Oh my God, but it was so awkward. Anna and Simone convinced me to call him and invite him to the movies. Oh God, Daryl, it was so embarrassing.” Rainey was full-on laughing now, tears springing to her eyes when she remembered all the details. It all put a real smile on Daryl's face. He was loving this. She looked so pretty in the glow of the TV and the small lamp he'd turned on. He finally saw a more relaxed and open side to her, and he liked it a lot. She had just started telling her story and he already felt like he could listen to her and watch her talk like this for an eternity, and never get tired of it. “So I called his number, he answered and I was like 'Hi, this is Rainey'. And then he said the worst thing he could have said in that moment.”

 

“What?”

 

“He said, 'Who?'... Oh God, I almost died. I had him on speaker and Anna and Simone were cringing. It was so awkward. I mean, hello, my name is not that common, and he asked 'who?'? That was just awful.” she was still laughing. “But I explained who I was and I kept being brave and asked him to watch Titanic with me and my friends, and he agreed.”

 

“So ya went to the movies?”

 

“Yep. A couple of days later. Anna, Simone, Danni and me with Anna's brother Jo, his friend Julian and Dennis.”

 

“Okay, then what happened? How you get together with him?”

 

“Well... we sat next to each other in the movie theater, watching the beginning of the movie... I don't know exactly how many minutes into the movie it was, but eventually I felt something tickling my hand. I thought it was a spider and got the shock of my young life.” She told him, making Daryl laugh out again. “But it was actually his pinky finger, testing the waters, I guess. I don't remember if he just grabbed my hand after that or something, but I guess we ended up holding hands. A little later I heard him whisper something. I didn't understand what he'd said, so I turned to look at him and that's when he said 'fuck it' and then he just kissed me. And the next time I looked at the screen, Rose was blowing the whistle and calling for the boats to come back.”

 

“Ya made out the whole movie?”

 

“Pretty much. It spared me the embarrassment of crying in front of everyone. Although I wouldn't have been the only one. Julian cried. It was so cute.” Rainey smiled with a little laugh. “I get why Anna snapped him right up. They've been together for 15 years already.”

 

“Wow.” Daryl was impressed by that, but he quickly focused back on Rainey's part of the story. “That Dennis guy... he kissed you, you made out for two hours and then ya just were a couple?”

 

“Yeah. That's how it went. There was no talk about it or something. We were just together for the next 4 months. Guess that's pretty much a standard thing for teenagers.” Rainey watched him nod while he chewed on his lip again. She noticed that he seemed to be doing that a lot. Must be a habit of his. “Why? Is that weird? How'd you get together with your girlfriends?”

 

The question made him freeze. Of course she had to ask  **that** . Daryl cleared his throat and shrugged. “Same... Parties...” 

 

“Right... guess that was pretty much how it went back in the day.” Rainey thankfully didn't ask him to elaborate. Somehow he didn't want to admit that he'd never had a girlfriend. Not yet, anyway.

 

“Think you'll ever be that brave again? Take the first step? Inviting a guy out?” Daryl asked her next.

 

“Oh geez, I don't know... Never say never. And hey, Anna and Simone are still my best friends. Lord knows what they'd be able to talk me into these days.”

 

“You still like guys?”

 

“How do you mean?” Rainey wasn't quite getting the question, because she was pretty sure he wasn't asking whether she was homosexual now or not.

 

“You still... I dunno... see a guy and like him? Get interested? Or is that part dead, 'cause guys keep being shitty to you?”

 

Rainey didn't let it on, but she was beginning to think that Daryl asked the weirdest questions. Or maybe it wasn't weird and she just wasn't used to someone being this super interested in her and her life. “We talked about this whole guy thing before. What makes you think you're getting a straight answer tonight?” she joked, before she replied for real. “No, that part is not dead. I still see guys and like them. I still have crushes, but nothing ever comes of it. You know why.”

 

“Yeah.” he hesitated, thinking he was getting way too obvious, but he couldn't help being curious. “What would ya do if a guy would be interested?”

 

“Gosh... I have no idea. That thought that someone would wanna be with me is so surreal and absurd to me by now...”

 

“Shouldn't be.” he sighed deeply.

 

“But it is... It's been so long... and the two times I thought someone liked me, it was actually just an act. How am I supposed to trust the next man who says he likes me?”

 

“Cause we ain't teenagers no more. No more stupid games... Guess ya need someone who can show you he's for real. And you gotta keep an open mind, I reckon. Give him a chance... be open and brave or shit like that.” Daryl muttered quietly. He just realized how hard it would be and how long it might take for Rainey to trust that he was for real. It didn't scare him off, though. He did like himself a challenge.

 

Rainey laughed. “Wow. You are really rooting for me having a boyfriend in the future, huh?”

 

“Just think it might not be the worst idea for you ta have one.” Daryl shrugged.

 

“What about you?” Rainey asked, making Daryl's head whip up sharply and his eyes widen, because he thought she was saying 'how about you be my boyfriend?'.

 

“Me?” he swallowed hard.

 

“Yeah, why is a man like you still single?” Rainey asked with a smile, making Daryl breathe again when she clarified.

 

“A man like me?” he frowned at her. “What's that mean?”

 

“Well...” Rainey blushed and waved her hands around in his direction. “You know... a man like you... you look... you are... well... different than me...”

 

“I would sure hope I'm different than you... I'm a guy and you're a woman.” Daryl smirked.

 

“You know what I mean. You are nice and... attractive...” she blushed again at the last word. “It's surprising to me that you are single.”

 

_She thinks I'm attractive? And nice?_ He had a hard time suppressing his smile again.  _Guess that ain't bad, for starters._

 

“Had other things on my mind for a long time.” Daryl shrugged once more. “Merle liked to get himself in trouble. Didn't wanna drag an outsider into that.” he said, being completely honest with her about why he had been single for a long time. He just didn't elaborate on how long exactly he had been single. “He can be a nice guy if he wants to. I don't want ya scared of him. Merle sometimes says things he don't even mean, you know? He likes to taunt and shit, but ya can't take him too seriously. He just likes to hear himself talk and he don't let up... never could. Gets him in trouble.” Daryl told her, while he stared at a loose thread on a couch pillow his fingers were playing with.

 

“I never know what to do when I'm around people like him. Because you can never be sure where exactly you stand with them, you know?”

 

“Yeah. I get it. But I don't think he'll start in on you. That first time, he was drunk. The second time, when he used your phone? That's more like he would act around ya, I reckon.” Daryl explained to her. It was important to him that she wouldn't be scared of Merle. If they started hanging out more, she would inevitably run into him a lot. “He likes callin' me a pussy too much to make fun of someone else when I'm around, I guess.”

 

“He's an idiot for doing that. You are anything but a pussy. I think you are an amazing guy. Brave and strong...” She was embarrassed again, her cheeks turning red once again. “I don't have to tell you that you are my personal miracle...”

 

“I am?” he asked smilingly.

 

“Sure are.” Rainey said and they shared a bit of an awkward smile, before they burst out into laughter.

 

“Alright, wanna watch some TV now?” Daryl suggested, thinking they had talked enough for the moment. He had a feeling that they both could use a break from talking for a little while.

 

“Sure, why not.” she smiled and shifted her position again to face the TV. Daryl started looking through the channels, trying to find something decent. There was a lot of Christmas-themed crap on and he had a hard time settling on something.

 

“Christmas Vacation?” he finally asked her when he found that it was the best option.

 

“Yeah, that's good. Never gets old.” Rainey smiled. She slid down a little, making herself a bit more comfortable. “Merry Christmas. Shitter was full.” Rainey laughed while she quoted Eddie at the same time he said it on screen.

 

“I see you know that one...” Daryl deadpanned, making her laugh more.

 

“It was a tradition in my family to watch this every Christmas. Only tradition I ever liked and kept around.”

 

Daryl nodded and they kept watching the movie in silence. Soon Rainey's eyelids started getting heavier and heavier. She didn't even realize it, though. An odd sense of calm, she usually only ever experienced in her own home, settled over her while she watched the images flicker across the big screen, and listened to the quiet hum of voices coming from the TV. It didn't officially register with her, how relaxed she truly was. She felt comfortable, warm and safe, making her not realize that she was falling asleep. If she would have realized it, she would have freaked out and gotten out of there like a bat out of hell, because she was not in her home and she hadn't taken her nightly anti-anxiety medication.

 

“I'm hungry. Ya want a sandwich or something?” Daryl asked about half an hour later, while he sat up and took his feet off the table. “Rainey?” he frowned when she didn't respond. He looked over, and when he noticed that she had fallen asleep, another smile found its way to his face. That she had fallen asleep in his home had to be a sign that she was comfortable here. It made him feel good. Carefully he dropped to his knees on the floor and scooted just a little bit closer to her. Ever so slowly and carefully he slid down the zippers on her boots and took them off. He put them by the coffee table, before he gently took hold of her legs and lifted them up on the couch. Rainey shifted slightly, making herself more comfortable without waking up. Daryl smiled a little and reached up to grab the blanket from the back of the couch. He covered her with it and remained kneeling in front of her for a moment, studying her sleeping face.

 

_A real doll,_ he thought again. He would really love to kiss her. Her lips looked more than just a little tempting. He would love to lay on that couch with her, wrap himself around her and make out with her for hours, like she had done with her boyfriend back in the day. The guy had just kissed her back then, and she had been okay with that. He wondered if it would be the same nowadays. She was comfortable around him, obviously. She was starting to show her true self to him. It might work out if he'd be able work up the courage to just go ahead and do it... But it all depended on whether or not she liked him back in that way. He now knew that she thought he was attractive and nice, but that didn't automatically mean that she was into him, did it? He'd have to wait and see. See what kind of vibe he'd be getting from her.

 

Daryl eventually left her side to make himself a sandwich. Before he went back to the couch, he got his sleeping bag out of his room. He would not sleep in his bed that night. He didn't want to leave her alone the couch. If she woke up from the unfamiliar noises and got scared, he wanted to be there. He briefly wondered what he would do about Merle, when he would come stumbling in later, but he thought they would figure it out when it happened. He hoped him being there would be enough for Rainey to feel okay around Merle. So, a little later, when he started to feel tired, Daryl spread out the sleeping bag on the floor, right in front of the couch, and laid down in it, using a pillow from the couch to cushion his head. He fell asleep with Rainey being the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes. He smiled, thinking that he could definitely get used to that.

* * *

Merle came home hours later, when it already started to get light outside again. He wasn't surprised to find Rainey sleeping on their couch. Well, maybe a little surprised, but not about her presence, but more about the location she was sleeping in. He'd seen the unfamiliar car parked out front, right behind Daryl's truck. He had figured it was her, and that his little brother had gotten laid for Christmas. Apparently, that hadn't been the case though.

 

Merle watched them for a moment with a small smirk on his face. Even though he liked to ridicule Daryl about it, and even though he didn't possess any himself, Merle felt a little proud that Daryl had manners. He also felt himself confirmed about his hunch, that this girl would be around a lot. Daryl had never brought his lays home, and he had never spent time just sleeping with them, so this girl was most certainly different. In vein with the Christmas spirit, Merle felt generous and left the two of them be. Quietly, he walked into his own bedroom and closed the door behind him, to go to sleep himself.

 

“Prince Sweet'n'Awkward strikes again. Should be banging her brains out right now, man.” Merle chuckled to himself, before he rolled over and fell asleep.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

 

**Thank you again everybody for the support and kind messages.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

**AN: Just a little reminder, that Rainey's condition is based on my own, so I do know what I'm talking about. Some people find it hard to believe that Rainey can be so talkative with social anxiety. It's why some people don't take me seriously, because I can actually talk your ear off and share way too many things about myself, if I like you and feel comfortable around you. It all depends on who I'm interacting with, so Rainey being open around Daryl is not unrealistic, because it is actually my real-life experience. Now enjoy:)**

* * *

 

Rainey woke with a start. She literally shot up into a sitting position and was awake in an instant. That never happened. Her pills tended to make her tired and it was hard for her to wake up and open her eyes in the mornings, even on very good days. Her brows knit in confusion when she realized that she wasn't in her bed. Panic bubbled up inside of her as she started looking around, but then her eyes fell on Daryl's sleeping form. Her panic subsided again, leaving only a little sliver of anxiety behind as her breathing evened out again and her features softened. A little smile formed on her lips when she took in his rumpled appearance. He looked adorable all cuddled up in his sleeping bag. Having him sleep gave her the first opportunity ever to study him unabashedly. He had really interesting features. All angled and sharp, but then his lips looked so soft and those moles were pretty cute, softening his appearance a bit. He just had... something... She wasn't able to put her finger on it or put it into words. There was just something about him that was highly appealing and sexy and cute all at the same time.

 

She looked around again and noticed that it seemed to be light outside already. A small frown settled on her features again when she realized that she had slept. Really slept. In another person's home on the first night she'd ever been there and without her meds. And most importantly, without nightmares and panic attacks. It confused her to no end.

 

“Rainey?” the sleepy, raspy voice made her look down at the ground next to the couch again. Daryl had pushed himself up, supporting himself on one hand, while he rubbed a tired eye with the heel of the other hand. “You okay?”

 

“I slept...” she muttered.

 

“Yeah...”

 

“No, I mean... Wow... I slept. I didn't take my pill and I actually slept without waking up from panic or anxiety attacks and I didn't have nightmares. Daryl... you don't get it. This never happens. Every single time I forget to take my pill at night, I have the worst and goriest nightmares. I have panic attacks that paralyze me for minutes. I have anxiety attack after anxiety attack.... I had none of that last night... how is that possible? What are you? Are you some sort of human dreamcatcher?” Rainey was so confused, but at the same time she felt so good. She wasn't sleepy or tired from the meds and she wasn't exhausted because she hadn't suffered from any attacks. She was rested for once. It was an extremely rare occurrence for her.

 

“Human dreamcatcher, huh? Been called worse.” he couldn't help but give her a smile. “Ya feel good then?”

 

“Yes. I don't think there is better proof than this. I can't even... wow. I'm blown away. Seriously.”

 

“Well, I'm glad ya were able ta sleep. Didn't go to bed, so I'd be here in case you'd wake up scared.”

 

“You are truly amazing, Daryl. Thank you so much. I'm sorry I'm such a bother. Let me make you some coffee, okay?” She was grateful and embarrassed at the same time, and she was looking for a way to make it up to him that he had to sleep on the floor.

 

“Nope. No way. You're ma guest. I'm making coffee.”

 

“Maybe I should get out of your hair. I bothered you long enough. I'm so sorry I just fell asleep on you. I swear, that usually doesn't happen and I have better manners than this.” She was realizing how rude she had been, even though she hadn't even realized that she had been about to fall asleep.

 

“Calm down. I didn't mind that ya stayed. I would have woken ya up and kicked ya out if it would have bothered me, alright? Stay. Or ya got a a pet or something to get back to?”

 

“No...”

 

“Exactly. Come on. It's Christmas. Now that you're here we can not celebrate together, right? We'll have breakfast and smokes. And coffee. You drink coffee in the morning, yeah?”

 

“Yes. One cup in the morning and one in the afternoon.” she smiled, suddenly more shy again.

 

Daryl unzipped the sleeping bag and freed his legs. “Alright. Keep me company?”

 

“Sure.” She nodded with a smile and followed him the short way into the kitchen, noticing that her boots were gone. “Oh... did you take off my shoes?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I'm so sorry.”

 

“What?”

 

“I'm sorry. I think feet are gross, so sorry that you had to go near mine.”

 

“Stop apologizing so much.” Daryl winked at her with a little smile. “It's all good.” He got the coffee started and opened the fridge to get out the milk. “Shit...”

 

“What?”

 

“Got nothin' left for a real breakfast at all. I'm sorry... didn't know you were stayin' over. Just cupcakes ain't what ya serve guests, right?”

 

Rainey nodded absently and chewed on her bottom lip, while she came up with an idea. “I could drive to a store... Yes, please! Let me get some things and make you breakfast. You like pancakes?”

 

“I do, but I don't want ya to make me some... if you're gonna make 'em, you're gonna make 'em for **us,** alright?”

 

Oh how she would love to stay and have breakfast with him. Spending time with him was great. She might even chain herself to this house, if it let her sleep this well, but... eating in front of him? She was very vulnerable where eating was concerned. “I... umm... I'd love to...”

 

“Then why am I hearing a 'but' comin' up?” Daryl looked at her questioningly while he closed the fridge.

 

_ Be brave. He asked you to stay for breakfast. He told you he wouldn't judge you. He's a nice guy. He obviously knows that you eat. He's not gonna count how many bites you take...  _ Rainey plastered a brave smile on her face and took a deep breath. “No but... I'd love to. If it's really okay.”

 

“It is. What else we gonna do today? You have plans?”

 

“No, just a date with my TV, as usual.”

 

“Well,... we have a TV here...” Daryl trailed off.

 

“Yeah...” Rainey smiled and put on her boots. She didn't know what to say to that, because there was still the issue of his brother. She didn't know if he would be so happy with her around or if she would be happy with him around, so she changed the topic for now. “I'll get some things real quick, okay?”

 

“Fine. But you ain't payin'.”

 

“That again?”

 

“Hell yeah. Here.” he quickly pulled some bills out of his pants pocket and handed them over.

 

“Okay. I'll hurry.”

 

“Better drive safe.” he told her and watched her walk out to her car. He kept watching her, until her car was out of sight. Then he went back in and straightened up a little. The kitchen was barely used and their utensils, etc., were a little dusty, so he quickly wiped things down a bit, before she came back.

B

Before long, Rainey was back and got busy in the small kitchen. Daryl wanted to help, but she had insisted on doing it all alone, as a thank you for having her. Soon, delicious smells filled the air, which had Daryl's mouth watering. There were bacon, eggs and chocolate chip pancakes. There was something in the oven, she had made out of puff pastry and Nutella, which he couldn't wait to try, and she was making French Toast, but not with toast, but with some weird, soft French bread, he had forgotten the name of. Rainey knew she might have gone a little overboard, but of course she wanted to show off some of the yummy things she was able to make. She shoved plates of food at Daryl, so he would put it on the table, but the small dining table was not big enough for all of it, so Daryl dragged the table over to the small breakfast bar, where he put most of the food. This way, they would only have to reach over to get more food to fill their plates with.

  
  


Sometime during all of this, Merle suddenly appeared next to them, making Rainey freeze in her spot by the stove. She watched him sniff the air appreciatively, while he rubbed his belly. “Hm. What's all this?”

  
  


“Rainey's makin' breakfast.” Daryl explained, a little nervous himself. He didn't really know how Merle would react to Rainey being there and maybe staying a bit longer.

  
  


“I see that. Smells real good, girly.” Merle looked over her shoulder, making Rainey tense up even more, like she was waiting for him to strike. Only verbally, of course.

  
  


“Th-thanks...” she stammered and blushed, because she sounded like a retard. Daryl was immediately by her side and lightly put his hand on the small of her back, trying his best to help her relax.

  
  


Merle grinned at that. “No worries, wasn't gonna bite.” While he strolled over to the table and took his seat, Rainey's phone started beeping. It was the timer, signaling that she had to take the pastry out of the oven. “What's that?” Merle asked while he watched her curiously.

  
  


“Oh, um... that's just puff pastry filled with Nutella. Kinda like hot pockets... You have to be careful, because they are actually scalding.” She was able to answer without stuttering this time. Having Daryl by her side, with him quite literally having her back, really helped her.

  
  


“Damn.” Merle was looking forward to breakfast. Having a woman in the house might not be so bad after all, he thought.

  
  


“Do you guys like juice?” Rainey looked at Daryl questioningly. “I bought some OJ.”

 

“Sounds good. Ya didn't have to do all this, ya know?”

 

“I know, but I wanted to.”

 

“Yeah, she wanted to, little brother. Let her be. Don't ya know that it's rude not to accept a gift?” Merle was suddenly starving and was vowing to himself to smack Daryl upside the head, if he made that woman stop cooking.

 

“The hell do you know about it?”

 

“More than you, obviously.” Merle grinned, making Daryl roll his eyes.

 

A couple of minutes later, they were all seated around the small table. Rainey was surprised that a lot of the food was gone in a very short amount of time. The men were digging in like it was their last meal, quietly grunting in appreciation here and there. She relaxed a little at that. Seeing them enjoy the breakfast she had made for them made her feel good.

 

With the first hunger taken care of, Merle focused on Rainey, while he slowly kept eating. “Where you from, Sugar?”

 

Rainey's heart started beating faster. Having his attention on her really made her nervous. “Umm,... From around here. Born and raised.”

 

“Ah... your folks still live here?”

 

“No, they moved away a couple of years ago. My father first, when my parents divorced about 14 years ago, and my mother left 4 or 5 years ago, I think.”

 

“Hm. Ain't talking to them no more?”

 

“Not really. No.”

 

“Better that way sometimes, right?”

 

“Yeah. Right.” Rainey agreed. Slowly, she felt some of the tension seeping out of her. So far it hadn't been too bad, but she was still bracing herself for a mean comment from Merle.

 

“Whaddaya do?”

 

“I work in an office. At the big recycling company?”

 

“The one on Port Street?”

 

“Yeah, exactly. I'm kind of the assistant to the secretary of the manager.” Rainey replied and shot a careful glance at Daryl, kind of trying to see if she was doing okay, by trying to interpret his expression.

 

Daryl gave her a small smile, which made Rainey think, that things were going okay. Daryl let the two of them be and just listened. He was learning some more things about Rainey, and also, it was good for Merle and her to get to know each other a little, too. It would help Merle form his opinion on Rainey, which was kind of important where Daryl's own future with her was concerned. If Merle ended up not being able to stand her, Daryl wouldn't bring her around and subject her to his dislike of her. Right now things seemed to be going well. Daryl hoped it would stay that way, because he really wouldn't mind having her here more often, and not just because of the awesome breakfast.”

 

“How ya like it?” Merle kept asking about her job.

 

“It sucks. The work itself is alright, but my boss likes to bully me, so... I wish I could get transferred to billing, because I wouldn't have to deal with him there. At least not that much anymore.”

 

“What's he do?”

 

“He likes to imply that I'm stupid and lazy... things like that. Ignores me when he makes his rounds to say good morning to everybody... although it might be a blessing to have him ignore me sometimes.”

 

“Are ya kidding?” Daryl cut in. “He tells ya you're stupid?”

 

“He doesn't say it outright. This one time I tried to get a book off of a shelf and it fell down. He asked the secretary about the noise and she told him that the book had dropped on my feet. And then he was like: 'Oh, thought it might have dropped on her head. Might have explained a lot of things.' Stuff like that.”

 

Merle scoffed. “Pff, ya know what ya gotta do, girl? Give him a swift kick to the nuts is what you gotta do.”

 

Daryl squinted his eyes at his older brother. “Yeah? Maybe she oughta do that to you, too. You ain't been exactly nice to her, neither.”

 

Rainey's eyes widened at that. She couldn't believe that Daryl had brought that up.

 

Merle smirked at Daryl, tempted to slap him upside the head anyway. “Maybe you're right, baby brother. But your girlfriend don't seem to hold a grudge, so why the fuck are you?” his eyes trailed back to a blushing Rainey. “You know I didn't mean that, right sweetheart? Old Merle was jus' a little drunk and stupid that night.”

 

“I... I don't... I'm not...” Rainey stuttered, not sure what to say.

 

“Ya see? It's all good, Daryl. We're like two peas in a pod. Nothin' to worry about.” Merle grinned and started to fill his plate with various breakfast items once more. “Tell ya what...” he said while he got up and grabbed his full plate and coffee mug. “if it gets me a breakfast like this every day, she can move in for all I care.” With that, he went over to the couch to finish his breakfast in front of the TV, leaving two quite surprised people behind. 

 

“Told ya he ain't all bad.” Daryl smiled quietly. “He likes ya.”

 

“He likes the food.” Rainey corrected him.

 

“Ain't just that. I can tell.” Daryl reassured her. He felt relieved. He knew where Merle was concerned, Rainey was “in”.

 

Merle watched the girl talk to his brother at the table. He hadn't talked too much with her, but he had seen and heard enough to know, that she wasn't one of those bat-shit crazy stalker bitches. He knew those when he saw them. He saw her squirming a little and smiling shyly at Daryl. The girl seemed sweet, a lot like his brother. Bit skittish maybe, but that didn't have to be a bad thing. She was pretty quiet, so Merle was sure that she wouldn't bother him if she would stick around. She had a job which meant she wouldn't be around all day, every day anyway. He was okay with her, which was a good thing, because the feeling that she was here to stay, became stronger every time he saw her.

* * *

It had taken a while, but soon Daryl noticed, that Rainey hadn't touched her food. “Why ain't you eating?”

 

“Oh... I'm not very hungry.” She really wasn't, but mostly because eating around **two** men was way too nerve-wracking for her.

 

“Gotta eat, Rain. Or you're gon' get dizzy later.”

 

She swallowed hard and then carefully nibbled on a pancake, just a little bit every time when he wasn't looking in her direction. Daryl, of course, noticed how uncomfortable she was while they were eating, but he didn't say anything, nor did he stare at her for longer than necessary. He hadn't thought about it before, but seeing how she behaved now made him realize that she probably wasn't just self-conscious about her body, but also about people seeing her eat.  _ Probably why she hesitated when I asked her to stay for breakfast. Brave girl.  _ He smiled to himself when it became clear that she was facing one of her fears right now, and even though she was just nibbling on things like a little bunny, he was proud that she was touching the food at all. It seemed to him that she was really starting to trust him, which made him really happy.

 

“I'll help you clean up and then I should get back home.” Rainey said, once they were done eating.

 

Daryl's head snapped up at that. He looked at her, opening his mouth to speak, but then he hesitated and started chewing his lip for a moment, before he straightened and looked right at Rainey. “Look... I don't wanna force it on you. I'm just offerin', okay? If you wanna go home that's okay, but if you'd be up for staying around... I got a TV, we got some food now, and I got nothin' but time. I wouldn't mind some more company. I know ya like bein' alone, but if you're up for it, we can stay here, watch some TV, talk some more and go somewhere, for a walk or something, later. Somewhere with no people around, just trees... well, and me...” he said it pretty calmly, but on the inside he felt like he had babbled and just rattled it off. He really wanted her to stay and he hoped she would. It was real nice having her around. He enjoyed it even more than he' had thought he would.

 

“I don't like being alone...” she stated quietly. “Sometimes I really need it, but not quite as much as I let everybody think. I love my friends, but they aren't the hanging out at home types, you know? They want to go out and do stuff, which I understand perfectly, but it's not something I like doing too much, because it mostly makes me uncomfortable. I wanna stay in and have a game night, and they want to go out to a club... so sometimes we compromise and they stay in with me sometimes and I go out with them sometimes... but mostly, I just stay at home so they don't have to sacrifice their way of life, kind of... And I'm okay with it. I'm used to being alone, always have been. I don't mind it... but I don't **love** it. You know what I'm saying?”

 

“I do.” Daryl told her. “I don't like going to the bar every night... not really. But it beats sittin' around here alone, listening to myself think all night. I'm used to bein' alone, too. My Pa and Merle were always off somewhere... Like ya said, I was used to it, but I didn't love it. The past couple years I was always with Merle. He can be shitty company, but he's company. Sometimes he bothers me... I ain't some kind of social butterfly neither,... but I guess I kinda need people around. Even if I don't talk to them much, ya know? Bit different from you, but in a way still the same, huh?”

 

“Sounds like it.” Rainey smiled. This time it was her turn to bite her lip while she looked at him hesitantly. “... Maybe... you don't have to go to the bar every night... and maybe I don't have to stay home all the time...”

 

“Maybe not...” Daryl smiled slightly. “Last night worked for both of us, right?”

 

“Looks that way.” Rainey nodded.

 

“Never had game night... but it don't sound too bad.” Daryl mumbled and shyly peeked up at her from between his long bangs.

 

“Doesn't have to be game night... There's also movie and cooking night... All of those can also be combined...” She giggled with a light blush covering her cheeks.

 

“Yeah.” Daryl grinned. “We can go to that cafe you like... sometime... We can go for walks somewhere..., like I said... Ain't no one around but me, if we go out to the woods. Fresh air is always good.”

 

“I like taking walks.” Rainey smiled. “I just never do it, because I hate doing it alone, and because I hate full sidewalks. Taking walks in the woods sounds good to me.”

 

“So...” Daryl felt happiness and relief bubble up inside of him. “You gonna stick around today?”

 

“Yeah. I think I will.”

 

“Alright.” Daryl sent her a smile. “Then let's get started on cleaning this stuff up. Then we can go outside for a bit.

 

“Yeah.” Rainey agreed with a smile and started carrying plates over to the sink.

 

Merle had his back to them, but he was smirking his ass off. His brother clearly had no game. He had no idea how he had ever gotten laid before. Or maybe this was what it was like when two people actually wanted to be together instead of just wanting to fuck once or twice? Merle didn't really know, but it seemed to work for Daryl and the girl, and it was great entertainment for him, so he kept his mouth shut for once.

* * *

“... and then in that exact moment, she asked me if she had mayonnaise in her eye, and I was literally on my knees laughing my ass off and trying not to pee my pants.” Rainey animatedly told a story about how Danni embarrassed herself in front of her high school crush, making Daryl smile and shake his head.

 

“She's a little crazy, ain't she?”

 

“Oh most definitely. But in a really good and sweet way.” Rainey laughed while they got out of Daryl's truck, after they had come back from a little trip to the woods.

 

“Yeah, she seems alright.” Daryl said and got a sinking feeling in his stomach when Rainey stopped walking when they had reached her car. The day had turned out awesome. After breakfast, Merle had left for a bit, so instead of going out, they had moved to the couch. They had alternated between talking and watching TV. Mostly Rainey had talked, telling him stories from school and good times with her family, while Daryl had listened, eager to learn more and more about her. They had pulled out the leftovers from breakfast, and had lunch together, and while Rainey had been squirming again while eating, she still had eaten a little. After lunch Daryl had taken her out to the outskirts of town and into the woods for a one and a half hour walk. He had hoped to have coffee with her now and keep on doing what they had been doing since last night, but now she was probably about to throw a wrench in that. “What's the matter?”

 

“I should go home.”

 

“You don't have to.” Daryl wasn't willing to let her go, but this time, he got the feeling that he really had to.

 

“I think I do. I'm still wearing yesterday's clothes... Like... **all** of it...” She laughed, implying that she hadn't been able to put on fresh underwear. “I should take a shower and change.”

 

Daryl was able to offer her a shower, but he doubted she would want to wear his clothes. He truly would have to let her go, he realized with a deep sigh. “Okay... You gonna find your way back home?”

 

“Yes, it's not a problem.”

 

“Text me when you're home, okay?”

 

“I will. Thank you for your hospitality. I had a really great time.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

“Good, I'm glad. Maybe we can do this more often, yeah?”

 

“Yeah, absolutely. I'll talk to you later.”

 

“Okay.” with a heavy heart he let her get into her car and watched her drive off. _Yeah, I'm fucked._

 

Daryl went inside, heavily letting himself fall into the recliner, since Merle was spread out on the couch again. “Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Merle replied and looked around. “Where's your girl?”

 

“Went home.”

 

“Hm. That means no breakfast tomorrow, huh?”

 

“No.”

 

“Aww, damn, baby brother. You gonna be a mopey fuck again now?”

 

“Shut up. Just thought she would stick around until tomorrow again, ya know?”

 

“Why didn't she?”

 

“Wanted to take a shower and change clothes.”

 

“Coulda done that here.”

 

“That's what I thought, too.” Daryl sighed. “Except for the clothes.”

 

“Coulda stayed in your bed naked, little brother, but since y'all are moving at a snail's pace...”

 

“Shut up.” Daryl grumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then he looked at Merle with a hint of curiosity in his expression. “Ya don't mind if she's here?” He figured that Merle was okay with Rainey, but it didn't hurt to ask.

 

“She's alright, I guess. What's her deal?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Why she so nervous all the time?”

 

“She gets anxiety attacks. Especially around people, 'cause jackasses like you make fun of her.”

 

“Hey, I apologized.” Merle huffed.

 

“Nah, you didn't. Steamrolled her earlier... But I guess ya were nice enough.”

 

“She scared of me, or what?” Merle asked more quietly than usual. Yeah, he could be a jackass, who ran his mouth before actually thinking about what he was going to say, but he never intended for a young lady to be scared of him or nervous around him. Not in the negative way, at least.

 

“Dunno. Guess it's getting better after today. Can ya promise not to make fun of her when she's around? She's real nice. She don't deserve it, Merle.”

 

“Did I make fun of her today? Or the last time down at the bar?”

 

“No, but usually that don't mean that you're never gon' do it again.”

 

“She's safe here. Alright?”

 

“For real?” Daryl wanted to make absolutely sure.

 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Daryl. Ya want me to give it ta you in writing? Ain't gonna do nothin' to the girl. She seems like good people. As long as she don't start yappin' when I wanna watch TV or read, she can stay around. Especially if she makes more of that breakfast stuff.”

 

“Kinda figured that would win ya over.” Daryl laughed a little.

 

“Ya know what they say: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Can't deny that.” Merle grinned. “So, what's the plan here, Daryl? I'm curious.”

 

“The plan?”

 

“This ain't your usual MO. Tells me that ya wanna try something new, huh?”

 

“I guess.” Daryl shrugged and started chewing his lip.

 

“Y'all are into each other, even a blind man can see that, so what's the damn holdup?”

 

“Man, I don't know.” Daryl sighed and slumped back deeper into the recliner. “Don't know what to do. If I just go for it, that could make her run, ya know?”

 

“I saw y'all earlier. That girl's hanging on to every word ya say to her. Don't think you got anythin' to worry about. Wanna know what I think you should do?” Merle asked with a genuine expression on his face, but Daryl shook his head.

 

“Nah. I'm good.”

 

“Didn't sound like it a minute ago.” Merle scoffed. “Don't act like a complete pussy. If ya want her, take her.”

 

“Don't even know if she wants anythin' ta happen. Maybe she just wants a friend.” Daryl murmured, making Merle scoff yet again.

 

“Nah, she wants more. Trust me. The way she looks at ya all lovey-dovey like? Yeah, she's into ya.”

 

_ He better be right,  _ Daryl thought as Merle's words made his stomach all weird with excitement. 

 

A couple of minutes later, Daryl's phone vibrated. “She's home.” he reported, while he typed a message back, wishing her a good night.

 

“Really? Thought she might have gone to China.” Merle couldn't help but being sarcastic. Daryl only shot him a hard glare, then he put his phone away and tried to focus on the TV. It wasn't an easy task, because he knew that she was in the shower right now. Naked... with water running over her creamy skin and sinful curves. He could just picture his hand sliding up the outside of her thighs, over the lovely curve of her hips, before he'd reach around to squeeze her beautiful round ass. He would pull her flush against him, letting himself feel her softness against his solid, male form. The mental image killed him. He groaned and palmed himself through his jeans, adjusting his growing erection. That's when he remembered that Merle was in the room. Thankfully, his brother wasn't paying attention to him right now. He quickly got out of the leather recliner and went into his bedroom where he took of his jeans and underwear. He looked down at his half-hard cock with a frown. “Down, man. Not now.” He took off his socks as well and slipped on his old gray sweatpants. On bare feet he trudged to the kitchen and got himself a cupcake. This way, he had at least something of hers with him that night.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

**Next chapter is going to be completely new, never posted before content.**

**Thank you for all the kudos and comments. It means the world.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

Simone shook her head with a laugh, while she strolled through the aisles of Home Depot with Rainey. “I'm sorry, I know I keep repeating myself, but I cannot believe that you slept at Daryl's, without your meds and without any attacks whatsoever. It's a miracle. Seriously.”

 

“I know it is. I still can't believe it myself. I felt so good, it was amazing. Not tired, not depressed, not scared... “ she sighed with a hint of sadness passing over her features. “I wish I would be able to live without those pills. I feel so much better without them, but I can't live with those horrible nightmares every night.”

 

“I know. You need to sleep in order to function, and in order to sleep, you need those pills. It sucks.”

 

“Yeah, but it is what it is.” Rainey smiled bravely, before she stopped in front of the shelf that held some boxes of various kinds of plastic sheeting. “I'll need this for the floor, right?” she crouched down and looked at the sizes that were printed on the boxes. Home Depot was one of the stores, where she didn't feel completely paranoid and insecure. Shopping for paint didn't make her feel nearly as self-conscious as shopping for food, where everybody was able to see what she had in her cart and what was causing her “lovely” figure.

 

“Better get two or three to cover some of the furniture as well. You'll need masking tape, too.” Simone said and grabbed a roll from another shelf. “So, what about that obnoxious brother of his? Do you think you'll be able to deal with him in the future?”

 

“He was nice yesterday. Daryl said Merle likes me, but I'm not so sure yet.”

 

“Because of your first interaction with him? Maybe he really was just drunk and isn't all bad, like Daryl said. Do you think Daryl would lie about Merle liking you?”

 

“I don't think so. There's no reason to lie about that, I guess. Well, you know me... I need some time to gain more trust.”

 

“You seem to be trusting Daryl alright.” Simone grinned.

 

“Yeah, I kind of do. So far he's been amazing.”

 

“You know... I'm beginning to think that Danni is right.” Simone stated carefully.

 

“Right about what?”

 

“About Daryl being interested. Like, romantically interested.”

 

“Oh, no, he isn't.” Rainey smiled nonchalantly. “He friend-zoned me.”

 

Simone frowned at that. “He did? Did he tell you he only wants to be friends?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay, then why do you think that?”

 

“He said I should let him check out guys I wanted to date. Make sure they weren't assholes, etc.”

 

“That doesn't mean anything, Rainey.” Simone laughed lightly. “You know, just like you get nervous, men get nervous as well when they are around someone they like. And it makes them say weird stuff. Robert said something similar to me, when we first started dating. I wouldn't put too much weight on it. You know that I would be the first one to tell you to not get your hopes up, but in this case, maybe you should get your hopes up... open yourself up towards the possibility of ending up with him.”

 

“Oh God, don't say that. That makes me so nervous that I wanna throw up. Knowing he was just looking for a friend took some pressure off of me. If that pressure comes back, I don't know what's gonna happen.”

 

“You're doing fine. Just keep doing what you're doing. He wants you around, apparently a lot... That's a great sign. But you have to start reaching out to him, too. Don't let him come to you first all the time. You have to show him that you want this, too. Letting him chase you a little is great, it wets his appetite, but don't go overboard.” Simone smiled and bumped her hip against Rainey's, who was holding her red cheeks.

 

“You make him sound like a wild animal... and that's doing things to me right now, so you better stop.” Rainey laughed as she tried to get the image of Daryl ravaging her out of her head.

 

“Thought about having sex with him, yet?”

 

“Only every time I close my eyes.” Rainey replied with a laugh. “He's so sexy without even trying. His arms are a work of God, I swear.”

 

“He's not my type, but he looks like he's got a nice physique... Did you make plans for today?”

 

“No. We just agreed we would do things like yesterday more often.”

 

“You should invite him over later. He surely would love to help you out with painting... And later you two can roll around in the paint together.” Simone laughed, earning herself a light slap against the arm.

 

“I said stop! You're making me horny and nervous. Weird combination...”

 

“You guys met a couple of times now and you're more comfortable around him. Also, I know you. You tend to be pretty brave and strong when it counts. You'll be fine.”

 

“I hope so.” Rainey sighed, before she focused her attention on picking out some new paint.

* * *

Simone left Rainey to her painting, after they had had lunch together. Rainey changed into some old clothes, put the plastic down and taped off the room, but her head wasn't really in the game. Her conversation with Simone kept replaying inside her head over and over again, and despite not wanting to get her hopes up, she did start to feel hopeful about Daryl's intentions. She trusted her friends and when two of them told her that Daryl was interested, maybe she should start listening. She also thought about what Simone had told her at the store earlier. She had to start reaching out to Daryl, too, instead of relying on him to get in touch with her all the time.

 

Her stomach clenched and that feeling of panicky feeling of missing a step flared up, when she went to the sofa and picked up her phone. She had to take several deep breaths to calm herself down. Inviting someone into her home was not something she did lightly. She needed to come up with an exit strategy first, because she didn't want to be rude and kick him out later. She needed a good excuse, in case she got uncomfortable. She thought about it for a moment and decided that she would suggest a walk, if it wasn't too late, or she would say that she wanted to go to bed early or something like that. Having something prepared, if she needed to get out of the situation, helped her breathe easier again, so she opened the last text message from Daryl, and started typing.

* * *

Merle snapped Daryl's phone shut and tossed it at him, when his younger brother came out of his room, after having taken a shower. “Your girl's got some food for us she wants ya to pick up.”

 

“The fuck are you doin' with my phone?” Daryl complained, but quickly flipped the phone back open and read Rainey's message. _As usual I made way too much food. Feel like coming over for a bit, so you can take some back for you guys later?_ Daryl had a very hard time keeping a smile off his face. This was something he had been waiting for, finally a sign that she actually wanted his company. 

 

“Coulda been important.” Merle grinned. “So, ya headed over there or what?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Alright. Have fun... Then grow some balls and have **real** fun.” Merle wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, making Daryl roll his eyes. 

 

“Do you ever shut up?”

 

“Nope. And you should know that by now.” Merle stated with an unapologetic shrug of his shoulders. “And don't forget to bring back that food.”

 

Daryl let out a little huff and shook his head while he texted Rainey that he would be there in an half an hour. Then he returned to his room and changed back into his black jeans. He kept on the plain black t-shirt he was already wearing. Five minutes later, he was on the road, and right on time, he knocked lightly on her door.

 

The smile he had fought around Merle earlier, broke out full-force when Rainey opened the door for him. Her smile was everything. Her eyes looked alive and vibrant. Her hair was a mess where it was piled on top of her head and her clothes were old and had the same speckles of paint on them her face sported, but to Daryl, she had never looked better. “Whatchu doin'?” he laughed lightly, while he gently reached out and used his thumb to wipe at some paint on her cheek, without even thinking about it twice.

 

Rainey's cheeks heated up at the sweet gesture. She bit her lip and peeked up at him shyly, which had not only Daryl's stomach in an uproar. “I had to paint a wall in the living room. Come on in.”

 

“Had to? What happened?” he asked as he stepped into her space.

 

“A pot of tomato sauce happened. Dropped it on my way from the kitchen over to the table. It looked like a mass murder in here.” She giggled, trying to mask her nervousness with humor. Him stroking her cheek like that had pretty much set all of her nerve endings aflutter.

 

Daryl looked around the small apartment. It was as neat and tidy as possible, but it felt incredibly stuffed and restless, for lack of a better word. “Should have waited. Could have helped ya with the paint job.” he smiled at her.

 

“No, I didn't ask you here to have you work.” she laughed a little and very carefully put her hand on his biceps for the fraction of a second. “Can I get you anything? Water? Soda? Coffee?” she quickly averted her gaze as her cheeks turned crimson after the awkward gesture.

 

“What kinda soda you got?”

 

“Coke and Sprite... Zero...” she added sheepishly.

 

“Coke sounds good.” he told her. Rainey excused herself and Daryl stepped up to the freshly painted wall. “Looks like ya gotta paint over it a second time.”

 

“I know. I got some shitty paint.” she was able to laugh about it, because she was actually really happy about Daryl being with her right now. “Shouldn't have been such a cheapskate, I guess.”

 

“Told ya you should have waited.” Daryl smirked. “Would have taken that crap back and gotten a better brand.”

 

“Next time I'll know better.” she said and handed him his drink.

 

“Next time? You plannin on throwin' more pots of sauce around?” Daryl asked jokingly.

 

“Well,... I mean, not on purpose, but you never know.” she giggled and led him over to the couch. “Have a seat. How's your day so far?”

 

“Better now.” he said, again, without thinking, surprising the both of them. He felt embarrassed about it for a second, but when he saw the smile on her face widen and the color return to her cheeks, he felt okay about his little slip-up.

 

“Yeah... Mine, too.” Rainey admitted with flaming cheeks, before she quickly cleared her throat, not registering the way Daryl's smile widened now. “What did you do this morning?”

 

“Just hung out with Merle. You went buying crappy paint, huh?”

 

“Yeah, with Simone. She's leaving town today to spend New Year's with Robert's family. Anna and Danni are gone, too.”

 

“Guess that leaves your schedule pretty open, hm?”

 

“I guess so, yes.”

 

_Good to know._ “Talked to M-” Daryl suddenly jumped in shock, when he was interrupted by a loud crash. It sounded like a shelf had toppled over. For a moment he wasn't sure if it had come from inside the apartment or from upstairs. “Jesus fuck! The hell was that?”

 

“That would be my lovely upstairs neighbor.” Rainey explained and pointed towards the ceiling. “Don't ask me what they are doing. I haven't been able to figure it out yet.”

 

“That happen a lot?”

 

“Oh yeah.” Rainey nodded and looked at the ceiling while she told him just how much it happened. “All the time. Every day when they're home. Especially after 10 pm, when I'm trying to sleep during the work week. It's a woman, she's about my age, and her 12 year old daughter. She has two daughters, but they got taken away by Social Services once or twice, now she only got the older one back... Don't know what her deal is, but she yells at the kid all the time. I can hear it all through the ceiling. She especially likes to yell around 3 am. God knows why.”

 

“Sounds like our old trailer park. And ya like living here?”

 

“I don't love it. I looked for something else for a whole year, but what can I say? I don't make much money, so my options are very limited. I'm kind of stuck here, I'm afraid.”

 

“But ya still feel good here?”

 

“In a way, yes. This is my home, my sanctuary. Albeit, a very noisy sanctuary. I felt better at my old apartment. Things here are always very... I don't know... restless? I never really feel completely relaxed.”

 

Daryl nodded when she said what he had been thinking ever since he had come in. “Yeah, restless. That's the vibe I'm getting, to be honest.”

 

“You're not wrong.” Rainey laughed. “Anyway, you were saying?”

 

“Right. I talked to Merle after ya left.”

 

“Oh.” her good mood darkened a little, but Daryl quickly shook his head.

 

“No, it's alright. I was right. He likes ya. He don't mind ya bein' around.”

 

“He said that?”

 

“Yeah. He did. Really digs your food, but he kinda digs ya, too, I reckon. Thought ya might wanna know. Ain't gotta be nervous 'round him no more. He ain't gonna do nothin'.” Daryl promised.

 

“I might be nervous a bit longer.” Rainey warned him. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to let herself believe him. But then again, Daryl had absolutely nothing to gain from lying to her about this. “Until I see it for myself,... until then I might still be a bit weird around him.”

 

“Fair enough.” Daryl agreed, just before another loud bang startled him. He made a quick decision in that moment. “How 'bout ya try ta see for yourself tonight?”

 

“What do you mean? You wanna go to your place?”

 

“Mhm.” Daryl grunted with a nod. “We talked about game or cooking night, right? We can stop by a store on the way back, get some more food. We don't cook much, so you would have to figure out what we gotta get, but that ain't a problem, right? Sitting around with the paint fumes around here all night ain't such a good idea. And there ain't any noisy fucks around at our place, neither... You can bring some clothes, so ya ain't gotta run right back home first thing in the morning.”

 

“Oh... you think I should stay over night again?”

 

Daryl blushed a little at that, but he nodded with a nonchalant shrug. “Why not. Worked the first time. And I don't want ya driving around in the middle of the night. You can sleep in the bedroom, ain't gotta be on the couch... What do you say. Wanna get out of here?”

 

“I have to paint the wall a second time first. And take a shower to wash the paint off.”

 

“Nah, this gotta dry for several hours before ya can paint over it. And you can shower at our place. Just pack your stuff. Ain't a problem.” Daryl was very eager to go back home with her. It took him a moment to realize that he might have been a bit too pushy. “Only if you wanna... If ya don't, that's fine.”

 

Take a shower in a house with two men? The thought of doing that was anxiety-inducing and exciting at the same time. Anxiety was a normal reaction to Rainey, but the sliver of excitement she felt made her wonder how fucked up exactly she actually might be. Maybe it was only the sexual deprivation making itself known. Anxiety or not, she did have a dirty mind and enjoyed everything sex-related, even if the thought of getting naked in front of someone was nerve-wracking. But she knew that often the fear inside her head was much worse than the actual situation she was afraid of. Still, knowing that never really helped with making the anxiety go away. Brain chemistry was a fucked up thing.  _Well, not like they are gonna stand in front of the shower and watch me, so what am I nervous about?_ She had been doing well with facing her fears lately, so she decided to keep going. “Yeah, um... sounds good. I'll pack some of my things and then we can go.”

 

“Yeah?” Daryl's blank expression lit up.

 

“Give me a couple of minutes.”

 

Rainey got up and went into her bedroom. She laid on her stomach on the floor and fished out her old duffel bag from underneath the bed. She quickly dusted it off a little and put it on the bed. She opened her underwear drawer and grabbed a handful of panties, as well as some matching bras. At least she hoped that one or two pairs of them matched. She hadn't really paid close attention to anything but color. She packed some sleepwear and another outfit, a comfy hoodie and some socks. Next up was the bathroom, where she grabbed her shampoo, shower gel, lotion, deodorant, pills and her toothbrush, as well as a couple of clean washcloths. She wasn't sure if men really used washcloths, so she thought it didn't hurt to pack some, in case Daryl and Merle didn't own any.

She zipped up her bag, and when she lifted it off the bed, she suddenly felt stupid about showing up at Daryl's home with a packed bag. That would sure earn her a weird look from Merle.

 

“Damn. I can't go into a store looking like this.” she suddenly remembered what she was wearing and that she had paint all over her.

 

“Don't worry about it. You're overdressed for the store we're gon' go to.” Daryl smirked. “People wear camo overalls with pink crocs in my part of town.”

 

“You're right.” Rainey's brow furrowed when she remembered her quick shopping trip in Daryl's neighborhood. “I think I saw something like that.”

 

“Exactly. Nothin' to worry about. And when ya get nervous, just try ta focus on me, alright? Think that might work?”

 

“Yeah, it might.” Rainey replied with a shy smile.

 

“Good. Ready to go?”

 

“Yes. Oh, wait! The leftovers from lunch. Just need to grab those real quick.”

 

“Alright, go. Gimme your bag first.” Daryl grabbed the duffel bag and waited by the door until Rainey was ready to go. “Jesus Christ, they havin' a freaking zoo up there or something?” Daryl couldn't believe how much noise was coming through that ceiling. 

 

“I keep asking myself the same question.” she laughed as they stepped outside into the hall.

* * *

“So you and Merle eat pretty much everything?” Rainey asked when they were in the grocery store.

 

“Yeah. As long as there's meat in there, I guess.”

 

“Okay, what about rice?”

 

“Nah, not really.” Daryl shook his head. Especially Merle wasn't a fan of rice.

 

“Ha, so not everything.” Rainey grinned, making Daryl laugh.

 

“Okay, maybe not everything.”

 

“What about fries? Do you like those?”

 

“Yeah,... whatchu thinking 'bout makin'?”

 

“I thought chili would be a good idea. Tomorrow you can use the leftovers and put them on some fries, make yourselves chili-cheese fries.”

 

_Already plannin' on leaving before dinner tomorrow, huh?_ Daryl suppressed a sigh. Instead he nodded with a small smile. “Sounds awesome.” Daryl felt her tense up, when a woman passed them and gave Rainey a once-over. Daryl put his hand on the small of Rainey's back and quickly stepped into her line of vision, blocking her from seeing the other woman. “We still got all that flour and stuff from breakfast, guess we don't need nothin' for that. What do we need for the chili, apart from meat?” he successfully distracted her, because Rainey went back to listing the ingredients inside her head. She decided on some brownies for dessert, and quickly, they made their round through the store. “Wasn't too bad, was it?” He asked when they put the bags of groceries in the back of the truck. 

 

“It was alright.” Rainey smiled. “Like I said before, you're handling me very well. Definitely helped that you were there.”

 

Daryl pressed his lips together in a little smile, while he nodded, happy that he had been able to help her. “Let's get home to Merle. He's gon' be real happy about all of this.” he waved his finger around their bags with groceries.

 

“You really think it will be okay?”

 

“Yeah. He don't lie about this shit. He likes ya. It's cool. Ain't just the food, although he might piss his pants 'cause of bein' so happy about getting that chili.” They both laughed a little, until Daryl sobered up. “But just so ya know, you cooking ain't a condition for us hanging out or something like that, understand?”

 

“I get it. But I love doing it. It relaxes me, it really does. And I really enjoyed watching you two enjoy my food.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yes. It was satisfying to see how much you liked it. When I cook and bake, I pour all my energy into making something good and fulfilling. So, when I see other people eating it and I see that it fulfills them, then that's the biggest reward ever to me.”

 

“Why ain't you working in a kitchen, then?”

 

“Oh God, no. That job is way too stressful. I get out of breath just thinking about it.” she laughed, while she walked over to her own car. She felt better taking her own car back to Daryl's, because it gave her independence. This way, if she wanted to leave, she wouldn't have to rely on Daryl to take her home. “I'll see you there.” she called out to him, before they got into their respective vehicles, and drove to the trailer park.

 

The sound of Daryl's truck pulling up made Merle look out the window he was just passing. “Had a feelin' ya wouldn't come back alone.” he said to himself with a smirk when he saw Rainey getting out of her car. He noticed Daryl pulling groceries out of the back of the truck and felt inclined to rub his hands with glee. If she made dinner as well as she made breakfast, then they would be eating like kings tonight.

 

In true Merle fashion, he didn't go outside to help them carry their things inside. Instead he only opened the front door on his way to the kitchen.

 

“Hey.” Daryl greeted under his breath and dumped two of the bags on the kitchen counter.

 

“Hey there, sugar. How you doin' on this fine day?” Merle ignored Daryl and greeted Rainey instead.

 

“Fine. Thank you.” she replied timidly. Her insides were clenching and her skin suddenly felt clammy. Clearly, despite what Daryl had told her, she was still not exactly comfortable around Merle. “How are you?” she asked, feeling like the way she was talking sounded awkward, which in turn, made her blush.

 

“I'm good, I'm good...” Merle grinned. “Does all of this mean that we're being treated to another meal of yours today?”

 

“Yeah, she's gon' make chili.” Daryl replied for her with a proud smirk. “ **We** 're gonna make it. Imma help.”

 

“Actually...” Rainey cut in with a sheepish smile. “It's so easy, there's nothing you can really help with. I just have to throw it all into one pot. Oh, but you can drain the canned beans and corn, if you want to.”

 

Merle chuckled quietly and made his way back to the couch. Daryl looked at Rainey with a slightly disappointed expression. “Ain't exactly cooking night then, is it? Thought ya cook together during that.”

 

“Yeah... Damn, I guess I chose the wrong dish for that. I'm sorry.” Rainey felt utterly stupid. “Oh, I can go back to the store and get something else.”

 

“Nah, it's alright.” Daryl mumbled. “Next time... yeah?”

 

“Yes. Definitely. I'm sorry, Daryl.”

 

“I said it's okay. Don't worry about it.” he told her with a small smile. He came closer and put his hand on her back. “Come on, let's unpack this stuff. Ain't gotta start cooking right away, right?”

 

“No, in an hour or two. It's still early.” she smiled. She was all fluttery, because she had noticed that Daryl was starting to initiate some physical contact. “For now you guys can eat the grilled chicken and pasta salad I brought.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“I just had lunch, I'm really not hungry.”

 

“Really?” Daryl wanted to make absolutely sure that she wasn't eating, because she truly wasn't hungry, and not because she was too insecure again.

 

“Yes, I promise.” she promised while looking directly into his beautiful blue eyes.

 

Daryl felt slightly breathless for a second and kept staring into her eyes longer than ever before. The air was downright crackling between them for a second. Well, to him it seemed that way, he didn't know about her. He really wanted to kiss her, but now and in front of Merle was not the right time. He caught himself and softly rubbed his thumb back and forth along her back, where his hand was still resting, before he pulled away and helped her put the groceries away, showing her where everything was, in the process. As soon as they were done, Rainey filled two plates with the grilled chicken breasts and the pasta salad for Merle and Daryl.

 

Merle sat down at the table with a frown as he inspected the salad. “What's that green stuff doing in there?”

 

“That's Romaine lettuce.” Rainey explained quietly. “Adds some crunch... guess it got soggy by now from the dressing. Sorry.”

 

“Eat it. It's good.” Daryl told Merle with his mouth already full. “Real good.”

 

Mere wasn't a fan of leafy greens, but he was curious about her cooking skills. He shoved his fork into the salad and shoveled it into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “What you make this with? Ain't mayo.”

 

“It is, but only a little bit. It's mostly yoghurt.” Rainey responded nervously. She would just die if he wouldn't like it. Daryl seemed to like it alright, judging by the way he was hunched over his plate and shoved the food into his mouth, barely stopping to take a breath while he did it. She didn't know that he hadn't eaten today yet and that he was starving. Rainey felt like she still had to try to, kind of, win Merle over. She had hoped that her food would help, but if he didn't like the salad, then she would feel like a miserable failure.

 

“Ha, look at me, baby brother.” Merle barked out a laugh. Then he straightened on his chair and waved his fork around with his pinky finger raised, like he was having tea with the Queen, trying to adapt some kind of fancy voice. “I'm eating a salad with greens and a yoghurt dressing.”

 

Rainey blushed inexplicably at that, but Daryl didn't pay Merle any mind. “I'm sorry. I should have asked first, if you like something like that or not.”

 

“Don't worry, Sweet Cheeks. Daryl's right. It's good. Ain't had anything home cooked for years. Decades, maybe. Who keeps count?”

 

“Right.” Rainey squirmed in uncomfortable silence while the men finished their meal.

 

“Who taught ya?” Merle asked after pushing his empty plate away from him.

 

“I kind of picked it up from being around my grandmother a lot. Whenever she was making something, I was with her in the kitchen, watching and helping out. Kneading dough for her with my little hands... I was still so little, but she always told me I was much stronger than her and therefore much better at kneading... Always made me proud.” Rainey smiled wistfully, in turn making Daryl smile, who was studying her while she was caught up in the memory. “I've always enjoyed cooking and baking and trying out new recipes. I guess doing it over and over again taught me how to do it well, over the years.”

 

“Lucky for us.” Merle grinned. “Now, if y'all would excuse me. I got a date with the TV.”

 

Daryl nodded, glad that Merle was leaving them be for a bit. “What do ya feel like doin'?” he asked Rainey.

 

“Oh... I don't know.”

 

“Wanna go outside? Or watch TV, too? Or,... I dunno... we can hang out in my room.”

 

Rainey nodded quickly. “Yeah, we can go to your room for a bit... If it's okay.” Because of never having had an adult relationship, her mindset was still a bit stuck in her teenage years, and the thought of hanging out in Daryl's room alone made her a bit nervous, because it seemed “forbidden”. On the other hand, she was glad to get away from Merle and his eavesdropping.

 

“Come on.” Daryl got up and went past her. But since he knew that he would have to start showing her what he wanted soon, because he'd otherwise miss his “window”, he quickly engulfed Rainey's hand in his, and pulled her with him. He was glad that it gave him a moment to get himself in check and that she wasn't able to see his crimson-colored cheeks. This whole courting, or dating, stuff? That was really awkward. During the time he'd known Rainey, he'd blushed more than in his entire life combined. He shouldn't have worried, though, because Rainey was fire-engine red in the face herself.

Daryl stepped into his room and gently pulled her inside and past him, so he could close the door. There was nowhere to sit but his bed, so he made himself comfortable up against the headboard, while Rainey gingerly sat down at the edge. “It ain't gonna break, you know?” Daryl joked gently.

 

“Are you sure?” she asked him, genuinely concerned.

 

Daryl's eyes widened when he realized that she was serious. _Goddammit, what did those fuckers do to you, that ya think a bed is gonna break if ya sit down on it?_ “Come here.” his face displayed a serious expression when he held his hand out to her. 

 

“Are you sure? I mean,... I don't... I want... I... umm...” Even Rainey didn't know, why she was suddenly so nervous and tongue-tied. Her hand was shaking when she went to put it into his. Thankfully, her nervousness somehow helped Daryl be more confident.

 

His thought process was something along the lines of “Alright, you're nervous, you don't know what to do, so I'm gonna be the man, take charge and make you feel safe.” At least he wanted to try. He squeezed her hand and scooted off the bed again. He stood in front of Rainey, and before she was able to protest, he had lifted her into his arms, bridal style, and knelt on the bed with her in his arms, slowly shuffling towards the middle, where he carefully set her down. “See? What did I tell ya? Nothing's gon' break. You ain't some giant, girl.”

 

Rainey was gaping at him. She was absolutely speechless. He had lifted her like she weighed nothing. Had even moved around with her a little, without breaking every bone in his back. For a second, she had felt normal and small, something she had longed for, for many many years. It had felt so good... she wanted to cry. She also felt a little ashamed for having assumed that Daryl wouldn't be the guy to make her feel that way, just because he wasn't over 6 feet tall and didn't have a bulkier build. Daryl was giving her so many things she had been wanting for a long time... in this very moment, she didn't know how she was supposed to keep herself from falling in love with him, if he wouldn't be interested in her after all.

 

“You...” she stammered, still dumbstruck. “You carried me...”

 

“Yeah. Ain't a problem.” he smirked proudly, because he had been able to surprise her like that. Granted, he wouldn't be able to carry her around for miles, but he was a strong guy with decent stamina. Picking her up and carrying her through their home, for example, didn't pose a challenge for him. “Now relax and make yourself comfortable. Ya ain't nearly as heavy as ya prolly think you are.”

 

Still very careful, Rainey shifted a little. “You're... unbelievable... amazing... incredible... all of it.” she still seemed to be in shock while she said it, because she was still shaking her head in an incredulous manner.

 

“Ain't no thing, Rain.”

 

_Rain... I love when he does that._ She had noticed that he'd taken to calling her that recently. She loved the way he said it. But who was she kidding? She loved almost everything he said to her. “I'm sorry, it's just...”

 

“What?”

 

“My father... he always makes fun of people, including me. He loves to laugh about their weaknesses. So when I was still very young... must have been 12 or 13, we wanted to go on vacation. I don't even remember where they went... Yeah, they ended up going without me,... thought they'd have a better time alone, so they left me with my grandma... Anyway, my father said, that they would have to rent an extra trailer for me to sit on or organize a heavy goods transport, because my ass was too fat to fit into the backseat with all the luggage, and so on...”

 

Daryl watched her intently, but he was silent. He knew what she felt like. He knew what hurtful comments from your own parents could do to a child and even an adult. He started to understand, why she was different to him and why he felt, that it would be alright to get close to her... He felt safe around her... safe to open himself up to her, eventually. He felt that once she would know all about him and his childhood, she would understand. She knew what it was like. There would be no “awwww, you poor abused puppy”-shit with her. She would get where he was coming from, just like he understood where she was coming from. They were on even ground, so to speak. 

 

“I'm so sorry.” she apologized and wiped at her eyes, which had filled with tears. “It's funny... I can talk about all this stuff that happened with those guys and my boss, etc., like it's nothing, but when I talk about my family, I get so damn weepy.”

 

“'Cause it hurts more.” Daryl said, showing her that she didn't have to say she was sorry, because he understood exactly what she meant. “'Cause it's your folks,... the people who were s'pposed to protect ya.”

 

“Right. Those things, they get in here.” she pointed towards her chest. “And I don't think they ever get out of there again. So even when I had lost some weight, back in my late teens, I wasn't able to enjoy it, because I was still in that fatty mindset.”

 

“I hate when ya say that word.” Daryl grumbled quietly. “Ya gotta start forgetting that that fucking word even exists. You got curves, woman. That's all.”

 

“Why are you so nice to me? I really don't get it. You are such a great guy, you could hang out with any girl you'd want to.”

 

“Right, I can hang out with whoever I want. And I wanna hang out with you.”

 

“But why? No, wait. Don't tell me. I'm not sure I wanna know.”

 

“Why not?” Daryl had to laugh a little at that.

 

“Even if you say it... I might not believe it anyway.”

 

Daryl's heart sank. “You don't trust me?”

 

“It's hard to explain.” She said as Daryl shifted and brought himself a bit closer to her, making them touch from shoulder to feet. 

 

“Try.”

 

“I trust you... or I wouldn't be here... But as soon as I let myself believe nice things you say about me, I am giving you great power to hurt me, you know? I don't know if I'm ready for that risk yet.”

 

“That don't sound like ya trust me, at all.”

 

“But I do. I promise. It's like,... I don't know... like, you could tell me I'm butt-ugly and fat, and I would believe you immediately. But tell me that you think I'm nice...”

 

“You don't believe it.” Daryl finished her sentence. “Ya better believe what I say. I may be a lot of things, but I ain't a liar. I ain't into childish games, Rain.”

 

“I'm starting to believe, but I'm still scared to let myself fall into this, you know what I mean?” Rainey looked up at him, her cheeks red, as usual when she talked to him about these things. But her eyes didn't waver as they searched his for a sign of understanding. 

 

Daryl looked into her pretty, brown eyes, feeling that pull between them again. He didn't even consciously register that his hand had sought out hers, and that their fingers were now intertwined, because he was looking for ways to be close to her, that didn't involve kissing her brains out right that moment. He nodded ever so slightly, communicating that he understood what she was saying. “Anythin' I can do? To help ya believe?”

 

“I wish I knew, but I don't know. I guess I'm lacking the experience... I have no idea what would help out with all of that.”

 

“Promise me something.”

 

“What?”

 

“As soon as ya think of something... ya let me know, alright?”

 

Rainey nodded with a smile. “Yeah. Promise.”

* * *

** Thank you for reading! **

 

** 2 chapters today, so thank you's in the next chapter! **

 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

Daryl and Rainey had kept talking and holding hands a while longer, but when the sun began to set, Rainey stood by the stove, stirring the chocolate and butter she was melting for the brownies. Her forehead was furrowed in concentration and her free hand rested on her hip. “I don't know.” she said to Merle and Daryl, who were sitting at the small breakfast bar, watching her. “I love both, cats **and** dogs, but if I had to pick one, I'd probably go for a cat.”

 

Merle groaned. “Oh come on, girly! Ya wanna be that old cat lady?”

 

Rainey laughed at that. She hadn't been lying when she had told Daryl that cooking relaxed her. While she was focused on making the food, she was distracted from her own bullshit, so right now, she even felt halfway comfortable talking to Merle. “No, listen... I love dogs, but come on, everybody can maintain an awesome, loving relationship with a dog. They practically love everybody. Now, a cat... they make you work for it. When you have a cat that loves you, then you accomplished something.” she argued.

 

“She's got a point.” Daryl agreed with her. He briefly wondered how that topic had even come up. He remembered Merle babbling something about pets when he'd come back to the kitchen area. Must have been something on TV. He actually didn't really care, why they were talking about it... he loved seeing Rainey the way she was right now way too much to wonder about the topic of conversation. She was openly talking to Merle, even joking around a little, not seeming all that nervous anymore. while she made awesome dinner, which filled their home with a delicious and comforting smell.

 

“Yeah, but who wants ta work for it? Where's the fun in that? Just get a dog, give him some scraps from the table and you're gon' be his hero forever.”

 

“But that's boring. Don't you like a challenge?” Rainey asked the older man smilingly.

 

“Guess I don't.” Merle replied with a grin. He was surprised. When she wasn't all nervous and stuttering around him, this girl was actually fun to talk to. He also had to admit, that she really was a pretty lady, when she smiled a bit more carefree and less reserved. He might just end up liking having her around, he thought when he heard her light laughter and caught another whiff of the delicious smelling chili, which was simmering on the stove.

 

“Nah, Merle likes things to be as easy as possible. Likes 'em fallin' into his lap.” Daryl ribbed his older brother with a little, crooked smile.

 

“It's another mouth ta feed, I'm feedin' it so it better had me not work for its damn affections. So dog it is. Another thing? You can train 'em. Next asshole comin' up to you, wanting to punch your nose off yer face, you just say the word and that dog will fuck 'em up.”

 

“Yeah, true... but cats have claws.” Daryl threw in an argument of his own.

 

“Yeah, but guess what dummy?” Merle snickered. “Ya didn't manage to win it over, so it won't do nothin' ta help ya out. Can't train 'em, either.”

 

“I think we all have a point.” Rainey cut in as she poured the melted ingredients into the bowl where she had already whisked together sugar and eggs. “But I think I'd stick with the cat. I can be a big shut-in and having to go out a couple of times a day with the dog really wouldn't be my thing in the long run. And imagine having one that always humps your leg or keeps barking at every noise... No. I like cats better, I guess.”

 

“But don't they scream their lungs out when they're in heat?” It was Merle's turn to furrow his brows, while he thought about it.

 

Rainey matched his expression and thoughtfully looked up towards the ceiling for a moment, before she looked back at Merle, all the while stirring together the ingredients for the brownies. “Don't they only do that when a male is around? Or when they are actually mating? I don't know if it's true or not, but I read somewhere, that it's real painful for the females. Like, the males have these barbs on their cat penis—ses? Is it penises? Or peni? Damn, what's the plural for penis?” Rainey wondered out loud. “I'm gonna have to google that. I forgot.” she was muttering to herself and reached for her phone. She didn't notice the bemused and surprised expressions on the guys' faces.

 

Merle shook his head with a chuckle and looked at Daryl. “Yeah, I like her. Hey, doll? Say cat penis again? That kinda made my night just now.”

 

Rainey looked up from her phone. “Huh?” It took a second for her to realize what she had babbled on about, but when she did, she blushed and hid her face behind her hand, while she laughed at herself. “Oh God... I'm sorry guys, I'm an idiot.” Yep, another case of suddenly getting too comfortable and rambling on about silly things like cat penises had struck again.

 

Daryl's stomach fluttered something awful from seeing her enjoy herself like that and from hearing her laugh frequently. She was so cute, he wanted to grab her, push her up against that fridge, and kiss her senseless. Her carefree, humorous side was even better than he'd imagined.

 

“No worries.” Merle laughed a little himself. “But while we got ya here and can get some true female input... Whaddaya think, Sugar? Does size matter?” he was curious to find out if he could coax her into some more of this kind of talk. And maybe he was also a bit curious about how red her face could get.

 

“Hmm... A little, maybe.” she replied with a laugh and went back to making the brownies, this time adding flour into the mix.

 

“A little? Ain't ya s'pposed to say no?” Merle frowned, while Daryl perked up a little. Now he was curious as well.

 

“I'm supposed to be lying?” Rainey asked, but kept her eyes on her work. “I mean, if you have a cat penis...You know what I'm saying? Obviously that's not super good. So yeah, it matters a little.”

 

“So... “ Merle smirked. “What's a good size then?”

 

“Gosh, I don't know.” she laughed and shook her head, slowly coming to her senses again. “And I'm not talking about it any more.”

 

“Awww, come on. We're all grown ups here. And you started it.”

 

“I did not.” Rainey laughed with a mock-indignant expression on her face.

 

“Ya kinda did.” Daryl grinned, then he dodged a potholder she threw at him.

 

“You two are trouble...” Rainey giggled quietly, then she turned her back on the men in order to put the brownies into the preheated oven.

 

Daryl was happy. Rainey was definitely warming up and it took a huge weight off his shoulders. He'd been so nervous about her maybe never getting comfortable with being around Merle, but this right now had been fantastic. Merle, too, had rather enjoyed this little back and forth. He surprised himself a little when he found himself asking his next question. “Hey... how 'bout we all play some cards after we ate?”

 

Daryl nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, sounds good. What do you think, Rain? You up for it?”

 

“Sure. Just one thing...”

 

“What?”

 

“I only know, like, two card games. Phase 10 and Mau-Mau.”

 

“Ya don't know how to play some good ol' fashioned poker?” Merle had a hard time believing that.

 

“No. The girls wanted to have regular poker nights, like on 'Desperate Housewives', but I couldn't do it. I'm not stupid, but I don't get that game. I had good grades in school, I'm good at math and everything, but for the life of me, I do not understand that game. So you don't even have to offer to teach me. Others tried and failed miserably, to the point that they wanted to strangle me.”

 

Daryl rubbed the scruff on his chin thoughtfully. “Can ya teach us one of the games you know?”

 

“You don't know Mau-Mau?” it was Rainey's turn to frown.

 

“Yeah, we do, but seems like everybody's got their own rules for that one.” Daryl explained.

 

“Alright.” Merle slapped his hand down on the breakfast bar with a smile. “It's settled then. I'll whip your asses at cards after dinner.”

 

“You done cookin'?” Daryl asked Rainey as he got up from his chair.

 

“Yes. I'm gonna clean up real quick. Once the brownies are done, we can eat.”

 

“Imma help wash the dishes. I wash, you dry?” he suggested to her.

 

“I hate drying. Can I wash?”

 

The question made Daryl remember something. “Ya wanted to take a shower... You got flour on ya, too.” he kept himself from wiping the flour from her chin, because Merle was watching. “You take your shower now, Merle and I will take care of the dishes.”

 

“Are you sure?” Rainey had heard Merle grunt out his displeasure at Daryl's suggestion.

 

“Go, we got it.” Daryl smiled and gently pushed her in the direction of the bathroom.

 

“Okay. Thank you.” Rainey's smile widened. She had forgotten about the paint, but now that she remembered, she was glad to be able to get clean.

 

“Come on.” Daryl told Merle while he took his place at the sink and turned on the water.

 

“You ever gonna make a move, little brother?” Merle asked a couple of minutes later, when the sound of the water running in the shower reached their ears.

 

“Stay out of it. I got it.” Daryl quickly put the kibosh on that topic, before it even started. He didn't want to talk about it. If and when something happened, Merle would know about it soon enough. So he handed Merle a dish towel, and started scrubbing the used dishes in silence.

* * *

“Shit, man... if you don't marry the broad, I will.” Merle murmured to Daryl while he rubbed his full belly. The chili had been delicious and he'd hungrily scarfed down three bowls of it. He was stuffed, but he also felt full in another, really good, way.

 

Daryl's head whipped around and he looked at Merle suspiciously and warily.

 

“Good God, man. I'm kiddin'.” Merle rolled his eyes. “Calm your balls, man... If ya have any.”

 

“Alright, I never played the game with tons of fancy rules.” Rainey explained as she sat back down at the table, making the men shut up. “The only rules we had were that you have to draw two after someone plays a 7. If Daryl plays a 7 and I have a 7, too, then Merle would have to draw four cards from the stack, but if he has a 7, too, Daryl, you'd have to draw six cards and so on. If I would play an 8, Merle would get skipped over, but if he's got an 8, too... well, you know how it goes. Oh, and if you play a jack, you can change the suit. When you have only one card left, you have to say 'last card' or you'll have to draw one from the stack. And that's it, I think.”

 

“Sounds familiar.” Merle rasped as he shuffled the deck. “What do I get if I win?”

 

“Christ, Merle. Ain't everything gotta be a competition.” Daryl scoffed.

 

“Come on, a little prize always makes the game more fun.” Merle grinned. “Oh, I know. If one of us wins,” he pointed at himself and Daryl. “You're gonna cook us a special meal of our choosing.”

 

“Okay, sounds fair. But what if I win?” Rainey asked curiously.

 

“If you win, Daryl and I are gonna go out and shoot us some game... cook ya up a nice feast.”

 

“Think that's more of a punishment than a reward.” Daryl cut in.

 

“I know something.” Rainey spoke up. “If I win. You're gonna wash my car.” She hated washing her car, so she would gladly take that as her prize if she would win.

 

“Deal.” the brothers responded in unison, although Merle would have preferred to go hunting.

 

“Alright. We add the value of the cards y'all are still holdin' when I got rid of all of mine.” Merle dealt each of them five cards with a big grin on his face. “Player with the highest score loses.”

 

They proceeded to start the first round. As it turned out, Merle's idea to play cards might have been the best ever. They had a lot of fun, and it went a long way in making Rainey start to trust that she truly was safe around Merle now, and that he did actually like her. She felt comfortable and happy, and she was laughing so hard that she was crying, when it started to look like Merle might just lose the game, which of course made him complain... a lot.

 

Rainey tried hard not to smirk when she played her second to last card. “Merle, draw two. Last card.”

 

“Ha, not this time, Sugar. Your time to draw four, baby brother.” Merle grinned triumphantly, putting down another seven.

 

Daryl and Rainey shared a look. They had a silent communication going on and both of them already had to bite their tongues in order to keep from laughing. “Sorry, Rain. Ya gotta draw six.” Daryl had a 7 as well.

 

“Ha! Justice is served.” Merle was already starting to celebrate, until he saw Rainey's expression. “Aw hell naaaaahh, come on!”

 

“Sorry Merle. Draw eight. Mau Mau.” Rainey put her last card down, another 7.

 

“Hell no! How the fuck is that possible? You two are fucking cheating.”

 

“How are we cheating? We had our hands on the table the whole time.” Rainey defended herself laughingly.

 

“The hell do I know? This ain't right! This is witchcraft. You two are doin' something. Ah, hell... just gimme the damn sponge and bucket right now.”

 

Rainey rested her forehead on the table, while her whole body shook with laughter. The combination of Merle bitching and moaning and gesticulating wildly with his hands, hit her funny bone. Merle and Daryl were both laughing as well, simply because her laughter was so contagious. When Rainey looked up at Daryl, she only had to laugh even more. He looked so cute with his red face, squinty eyes and cute grin, which he was trying to hide behind his hand, while his wide shoulders shook from laughing. Although Merle was grinning and laughing, too, he still kept complaining, which had Rainey in stitches.

 

“Little fuckers... I want all hands on the table this round. Maybe I should check our other deck of cards, just ta make sure y'all didn't take the 7's out of that.”

 

“You got the cards out of the drawer, Merle.” Daryl reminded him. “Ain't none of us had time ta mess with the cards, but you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Merle grumbled and waved him off.

 

“How about a brownie break?” Rainey suggested.

 

“Now you're talking.” Merle's spirits immediately lifted again.

 

Rainey got up and got out two plates for the men. She put a generous-sized brownie on each plate, but before she carried them over to the table, she paused. “You guys want coffee or milk or something to go with those? I imagine beer isn't the right thing for brownies.”

 

“Milk.” Daryl replied.

 

“Milk? What are you, six years old? Gimme a coffee, doll.” Merle told her. “Milk is for little boys.”

 

Rainey put the kettle on the stove to heat water for Merle's coffee. They still only had that instant crap, which tasted like ass, but Daryl was planning on getting a coffee machine, next chance he got. When the coffee was done, she brought the plates over, then Merle's coffee, and then she came back with two big glasses of milk, handing one to Daryl with a little wink, and keeping the other one for herself. “A little milk is good for you.” she shrugged when Merle raised his eyebrow at her, then she clinked glasses with Daryl, who wore a proud smirk, before he took a sip from his ice-cold milk.

 

“Pfff... yeah... you two are a perfect match.” Merle barked out a little laugh, making his two companions blush. Rainey looked down at the table, while Daryl looked at her intently for a moment. That's when he realized, that she hadn't brought dessert for herself.

 

“Why ain't you havin' dessert?”

 

“Oh, I'm still stuffed from dinner.” she waved off with an embarrassed smile.

 

Merle frowned at that. “Ya barely ate a spoonful, girlie” he said, with Daryl nodding in agreement. Daryl was a little disappointed that she was still so squeamish about eating around them. He had thought she would trust them with that by now. Merle studied Rainey for a moment, then he leaned forward, putting his forearms on the table, trying to catch her gaze. “You afraid of eatin' in front of us or somethin'?”

 

Rainey blushed even harder and didn't dare to look at him.

 

“Everybody eats girl. Think I got nothin' better to do than watch what you eat? Ain't nobody got time for that, sweetheart.”

 

“Merle...” Daryl tried to stop his brother. Rainey's head looked like it was about to explode.

 

“Pipe down now, little brother. Ain't gonna hurt her, just gon' tell her the truth.”

 

“I know your kinda truth, Merle.” Daryl started to get a little worried.

 

“Shut it.” Merle glared at his younger brother. “Ya look good, Sugar. You ain't my type, but that don't mean that ya ain't pretty. You got the kinda smile that makes a man go weak in the knees, you know that? I still think that, even though ya ain't my cup of tea... you know what I'm sayin'? Just 'cause ya ain't everybody's type don't mean ya shouldn't feel good 'bout yourself. Hell, Daryl ain't everybody's type, I'm not everybody's type, but do I give a fuck? No. Who cares? There's a lid for every pot, girl. And the kinda lid that counts how many fucking calories you put into your body, ain't the right lid anyway. So fuck those assholes. Be proud and stand up straight. And for God's sakes, just eat the damn brownie if you're hungry. Don't wanna wake up from your belly growling tonight. No one here's keepin' a list of what ya eat, so forget this shit and eat girl. Understand?”

 

Rainey wouldn't meet his gaze, so Merle grasped her chin and made her look at him. “Ya know what? You draw more attention to yourself when ya ain't eatin', than when ya do. We notice when ya don't eat with us, and you know something else? We're gon' have this talk over and over again, until ya learn. Since Daryl and I don't like repeating ourselves, do us all a favor and eat, sugar. Alright?”

 

Rainey nodded ever so slightly. Tears were shining in her eyes, but not because she was scared of Merle, but because he had just shown her, that he actually cared. He was acting like her friends, just a bit more rough around the edges, but in the end, he had told her, what her friends kept telling her. Daryl had been right, Merle accepted her and it caused an imaginary switch to flip inside of her.

 

“Good.” Merle nodded and got up from his chair. He got out a third plate, put a brownie on it and put it down in front of Rainey. One hand squeezed her shoulder for a second before he sat back down. “Now... Ready for my revenge?”

 

“Bring it on.” Daryl smiled. Under the table, he slowly put his hand on Rainey's knee. Rainey looked over at him and gave him a nod and a little smile, reassuring him that she was okay. Very lightly, she put her hand on top of his, until Merle's barked order made them jump.

 

“Hands on the table, dammit! Ain't gon' be no cheating this round.”

 

“Ain't been no cheating.” Daryl scoffed. “You don't know how ta play it smart.”

 

“Oh shut up. You don't know anything.” Merle counted his cards, grumbling under his breath.

 

“Right.” Daryl laughed quietly and wrote down his points.

 

And while Daryl was busy adding the points, and while Merle was busy adding the value of his cards, Rainey daintily broke of little pieces of her brownie, with her fingers, and started eating.

* * *

After two hours of playing, Daryl was the lucky winner of their little competition.

 

“Congrats.” Rainey smiled broadly at him. “Any idea what you want me to make you?”

 

“Better choose something good.” Merle grumbled under his breath while he collected all the cards.

 

“Can ya make mac & cheese? With little pieces of hot dogs in there?” Daryl mumbled questioningly.

 

Merle scoffed. “Jesus fucking Christ, Daryl. Ya really are six years old. What a waste...”

 

The tips of Daryl's ears, which adorably peeked out between his hair, turned red at Merle's words, but Rainey chose to ignore the older Dixon's mocking. “Of course. No problem at all. I sometimes make it with bacon, but hot dogs will work, too.” she smiled at Daryl, while she accepted a cigarette from him.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“No thanks necessary. You won it fair and square.” Rainey mumbled around the smoke between her lips.

 

“Merle don't think so.” Daryl smirked, still amused by the fact that Merle was convinced that they had cheated.

 

“He's just a sore loser.”

 

“I can hear ya just fine, you know?” Merle complaining only made them laugh again.

 

“I'm sorry, Merle. Guess we'll have to play again another time and you can try your luck again then.” Rainey tried to placate the older man.

 

“You can count your ass on there bein' a rematch soon. And then there won't be no stupid mac & cheese for dinner. Gotta be a challenge for ya.”

 

“Okay, now I'm scared.” Rainey snorted. “Please don't make me cook octopus or shit like that. Brrrr, I can't even look at those things.”

 

“Nah, won't do that... but maybe we'll see what you can do with some venison. Or squirrel. Mmmm, fuck... or some nice ribs. Fuck, I'm really jonesing for some damn spare ribs now.”

 

“Sorry, only have chili and brownies to offer you today.”

 

“I might just have some more of that.” Merle said and got up from his chair. “Gonna take it to my room.” he announced, winking at Daryl behind Rainey's back. “Gon' go to bed and get some reading in. Don't wanna hear no damn loud noises, ya hear?”

 

“Fuck off, Merle.” Daryl had his eyes narrowed at his brother, silently warning him not to say any more.

 

“And a nice night to you, too.” Merle smirked. He got himself some more food, then he went towards his room. “Sleep tight, girlie.”

 

“Good night, Merle.” Rainey smiled and gave a little wave, when Merle went to his room. “That was fun.” she leaned back against the chair with a smile.

 

“Yeah.” Daryl agreed. “You ain't nervous around Merle no more, are ya?”

 

“No. I think I'm good now.”

 

“Sorry 'bout earlier... his little speech?”

 

“No, don't apologize. It was good, actually. It helped.”

 

“It did?” Daryl was surprised by that. For a moment he'd feared she'd run as far away from them as possible.

 

“It did.” she nodded before changing the topic, because she didn't feel like talking that to death right now. “What do you wanna do now?”

 

“Dunno. Up for some TV?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Rainey stretched her arms above her head and cracked her neck, loosening herself up after having sat at the table for a while. “Let me just tidy this up a little.”

 

“Nah, just leave it. I can do that tomorrow.”

 

“Please, I insist.” Rainey smiled. “Also, I won't be able to focus on anything else, when we watch TV with all the stuff still on the table. I need to get this done, so I can stop thinking about it.”

 

“That one of those anxiety things?”

 

“I think so, yes.” Rainey stacked the plates and took them over to the sink, quickly followed by their empty milk glasses and Merle's coffee mug, with a little bit of the now cold brew still in it. “You know what? I'll wash this real quick. It will only take five minutes tops. Okay? Okay.” she got the go ahead from Daryl, then she turned back towards the sink and got the water going.

 

“Hey Rain?”

 

“Yeah?” she turned her head back towards him. _Oh God!_ He was suddenly so close, the shock of it took her breath away. Rainey dimly felt his hand on the side of her neck, before she felt herself getting pulled towards him, a second before she felt surprisingly soft and gentle lips against her own. _Oh fuck!_

* * *

** Thank you for reading! **

 

** The next update will take a bit longer, because I'm out of pre-written chapters now. Also, this excruciating heatwave is making me physically ill. I hate summer. Period. **

 

** Nooow, what do you think? Tell me, tell me, tell me. **

 

** Thank you so much for all the awesome feedback. You guys rock. **

** Special thank you to you: **

** Steph **

** CheeseMunster **

** Leanne8628 **

** Justwhisl **

** Myisha Gordon **

** breannakristine **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 

Daryl had surprised her, he knew that much. When he felt her tense so much, that she felt like she had turned to stone in his grip, he knew that she hadn't expected this to happen at all. Worry bubbled up inside of him. Maybe him and Merle had both read her wrong. Maybe she wasn't into him after all.

 

He didn't want to break the kiss, because finally kissing her felt so goddamn good... but she wasn't kissing him back. She wasn't wrapping her arms around him. She wasn't doing anything, so Daryl slowly pulled away, with imaginary lead filling his stomach, not knowing what to expect.

 

“Rain...” he swallowed hard when he looked at her and saw her wide eyes. She definitely looked surprised, but most of all, Rainey looked scared, he realized. “Are ya scared of me?” he asked quietly and watched her shake her head slowly, like she was in a daze. If she wasn't scared of him, he was pretty sure what she was scared of instead. “Ain't no game. I promise ya it ain't.”

 

“I-I... I...” Rainey couldn't believe that her friends had been right. This man wanted her. She trusted him and she kind of believed him, simply because this whole thing with him felt different than the experiences she had had in the past. Even Rainey, who was pretty paranoid about all kinds of stuff, was pretty sure that nobody would go to these lengths to make fun of her and embarrass her. Yes, the fear was there, but in this case she was able to rationalize it. What she was truly scared of in this moment was, that her fantasies coming true meant, that she could get really, really hurt by him. The fantasy had been amazing, and while the reality of it happening was really exciting, it was also extremely scary to her. However, she was not able to voice and express all that in this moment. Her mind was way too blown by this.

 

“I know it's hard for ya to believe me, but... try, okay? Just keep tryin'. Can ya?”

 

“I can... I-I'm just surprised... kinda scared...” her voice suddenly sounded hoarse, like she hadn't used it in a week. “But I want this!” she quickly added, sounding stronger and a bit more like herself again.

 

Daryl almost had to laugh, but he kept himself from doing so. Instead, he blessed her with one of his small smirks. “Yeah? Sure?”

 

“Yes. Absolutely.” she nodded vigorously, staring up into his mesmerizing eyes.

 

His smirk grew, and before she would be able to make him burst out into a laugh after all, Daryl slowly lowered his head again. This time he gave her the opportunity to prepare, instead of springing the kiss on her out of nowhere. The tip of his nose lightly brushed against hers, nuzzling her until she was blushing and giggling quietly. He felt her relax underneath the hand, that was still resting on her neck, and only then, did he lean in the rest of the way and pressed his lips against hers once more.

 

The imaginary lead vanished and Daryl's stomach now filled with butterflies, when he felt Rainey slightly part her lips and meet his own in a soft, but deep kiss. Daryl caught her upper lip between his, then her bottom lip and then her upper lip again, as they exchanged more kisses. His free hand went to the other side of her neck, pulling her face even closer and thereby kissing her a little harder.

 

Rainey didn't mind at all. Quite the opposite. Very lightly, she put her hands on his thick wrists, and then slowly stroked her hands down his forearms, towards his elbows. Feeling his slightly coarse arm hair thrilled her, but it wasn't just that. Feeling his muscles flex, feeling the slight ridges where his veins were popping out a little, feeling his firm skin, feeling how different he was from her... it all excited her and made her body tingle from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. She thought that she might have gotten instantly addicted to the wonderful contrast of feeling his incredibly soft lips against her own, while the scratchy tickle of his facial scruff teased her skin. It was divine.

 

Daryl enjoyed kissing Rainey more than he had thought possible. Relieved, now that she was kissing him back, and no longer worried about her not wanting this, Daryl lost himself in the feeling of making out with her, which felt electrifying and comforting at the same time. He took a step closer, backing her up against the counter, and Rainey soon felt some kind of tickling sensation against her butt.

 

She thought it was Daryl's wandering hands, but she quickly realized that his hands were still cradling her face. Rainey started to frown, until she came to her senses a little more and realized, that the tickling sensation was not exactly tickling, but more like... well,... wet.

 

She gasped and arched her back, pushing her pelvis against Daryl's. His breath hitched in his chest at the short moment of friction, as Rainey broke the kiss with a laugh. “Oh God, I'm all wet!”

 

Daryl's eyes widened at her words and his dick started moving inside his pants. “You are?” he croaked out in wonder, in the same moment she turned around and shut off the water. He realized what she meant when he spotted the horizontal strip of wet fabric right at the top of her butt. They had kept the water running and it had spilled over the edge of the sink, soaking her sweatpants. For a second, he felt utterly stupid and he actually hid his face behind his hand for a moment. “Good Lord...” he breathed quietly.

 

“Yeah.” Rainey bit her lip around a grin as her cheeks heated back up. She was assuming that the “Good Lord” referred to the kissing. _Good Lord, indeed. Gosh, his lips are amazing._ She was glad that she was able to keep her back turned on him for a moment, while she started cleaning the dishes. She felt like her face never stopped being red around him.

 

Daryl studied her, before he stepped closer again and lightly put his hands on her hips. His chin slightly rested on her shoulder as he looked down and watched her hands work. “You okay?”

 

“Yes, absolutely.” she repeated her words from earlier as she turned her head a little to smile at him.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Rainey giggled. “I'm fine. You really don't have to ask every five minutes, Daryl. But I appreciate your concern very much.”

 

“Jus' don't want ya scared of me... or of... this.”

 

“I know. I'm not scared scared... I'm definitely not scared of you.”

 

“Good. Ain't gonna rush you or nothin', ya hear? We can sleep in my bed, but that don't mean it's my goal to fuck ya tonight, you know what I'm saying?”

 

“Yeah, I get it.” she was laughing to mask her nervousness. Kissing him was no problem, but having sex with him? The thought of that kicked her anxiety into gear. The fantasy of him having sex with her had brought her some great orgasms in the past week, but the reality of actually getting naked and have him touch her? She was shaking, just thinking about it.

 

“What's wrong?” Daryl had felt her tense back up.

 

“Nothing.” she wasn't laughing anymore. She was breathing deeply, trying to get rid of the fear that was clawing at her stomach.

 

“Rain... I know ya a bit by now, remember? Don't lie.”

 

“Anxiety attack.” she muttered under her breath.

 

“Damn... anything I can do?” he asked, even though his first instinct had been to ask, why she was having one now and if it was happening because of what he had said.

 

“No. I just have to get through it. It's not a very bad one.”

 

“Sure?” he felt helpless, which he didn't like at all. There had to be something he could do to help her at least a little.

 

“Yes. I go quiet when I have one, usually. I just need some time and to, kind of, breathe through it. But it's nice that you're here. Makes me feel not so alone. It's the panic attacks you can really help me with.

 

Daryl's brows knit in confusion. “There's a difference? Between what ya have now and a panic attack?”

 

“Yes. Anxiety attacks are bad, but panic attacks are worse. I don't get those too often, thank God. It's hard to explain, but with anxiety, I know what causes them, you know? Not all of them, but I am able to anticipate them in certain situations. It doesn't really soften the blow, but even when I have an anxiety attack, I am still able to rationalize, kind of... you know? Panic attacks though... Boy, they are terrifying. They make you feel like you're dying. You can't rationalize, you're spaced out completely, at least that's the case for me. I think it's a little different for everybody, depends on how they perceive them and are able to deal with them? I can deal alright with the anxiety, especially if it's relatively mild, but panic attacks just overpower you. You hyperventilate and you can't stop and I can't really see anything anymore and I get chest pains and feel like I'm having a heart attack... So yeah, that's when you would be able to help me.”

 

“How? What do I do when that happens? How do I know ya have one?”

 

“Like I said, with anxiety, I mostly go quiet for an half an hour...” she wasn't right now, because Daryl had all these questions, but since it was only mild anxiety, she was able to breathe through it and answer his questions. “With a panic attack, I start hyperventilating, sometimes I also cry... I think the easy thing to remember is: anxiety is quiet, panic is loud. That's what it's like for me.”

 

“So what do I do?”

 

“You have to stay calm. If we're in public it would help to take me to a quiet place. You can tell me to breathe, you can breathe with me, so I can stop hyperventilating. You can tell me that I'm not actually dying. Being supportive and calm is probably the best course of action.”

 

“Alright. I'll keep it in mind... just in case.” he smiled a little and gently squeezed her hips, before he embraced her from behind, trying to offer support. “Ya got any idea why you're havin' an attack right now?”

 

“I do, but I don't want to talk about it. Okay? Just something I have to work through.”

 

“I do anything wrong?”

 

“No, I promise. I'll tell you eventually, but not tonight. Please?” Rainey needed to talk to her girlfriends first, before she would be able to talk to Daryl about all her issues that she thought she might have, once they get more intimate. **If** they would get more intimate.

 

“Fine. Whatever ya need.” Daryl wasn't stupid, though. He had an idea of what had caused the attack. _I just had to mention fucking... Yeah, that sure helped her believe I ain't playin' no game here. I'm an idiot._

 

“Thank you.” Rainey smiled gratefully. They fell silent, just embracing quietly while Rainey took her time washing the dishes. By the time she was done, the anxiety was ebbing off and she felt better. “And I'm done. All clean again. I should change into dry pants now.”

 

“Yeah.” Daryl chuckled. “You want more milk? Or water?”

 

“Water, please.”

 

“Still up for some TV?”

 

“Yes, I'll be right there.” she nodded as she took a deep breath. Taking deep breaths was something she did repeatedly whenever she had an anxiety attack, because it took care of that horrible feeling in her belly for a second or two. She did it again, imagining herself pushing the rest of the anxiety out of her body while she exhaled, and thereby saying goodbye to this minor attack.

 

“Come here...” Daryl put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her in for a quick kiss, before he let her go. Rainey's dreamy smile, when he pulled away, made him smirk. “Hurry, alright?”

 

“Mhm.” Rainey nodded and inhaled deeply through her nose, this time trying to get the butterflies in her stomach to settle down, on her way to Daryl's bedroom.

* * *

His world was spinning. He had thought those innocent couple of kisses had felt good? Yeah, it had been really good, but shit,... it was nothing compared to the pleasurable little shocks he got from feeling her tongue touch and tease his own. Every time the tip of her tongue circled his, he groaned low in his throat, because it was like her tongue was simultaneously tickling the tip of his dick. She was killing him in the best way. She might not have had tons of experience, but Daryl knew for sure that she was the best damn kisser he'd ever been with.

 

Rainey loved how hard Daryl was pressing his mouth against hers. It felt like he was suffocating and she was his sole source of oxygen, so he held on to her for dear life. Yeah, she really liked the way he made her feel. In this moment, he made her feel needed, and that's something not even her friends had been able to make her feel. Daryl's right hand was holding the left side of her face, while he hovered over her, with Rainey holding on to the wrist of that hand, because it was pretty much the only part of him she was able to reach at that point. She was on her back, he was on his side, half on top of her, with one arm underneath her head. He had her trapped, but in the best way. He was acting as a big, human safety net, and she liked it very much.

 

Daryl grunted quietly when Rainey got cheeky and bit down on his bottom lip, sucking and pulling on it. When she released his lip, he placed a big and gentle kiss on her lips, before he pulled back so they could catch their breath for a moment. They both blushed when their eyes met, the whole situation still a bit new and awkward, but they laughed it off quickly. Rainey looked over at the TV for a moment while Daryl studied her. “Ya wanna try going without your meds tonight?” he suggested after a couple of minutes. She had mentioned how much better she had felt in the morning without them, and Daryl would love for her to feel like that more often. “We keep the TV on, I'll get my sleeping bag, and we can stay on the couch all night.”

 

Rainey inhaled deeply when a sliver of anxiety went through her at the thought of not taking her meds on purpose. “I don't know, Daryl. Last time was an accident, but planning not to take them? That freaks me out. I might not even be able to fall asleep this time and those panic attacks are no joke. And don't get me started on the graphic dreams which cause the attacks.”

 

“I'm here. Ya won't be alone.”

 

“I know that. The thing is... yes, you'll be here when I wake up scared, but I'll still have the attack. It will still be very stressful and scary. I still won't be able to breathe and I'll think I'll suffocate. You get what I'm saying? I don't know what it was, maybe it was just coincidence, but you might not be able to keep me from having the dreams and attacks altogether, but that pill can.”

 

“Maybe I am what keeps the nightmares away. Isn't that what ya called me? Human dreamcatcher?” he smiled encouragingly and made her smile.

 

“Yes... It is. We gotta wait and see. Keeping the TV on isn't a bad idea. That always calms me, and I feel good when you're around. I'll put the pills on the table and if I fall asleep without them, then it happens, but when I start tossing and turning and can't fall asleep, then I'll take one.”

 

“Yeah, let's do that.” he agreed to her plan. “No pressure... I just thought we'd try, 'cause ya felt so good that morning.”

 

“I did. It was great... Well, like I said, we have to wait and see.” she smiled and started squirming a little and tried to stretch out her limbs a bit after having spent quite some time in the same position. Daryl discreetly moved his own hips away from where they were pressed against hers, because having her move against him was causing some strong tingles in his lower regions.

 

“Better get that sleeping bag...” Daryl said after clearing his throat awkwardly.

 

“Want me to get you another brownie in the meantime?” Rainey asked while she lifted her head, so he could pull his arm out from under it.

 

“Shit no!” he laughed slightly. “Still fucking full from earlier. Maybe later, but right now it looks more like I won't want that brownie until tomorrow.” He got up from the couch and send her a little smile over his shoulder while he walked over to his room. “But you go ahead and get one for yourself.”

 

“No, I'm good.”

 

“Are you really? Ain't just sayin' it cause you'd be the only one eatin'?” he asked knowingly and felt himself confirmed when she blushed and bit her bottom lip. “Go. By now ya should know that I ain't watching what or how much ya eat.”

 

“I know... Still takes some getting used to.”

 

“Yeah. I figured. Practice makes perfect, right? So go ahead. Get yourself somethin' to eat.”

 

Rainey nodded and walked off into the kitchen. Despite Merle and Daryl's kind words, it was still nerve-wracking, especially when Daryl wasn't having anything. But like Daryl had said, practice makes perfect. She cut another square into the baked goods and put it on a clean plate, then she sat on the couch and nervously started eating, hoping the chocolate in there would soothe her nerves.

 

“Damn...” Daryl grunted quietly when he sat back down next to her. “Now that I'm seein' it again... looks damn good.”

 

“Want some?” she smiled and lifted the brownie to his mouth.

 

“Mhm.” he nodded with a grunt and let her feed him. “Mmm, damn good. Worth the belly ache.”

 

“Want some more?”

 

“Hell yeah.” he nodded enthusiastically and let her feed him another bite. Then he plucked the chocolate-y treat out of her hands and turned the tables on her. Rainey blushed when he held it up to her mouth and openly watched her eat. “It's all good, Rain. It's just me. Open up.”

 

Rainey listened to him and let him feed her. It was a bit weird to her, the feeling of being fully accepted the way she was, didn't quite sink in yet, but it got easier with every bite he fed her. However, she was still glad when the brownie was gone and the empty plate was placed on the coffee table.

 

“Come here.” Daryl made her lay down with her head in his lap. He clasped her hand in his and played with her fingers, which he admired so much, and let her stare at the TV. “Where are ya?” he asked after a long, long while of silence.

 

“Just thinking... there was this short period of time in my life, when everything was absolutely perfect.”

 

“When was that?”

 

“When I was 17 years old. That summer was the best. My parents had gotten divorced, my Dad had moved out and for this short time, my Mom seemed to be okay with it. He cheated on her, by the way. That's why they split up. I remember her laying in the bathtub, crying and smoking when she found out. She never smoked, but that day she did. Anyway. We all moved out of our house, my Dad moved out of town to live with my stepmother and her kids, and my mom and I got a new apartment downtown. We had both lost weight and we both felt great. That was the one time my mother was actually concerned about me and didn't pester me about my body. She told me to stop starving myself, because my hair started to fall out... I loved it... not the hair part, but that she actually seemed to care about my well-being for once. Guys started to notice me... Now I know they were assholes, because they only noticed me because of the nice body I had back then.”

 

“Ya have a nice body now.” Daryl interrupted her.

 

“Stop.” Rainey blushed and continued with her story. “It must have been about a week. A whole week of an absolutely perfect life... A whole week of feeling great.”

 

“Then what happened?” Daryl asked quietly, but curiously.

 

“Then my father came to pick me up for his now bi-weekly visitation.” Rainey sighed. “He was sitting in the kitchen, having a coffee with my mother when I came in. I wore this... top. It wasn't exactly a crop top, but it was a bit short, showing off a little bit of skin at the waist. He didn't say hello. He took one look at me and said that I shouldn't be wearing that, because there was fat everywhere. That people would laugh at me. Asked me if I wanted that... I didn't... so I changed. We left, and when I came back Sunday night, my mother had changed back into her old self, too. It was hell. Even more so than before.”

 

“What a fucking asshole.”

 

“That was when something inside of me snapped. I just kept thinking that no matter what I did, I wasn't able to make him happy. I had the perfect weight for my height and he wasn't happy, even though he had always pestered me to get to that weight. That's when I was like 'Alright, no longer torturing myself for you, then.' I started eating again after that. After having lived off of rice crackers and water only for months, of course I gained weight back quickly when I started eating normally again. Gave myself some nice...” she trailed off before she was able to say 'stretch marks'. That's something he didn't need to know. Not yet anyway. No need to draw attention to that shit.

 

“What?” he asked.

 

“Never mind. Anyway, I was just thinking about that one perfect week, because this feels just like it.” she smiled at him.

 

“It does?”

 

“Yes. Absolutely. It feels even better, because none of those mean people are around. Just you. And Merle...Nobody to rain on our parade right now.”

 

“That's right.” he smiled back and squeezed her hand. “Ain't nothin' gon' fall apart this time.”

 

“From your mouth to God's ears.” Rainey laughed and squeezed his hand back.

 

Daryl leaned back comfortably and kept playing with her hand and fingers, while his free hand moved to her hair to play with the soft, dark strands. It didn't take long at all until he noticed Rainey's eyes starting to droop. Eying the untouched pills on the table, Daryl smirked proudly. He was doing it. He was able to help her fall asleep without her medication. He kept caressing her gently as he watched her like a hawk, his smile widening with every time her eyes fell shut. She kept them shut longer and longer, and soon, he heard her breathing even out and her head getting heavier. He felt like doing a victorious fist pump, but he kept himself still. He didn't mind sleeping sitting up on the couch, as long as Rainey would be able to sleep well.

 

Once she had been asleep for half an hour, Daryl carefully scooted down a bit, to make himself more comfortable, and then, he turned down the volume on the TV and closed his eyes as well.

* * *

A frown marred Daryl's features when he was brought out of his slumber by an unfamiliar sound. He lifted his head, wincing at the stiffness in his neck, and slowly blinked his eyes open, squinting against the light of the lamp and the TV. He felt a little disoriented, until another one of those noises, which had woken him up, snapped him right out of it. He looked down and immediately knew what was happening. Rainey's face was flushed, a light sheen of perspiration was shining on her forehead as she grimaced and whimpered. _Nightmare. Fuck. Was just a coincidence last time..._ Daryl's heart sank as disappointment crashed through him. He had really hoped that his mere presence was chasing her nightmares away. No such luck. Now he felt like an ass for kind of talking her into sleeping without her meds.

 

“Shhhhhsshhhhhshhhh... Rain...” he kept his voice down to an almost-whisper. He didn't want to startle her. He cradled her cheek in his palm and carefully maneuvered his arm around her, because he wanted to bring her up into a sitting position. “Rain...” he called out again and softly pressed his lips against her forehead. Daryl felt her jerk, before he heard her gasp deeply. Suddenly, she was fighting him... well, not really him, but something or someone else. She had shot up into an upright sitting position for a second, but now she was crawling backwards, trying to get away from something. When she sat on the other side of him, with her legs over his lap, she looked down at herself and frantically swatted at her arms and torso, while she hyperventilated and whimpered in fear.

 

“Rain!” He cradled her face in his strong hands and tilted her head up, until she was looking at him. “It's okay. Just a dream. Can't hurt ya now, you're here with me.” he tried his best to calm her down. She looked so scared and panicked, that it really wasn't easy to stay calm himself.

 

“Daryl...” she gasped, when her dream started to shift into reality.

 

“I'm here. You're safe. Ya ain't alone, alright? Calm down. Slow, deep breaths.” Daryl had no idea if he was doing this right, he was purely running on instinct and on the information she had provided earlier. _Thank God for that._ “Whatever it was, it's gone now. I promise. Just breathe, girl. That's right. That's good.”

 

Rainey eventually succeeded in slowing her breathing a little. Her tunnel vision lifted and she looked past him, up at the ceiling and then at her surroundings, before she breathed a sigh of relief. “Just give me a minute. Phew...” With shaky hands Rainey reached over to the table and quickly took one of her pills and gulped it down with a big sip of water. Then she sagged back into Daryl's arms, still trying to get her breathing under control all the way.

 

Daryl cradled her against him and gently rubbed her arm. “Was it real bad?”

 

“There have been worse dreams, but this one was still bad... It was the usual... Spiders... Lots of spiders. It's almost always spiders.” Rainey shuddered when she told him.

 

“Scared of 'em, huh?”

 

“Beyond scared. I break out into cold sweats and turn paralyzed when I see one. Not really the daddy longlegs ones, those only bother me when they get too close, but the 'real' ones? Yeah, it's bad. Seriously, Daryl, if we watch TV or a movie and you know that there's a spider about to show up, you have to tell me, so I can look away in time. I'm not kidding. Just seeing a picture... God no, look at my arm... Goosebumps all over. Sometimes I scream like a little girl. Almost gave my father a couple of heart attacks when I cleaned out his garage with him. So whenever I have nightmares, it very often involves spiders. It's just lovely when your own head fucks with you like that.”

 

“I'm sorry.” he looked down at her with the guiltiest expression Rainey had ever seen on a human being. “Shouldn't have pushed ya to try going without your meds.”

 

“It was my own decision, Daryl. You didn't push me. You're not at fault here. We tried and now we know not to do it again.”

 

“Just thought... it was a good day, ya know?”

 

“It really was. Don't think otherwise. I loved today... But like I said before, even on a good day this shit happens.” Rainey explained, trying to free him of his guilt. She wasn't able to stand seeing him feeling so guilty and disappointed. The good thing was, that it made her focus on him instead of her own bullshit. It helped a bit with shaking off the stupid nightmare.

 

“Thought I could help... ya know... 'cause of the last time?”

 

“You did help.” she smiled and was able to laugh a little. “And you're helping right now. Usually I'm alone and can't calm down for quite some time after a nightmare, but I feel a bit better already, because of you.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yes. I promise. You're so good at all of this. Really.”

 

Her words painted a proud smile on his face and made him nod in acknowledgment. “Think you can fall back asleep?”

 

“In about half an hour, when the meds kick in, yes.”

 

“Think we can move into my room?”

 

“Yeah, let's.” Rainey still felt a bit weird about sharing a bed with him, but she was tired and a bit cold, she was looking forward to cuddling up in a real bed.

 

Before she was able to get up, Daryl was standing in front of her and was lifting her back into his arms. Rainey had no words. He carried her into his bedroom and deposited her on the bed so carefully, that she felt like a delicate porcelain doll. She was so touched by it, that she wanted to cry. He treated her with so much affection and care,... she had never gotten that from a man, much less one she was starting to fall in love with... And the way he had helped her... Just the fact that he was always so eager to help her, instead of running for the hills, because all of her weird, complicated issues... it truly blew her mind. She still had her doubts, but she also started to believe in Daryl. The rational part of her simply couldn't imagine someone sticking around for all of this, if they weren't genuine. Again, the thought also brought fear with it. _This is real. This is really happening...,_ Rainey thought once more as she felt Daryl slip into bed next to her. The thought was overwhelming, because she knew that now, she would have to face and push through a lot more fears of hers, if she wanted this to work out. _Never been the praying kind, but Lord, please give me strength, so I won't disappoint this wonderful man._

 

“You comfortable? All good?” Daryl's voice was a raspy whisper right next to her, which made her shiver.

 

“All good.” Rainey nodded with a gentle smile. “Thank you so much for everything, Daryl.”

 

“Nah... no need. It's what we do.” he murmured as he reached for her hand. He intertwined their fingers and pulled their joined hands to rest on his belly. His other hand went up to his forehead as he stared at the ceiling, absentmindedly rubbing the pad of his thumb against the skin of her hand, unknowingly soothing her and lulling her back to sleep. He forced himself to stay awake a bit longer, until he was really sure that she had fallen asleep. Only then did he allow his own eyes to fall shut again, as well. _Please let her sleep well... Don't make her suffer any more._ He had no idea who he was having his internal monologue with, he wasn't really a believer, but he was too tired to care or think about it. Reflexively, he gave her hand one last squeeze, one last show of support, before he was out, too.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

**Wow and thank you for all the absolutely amazing feedback. I love it so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 

“Hmph.” Merle made a disgruntled face when he came into the kitchen the next morning. He had been looking forward to another one of Rainey's meals, but to his dismay, she wasn't standing in the kitchen and the stove was cold. _Time for a wake-up call,_ Merle decided and walked the couple of steps back to Daryl's room. “Hey! Anyone gonna make breakfa-” he didn't finish his question. Daryl and his girl had been kissing and were now jumping apart like teenagers that had gotten caught red-handed. “Oh ho hoooo...” Merle cajoled with a proud grin. His baby brother had finally grown some balls, it seemed. “I see y'all are feastin' on the old tongue ragout, huh?”

 

“Good Lord, Merle.” Daryl shook his head.

 

“God, that's disgusting.” Rainey was speaking at the same time as Daryl, and hid her face behind her hands, absolutely mortified by Merle making a big deal out of the situation.

 

“Now, can ya fuck later and make breakfast first?”

 

“No one is fucking.” Rainey mumbled from behind her hands.

 

“Sucking face, then.”

 

“Get out, man! She ain't your personal chef.” Daryl grumbled and threw his pillow at his older brother.

 

“It's okay. I have to use the bathroom anyway. Might as well stay up and make something to eat.” Rainey sat up and rubbed her face, before she got out of bed.

 

“Awfully kind of ya, Sugar.” Merle grinned triumphantly at Daryl, as Rainey pushed past Merle through the doorway. “Gonna go and check the traps after breakfast. I s'ppose ya ain't comin' with today, huh?”

 

“Nah.” Daryl shook his head.

 

“Yeah, I figured. Good for you, little brother, but y'all better stick to your room. Don't wanna find y'all eatin' each other up all over the place all the goddamn time.”

 

“Pfff...” Daryl snorted. It sounded like Merle didn't know his brother at all. Daryl was not the kind of guy to engage in PDA, so he sure as hell won't make out with Rainey where Merle would be able to see and walk in on them all the time. He ignored Merle and got out of bed, in order to join Rainey in the kitchen.

* * *

Daryl ended up accompanying Merle into the woods after all. Rainey had wanted to go home after breakfast. A lot had happened within a short amount of time, and she needed some time to be alone, process everything and talk to her girlfriends. Daryl had been disappointed, but he hadn't let it show. He had looked forward to some alone time with her, but if she needed her space, then so be it. At least she had invited him to come over to her place later today, so Daryl had something to look forward to.

 

Rainey was glad to be home. She had enjoyed her time with Merle and Daryl, but she had felt the urge to be surrounded by her own four walls again. Also, she wanted to finish painting the wall she had spilled tomato sauce all over. However, when she was back home, the first thing she did was sleep some more. She slept for three hours, and she probably would have slept some more, if it hadn't been for her phone ringing and waking her up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“I KNEW HE WAS INTO YOU!!!!!”

 

“Jesus Christ, Danni! I think my eardrum just burst.” Rainey made a face and held the phone an inch away from her ear.

 

“Sorry.” Danni sounded apologetic for a second, but then the excitement came back. Rainey had texted her friends about her and Daryl earlier, and Danni was the “first responder”, so to speak. “But oh my God, Rainey... I knew it. The moment he started asking why you didn't text him back, I knew that he was into you. And now he kissed you, that's so exciting. Uh, what's it like? Is he a good kisser?”

 

“Not like I have a ton of guys I can compare him to, but yeah, I think he's good.” Rainey responded in a not overly enthusiastic way.

 

“What's wrong? You should be singing and dancing and jumping from joy right now... Rainey... please don't tell me you've been 'thinking' again.”

 

“I'm scared.”

 

“Of what, sweetie? He is into you, there's no doubt about that. He wants you, Rainey.”

 

“That's what I'm scared of.” Now that Rainey was not around Daryl, but back in her own home, she was suddenly afraid of being alone with him. She already regretted having invited him over. She wasn't stupid, she knew that men had needs and certain expectations, and she knew that even the nicest of the nicest guys out there had those needs and expectations. Daryl wasn't exempt from that, she was sure of it.

 

“But why? This is what you wanted.”

 

“Yeah,... I thought I wanted it, but now that it's real, I start to realize that I can't do it. I can't get over my issues, not even for this dream coming true.”

 

“Rainey, stop this nonsense right now! You are not fat. Your parents were assholes and people in general tend to be assholes. They feel bad about themselves, so they put down someone with enviable curves like yours. Your body is amazing. I wish I had curves like yours. Just look at those fantastic boobs. Daryl is gonna go crazy over them.” Danni tried to help, but definitely felt a bit out of her element.

 

“Not helping.” Rainey said under her breath when she felt her stomach clench painfully at the thought of baring herself to Daryl's eyes... and she actually liked her breasts, but even the thought of showing them to him felt like one hell of a terror-filled experience.

 

“Rainey, it's time to grow up. Not all men are superficial idiots. Daryl likes you. And if he's kissing you, you know what that means? He's into all of you. He digs YOU. Your personality, your looks, your quirks, freaking everything, alright? I don't know what else to tell you. Having sex with someone the first time is nerve-wracking for everybody. It's gonna be nerve-wracking for him, too. You are such a strong woman, Rainey, you can do this. This is nothing compared to other shit you have already been through. Quite the opposite. This thing with Daryl is something incredibly good. You only need to let it happen. Yes, you will have to face some fears, but I promise you that the reward will be epic.”

 

“Yeah, all of you have told me this a million times before, but it's not helping.” Rainey didn't feel very understood, and slightly attacked in that moment. “I can help the way I think, but I can't help the way I feel.”

 

“That doesn't make sense. If you are able to change your way of thinking about all of it, then that will help you change the way you feel about it.”

 

_You don't get it,_ Rainey thought sighing. “I don't want to talk about it any more.”

 

“So, what? You're gonna go radio silence on him again? Not gonna see him again?”

 

“I don't know. I gotta go. Bye.” Rainey quickly hung up. She felt bad about being rude, but she wanted out of the conversation.

 

“Rainey!” Danni wasn't mad, a little incredulous maybe, but apart from that, she was a bit scared. She hadn't heard Rainey sound that depressed and despondent in years. She quickly realized that Rainey really had hung up on her, so she tried to get a hold of Simone next, but she didn't pick up. Danni quickly typed a message to Simone, and hoped, that her friend would look at her phone soon.

* * *

Daryl knocking on her door in the afternoon had Rainey feeling like she had to throw up. For a split-second she truly contemplated not opening the door for him. Being alone with him, without Merle around, might give Daryl ideas, and Rainey wasn't sure that she was fit to fight off advances she wasn't ready for. However, she figured that she had already reached a 10 on the scale for being rude today, so she dried her hands, she had been washing in the kitchen sink, and went to the front door, to greet Daryl.

 

The butterflies in her belly run amok when she opened the door, her worries forgotten for a moment. He looked so good and the predominant feeling she had upon seeing him was happiness.

 

“Hi.” she smiled.

 

“Hey.” he returned the smile.

 

Even though they had made out the night before and this morning, this first moment back together was an awkward one. Neither one of them knew what to do, whether they should hug or kiss or none of the above... That's where both of their inexperience shone through. Rainey stepped aside to let him in and Daryl walked inside, looking at the wall she had painted again.

 

“Been busy, huh? Looks good.”

 

“Yes, the second coat of paint thankfully took care of the stains.” Rainey smiled and nervously wrung her hands.

 

“Looks good.” Daryl repeated. He didn't really know what else to say in this moment, because shit was suddenly awkward again. “Should open those windows, though.”

 

“I know, but it's so cold.” As if to emphasize her words, she wrapped her arms around herself and slowly and as inconspicuously as possible, she inched away from him.

 

_We were good at warmin' each other up this morning._ Daryl started to wonder if maybe Rainey had regrets about what had happened. He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip while he studied her for a moment.  _She's bein' fidgety as fuck right now... ain't never been this bad before when we were together._ “You're scared of me.” Daryl stated after spontaneously deciding to confront the issue head-on. “Why?” he thought he sounded more challenging than he had meant to, but he couldn't really help it. He had no idea why she would suddenly react that way, especially since they had been absolutely fine when they had kissed goodbye earlier. One thing was blatantly obvious, though... she truly didn't trust him and it kinda stung.

 

“I... It's... ummm... Can I get you a drink?”

 

“No. I'll take an answer, though.”

 

“I don't know if I have one.” Rainey sighed.

 

“What happened, Rain? Everythin' was fine earlier.”

 

“I know. And I'm not really scared of you, it's... I don't know...” Rainey trailed off and quickly tried to gather her thoughts. “I'm scared of not being able to be what you want. Or what you need or whatever.”

 

“What's that mean?”

 

“Well,... you're a man.”

 

“I'm aware of that.” Daryl deadpanned. He had no idea what that had to do with anything.

 

“Men want sex.” Rainey stated and made them both blush. She hid her face behind her hands and started rambling in embarrassment. “I mean, I want sex, too. It's not that I don't want you. You're hot... as hell... but, I'm not and I'm ashamed for my body and even if I'd ever have the courage to get naked, I might try to cover myself up the whole time or maybe I get stiff as a board and you'll feel like you're making love to a corpse, and that's not very enjoyable, now is it?”

 

“Guess it ain't.” Daryl let out the hint of a laugh. He walked over to where she stood and carefully removed her hands from her face. Rainey kept her eyes averted, though. She didn't dare look up at him after what she had just said. “What ya look like don't matter to me, Rain. Never will. Can promise ya that. But I told ya, that I don't think you're fat. Ya ain't,... ya gotta get that through that thick skull of yours. My brother's kinda into ya...” Daryl laughed with a little shake of his head, like he wasn't able to believe it himself. “And he ain't easily impressed. Neither am I... You got in, though... should tell ya enough.”

 

“I don't know what to do, Daryl. I want this, I really do, but I don't know how to do this.”

 

“Neither do I. Ain't got no clue. Never had no one like you. Ya know... someone I actually wanted to spend time with?”

 

“You didn't?” This was news to a surprised Rainey.

 

“Nah... only one night things... Not even whole nights...”

 

“Oh...” Rainey suddenly felt even worse. What if that was what he wanted her for? Only a quick “not even a whole night” thing? But then again, would he really spend so much time with her if that's what he wanted? Probably not.

 

“Look...” Daryl was getting impatient. He hated talking about that sort of stuff, and he very much wanted it to be over with quickly. “I already told ya everythin' ya need to know. For the rest, ya gotta give me a chance and lemme show ya that I mean it. I don't know much, but I figure there ain't no other way to do this. I ain't gon' push ya into fucking and shit, this ain't what this thing with us is about, not for me, but ya gotta start trustin' me at some point or it won't work. Thought that by now I proved myself enough.”

 

“You have.”

 

“Didn't look like it when I came in.”

 

“I told you I'm fucked up. I told you I'm not an easy person to be with.”

 

“Neither am I, but that's not a bad thing, I guess. We can figure it out together, I reckon... Just gotta... I dunno...”

 

“We just gotta take some leaps?” Rainey finished his sentence for him. “That's what my friends keep telling me.”

 

“Might be right. Think you can do that?”

 

“Can you?”

 

Daryl took a moment to think about it, but then he nodded. “Yeah.”  _I can when I think it's worth it._

 

“Okay.” Rainey exhaled shakily. “If you can, then I can do it, too. I'll try my hardest, at least.”

 

“That's all I ask... Just try to lemme show ya, alright?”

 

“Alright.” Rainey agreed. She felt better. Daryl had been able to calm her down some, but her doubts and worries still remained. She would keep her promise, though... she definitely would try to work through them for him.

 

“Good.” Daryl nodded with a relieved sigh. _Can we end this awkward shit now?_ He let go of her hands and carefully put his hands on her curvy hips. When she didn't squirm or pull away, he gripped her a little firmer, squeezing and slowly pulling her against him. “C'mere...?” It was a mix between an order and a question. He wanted her close, but he wasn't sure if Rainey wanted that right now.

 

He didn't have to wonder for long. Rainey wrapped her arms around him and hid her face in the crook of his neck. When Daryl wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly, a weight, she hadn't even know was resting on her shoulders, was lifted off of her. She felt safe and his male scent, which was becoming more and more familiar, made her feel comforted. She suddenly felt so silly. She had no idea what she had been worried about. Daryl was a good guy and he was one of the few people in this world, who really got her. It was all just in her head and once again she asked herself, why her head had to keep doing this to her. Tears started pooling in her eyes and she inhaled shakily while she clung to him.

 

“I'm sorry that this is so complicated. I wish it would be different. I wish **I** could be different.” Rainey murmured with a tear-laced voice.

 

“Nah. You're good the way you are. Got it?”

 

Rainey laughed quietly. “Okay. Got it. Thank you.”

 

“It's alright.”

 

“Yeah.” Rainey sighed, and in that moment, she felt like it really would be alright. Daryl had succeeded in turning her pessimism back into optimism, which truly wasn't an easy thing to do. Especially since he had sort of been the reason (or part of the reason) for her anxiety and depressed state of mind earlier. He was a bit of a miracle worker, where Rainey was concerned. It didn't completely sink in today, yet, but over the next couple of days, the fact that he was, in his own way, fighting for her, instead of running away, would do wonders for Rainey and her ability to trust him.

* * *

Daryl also gained a reputation of being a miracle worker among Rainey's friends. The same day Rainey had hung up on Danni, Simone had called Rainey with the intention to calm her friend down and give her a pep talk. She had been very surprised to hear that Daryl had already taken care of that. He didn't know it, but it had earned him a lot of brownie points with her girlfriends, which was a good thing. It was always good for a guy to have his girl's friends on his side. However, he had no clue about that and it wasn't even on his radar.

 

In the week after their talk, Daryl kept acting purely on instinct and tried to give Rainey her space. He didn't pounce on her and kissed her silly every time he saw her, in an attempt to show her, that it wasn't purely about them getting physical. It wasn't easy on him, though. Firstly, because being with a woman for more than a fuck was very new to him, and secondly, because he really wanted her. He was a guy, he couldn't help but constantly wonder what she looked like naked... what her skin would feel like... what sounds she would make when he would fondle those delicious-looking boobs of hers... if her breath would hitch when he would let his hand slip into her panties... He wondered if a guy had ever made her cum or if he would be the first one. He wished that he would be the first one.

 

Despite it being hard on him, Daryl soon felt that his efforts were paying off. Rainey got less and less nervous with each time they spent alone time together. She became more relaxed, more open and she came out of her shell more, which meant, that she started initiating some physical contact here and there. Whenever she did, Daryl felt safe to ravish her lips and make out with her, like it was going out of style the next day, but he was very careful about not letting his hands stray.

 

Rainey spent a lot of time over at Daryl's and Merle's. She felt good and comfortable there, and she simply still enjoyed not having anyone in her apartment and having her home as a retreat when she needed to be by herself for a bit. That hadn't happened too often, though. The three of them enjoyed their time together. They often sat together and played cards or watched something on TV after their meals, until Merle left for the bar and left the two lovebirds alone. Today Merle had left before dinner, after he and Daryl had worked on his bike for an hour. It hadn't started, something about the ignition, Rainey had no idea about that kind of thing, but she had watched them for a bit, before she had gone inside to get started on dinner.

 

Daryl had taken a shower once Merle had left, but now he joined her in the kitchen and they were embracing while the pasta was cooking. Rainey nuzzled her nose against his fragrant skin and inhaled deeply. “You smell fantastic.” she murmured against his neck. “Mmmmm... it should be illegal. It's so good.”

 

Daryl shuddered when he felt Rainey's lips press a kiss against his pulse point. This was the first time she had kissed him somewhere else other than his lips. This was the first time **anyone** had ever done that and Daryl was surprised how good it felt to have his neck kissed. “Maybe that's just the food.” he sounded slightly out of breath. 

 

“Nope. Definitely you.” she grinned and kissed his neck again. Another pleasurable shudder went through him and Daryl buried his hand in her hair and kept her face pressed to his neck a moment longer, before he pulled her head back and roughly captured her lips with his. He plundered her mouth and stroked her tongue with his, while Rainey moaned in surprise at his sudden intensity. He was leaning into her more and more, making her back up until she hit the fridge. When his knuckles came in contact with the cool metal, he withdrew his hand from her hair and took hold of her shoulders for a moment, exerting firm pressure and pulling her chest against his own. Soon his hands rubbed up and down her back as their kisses grew more feverish. When Rainey sucked on his tongue, Daryl growled and without even realizing that he was doing it, he let his hands slip further south until he was squeezing her full ass in his hands. Only when he dragged her closer to his crotch and heard her moan a little differently than usual did he become aware of where his hands were. He froze for a moment and pulled his lips from her to catch his breath. With great relief he noticed, that Rainey was smiling and didn't seem to mind having his hands on her butt, so he kept them there while he tried to gather his bearings. He didn't know what had gotten into him, he was usually a bit more careful around her, but that neck kissing thing, as innocent as it had been, it was also quite a turn on.

 

“Man... “ Rainey panted slightly. “I'm definitely not freezing anymore.”

 

Daryl let out a little laugh. Sometimes she blurted out those kind of things and it was refreshing and adorable alike. “Yeah... same here.”

 

Rainey giggled happily as she disentangled herself from him and went back to stirring the pasta. She was still very nervous about going further with him, but she was no longer deathly afraid of it, and that was all because of Daryl. He wasn't pushing her at all. He seemed perfectly content with making out only and of course, that was fine by her. If it was up to Rainey, they could spend years not going any further. They could just be together, kiss and then take care of their needs themselves at night. Although she had to admit that she was kind of itching to give him a hand job. The few couple of times she had gotten to do it, she had loved playing with a guy's dick, but she was scared that Daryl would want to reciprocate in some way. But her urge to do something for him grew stronger with every day. She just needed to work up the courage to put her hand on his crotch the next time they were making out. But then again, maybe she should try gathering the courage to put her hand underneath his shirt first.

 

Rainey blushed as she stared into the pot of pasta, deep in thought. Daryl noticed and narrowed his eyes at her in curiosity. “What? Why you getting all red in the face, huh? What's goin' on in that head of yours?” he teased her with a grin, causing her to blush even more.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Nah, it's something.”

 

“It's nothing.” Rainey laughed. “Just set the table, please.”

 

“Don't think you've won.” Daryl smirked. He stepped behind her and leaned in to speak directly into her ear. “I'mma get it outta you.”

 

Her lady parts clenched pleasantly as his low, raspy voice flowed through her veins like crackling electricity, making all her nerve-endings come alive. “Yeah... I'm sure you will.”

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

**Thoughts? Feedback is always appreciated.**

 

**Special Thanks to everyone who left a comment and kudos!  
**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 

He loved watching her eat. He loved watching her, period. He was grateful to whatever power was out there, that Rainey had overcome her issue of eating in front of him. However, he was pretty sure that she was still watching how much she was eating, but it was still some good progress. Her forehead was slightly furrowed in concentration while Rainey slowly chewed her food. It looked like she was trying to think of a way to make it even tastier. That's what she was all about... She wanted to be perfect, and she wanted everything she did to be perfect, so nobody would be able to criticize her for anything. He couldn't imagine what that had to feel like, to constantly be craving perfection. He had accepted a long time ago, that he wasn't perfect, and that he would never be. He was sure that it had to be pretty stressful, though.

 

While Rainey was distracted, Daryl took the opportunity to study her more closely for what had to be the hundredth time. He would never get tired of it. Merle had once told him, that Daryl may look like a man, but that he was still just a kid. Daryl thought, that it might be a similar case with Rainey. She was 32 years old and she definitely looked her age... If he hadn't known, he would have guessed her age to be around 32-34. She looked like a real and grown-up woman, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she seemed so much younger. _Maybe that's why it works? 'Cause we're really on the same page or the same level or whatever._ Daryl figured that it might have been part of the reason why he'd found himself so interested in her. Maybe subconsciously he had known that, if anyone would ever understand him, it would be her, because she was, in some ways, so similar to him. 

 

Daryl quickly quit staring, when he noticed her coming out of her “zone”. He slurped up the last bit of spaghetti and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Thanks. Was real good.”

 

“I'm glad. Want some more?”

 

“Nah. Stuffed.” he declined and grabbed his soda. “Think we should go to my room. Don't feel like hanging out in here when Merle comes back. It's Friday and he sure found some poor idiot to buy him a drink or five.”

 

“Think he's going to bring home a lady friend?” 

 

“He don't do that. Screws 'em right outside the bar or the parking lot or whatever.” Daryl replied with a shrug, before her next question made him freeze.

 

“Is that how you do it, too?” Rainey asked before thinking, then she felt incredibly rude. “Oh God, I'm sorry, I don't know why that came out. It's rude and I don't even wanna know.”

 

Daryl was glad that he didn't have to give her an answer. He knew it sounded bad, and he didn't want her to hear it out loud. “It's in the past. Can promise ya that.” he told her, wanting to make sure she understood that she wasn't like the other women.

 

“It's alright. Forget it.” Rainey smiled bravely as she stacked their plates and took them over to the sink. Imagining him with other women was not something she wanted to do, so she quickly distracted herself by washing the dishes.

* * *

A little later they were cuddled up in Daryl's bed, in Daryl's very dark room. Neither of them felt like they needed to switch on the small lamp on his nightstand, the darkness acted as a safety blanket, especially for Rainey. She loved being ensconced in his strong embrace, with her face in the crook of his neck, and with the tip of her nose lightly pressed against the skin of his neck. She felt sheltered, safe and warm, and it was just right for her in order to do, what she had been thinking about doing earlier.

 

Slowly and hesitantly, she started nuzzling his neck a little, before she traced her slightly parted lips along his skin. She heard and felt him inhale a bit more sharply than before, just as his fingers threaded through her hair. He pulled her head closer against his neck, making her kiss that magic spot again, he hadn't even known existed until an hour ago. A low moan was torn from his lips, by Rainey parting her own lips some more and letting her tongue dart out between them. She teased his flesh with soft, little, experimental licks, which were quickly stoking a searing-hot fire inside of is veins. 

 

_Bite me! Shit, baby, lemme feel your teeth!_ Daryl felt the overwhelming urge to have her bite and suck on his skin. He was begging her inside his head, but of course, Rainey wasn't a mind reader. So, for as long as he wouldn't speak up, the only thing he could do was to hope that she would come up with the idea to do that, on her own. As it turned out a couple of minutes later, he was in luck. “Fuck, yes!” The words fell from his lips without him being able to control it, when he felt her teeth. Rainey had very lightly and carefully nibbled on his neck, unknowingly giving him what he'd been craving.

 

Daryl's response felt empowering to Rainey. She had been unsure of herself, not entirely certain if he truly liked what she was doing, but hearing his groan and feeling his fist tighten in her hair gave her more confidence and made her bite down a little harder. His response also had her own temperature rising, as her center started to moisten. He sounded so sexy, and she loved feeling his strength when he gripped her harder. Once again he made her feel small, and she loved it. It was amazing. It gave her the courage to let her fingers slide down his right side, until her fingertips met the hem of his old and faded black t-shirt. Slowly her fingers crept underneath the soft material, and when Rainey's fingers met the warm skin of his belly, she literally felt her heartbeat in her throat. 

 

Daryl sucked in his stomach reflexively, mostly out of surprise. He quickly relaxed again and made a small noise in the back of his throat in encouragement. Under no circumstances did he want her to stop what she was doing. It felt like he had been waiting for this sign for ages. The sign that showed him that his girl was ready for a little more than just kissing. “G'on...” he grunted so low in his throat, that Rainey wasn't sure that he had actually said it. However, in a burst of courage, she decided to go for it, and smoothed her hand over his belly, letting her thumb stroke over his happy trail, before her hand slid upwards, along his side and ribcage, until she reached his chest. 

 

_Oh my..._ Rainey couldn't believe how good he felt. She had never felt the body of a grown man, and never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that she would love it so much. The coarse hair, the strong muscles, the hard planes and firm skin... It was all a far cry from the chubby smoothness of her first boyfriend and that one internet dating asshole. Daryl was a real man, and the differences between him, herself and those two other guys were pretty sexy to her. She twirled her fingertips through his patch of chest hair, an involuntary giggle leaving her mouth, when the gentle scratching sensation of her long fingernails had Daryl practically purring.

 

He felt his nipples tighten and his cock growing. She was driving him nuts, just from this. He had no idea how much more he would be able to take without losing it. For now, he tried to distract himself a little and tugged at the fistful of hair he was still clenching desperately between his fingers, making her face tilt up so he would be able to kiss her. He planted a steamy one on her lips, before he let her hear the smirk in his voice. “What's so funny? Hm?”

 

“Nothing.” Rainey giggled against his mouth.

 

“Nothing, huh?” Daryl chuckled and decided to dare to turn the tables on her. He slowly rolled her onto her back, and with a heart that was about to beat out of his chest, he carefully settled himself on top of her, between her legs. He wasn't met with any resistance, however, he noticed that her breathing picked up. Since it was dark, he wasn't able to see her face and if her expression was a scared one. “This alright?” he asked quietly as he gently rubbed the tip of his nose against her own. He realized that he hadn't really thought this one through, because his erection was now neatly pressed against Rainey's crotch. He figured that it hadn't been the smartest thing to do, but so far, she didn't seem overly tense, which he took as a good sign.

 

“Yes. I'm good...” Rainey breathed.

 

“Sure? Ain't just sayin' it, 'cause you're scared to say no? Ya ain't never gotta be scared ta tell me to stop when ya don't want somethin'. Ain't never gonna get mad over that. I promise, alright?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Good. Now, you promise me.”

 

“I promise.”

 

“I trust ya to keep that promise, Rain. I'm tryin' my best, but I ain't no mind reader. If I do somethin' you ain't comfortable with, you gotta tell me. Now, Imma ask again... You okay with this?”

 

“I am... nervous, though...” she admitted, before she quickly added “...but not in a bad way.”

 

“Ain't the only one...” Daryl made an admission of his own, before he closed the tiny gap between their mouths and kissed her long and hard. He froze a little, when Rainey's hands slid from his chest around to his back and immediately touched on of his scars. He felt Rainey pause and quickly gave her an answer, before she was able to ask. “Scar... There's more than one, just so ya know. Don't tell Merle, alright?” Daryl had long since accepted his scars, he didn't care about people knowing about them, except for one... As far as Daryl knew, Merle didn't know that their old man had unleashed his fury on his youngest son, once Merle had left for the military. Daryl didn't want him to know, because he didn't want Merle to feel guilty about leaving him behind. 

 

Apart from his words, Rainey was literally able to feel it in the air that he did not want to talk about it, so she didn't dare ask. “I won't.” she murmured, but of course she wondered why he would have such big scars on his back, without his brother knowing about them. She didn't get too far with her train of thought though, because Daryl was doing a very good job at distracting her. He gave her a taste of her own medicine and kissed her neck, as softly as a Dixon could. He smirked in satisfaction when he felt her shudder and heard her sharp intake of breath.

 

She had dreamed about this moment, many times, but never had her dreams felt this good. Just like it was the case for Daryl, none of Rainey's two previous intimate encounters had ever kissed her neck. The sensation of feeling his warm, soft lips paired with the scratchy tickle of his beard against the sensitive skin of her neck was just as (if not slightly more) enticing as when she felt it against her lips. Involuntarily, the image of Daryl letting her feel that sensation between her legs popped up behind her closed eyes, making her shudder even harder, just as Daryl licked a long line up to her ear. “Oh...” the aroused sound escaped her much to her own embarrassment. She was glad that he wasn't able to see her, because she blushed furiously and quickly slapped her hand over her mouth to keep further accidents from happening.

 

Daryl felt like she had touched him with a live wire. The sound had gone straight to his groin and he was surprised by the strong pull of arousal it had caused. He was certain that he had never heard anything as sexy, arousing and beautiful as Rainey's moaning. He was pretty sure that she had made him leak just now, which was why he wasn't really able to help himself, when he started grounding his dick against her in a slow, slow rhythm. 

 

Rainey's eyes were about to roll back into her head, when he started dry-humping her. That particular thing she had done a lot before and had always loved it, so having Daryl grind himself against her like that, while he was kissing and nibbling on her neck... well,... she got so turned on by it, that she suspected that he might be able to make her cum like that. She turned her head to the side to give him more access and she started lifting her hips to meet his rhythm, timidly at first, but when she was rewarded with a grunt from her partner, her movements grew more confident. She was still covering her mouth, though, trying to keep the breathy moans and whimpers from getting out.

 

Daryl shuddered with lust when he felt Rainey squirm and start to move her hips up against his. He couldn't believe that this was really happening, it really felt too good to be true. In the back of his head he was a bit scared that it might just be a dream, which Merle would rudely awaken him from. But no, he had dreamed about Rainey before, and this was way different, way better, than those dreams had been. “Nnnggghhhh...” Daryl groaned when he got some friction in a particularly sensitive area of his swollen cock.  _Thank God I skipped underwear..._ He'd gone commando under his sweatpants after his shower, and he was thanking the Heavens for that now. He heard Rainey moan again, but this time, instead of making his dick jump, it made Daryl frown. She sounded muffled, like she had a pillow or something pressed over her mouth. He carefully reached up and found her covering her mouth with her hand, which he promptly removed. “Don't do that.” he rasped under his breath. “We're alone and I wanna hear ya. Got it?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Still feel good?”

 

“Yes, I promise.” Rainey quickly reassured him, so he wouldn't stop what he was doing. Daryl didn't say anything else, instead he put his mouth to another, very good, use. He kissed her passionately, letting his tongue swirl around hers, quietly grunting into her mouth and catching her whimpers in his in return, while they bumped and ground into each other. “Daryl?” Rainey soon broke the kiss and addressed him quietly. 

 

“You wanna stop?” Daryl immediately ceased all motion, even though his dick was screaming for him to keep rubbing. 

 

“No, but... I... umm... I wanna do something for you.”

 

“What?” he asked, but Rainey didn't reply. At least not verbally. “Oh fuck...” Daryl breathed a moment later, when he felt her hand tentatively cupping his package through his old sweatpants. She lightly wrapped her hand around the hardness she felt, and moved her hand up and down a little, in order to indicate what she meant. “You ain't gotta.” Daryl panted and felt that if his dick would be able to punch him, it would do just that right now.

 

“I really want to.” she admitted, once again glad that he wasn't able to see her face reddening.

 

“Okay...” he breathed and his dick gave a little jump. “I allowed to take care of you, too?”

 

Rainey bit her lip and thought about it for a moment, but she found that she wasn't ready for that yet. Not even in complete darkness. There was one thing she was ready for, though. “I'm sorry... I can't... not yet... but you can do this...” she murmured and slowly pulled one of his hands to rest on her left breast. 

 

Daryl grinned and kissed her happily. “Yeah? Under your shirt?” he was half-joking, but Rainey still pondered, if she was ready for that. 

 

“Yes. Okay.” she replied, surprising the hell out of him. The darkness was helping her a lot to feel comfortable. He would be able to feel, but not see anything yet. She was okay with that. She wasn't ready for him to try to bring her to orgasm, though. She was way too nervous to be able to fully let go and enjoy, and she didn't want to end up in a situation where she would have to tell him, that he was trying to make her cum in vain. Rainey withdrew her hand from his crotch and unzipped the hoodie she was wearing. She was wearing a loose-fitting t-shirt underneath, but she kept that on. She had merely unzipped the hoodie to grant him better access to her breasts. She might have been nervous, but she was also pretty excited to feel his gorgeous hands on her soft flesh, so she started to guide his hand underneath her t-shirt. Rainey stiffened when he put his hand on her belly. That was a part of her body she was very self-conscious about, although it wasn't even flabby or anything. She had always done a lot of sit-ups, ever since she had been a teen, so her belly had remained relatively flat throughout her several weight gains and losses. Her real problem was her ass, her hips and her thighs, but she still wasn't as nervous about Daryl touching those, as she was about him touching her belly. Lord knows why, she wasn't able to explain it. 

 

When he felt how soft her skin was, Daryl took his time and gently stroked her belly with his warm hand, until he felt her start to relax. “Ya feel real good.” he whispered to her. Crimson crept into his cheeks, simply because he wasn't used to talking to a woman like that and it still felt a little weird to him sometimes.

 

“Are you sure?” her voice was so small, it broke his heart, but he still had to chuckle a little bit at her question.

 

“Hell yeah. Ain't got nothin' to worry about. Nothin' to be ashamed of, I promise.” his fingertips drew lazy circles around her belly button while he talked, still trying to make her relax fully. He dipped his index finger into her navel and jumped a little, when it made her jerk and squeal. 

 

“Oh God, don't!” Rainey laughed.

 

“Someone's ticklish, huh?” he smirked and tickled her belly.

 

“No, please!” Rainey squirmed and tried to evade his fingers, while she also tried not to snort like a pig with laughter. “I don't feel like peeing my pants right now. Please stop.” she begged giggling.

 

Daryl stopped tickling her and smoothed his hand over her belly, happy when she didn't flinch this time. He leaned in and rubbed the tip of his nose along her jaw line, until he found her mouth. He let his lips meet hers in a hot and deep kiss. Rainey was biting down on his bottom lip again, having him shudder from pleasure.  _Fucking love when she does that._ Daryl's hand slowly slid up north, both their hearts beating faster, the higher he went. Rainey moaned quietly and Daryl got a pleasurable shock when his hand cupped her warm and supple breast. She wasn't wearing a bra, and Daryl hadn't expected that. He lifted it gently, testing how its weight felt in his palm, then he squeezed and swiped his thumb over her nipple, relishing in her moan and the feeling of the soft peak hardening under his ministration.

 

It felt incredible, but Rainey wasn't able to let herself enjoy it, because she was too focused on what she wanted to do for Daryl. She had her mind set on giving him pleasure tonight, which made her unable to just lay back and let things happen and let herself feel. She slid her hand back down to his crotch and broke the kiss. “Maybe you should roll over?” Rainey told him, because she wasn't able to reach comfortably.

 

“Okay.” Daryl swallowed hard and shifted into another position, before he quickly slammed his lips back down on hers. His kisses turned feverish when Rainey traced his length with her hand, rubbing gently, making him grow even harder. The feeling was exquisite, he couldn't imagine it getting better, but it did. Rainey carefully freed his turgid penis from its confines and wrapped her beautiful, warm hand around it. An involuntary groan was ripped from his throat when she tightened her grip and slowly stroked him up and down. He couldn't believe how fucking fantastic it felt. He was instantly addicted to the feeling of having her hand jerk him off. He groaned again when she started twisting her hand a little while she stroked him. Her touch was still a bit tentative and experimental, but it was SO. DAMN. GOOD. He would have to use every trick in the book to keep himself from blowing his load immediately.

 

Rainey had given handjobs to her ex-boyfriend numerous times in the past, she knew she would be able to make him cum like this. She was a bit confused at first, because Daryl's dick felt a bit different, but she soon noticed, that he wasn't circumcised. Her ex and the internet jackass had both been cut, so this was a bit different, but not too much. He just seemed to get a lot more pleasurable friction due to the foreskin slipping back and forth over the tip. Her nervousness forgotten, Rainey started getting into it again and having fun. She loved Daryl's harsh breathing and the little noises he was making in the back of his throat. They were both laying on their sides, facing each other, so the angle was a bit awkward, but she shifted slightly in order to be able to use both of her hands. She released him to free up her right hand, but gripped him with her left instead. She used her right hand to slip into his sweats, where his balls were still hidden. She giggled quietly against his lips when she felt his dick jump in her hand when she cupped the soft sac and gently rolled it in her palm. Her left hand kept up a slow, but steady rhythm, but on the next downward stroke she pulled back his foreskin all the way and slowly slid the pad of her thumb across the swollen, moist tip.

 

“Aaaaaawww ffffuuuuck!!!” Daryl tore his lips away from her and cursed loudly under labored breath as his whole body jerked hard. Pre-cum leaked out of his cock and Rainey spread it all around with her thumb and massaged it into the incredibly soft skin. His response had her pressing her legs together hard. It had made moisture pool out of her like never before as her whole core throbbed with lust. 

 

Daryl had a hard time catching his breath. He had masturbated a lot in his life, he'd had some satisfying experiences with women, but he had never felt pleasure quite intense like this. He was barely able to take it, it was too much and he needed to get off. Now. He was breathing frantically, no longer able to kiss her without suffocating, when he put his hand on top of hers, urging her to move it again.

 

“Please.” his rough, pleasure-filled voice was arousing her to no end, just as much as his response to her ministrations. Daryl moved their hands in quick, short strokes, showing her what he liked and needed, without even thinking twice about it. When she had gotten the hang of it, he removed his hand and brought his hands back under her shirt to her breasts. He groped and squeezed the soft mounds while he pressed the side of his face into his pillow, releasing low grunts in time with her strokes. When the sounds he was making grew more high-pitched, Rainey took it as a sign that he was close and sped up the pace of her movements.

 

“Yes!” Daryl grunted, making her grin proudly, but she quickly focused all her attention on him again. His body was starting to lock up and his grip on her tits grew near painful, which in turn, made her lady parts tingle with excitement. His grunts grew louder and more strained just before he went completely still for a couple of seconds, and then, with a short, hoarse shout, he erupted all over her hand and stomach. Rainey felt the warm splashes hit her hand and t-shirt, and couldn't help but smile happily. It had been even better and more fun that she had imagined. She remembered having read a while ago, that uncircumcised guys were more sensitive and she figured that the increased sensitivity would be kind of awesome. Now she could barely wait to touch her tongue to his tip and see his reaction then, she thought with a giggle.

 

She kept stroking him slowly until Daryl clamped his hand down on her wrist when he grew too sensitive. He was still breathing erratically, but the rest of his body seemed to be completely drained and limp. “Good Lord.” he murmured, making her giggle again. She didn't ask if it was good. She hated that question and it had obviously been good enough to make him cum, so she refrained from asking.

 

“It bad that I want a smoke now?” Daryl asked, still panting.

 

“Not at all.” she laughed. “I want one, too.”

 

“Shit, I'm hungry, too.” Daryl chuckled.

 

“I'll get you something. Just stay here.” Rainey smiled and kissed him. She had to go to the bathroom to wash her hands anyway, so it was no problem to get him some leftover spaghetti bolognese from dinner, along with their cigarettes on her way back. Daryl didn't protest for once, his mind was still reeling in a very good way from what had just happened. When he heard Rainey in the kitchen a couple of minutes later, he forced himself to move. He tucked himself back into his sweatpants, sat up and switched on the lamp on his nightstand. Fooling around in the dark was fun, but eating in the dark was not.

 

Rainey came in with a tray and set it down over his lap. Before she was able to ask if he wanted to smoke or eat first, Daryl was already cradling her face and plundering her mouth with his own. “You sure you don't want me to do nothin' for you?” he whispered against her lips. He was yearning to put his hand between those gorgeous thick thighs of hers and rub her pussy until she screamed.

 

“I'm sure.” Rainey smiled reassuringly. “Maybe next time, but I can't promise anything.”

 

“Alright. Too bad.” Daryl mumbled after gently kissing her again.

 

“Really? I thought guys hated reciprocating anyway.”

 

“Only selfish assholes. I might be a lot of things, Rain, but I ain't never been the selfish kind.”

 

“Hm.” Rainey acknowledged his reply with a small grunt, but on the inside she was getting excited. _Maybe I really should let him try next time._

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

**Thoughts? Let me know what you think.**

 

**Thank you for all the wonderful feedback. I'm glad most of you still enjoy it and I hope you enjoyed their first venture over to the naughty side.**

**Thank you for the massive amount of kudos and special thanks to the ones who left a comment:**

**Leanne8628**

**Phylicia**

**breannakristine**


	13. Chapter 13

 

**Four weeks later**

 

It was evening, after dinner, and Daryl had his girlfriend in his arms, on the couch. Daryl looked down at Rainey for what must have been the hundredth time that night. “You're quiet.” he stated eventually. Sure, Rainey was always pretty quiet, but today Daryl got the feeling that it was another kind of quiet than usual. Ever since they both had been back to work after their two weeks off, Daryl had noticed that Rainey was more subdued and stressed out than before. Being at work with all those situations and people that were aggravating her condition, it all took a lot out of her.

 

“I have some things on my mind.” Rainey replied in a tired tone of voice.

 

Daryl wasn't the guy to keep prodding until she told him what was going on, so he did the only thing he could think of, which was offering support. “If ya need anything, tell me.”

 

“That's sweet, thank you, but you can't help me with this.” Rainey sighed with a smile before she finally revealed what was burdening her today. “My contract at work is up next month and it's very clear that my boss wants me gone. Pretty much no chance of getting another one or two years, I think.”

 

“Shit.” Daryl sighed with a slight shake of his head.  _ Poor thing can't catch a break. _

 

“Exactly.” Rainey agreed. “I mean, it's kind of a good news/bad news situation, you know? I won't have to deal with that bully of a boss anymore, but on the other hand I will have to do interviews and find a new job, and if I can't find one, I'm screwed. I can't move in with one of my parents again. I swear, this time it would actually kill me.”

 

“Relax. Won't come to that. If ya lose your apartment you just stay with us.” Daryl shrugged like it was the most natural and logical thing in the world, and not a big deal at all. Actually, Daryl didn't understand why Rainey was looking at him like he had grown three heads.  _ I take care of my own. Always done it for Merle... gonna do it for her, too, now that she's ma girl. _

 

“Oh... ummm... that's very generous of you to offer, but I don't think it would be a good idea.” Rainey said after clearing her throat uncomfortably.

 

Daryl would never admit it, but he felt a little hurt by her reluctance. Or maybe hurt wasn't the right word. He wasn't sure what he felt, but he sure as hell wasn't happy. “Why?” he asked calmly, but his tone had a bit of an edge to it.

 

“You know,... I like being by myself sometimes. I think living with someone, no matter who, would drive me insane.”

 

“Hm.” Daryl grunted. Now he was even less happy. He fell silent for a bit; a thought drifted through his mind, or actually more of a question he was dying to know Rainey's answer to. “What if in five years from now we're still together? Or ten years, I dunno... You sayin' you'd never consider livin' together?”

 

“Maybe, I don't know.” Rainey shrugged. “I guess that is one of those 'Let's cross that bridge when we get to it' kind of thing.”

 

“Fine.” Daryl huffed. Sometimes he really hated that he was often unable to get a straight answer out of her. It was pretty much the only thing that was bothering him about her. He had only wanted her to know he would help out if push came to shove. It wasn't like he was expecting her to promise to move in with him in two months from now, he was fine with the way things were... he was just curious. It had been a hypothetical question, and to not even get an answer to that... He was a little miffed.

 

Rainey felt the mood between them shift and she needed a breather. She got up from the couch to use the bathroom and get herself some water. “You want anything? Another beer?”

 

“I'm good.” Daryl replied curtly and watched her walk from the couch towards the bathroom door. His eyes narrowed when he noticed something, which made his mood turn even darker. He knew those jeans she was wearing. They had a big distressed part on the right thigh and a smaller one on the left, so those particular pair of jeans was easy for him to recognize. She had worn them on the night she had gotten harassed outside the bar, and he had seen her wear them a couple more times since then. They had always been nice and tight around her thighs and hips, pronouncing her beautiful curves, but now those pants were not hugging her curves anymore. “Yer losin' weight.” It almost sounded like an accusation.

 

“Yeah, I guess I am.” Rainey smiled happily, but that smile dimmed when she noticed his expression. “What?”

 

“Hope you ain't doin' it for me or somethin'.”

 

“I wasn't. I didn't even notice it was happening.”

 

“It's 'cause you're still eatin' like a fucking bird when you're around us.” It came out pretty harsh. Daryl was unhappy and was lashing out a little, without even really knowing why. Must have been one of those days. Unfortunately, it was the exact wrong thing to say, because now Rainey knew that he was actually paying attention to how much she ate after all, just not in the way she now thought he was.

 

Of course she did feel attacked by him in that moment. She immediately shrank back into herself, and instead of sitting back down between his legs, she gingerly perched herself on the edge of the recliner across from the couch. She despised situations like these; she never knew what to do. She felt like she wanted to go home, but she also wanted to stay, because she wanted him back in a good mood and have a nice night with him. She hated leaving things unresolved, but she had no idea what to say, in order to try and start resolving this weird thing that was going on right now.

 

Daryl had no idea why he was so incredibly frustrated all of a sudden. The day had been alright. Nothing spectacularly good or bad happened, just another Friday at work... Okay, maybe he did have an idea after all... Admittedly, he'd been a little frustrated for a while, so maybe it was all just coming to a head today. And unfortunately, he wasn't able to get himself out of that mood. When he saw Rainey sit down across from him, he snorted derisively. “Great, why don't ya go sit in your car? Sit as far away from me as possible? Fuck, why don't ya just go home?” he spat, even though the last thing he wanted was for her to go home, but he simply couldn't help himself.

 

His words sealed it for Rainey. She wasn't welcome anymore, not today, and she wasn't one to overstay her welcome. She started feeling guilty for losing weight and for however else she had offended him. The feeling was a familiar one. Somehow she always got herself into these kind of situations, where she got people mad at her, without even really knowing what she had done wrong. Going home, to be by herself and reflect, would be the best thing for everybody right now. 

 

Without another word she put on her shoes and her black, cable-knitted cardigan, and then grabbed her bag and left.

 

Daryl huffed when the door fell shut behind her. “Yeah, couldn't get out of her fast enough, huh?” He startled a little when he heard Merle's voice. He had totally forgotten about his brother being in his room to read.

 

“The hell was that about?” Merle asked with a frown.

 

“She wanted to go home.” Daryl grumbled.

 

“Riiight...” Merle spoke the world slowly, letting on that he didn't believe that one bit. Daryl was steeling himself for some of Merle's well-meaning advice, but instead, his older brother returned to his room and let Daryl be, much to the younger Dixons surprise. Merle had heard Daryl being an ass to Rainey, but as long as he didn't have a clue about what in the world was eating his younger brother, he wasn't getting involved, so he left Daryl to stew in his own juice.

* * *

Rainey tried to focus on driving, instead on what had happened with Daryl. Freezing rain was falling from the sky quite heavily and the roads were turning dangerously slippery. She hated driving in that weather; it made her anxiety spike, which had her clench the steering wheel in her hands so hard, that her knuckles turned white.

 

She had been on the road for about 15 minutes, thinking that this night couldn't possibly get worse, when it did. She noticed a small yellow light come on and less than a second later, her car started sputtering and jerking. Rainey had just enough time to pull over before it came to a halt and died.

 

“Please... are you kidding me?” Rainey murmured tiredly to herself. She tried to start the car again a couple of times, but it didn't start back up. A burst of anxiety made her belly clench. She would have to call AAA, and she hated being a burden and having to call people to come help her out, even if it was a company whose sole purpose was to help stranded motorists. The real anxiety attack started, when she got her phone out of her bag and the screen remained black when she tried to activate it. She remembered that the battery had been low, when she had left work. She had wanted to charge it at Daryl's, but she had forgotten about it. Now it was dead. “Oh God, please no!” Her breathing picked up quite a bit, because this was literally one of her biggest nightmares. She wasn't very fond of being outside in the dark, much less in the middle of freaking nowhere and without a phone.

 

The anxiety attack bloomed in full, making Rainey sit in her car and try to get it together for a good 20 minutes. Of course not a single car came by during that time. Everyone else was smart enough not to go for a ride when there was the threat of black ice. She was starting to get cold, so she had to make a decision. Without being able to call for help, she would have to walk. Her place was much further away than Daryl's, so she would have to walk back there and ask him if she would be allowed to use his phone.

 

“Gonna have to ask him for dry clothes, too.” Rainey sighed when she looked outside through the driver's side window. She was wearing work clothes, which weren't designed for rain or the cold.  _ At least I have my cardi...,  _ Rainey thought, when she left the car with her bag slung over her shoulder, and started walking. 

 

It only took a minute for her to find out that her cardigan wouldn't do shit for her. She felt the icy liquid seep through the woolen fibers, and slowly but consistently drench the light sweater she was wearing underneath. Within a mere five minutes she was a soaked and shivering mess. To top it all off, she slipped and fell twice on her way back to Daryl. Judging from the pain, she figured that she would end up with nice big bruises on her right hip and thigh.

* * *

The loud banging on the door made both the Dixon brothers jump. The men shared a look before Merle quickly retrieved his handgun from its hiding place on the DVD shelf. They weren't expecting company and they had had some bad experiences at their old trailer park, so they liked to treat this kind of thing by the motto “Better safe than sorry”. They both inched closer to the door, avoiding to stand right behind it, in case their visitor decided to shoot through it.

 

That visitor banged against the door again, but this time the brothers noticed that it wasn't banging, but kicking, because the noise came from the bottom of the door. “Who's there?” Daryl shouted through the door. Someone was saying something on the other side of it, but he wasn't able to make it out. He looked over his shoulder at Merle, who gave him a nod while he took the safety off his gun. Both of them took one last deep breath before Daryl opened the door, steeling themselves for whatever might happen.

 

Daryl opened the door a crack, prepared to slam it shut again, in case he would be looking down a barrel, but what he saw made him yank the door wide open. “Rain? What the fuck, girl?” he was relieved, but also a bit annoyed, because her kicking against the door had scared the shit out of them for a moment. It took a moment for him to notice Rainey's appearance. Merle was actually the first to react to it.

 

“Damn, girly... what did you do? Take a walk in the rain without your damn umbrella? Get your ass inside!” Merle stepped around Daryl and pulled Rainey inside by her arm. “Fuck, you're a damn ice block!”

 

Daryl saw that Rainey was dirty, completely soaked and that she was shaking uncontrollably, and he finally realized that something was wrong, and with that he also finally realized, what an ass he had been. “Jesus fuck, Rain... what happened? Are you okay?”

 

“C-c-car...b-broke....” Rainey's teeth were chattering so hard, that she was barely able to talk. She had never been this cold in her entire life and the only thought on her mind was, that she needed to get warm somehow.

 

“She look okay to you? Open your damn eyes, son!” Merle pushed Daryl against the shoulder and shook his head at him. Rainey was damn pale, even her lips were void of their usual rosy red color.

 

“H-h-hands... c-c-can't f-f-eel...” she stuttered before Merle quickly shushed her.

 

“We got ya. We're gon' take care of ya, Sugar.” Merle briefly looked at the clock on the wall, then he turned his eyes on Daryl. “We ain't got no thermometer around, but I'm pretty sure she's got a bit of hypothermia. Musta been out there for at least half an hour. Here's whatchu gon' do now, baby brother... Take her to your room and get her out of these wet clothes. Get her naked and then get her dry and get her in bed. Then you gon' get naked and get in there with her, share body heat. Best way to warm her up. I'll get y'all the sleeping bags to put on top of the blanket one by one. Gotta warm her up gradually.” Merle told his little brother what he remembered from his training. The way Daryl's eyes went wide and snapped up to meet Merle's, told Merle, that apparently Daryl and his girl had never been naked together, which was a surprise considering how long they had been fooling around by now. However, now was not the time to think about that. “What? Want me to do it?”

 

“No.” Daryl quickly replied and tugged at Rainey to make her come with him.

 

“Don't jostle her around like that.” Merle warned. “Move slow. Gotta be careful, man.” While he reprimanded Daryl, Merle was digging through Rainey's bag until he found her phone. “Dead, just as I figured. Didn't peg her for the kind that was stupid enough to walk around in weather like this, if she coulda called.”

 

“Come on, Rain.” Daryl took Rainey's hand, wincing when he felt how cold and stiff it was. He rubbed the palm of his other hand over the back of hers, trying to warm it up.

 

“Don't do that.” Merle gave him another warning. “Don't remember why, but they said not to rub or massage the person. She's s'pposed to just lay still and warm up.”

 

“Alright.” Daryl rasped, for once thankful for Merle's advice, and took Rainey to his room. “Rain, I gotta get ya undressed. I know you don't trust me with that shit, but now you gotta. I'm sorry.” Daryl couldn't help the bitterness that seeped into his words. Four weeks and she still insisted on the lights being off and the clothes being on while they made out. He thought he had been pretty patient with her, he thought he had shown her more than enough that he was for real, but over and over, she kept pushing his hand away, when he wanted to slip it between her legs and she wouldn't take off her top, not even in the dark. He had no idea what to do anymore and he was starting to lose patience, and for that, he felt really bad. In the back of his head he realized that it might be the root of his frustrations. “Ain't no time for discussion, neither. We gotta do this now, okay?”

 

Rainey looked hesitant for a moment, but she knew he was right. She had heard in the past that sharing body heat was one of the best first-aid measures in cases like this. She knew this was necessary, but it didn't make it any easier. Daryl didn't wait for her okay, he figured there was no time to be wasted. Carefully he peeled the cold and dripping wet cardigan off her body. While he knelt on the floor in front of her, in order to take off her shoes, a towel landed next to him.

 

“Pat, don't rub.” Merle told him again and shut the door.

 

“Remember what I told ya.” Daryl murmured when he gathered the hem of her sweater in his hands. “I'm with ya, because I want all of you. Ain't nothin' 'bout your looks that are gon' make me run.” Then he tugged up her sweater and pulled it over her head and off of her, revealing her, only bra-clad, torso to him. Daryl simply had no idea what she was so damn worried about. He thought she looked amazing. He had kind of a fetish with the way her waist flared out into her hips. He loved running his hands over those hourglass-shaped curves. He would love to feel it skin-on-skin, too.

 

Rainey didn't want to see the expression on Daryl's face when he saw her naked, so she averted her gaze. She felt like she was shaking even more when he reached around her and opened the clasp of her bra. She closed her eyes when she felt him kiss her cheek gently. “Don't worry about a thing. It's all good, I promise.” With those words, he removed the bra and let it drop on the growing pile of clothes next to them. His gaze involuntarily dropped down to her breasts, quickly taking her in, without staring, before he lowered his gaze to the fly of her jeans. His hands were shaking slightly, when he unbuttoned her pants. He was very nervous, partly because he was quite worried about her, and partly because he would see her completely naked in just a minute. It was a dream come true, he just wished that it would come true under different circumstances.

 

Meanwhile Rainey was sure that she had never been as mortified as she was in this very moment, when Daryl slid her jeans and panties down her legs. Surprisingly, though, she also felt a small amount of relief. Now it was out in the open, now he knew and now she would truly know if Daryl had meant it every time he had told her that he liked her exactly the way she was. 

 

Once she was naked Daryl took a step back to grab the towel before he looked back at her. Again, he had no idea why in the world she was so self-conscious.  _ Damn, she looks so good. Like one of 'em Greek or Roman statues or whatever, down at the museum. Like some kinda goddess. Ain't fat, she's a real fucking woman. Fuck, you're so beautiful, Rain.  _ He quickly stepped back towards her so he wouldn't get lost in staring at her, her safety and health had first priority. He gently, but quickly, patted her dry, taking the opportunity to kiss her cheek once more. “Like I said, all good. More'n good... Now come on, get under here.” He took a step back towards the bed and lifted the covers for her. Rainey was still shivering uncontrollably and she crossed her arms over her chest, covering herself in shame while she had to move around naked in front of him. Daryl pulled the covers up to her chin, then he walked to the other side of the bed and pulled his own shirt off. Rainey kept her eyes closed and didn't watch him get naked, even though she was curious. She would be too embarrassed to blatantly look at him and she didn't want him to catch her watching him. 

 

Daryl shed all his clothes and slid under the blanket with her. He didn't know how to feel about the fact that she hadn't even tried to sneak a peek at his naked form. Still, he was nervous as well when he wrapped himself around her as carefully as possible, ensconcing her in his embrace like he always did. His heart physically hurt when he felt just how cold her body really was. He was very tempted to rub her skin with his hands, but he stuck to the rules Merle had given him. He didn't want to do more damage than he had already done that day. 

 

Rainey felt an utter sense of relief when she felt Daryl's warmth surrounding her. She knew they were both naked, but in that moment, it didn't even register. The warmth felt too good and being in his arms again felt even better. “I'm s-s-sorry... f-for e-earl-” she pressed out between chattering teeth.

 

“No!” Daryl didn't let her finish. “That was all me. Ya ain't gotta be sorry for nothing. I'm sorry. Shouldn't have let ya leave in this fucking weather. Could have died out there. Was too proud I guess... I dunno. Sometimes I can't help myself, even when I know I'm wrong, ya know?” he felt her nod slightly against him. “God, you're cold.” he murmured more to himself. He was getting goosebumps from having her body against his, her cold trying to go up against his heat, but he always ran so hot that he knew that he would be able to help her. 

 

“You two decent?” Merle shouted through the door. 

 

“Yeah, come in.”

 

Merle entered and immediately put one of the three sleeping bags on top of the blanket they were covered with. “Here, got two more and the blanket from the couch. When ya feel her getting warmer, add another one. And here, put this on her groin.” he handed Daryl a hot water bottle. “Don't worry, ain't hot, just warm. Ain't gonna burn her or nothin.”

 

“Thanks.” Daryl freed his arm from under the blanket and sleeping bag, careful to keep his scars covered, and accepted the hot water bottle. “You really know what you're doin', huh?”

 

“Yeah. She still shakin?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That's good actually. You don't want her to stop shaking until she's warmed up. Wouldn't be good. Keep an eye on her breathing when she falls asleep. If she stops we gotta give her CPR, but I don't think it's that bad.” Merle said on his way out of the room. He came back second later with a mug in his hand. He knelt on the bed and carefully lifted Rainey's head a little. “Drink. It's gonna warm ya up from the inside. Some of that tea ya brought over. Ain't too hot.” 

 

“Th-thanks...” Rainey said and took a couple of sips.

 

“Shouldn't we go to a hospital maybe?” Daryl asked. 

 

“Black ice out there. Risk of her dying is bigger being on the road than in here. If it gets worse, we'll call an ambulance, but let's see what we can do with what we got right now.” Merle didn't believe in doctors. He was sure that him and Daryl were able to help Rainey. If he wouldn't be sure, he would have called an ambulance already. He wouldn't let her die only because he disliked the damn quacks, who always thought they knew better. Merle's gaze landed on Rainey's wet hair, which made him remember something else. “Ah yeah, hold on.” he briefly left the room and returned with a small, very old looking hair dryer. “Gotta get that hair dry, too. Found this thing a while ago in the bathroom... good thing I didn't throw it out.”

 

“Give it here.”

 

“Nah, you stay where ya are. I'll do it.” Merle plugged in the blow dryer, then he carefully gathered Rainey's hair in his hands and fanned it out on the pillow. His movements were sure, but Rainey was able to feel that Merle had probably never tried to be very careful while touching a woman, as he was accidentally yanking on her hair here and there. She didn't even wince, though. She slowly felt Daryl's heat seep into her skin, which felt really good and made her relax a little, but she was torn. On the one hand, it felt amazing having these two men caring for her like this, but on the other hand, she was scared that she was a bother and that she was inconveniencing them way too much. If that was the case, they thankfully didn't let it show. Merle turned on the blow dryer and started drying her hair. It took much longer than expected, which made him start muttering to himself. “Man, ya got thick hair... gonna need an industrial heater for this... When do ya get up in the morning?... Jesus Christ.”

 

Rainey didn't hear him, but neither did Daryl. The blow dryer was too loud, but despite the noise it made, exhaustion overwhelmed Rainey, and she dozed off. Daryl softly put his hand on her naked chest, in order to feel it rise and fall with her breathing. This way he would notice immediately if she would stop drawing oxygen into her lungs.

 

“There.” Merle turned off the loud appliance after what seemed like a small eternity. He put it on the nightstand and touched Rainey's neck, where the warm air of the dryer hadn't hit her. “Like I thought, wasn't too bad. She's feelin' warmer.” Merle grabbed the second sleeping bag and put it on top of the first one. Then he started making his way around the bed, pushing the edges of the blanket and sleeping bags under Daryl's and Rainey's bodies, tucking them in as tightly as possible, so not too much heat would escape. “There, that's better. Holler if ya need anything.”

 

“Thanks.” Daryl said again, to which Merle merely nodded before he left the room to let them rest.

 

Daryl nuzzled her sweetly and sighed quietly. “I'm real sorry. This shit only happened 'cause I had ta be a dick. You're gonna lose your job, you got real big stuff to worry about, and I had nothin' better to do than go off on ya?” Daryl scoffed at himself. “Just had some stuff on my mind, too, I reckon. Gotta figure that out, too. Wish I could keep going like this, but I ain't sure I can. Feels shitty when ya don't trust me... been so long now, ya know? ... But we'll figure it out. All of it. Your crap and mine. Ain't giving up, ya hear?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Daryl froze for a split-second when he heard her tired, sluggish response. He also felt stupid and embarrassed for talking to her like that while he had assumed her to be asleep, but he got over it quickly. She slumped against him a little heavier, which made him sure that she was really asleep now. She had probably only woken up, because he had been talking. Carefully he tightened his embrace, pressed a kiss against her temple and smiled. “Okay...”

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

 

**Let me know what you think.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 

The next morning Rainey didn't wake up shivering from the cold, but drenched in sweat and barely able to breathe. The cocoon Merle had built around them the night before had done its job, but now it was a veritable sauna, which she had to try to claw her way out of. She started to squirm and move around a little, groaning when her body protested painfully. Laying in the same position for a whole night had her bones and muscles sore and stiff. “Good God...” she winced as she tried to get comfortable. She wasn't old by any means, but she most definitely wasn't 20 years old anymore, either; a fact, her body very clearly let her know in the mornings. The bones in her pelvis made a dull cracking sound when Rainey rolled on her back, and suddenly, she was in a world of pain. She cried out, her eyes watering as she slapped her hand over her mouth to keep quiet. Her other hand went to her hip, which was hurting like hell.

 

“Rain? What's wrong?” Daryl was wide awake in an instant after having gotten startled awake by her pain-filled scream.

 

“I'm okay. I forgot that I slipped a couple of times on my way back here. Guess the cold was worse than the pain.”

 

“You fell? Why didn't you say nothing? Was it bad? Lemme see.” Daryl was immediately back in worrying-mode. Before Rainey was able to protest, Daryl had pushed the blanket and sleeping bags off of them and was, once more, revealing her naked body. Rainey frantically tried to hold on to the blanket, but Daryl pushed it out of her reach while he addressed her sharply. “Cut it out, Behr! I'm warnin' ya. Stop this stupid bullshit or Imma flip ma shit! Seen it all now, remember? Let me see what's goin' on there and then we're gon' have ourselves a little talk. I can't go on with you bein' like this. Not no more. Now show me where it hurts.”

 

Rainey was completely red in the face and tears were pooling in her eyes as she turned back on her side to face him. Not because she felt attacked, but because she knew that he was right. She was acting silly. She was very aware of that, but just like Daryl and his temper, she wasn't able to help her embarrassment.

 

“Ah shit...” Daryl hissed reflexively like he was the one in pain when he saw the damage that had been done. A huge bruise, probably the size of a cantaloupe, was black, purple and red in color and ran from the back of her thigh, a bit over her right butt cheek and over to the side of her thigh. “Ya might just be the unluckiest person I ever met, sweetheart.” Daryl gingerly touched two fingers to the bruised skin, quickly pulling them away when Rainey whimpered and flinched. “Yeah, looks like it would hurt pretty good. Think you broke something?”

 

“It really hurts, but I don't know. Never had broken bones before. I was able to walk, but it already hurt like hell last night. Stopping wasn't an option, though.”

 

“Right. Let's see what we can use to ice this thing. Don't move too much. MERLE!!!” Daryl yelled for his older brother, suppressing a grin when he heard the other Dixon groan frustratedly in the other room.

 

“What?” came the muffled reply through the wall.

 

“Rain hurt her leg last night. Can ya get us something to ice the bruise?”

 

“Hold on.” Merle groaned as he heaved himself out of bed. He went to the freezer and found a bag with frozen broccoli Rainey had bought a while ago. “Here ya go. You feelin' better?” he asked as he handed Rainey the bag.

 

“Yes. Thank you for your help.”

 

“Welcome.” he mumbled sleepily, and trudged back into his room to sleep some more.

 

Rainey carefully pressed the cool bag of frozen vegetables against her bruised hip, then she looked up at Daryl with a guilty expression. “I'm sorry.”

 

“For what?”

 

“I know you're disappointed in me.”

 

“I kinda am.” Daryl sighed and briefly rubbed his tired face. “It's 'cause ya ain't tryin' no more, you know?”

 

“I know.”

 

“You used to push yourself, you used to be brave for us... Dunno how else to put it... It's like, after the first time you let me touch you under your shirt, you were like 'okay, I did this, I pushed myself this far and now it's enough'. And I let ya be, 'cause I was fucking proud of you. But now, we're in this rut and you ain't tryin' no more. I did everything I could think of to make ya trust me... I reached the end of the line, Rain. I dunno what to do anymore. Don't get me wrong, I ain't trying to push you into shit, but you gotta see where I'm coming from. With that jackass from the internet you did stuff five minutes after ya met him face-to-face for the first time. I showed you for weeks now, that I ain't that kind of asshole... Slept next to you for a month without trying shit, always givin' you your space...”

 

“I know, Daryl. You're goddamn perfect with all of this.”

 

“Then what's the problem. I don't get it.”

 

“I'm not even sure that I get it myself.” Rainey sighed.

 

Daryl scoffed at that. “Great. That's your answer?”

 

“No... yes... I mean, I don't know.” Rainey wasn't able to think straight. She had no idea what to tell him and at the same time, she grew very scared of losing him over it, even though he had promised her that she wouldn't lose him that easily.

 

Daryl took the deepest breath she had ever seen him take. He looked defeated and disappointed, but not mad. “You should maybe take some time to figure out what you really want. And if this is something you think of as worth fighting for, I guess.” He sat up and grabbed his shirt from the floor and put it on. His underwear followed, then he got up and got fully dressed. He tossed one of his t-shirts at Rainey. “Gonna have to wear your pants, don't think mine will fit ya. Get dressed, I'm taking you home.”

 

He left the room to give her some privacy and to gather his own bearings. He really didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't really want her to go, but he felt that it would be best for the both of them to get some space right now. Rainey had some thinking to do and he knew that she did that best when she was by herself.

 

Once she was dressed Daryl wasted no time in taking her home, mainly so she would be able to get back out of the wet pants as quickly as possible. The drive was spent in uncomfortable silence, except for when Daryl stopped by the side of her road, where her car still stood, and checked it over real quick. “Can't see what's wrong. You gotta call someone when you're home.”

 

“I will.”

 

Daryl dropped her off in front of her building 20 minutes later. He didn't even kill the engine, which signaled Rainey, that he really wanted to get rid of her. She didn't know what to make of that. At least he grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her to him for a big, long kiss. “We'll be in touch, alright? Just try to figure things out. I need an answer on this one... something I can work with. Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” And with that he kissed her once more, before he released her and went back home after she had gotten out of the car.

 

Rainey felt devastated, but she knew that she only had herself to blame for this one. She was close to crumbling. She was in pain, in more ways than one. She had pulled it together in front of Daryl, but the truth was, that her hip hurt like a motherfucker and she had nearly bit her tongue in half while she had walked out of his house and to his truck. She would have to call one of her friends to take her to the hospital to get it checked out. It sucked, because she only wanted to be in Daryl's arms and have him soothe all her aches and pains. But again,... she had only herself to blame for not being in his arms right now.

* * *

Rainey ended up on crutches and not being able to work. Slipping and falling on the black ice had given her a severe hip and thigh contusion, and since she had to climb the stairs several times a day at work, because her office was upstairs, the doctor had ordered her to stay at home and rest for the whole week. She knew that her professional fate was sealed now anyway, so she didn't even care about missing work. Maybe she would use up the rest of her vacation days and never go back there.

 

Danni, who had taken her to the hospital, supported that train of thought. “You should totally do that. It gives you more time to look for another job. You want to keep doing office work?”

 

“I don't know. I was thinking about some other options, where I don't have to deal with phones and other people so much, but I don't know...”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like working in a bakery? You know these little cake and cupcake shops? I could totally imagine being a baker or just sit in the back and decorate the cakes and everything. Something like that.”

 

“Uh, that sounds perfect for you, Rainey. I like it.”

 

“So do I, but it doesn't pay very well, unfortunately.”

 

“Well, Daryl offered to move in with him, so I wouldn't worry about making rent.” Danni grinned with a wink.

 

“He did not offer to move in with him,... he said I could stay with him, but not permanently.”

 

“I think that's exactly what he meant.”

 

“Stop it. I don't want that anyway. But I thought that maybe renting a trailer home, like he does, would be good. I really like theirs and I could imagine living in one, too. It's small, but homey and cozy. And nobody above you who sounds like they are having elephants trampling through all day long. And the trailer park they live in is pretty quiet actually... wouldn't be so bad to stay there.”

 

“Sounds like you already have a plan. That's good.”

 

“Yes, but I don't think Daryl will want me around there after today.”

 

“Now you stop it! He never said that.”

 

“He didn't have to.”

 

“Stop, seriously, stop. That is not at all what he said and you know it.”

 

“Yeah, maybe. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I be a normal person for once?”

 

“Because that's boring. Cheer up, sweetie. We can figure this out. Can you tell **me** why you don't trust him?”

 

“I do trust him, I really do, or I wouldn't have been able to do anything with him at all.”

 

“See, that's where I'm confused as well. You guys do make out and stuff, as you told me. Why is it so hard for you to go the rest of the way with him. Especially since he's so amazing with everything?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“I mean, now he saw you naked...”

 

“And he is running away.”

 

“He isn't. Stop saying that. I saw the way he looks at you, Rainey. He's the real deal, I promise you.”

 

“I really want him to like me.”

 

“He does, silly.”

 

“I'm scared of not being good enough, I think. Once we do it for the first time, there's no taking it back... it's done, and if it sucks... I feel like it would set the course for the rest of the relationship.”

 

“But you've gone down on him and used your hands and everything... and he didn't complain about that, did he? He's still in this with you. You're just making up excuses, Rainey. You're usually so brave with all of this, I don't know why it's so different with a guy who's decent for a change.”

 

“Because I like him so much more than the others. I care about what he thinks. And I know it sounds stupid, but I care about his pleasure more than my own. I know I can make him feel good with my hands and mouth, but what if I can't do that during intercourse?”

 

“Okay,... are you telling me that you're scared that he might not like your va-jay-jay? Because Rainey... that's just...”

 

“No, I don't mean that. Jesus, Danni. I mean what if I end up just laying there like a stiff board or something.”

 

“As usual, you're overthinking this waaaaaay too much, Rainey. And honestly, you should really tell Daryl what you just told me. You can work this out together. It might help him understand the whole thing better. I can understand the both of you. You being cautious and him getting frustrated over feeling like you don't trust him, because he really has proven over and over that he's a good guy and that he's there for you. Just talk to him, okay? It worked before.”

 

“Yeah... I guess.” Rainey really was confused herself. She really wanted to take their thing to the next level and have sex with him, which made it hard (even for herself) to understand why she was so scared this time around. She knew that in this case, she just needed to get over it, jump into the cold water and swim or sink... Playing the waiting game hadn't worked, obviously. As Daryl had said, she needed to push herself and be brave again. She had done it million times before, she could do it again, she knew it. If only it wouldn't be so nerve-wracking.

* * *

“I'm really sorry about how things went. Not just this morning, but.. you know, the past couple of weeks.” Rainey was talking to Daryl a couple of hours later on the phone. She had worked up the courage to call him, because she thought that this particular conversation might be easier over the phone. “You have it all wrong, though. You're so focused on me not trusting you, that you don't realize that I do actually trust you a lot.”

 

“I know.” Daryl stated quietly.

 

Rainey was just about to launch herself into another explanation about how she did trust him, when she realized what he had said, and paused. “You do? But this morning-”

 

“Yeah, I wasn't seeing things the right way. Merle kinda helped out settin' me straight... again.” Daryl scoffed with a hint of humor in his voice.

 

“Oh. Okay... what did he say?”

 

“Pretty much told me to pull my head outta my ass.” Daryl said before he cleared his throat awkwardly. “I was thinking... I'm sorry for all that shit I spouted off yesterday and this morning.”

 

“It's alright.”

 

“Nah, it ain't. I promised I would never push ya into anything, but I did.”

 

“You were only trying to push me into challenging myself. That's not necessarily a bad thing, where I'm concerned.”

 

“Wasn't right. You have to fight every fucking day just to get through the damn day, shouldn't have to fight when you're with me, too.”

 

“I should. In a way, I should. You were right about what you said. In the back of my head I was thinking 'well, I get him off regularly, that sure should be enough for him.' At the same time I knew that it wasn't enough, not even for me. I want more, I really do, but I'm scared. Not of sex, not of being naked or anything, that's done now, but I'm scared that I won't be good enough.”

 

“Christ, Rain... You **are** good enough. Don't worry about that shit. You don't even know if I'm even any good at fucking, you know?”

 

“Hm... you're right. I didn't even think about it like that.”

 

“See?” Daryl had to laugh a little. “What you do is fucking great... obviously.” he referred to the ways she had been able to make him cum, and let out a little embarrassed chuckle. Rainey smiled when was able to visualize the adorable blush creeping into his cheeks, upon hearing the quiet sound. “It is enough, I mean that... It's just that I really wanna touch ya and do stuff for you, too. It kills me a little every time you get me off, but I ain't allowed to return the favor. 'Cause I really want to, ya know? Ain't lying about that, Rain. And to tell ya the truth, I don't get why I ain't allowed. Thought women always complain 'bout men not doin' enough in bed... And you're the opposite and I don't get why. We can do that in the dark, 'til you're more comfortable and shit...”

 

“I'm a control freak. I'm scared that I won't be able to let go of my precious control. That all you'll be trying will be in vain, because I won't be able to let go. And then, again, you'll think that I don't trust you, but that is really not the issue. It's the stupid anxiety disorder. That's what it's all about, as usual.”

 

“So what we gon' do about that? I wanna help ya.”

 

“Baby steps...? Not too baby-sized, don't worry. I might have an idea of what to do...”

 

“Like what?”

 

“It'll be a surprise.” Rainey chuckled. “So, can we try to act like the last 24 hours didn't happen?”

 

“Might be a good idea.” Daryl agreed. “Wasn't my finest hour.”

 

“Mine neither.”

 

“How you feelin'?”

 

“I've been better, but the doctors gave me really good pain killers. They make me really sleepy, though.” Rainey explained, making Daryl frown on the other end of the line.

 

“Doctors?”

 

“Yeah, the pain was really bad and Danni took me to the hospital.”

 

Daryl wanted to kick himself as much and as hard as possible, until he would have the same bruises as her. _I knew it. I fucking saw how much she was clenchin' her damn jaw while walking, and I did nothin'... I'm the biggest asshole to ever walk the face of the earth._ Shame and regret filled him and he wondered why she was even still talking to him. “I'm sorry. I should have taken you first thing this morning... What they say?”

 

“It's a bad contusion in my hip and thigh. I'm supposed to rest a lot, so since I have to climb the stairs a lot at work, the doc told me to stay home this week.”

 

“That's good. You're gon' do that, right?”

 

“Yes. I thought about it and I decided not to go back there at all. To work, I mean. I will use the rest of my vacation days and then that's it. Now with me being sick, they won't renew my contract for sure and this way I have some more time to look for something new.”

 

Daryl was relieved and surprised at hearing that. He was relieved because she wouldn't go back to that fucked up place that always put so much strain on her and constantly put her in a bad mood. He was surprised because she seemed so alright with having to look for another job. But maybe that was the pain pills talking... He didn't know yet that she didn't sound too upset, because she had a plan and felt good about having that in her back pocket. “Yeah... sounds like a good idea.” he said after snapping out of his thoughts.

 

“Anyway, I really need to hit the sack now. I'm about to fall asleep sitting up, I'm sorry.” Rainey apologized for having to cut their conversation short.

 

“It's alright.” Daryl reassured her, before he paused and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Can I... come over tomorrow? After work?”

 

“Of course.”

 

He was relieved again. “Don't you dare stand in the kitchen and make dinner, ya hear? I'll bring something to eat.”

 

“That sounds lovely. Thank you.”

 

“No need to thank me for anything. Least I can do... after everything...”

 

“We forgot all about that, remember? It's all good now. I'll see you tomorrow, Daryl. Sleep tight.”

 

“Yeah. You, too.”

* * *

“Mmm...” the involuntary quiet moan left Daryl during a deep kiss with Rainey the next day. Even though they had agreed to forget about all that weird tension that had stood between them over the weekend, Daryl had spent the day running around with a load of lead in his belly and a huge weight on his shoulders anyway. Now that he felt her lips back on his and how she was melting against him, the lead was dissolving and he felt a lot lighter.

 

He didn't want to let go of her and her amazing lips, so his tongue delved deeper into her mouth to glide hotly along hers. He was igniting a pleasurable fire deep inside her belly, making her dig her fingertips into his chest. Daryl groaned and slid his hands from her face all the way down to her ass. His strong hands squeezed the ample flesh over and over again, unable to get his fill of her. He thought that girl asses had been invented for this sole purpose, which was to hold on to it and squeeze it until the cows came home while he kissed his girl silly.

 

However, when his hands moved around on her butt a little and then squeezed again, Rainey broke the kiss with a pain-filled hiss. “Ouch.” she murmured quietly, but with a little smile on her face. Daryl lowered his head and put his hand to his forehead in a gesture that said “I'm an idiot.”

 

“Fuck... I'm sorry.” he sighed.

 

“It's okay. Even I forgot for a moment.” Rainey reassured him. “Come on, let's get on that couch.”

 

Daryl took the pizza box from the small dresser by the door and followed her to her big, comfy couch. She had all kinds of pillows arranged in one corner and Daryl watched her sit down and put her feet up, trying to get comfortable, before he sat down next to her. “You feel okay?”

 

“I will in a bit. I don't take pills on an empty stomach, so I haven't taken them yet.”

 

“You gotta eat, Rain. You're starting to waste the fuck away.”

 

“Don't exaggerate. I'm probably 30 pounds shy of starting to waste away.”

 

“Ain't even funny, Rain. Ya told me that ya tend ta starve yourself to the point of your damn hair falling out, once ya lost a couple of pounds, remember? Ain't never gonna forget that. And it ain't gonna happen on my watch. Here, eat.” he handed her a big slice of pizza on a napkin.

 

“I am eating. Relax. But you know, even though you don't like it, which I'll never understand by the way, I feel better about myself than a month ago.”

 

“I don't like it, because I like ya the way you are, and I can't help but think that you're doin' it because you think that **I** expect it.”

 

“That's not it, I promise. Like I said, I didn't even realize it was happening, but now that it is happening, I like it and I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me.”

 

“Ya promise?”

 

“Yes. Seriously.”

 

“Okay, if it's for yourself, then I'm good with anything ya wanna do. Ya can shave your head and dye it green for all I care. I got your back, as long as ya stay healthy.”

 

“That's sweet. Thank you.” she kissed him gratefully. “Besides, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna gain it all back anyway when money starts getting tight. Junk food is, like, five times cheaper than healthy food... Oh, there's something I've been wanting to ask you...”

 

“What?” Daryl grunted around a mouthful of heavenly cheesy pizza.

 

“Well, I've been thinking about the whole job thing a bit and I don't necessarily want to go back to working in an office. I was thinking about working in a cupcake shop, baking and decorating and all that stuff.”

 

“Yeah, you'd be real good at that.”

 

“I think so, too. And I wouldn't have to constantly be on the phone or interact with people too much... anyway, those jobs pay less than I make now, which means I might have to look into adapting my living situation to my new income.”

 

Daryl smirked, because he thought she was asking to move in. “Thought ya didn't wanna live with no one?”

 

“Oh, I still don't.”

 

“Oh.” Daryl's face fell a little bit.

 

“But I was thinking about renting one of the trailer homes in your trailer park, because I really like it there, and I was wondering if you would be okay with that. We still have to take into consideration that we might not last forever and then we'd be living close to each other, and-”

 

“Don't mind. Even if we split up, ain't like I take strolls around the neighborhood by myself. And I'm at work and then prolly back at the bar with Merle if I ain't with you, so we wouldn't see each other, I reckon.” Daryl's mood darkened a little as he talked, because he didn't even want to think about that splitting up crap. He shook himself out of it and cleared his throat. “It's a good plan. You should go ahead with that. Merle and I will help ya move.”

 

“Yeah? You think I should do it right away?”

 

“Why not? The earlier ya start saving money, the better.”

 

“True.” Rainey agreed. “Guess I'll be making some calls in the morning.”

 

Daryl nodded vigorously while he chewed on another bite of pizza. His mood was definitely looking up again. Having Rainey live just a stone's throw away from him would be nice. It would make things much easier and more comfortable. Without her noisy as fuck neighbors, staying over at her place would be great. And no Merle. They'd definitely have more privacy, and in peace and quiet on top of that. _Yeah, shit is most definitely looking up again._

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

**Nope, neither Daryl nor Rainey are perfect. They both still have a lot to learn.**

 

**Hope you liked it anyway. Let me know what you think.**

 

**Special thanks to all the lovely commenters and people who leave kudos.  
**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 

It didn't happen very often in Rainey's life, but this time she had gotten lucky. She had only had to wait three weeks until she had been able to move into one of the trailer homes in Daryl's neighborhood. Daryl was not the guy to outwardly show his joy, but he had been just as ecstatic about it as Rainey had been. Part of his happiness had come from the fact that Rainey had been more upbeat and carefree again. She had her moments during which she grew quiet and worried about the future, because of the whole job situation, but in general, she had displayed a pretty sunny disposition for the duration of the move.

 

Today she would leave her apartment for good and spend her first night in her new home. Daryl couldn't have been happier, because he missed his girl. The past three weeks Rainey had been busy with packing up her belongings, filling out applications, meeting with the girls, while they were all still living directly in the city, and helping out her friend Simone with some wedding preparations, as Simone and her partner had decided to tie the knot. Needless to say, Rainey had been super busy, and pretty worn out at night, which had caused them to spend more time apart than they had liked. This weekend, though, she had reserved just for Daryl. She would unpack as much as possible in the morning, while he was still at work, so they would have the whole weekend to spend together, without having to think about anything or anyone besides themselves.

 

Daryl suppressed a big smile as he left his own trailer home that night, because he didn't want to run around the trailer park looking like a grinning fool, but when only 3 minutes later he walked up to Rainey's new home, he wasn't able to keep the corners of his mouth from turning up.

 

“Someone looks happy.” Rainey greeted him with the biggest smile from where she was standing and waiting for him in the open door.

 

“That makes two of us then.” Daryl smirked and quickly pulled her against his solid form. Rainey slid her hands up his arms, and gently rubbed his shoulders when their lips met. Daryl held her tight and carefully walked her inside without breaking their long, deep kiss.

 

Shortly after he had kicked the front door shut with his foot, Rainey's lips pulled away from his with a cute little smile. “I missed you.” she admitted with rosy cheeks. It was not an easy admission for her, because it implied that she needed him. Saying that made her vulnerable, which was still a scary thing to the both of them, but she wanted him to know. She wasn't sure if Daryl would see it that way, but to her, telling him that, was a sign of trust. She had been making an effort of showing him that she was all-in. Daryl had noticed and was appreciating the hell out of it, because it had brought his frustrations with her down to an almost non-existent minimum.

 

“Yeah.” he finally let that rare full-fledged smile break out, only for her to see. “Been some damn long weeks.” Daryl lifted his head and looked around, his eyes widening while he did. “Holy shit. You done unpacking already?”

 

“Yeah, like 95% done. I had all day to get it done and you know damn well that I need to get things like that done right away, so it won't drive me crazy all weekend.”

 

“Looks good.”

 

“It does, doesn't it? I love it. I only have a couple of boxes of pictures and random stuff to unpack. But that can wait until I decide where to put it all. For now I put them in the closet where they don't bother me.”

 

Daryl kept looking around and sniffed the air. “And ya made dinner already?”

 

“I did. Wild garlic spaghetti with mozzarella-stuffed Tuscan meatballs.”

 

Daryl groaned as his mouth watered. He loved himself some spaghetti. Until he had met Rainey, he hadn't had any idea, how many different ways to prepare a good pasta dish existed. All the different variations of his beloved mac & cheese Rainey had whipped up for him by now... He really was blessed that he didn't gain weight easily or he wouldn't fit through the doorway by now.

 

“You really should open a restaurant, sweetheart. People'd go fucking broke coming to eat your food every day. I know I would.... Would make ya filthy rich.”

 

“Did you know that a lot of chefs actually eat TV dinners at home, because they cook all day at work, so they don't feel like doing it at home, too?”

 

“For real?”

 

“Yeah. I love cooking. It relaxes me; I would love for it to stay that way. Working in a kitchen is way too stressful. It would suck the fun out of the whole thing.”

 

“But working in a bakery is different?” Daryl sounded doubtful.

 

“From what I've seen, yes. You don't have costumers sitting down and eating there. You're under pressure, sure, but not as much as in a restaurant, I think. A lot of people pre-order cakes and cupcakes and you can sit in the back and make those... I really wanna try it. If it's not for me, I will have to find something else. Anyway, how about we have some of that pasta now?”

 

“Don't have to ask me twice.” Daryl smiled and sat down at the small table, which was identical to the one he and Merle had in their home.

 

Rainey proceeded to serve the food, chatting animatedly while she did. “Oh, I already met the neighbors. An elderly couple, really sweet. I don't think there'll be too much noise coming from them. Also, their house is 30 feet over there and since mine is the first one on this corner, no other troublemakers around me. Man, I should have done this years ago. It's like your own house, just so much cheaper than my stupid apartment. Aaaaaand, you and Merle are just around the corner.”

 

“Yeah, that's awesome. Took me two minutes to get here. If even.” Daryl replied a little absently. He was distracted by the heavenly aroma that was wafting up his nose from the plate in front of him.

 

“I'm so glad I did this.” Rainey said, before she sat down, so that they could eat. “Now, dig in.” she smiled and almost giggled when she saw how Daryl practically started inhaling the contents of his plate. She was perfectly content with eating her meal in silence while she watched him slurp up his spaghetti. Well, she was quiet until she remembered something. “Oh my God, you know what? I saw my very first crush today! I had totally forgotten about him being the first, but seeing him this morning made me remember.”

 

Now she definitely had Daryl's attention. “What?”

 

“I had the TV on while I unpacked and Bonanza was on.” she explained, making Daryl let out a relieved breath, he hadn't even known he had been holding.

 

“Lemme guess... Little Joe?”

 

“Nope. Adam.” Rainey laughed. “I've always been into real men. Little Joe was a little boy.” she winked. “God, that brought back memories earlier. I used to spend a lot of time at my great-grandmother's, and in the morning Bonanza would be on. For years I thought that Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell was my first crush, but no... Adam Cartwright was my guy. Ha, and after some time they started showing Trapper John, M.D. right after Bonanza. I remember how shocked I was, when I realized that Adam and Trapper John were the same guy. My jaw was literally on the floor and I had no explanation for how Adam suddenly turned into a grandpa. My 7 or 8 year old brain was not able to understand that those shows weren't airing live and that Bonanza was a lot older than the other one. I was so confused. So that was the end of my crush on Adam Cartwright.”

 

Daryl chuckled quietly at that story. “You into cowboys then?”

 

“I've always been into guys with dark hair. Obviously.” she laughed, pointing towards Daryl's wild mop of hair.

 

“Zack Morris is blond.”

 

“Yes, I know, but it's fake. He's a natural brunette.” Rainey laughed. “But of course I didn't know that back then. There were exceptions, but 98% of the time, I'm drawn to dark and mysterious.”

 

“Pffff, you callin' me mysterious?”

 

“A little, yeah... YES, I'm serious!” Rainey exclaimed when Daryl arched his eyebrow at her. “Come on, with the way your hair falls in your face and your quiet way of talking most of the time... There's definitely an air of mystery around you.”

 

“Right...” Daryl huffed with amusement as he went back to eating.

 

“Anyway... who was your first crush?”

 

“Ain't never had one.”

 

“Oh come on, that can't be right.” Rainey couldn't believe that he had never had a crush on anyone, and as it turned out, she was right not to believe him.

 

Daryl looked back and forth between her and his plate a couple of times, mumbling and shrugging while the tips of his ears turned red. “Miss Currin... my second grade teacher...”

 

“Awwwww, really? That's so cute. Did you have butterflies in your belly and everything?”

 

“No.” Daryl said a little defensively. “She was nice... pretty. Liked her smile.”

 

“Did you try to make her smile?” Rainey asked with a knowing smirk. Yeah, she was teasing him a liiiiiittle bit, but she didn't mean any harm. It was just so cute to see Daryl squirming for once.

 

Daryl's ears grew even redder and his cheeks took on some color now, as well. “Picked some berries once... some grapes, too... gave 'em to her.” he admitted gruffly. He carefully looked up at her and grew even more embarrassed when he saw the expression on her face.

 

Rainey was smiling so big, but she kept her lips pressed firmly together, so she wouldn't start squealing like a crazy person. She could imagine the whole scene so well and it was so endearing and adorable and cute and all of those things. Her eyes were watering from how hard she had to fight to keep quiet, but ultimately it was of no use. She had to get up and take the two or three steps towards him, until she was able to cradle his red and heated face in her hands. She tilted his face up and kissed his lips several times and then she pressed big kisses all over his face. “My God, you are so freaking adorable, Daryl. I'm sorry, but I just wanna smooch you to death right now.”

 

“Cut it out, woman. Ain't no little boy no more.” he jerked his head out of her hands, but to show her that he wasn't really mad, he pulled her to him again by the back of her neck and planted a big one on her lips.

 

“Nope, you really aren't.” Rainey smirked devilishly. “In fact, you've grown to be a very, very big boy.”

 

Daryl sputtered out a little laugh and gently slapped her butt. “I said cut it out. Now get that pretty ass back over there. Ain't finished eatin' yet.”

 

“Let me refill that plate for you.” Rainey smiled and quickly heaped some more spaghetti and meatballs on his plate. “It's good?”

 

“Damn awesome. I like that cheese in the meatballs.”

 

“I love that, too. When I make something Greek or Turkish themed, I use feta instead of mozzarella.”

 

“Sounds awesome, too.” Daryl said before he started eating in silence again.

 

Rainey kept finishing her own meal and watched him with a serene little smile. It had been a really good day so far and she hoped that the plans she had made for the rest of the evening would turn out great as well. Thinking about her plans caused her stomach to flutter with anxiety, so she took a deep breath and hoped for the best. She had prepared herself for today, now she could only pray that it would all work out, and more importantly, help her out with her nervousness.

* * *

“Please, please, please, please, please.” Rainey was quietly beseeching the small brown glass vial with the bright yellow label she was holding in her hand. Dr. Bach's Rescue Remedy was something she had used to calm herself down when she had been younger, and had been against taking medication. It had used to work well on her, but when the night terrors had started years ago, she had no choice but to switch to medication after all, because the homeopathic remedy had not worked for her nightmares. Over the years she had forgotten about this little trick, something she wanted to kick herself for in retrospect, because it might have helped her with all kinds of things, like work and going out with her friends. She had no idea how those little brown vials had completely slipped her mind until recently, but unfortunately, things like that happened, and you simply forget.

 

_I hope to God this still works._ Rainey screwed the little vial open and used the dropper to put four drops of liquid directly under her tongue. As soon as that was taken care of, she took off all of her clothes with slow, but sure, movements. She quickly freshened up, then she put on the underwear she had laid out earlier for this occasion. The bra and matching panties were a mix of emerald satin and soft black lace. She had been owning this set for a long time and wore it every time she needed to feel a bit better about herself. That was exactly why she was wearing it tonight for Daryl. It was the underwear she would feel the most comfortable in, for as long as it would remain on her body. 

 

Another deep breath and she started to feel better. She took another moment to touch up her hair and remove some slight smudges from underneath her eyes, before she decided that it was time to go out there and take the next step in the right direction.

 

Daryl, meanwhile, was still clueless about what was about to happen. He thought that Rainey was merely getting ready for bed; brushing her teeth, taking off her make-up, brushing out her hair, changing into her pjs, etc... She had instructed him to light the two candles on the nightstand, once he was done with his cigarette and was ready to move into the bedroom, so Daryl knew that she wasn't intending on going to sleep right away, but he had no idea what she had planned for tonight. He still had a little smile on his face, though. He was looking forward to some making out and to spending some time with her in his arms. It had been at least a week since they had fallen asleep together and he was yearning for some closeness with her.

 

“Hey, ready to get in?” Daryl asked just as he was done lighting the second candle. He turned to face her, the surprise clearly visible in his expression, when he didn't see what he had expected to see. She was still wearing her make-up. Her thick hair was still falling around her shoulder in gentle waves... The only difference was that her feet and legs were bare, because she was wearing her bathrobe.

 

“I'm ready.” Rainey replied before Daryl was able to ask what was going on. Daryl looked slightly confused, but Rainey didn't let that deter her from opening her robe and letting it slowly drop to the floor. She was still nervous as hell, but the flattering candlelight, her underwear and the Rescue Remedy helped her a great deal. Daryl's appreciative gaze on her didn't hurt either.

 

_Goddamn... fuck... Shit, Rain... so fucking beautiful, girl._ Daryl wasn't able to think a coherent thought. His eyes had widened, his jaw had gone a bit slack and breathing suddenly seemed to be a bit difficult. He had seen her completely naked, true, but this was a completely different situation. He wasn't fearing for her life, for starters... she wasn't drenched in rain water and muddy snow, she wasn't trying to hide from him... This time it was quite the opposite, and the way her beautiful skin was bathed in candlelight made his mouth water. Not to mention the lingerie she was wearing. And her curves.  _Those goddamn curves. Baby, your legs are killin' me... and your hips... shit, baby, your hips..._ What she considered way too big, Daryl was utterly and completely obsessed with. He loved that she had meat on her, he liked having something to hold on to. He didn't want to stare, but he couldn't help but let his hungry eyes roam her beautiful hourglass shape. 

 

With Daryl doing nothing else but stare at her, Rainey was starting to lose her nerve a little. Fortunately this time she was determined to not back out. They both must have been thinking the same thing, because they both took a step towards the other at the same time. Daryl gently cradled the back of her head. His other hand went to the small of her back and exerted slight pressure. It made her shuffle a bit closer, closing the tiny gap that had still existed between them. His lips were soft and warm as they molded against hers. He had forced himself to stay calm and to go slow; he had thought it would take him way more effort to stay that way, but now that he had Rainey in his arms, he found that going slow was coming to him effortlessly. His instinct and urge to protect her and make sure she felt safe and comfortable was way too big for him to do anything else, but be gentle with her. She was trusting, she was trying, she was letting herself be vulnerable, and she was doing it all of her own free will. He knew that it was his job to put her at ease and to help her ease into this new situation.

 

“You want me to blow out the candles?” he murmured softly against her lips.

 

“No.” Rainey slightly shook her head.

 

_Halle-fucking-luja..._ He wanted to ask if she was really sure, but he refrained from doing so. Rainey was giving him a gift, and he had learned that it was rude to question a gift. In this case, he thought, that it might also make her more insecure if he would ask.

 

He opened his mouth to say something else, but he hesitated, swallowed hard and shifted his weight, before he tried again. Only this time, he put his index finger under her chin and tipped her face up, so she would meet his eyes. “...beautiful, ya hear?” he rasped as he looked deeply into her eyes. He was blushing right along with her. Saying those things out loud was still taking some getting used to, but he wanted her to know that he meant it.

 

Rainey nodded once, and before she would blush any harder, she leaned back in to kiss him. Daryl rested his thumb on that soft strip of skin between her chin and her bottom lip, and gently pulled down, signaling her to part her lips for him. His tongue slid into her mouth to play with hers in a deep and intimate kiss, that had their toes curling. When he felt Rainey relax into the kiss, Daryl dared to let his hands wander. He couldn't wait anymore, he had been aching to do this for a long time. He slid his hands to the bottom end of her ribcage, and then, with great delight, he traced his hands down her waist and over the curve where it flared out into her wide hips. He did it ever so slowly, savoring the feeling of her soft, smooth skin underneath his work-roughened hands, inch by inch, until he had reached her thighs. He did it again and again while their tongues massaged and dueled in a seemingly never-ending hot and wet kiss.

 

He was lost in her, especially now that his hands had found their familiar place on her butt, and were rubbing and squeezing with abandon. That's why it took him a moment to realize that she had started unbuttoning his shirt. He only became aware of it, when he felt her beautiful fingers, which were always so careful and tender with him, skim over his heated skin. His small nipples hardened upon a slow and excruciatingly pleasurable brush with her long nails, causing him to release a quiet, shuddering moan directly into her mouth.

 

Rainey loved feeling his stiff nubs under her fingertips and kept circling them gently. She knew that it always riled him up quite a bit. Right now, she felt it in the way his touch changed. He was still careful with her, but his grip tightened and grew more urgent. She pushed his sleeveless off his shoulders and down his arms, making him withdraw his hands from her body, so the shirt would fall to the floor behind him.

 

Once his torso was completely bare, Daryl wrapped both of his arms around his girlfriend. He pulled her flush against his body in a big, warm hug as he kissed her as lovingly as he could muster. He really appreciated what she was doing... that she was being this brave and confronting her fears again. Now they would only have to find out how far she actually wanted to go. So when he let his hands wander again, he gently rubbed them up and down her back a couple of times, before he slowly let them slide towards the front, where her delicious-looking breasts were waiting for his familiar touch.

 

Daryl unhurriedly let his fingers skim over the smooth material of her bra, giving her enough time to stop him, if she didn't want this, but Rainey didn't stop him. If anything, her kisses grew more intense and insistent, just like her grip on his hair grew tighter. Daryl closed his hands over the cups of the bra in order to squeeze, but an instant frown marred his gorgeous features, when her bra prevented him from doing it right. The material of the cups was stiff and pretty inflexible, and he didn't feel the wonderful softness of her full globes. He hesitated, not quite sure what to do now. Well, there was actually one thing he was very sure of in that moment; he wanted to get rid of that stupid bra. Now. But the candles were still lit, and before, Rainey hadn't even taken off her shirt in the dark. There was a very high chance that she would put an immediate stop to this beautiful thing, if he tried to unhook her bra now. He decided to go for it, though. He knew that at some point they would have to take the plunge or they would get stuck in this routine forever.

 

Rainey stiffened so much when she felt Daryl's fingers fumbling around with the clasp of her bra, that she was close to getting muscle cramps. Anxiety made her belly clench painfully, indicating that the Rescue Remedy didn't seem to be helping with everything, but she pushed through and let him take off her bra. As it turned out, having him take it off hadn't been the hardest part, though. The hard part came when he broke the kiss, pulled away and openly looked at her naked breasts, which he also proceeded to rub and squeeze, now that he was finally able to do so again.

 

Daryl watched himself trace his thumbs over her nipple. He thought she had the cutest, prettiest nipples he had ever seen in his entire life. They were small and kind of round, and looked like smooth little pearls in a creamy, light brown color. They looked good enough to eat, and that's exactly what he wanted to do... he wanted them in his mouth, feel them against the tip of his tongue and gently worry them with his teeth. So that's what he did. But first, he grabbed her legs and hoisted her up, gently depositing her on the bed. He quickly took off his boots and shed his socks and pants, before he joined her. He kissed her hotly, more urgently, while he groped her breasts for a moment, then his mouth wandered down, and he placed sloppy kisses all over her breasts, until he reached a nipple.

 

Rainey let it happen, let him do his thing, but she didn't feel any pleasure at all while he tried to make her feel good. Her fears and worries about this were coming true. It was like her very first time all over again. All she felt was how nervous and uncomfortable she was, even though she wanted this. She wasn't able to let go at all and she hoped to God that this first time with Daryl would be over quickly.

 

Daryl soon felt that Rainey wasn't getting into it at all. She really was stiff as a board. He felt disappointment rise up inside of him. He was disappointed for himself, because Rainey simply wasn't able to be open and relaxed with him, and he was disappointed for her, because she seemed to have a really hard time with this. Just when he was about to ask if she wanted to stop, he heard her quiet voice speak up.

 

“I'm sorry, but we need to blow out the candles. I can't do it like this. Not yet.” _Not ever._ She added inside her head. Right now she was pretty sure she would never ever be able to have sex with him with the lights on.

 

“We should stop.”

 

“No.” Rainey protested. She wanted to get it over with. She **needed** to get this over with. That's what she felt like. She had her mind set on it. She needed to get through this and everything would be okay. She was so sure of it.

 

“I dunno, Rain.”

 

“Please, Daryl. Let's blow out the candles and then let's just do it? Please?”

 

Daryl's eyes widened at that. “You wanna go all the way? Tonight?”

 

“Yes. I know this is not ideal, but if we stop and try again tomorrow or next week, it will have the same outcome. I'll be just as nervous as I am right now. It won't change.”

 

Daryl thought about it for a short moment, but he quickly shook his head and got off of her. “No.”

 

“Please.” Rainey covered herself and sat up as she pleaded with him. “I'm telling you, it will always be like this, no matter when we try.”

 

“Then we ain't never havin' sex, Rain. I don't care. You're fucking uncomfortable and it ain't right to ignore that and fuck you anyway. Ain't never gonna do that.” Daryl was adamant. He would feel like a rapist if he would go through with having sex with her, even though he felt how tense she was. Chances were that pushing himself inside of her in this state, would hurt her a great deal, too. Before he'd do that, he'd rather never nail her, like he had said. He exhaled deeply and rubbed his hands through his face. “You tried. I'm proud of you for that. But it just ain't working out. Ya can't do it the normal way and I ain't gonna do it like this... So...”

 

“So...” Rainey echoed in defeat.

 

“So we ain't gon' do it. We just keep going as before, I guess.”

 

“Forever?”

 

“You see a way around that?” Daryl asked.

 

“I don't know what's wrong with me.” Rainey muttered brokenly, before she quickly dashed past him into the bathroom, where she cried inconsolably. She wasn't able to understand herself. She had had sex before... But then again, she had been highly uncomfortable, just like now, but unlike Daryl, her teenage boyfriend hadn't cared. He had gone through with it. And the internet guy? That had been hand stuff only. So in a way, she had never been able to enjoy sex with another person, she only now realized. She only enjoyed it in her head and when she took care of herself or of Daryl. _Oh my God... What if I am even more of a freak than I thought? What if I really don't like sex after all? I won't be able to ever give him what he needs._ That made her cry even harder. She had been right about what she had told Simone and the rest of her friends months ago. It had been too long, she was too settled in her ways and her condition to go back to being a bit more “normal”. She wasn't made to be with a man, especially not one as wonderful as Daryl. He had been so sweet and patient, and yet, she wasn't able to let herself fall fully into this thing with him. It was hopeless. 

 

Daryl, in the meantime, got dressed again and sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't know what to do. He really was at the end of his wits. He wasn't super experienced with sex and women and relationships, either, so this gave him a headache. Sex wasn't incredibly important to him, not like it was to other men, but he liked Rainey and he would have liked to be more intimate with her. But if that wasn't possible, he thought that he might be able to work with it. She really had tried this time... Maybe she was one of the people who didn't like sex. But on the other hand, she seemed to enjoy pleasuring him. It was confusing. However, now it became utterly and crystal clear to Daryl, that they would never be able to have a “normal” relationship, like other people had. They would have to figure out a way to be together, because he still didn't want to give up on her. They needed to find a way to have a relationship which would work just for them and which would be comfortable, satisfying and enough for the both of them... even if it did mean that they wouldn't have sex for a long, long time or maybe ever. He knew that there were some couples out there like that. He had seen it on TV. It could be done, but it remained to be seen, if they would be able to do it.

* * *

Rainey had talked to her girlfriends about what had happened. Everybody was surprised, because back in the day, Rainey had used to have these bursts of courage, whenever it was necessary. 20 year old Rainey wouldn't have had a lot of trouble to jump into the water and have sex with Daryl. 32 year old Rainey, unfortunately, wasn't like that anymore. Not even Simone knew how to help her best friend anymore. They had all truly believed that it would all work out just fine, like it had in the past. So this time, they urged Rainey to seek help from a professional and to get back into therapy. 

 

She hated therapy, but she still took the necessary steps, because she wanted to do what she could, in order to keep Daryl. She wanted to be a normal girlfriend for him. And if therapy was the way to go, then she would do that. After a couple of sessions however, her hope of ever being a good girlfriend diminished quickly. The doctor diagnosed her with female sexual dysfunction, due to emotional stress in the relationship, anxiety and depression. A condition that was exacerbated by taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, because those tended to kill the libido. 

 

There was no comprehensible treatment plan. This condition was complex and every woman needed different treatment. All they could do was run some medical tests to weed out any underlying physical causes, and then go by the old trial and error method, to find out what would ultimately be able to help her. There was no quick-fix, like Rainey had hoped. Instead she would get poked and prodded by several doctors, mentally as well as physically, and she would have to take a bunch of different pills. 

 

After the diagnosis Rainey sat on the floor of her bathroom and cried until she had to throw up. Why couldn't life be easy for her at least once? Why did she always have to have this weird shit happening to her. All she wanted was to have a happy and fulfilling sex life with her boyfriend, who deserved to have a good partner. But no... he had gone for her... a freak who wasn't able to do what other couples weren't able to stop doing. She really was good for nothing. And just like that, for the first time in long, long years, really dark thoughts started to cross Rainey's mind, and that razor in her shower started to look like her new best friend.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

Chapter 15

 

It didn't happen very often in Rainey's life, but this time she had gotten lucky. She had only had to wait three weeks until she had been able to move into one of the trailer homes in Daryl's neighborhood. Daryl was not the guy to outwardly show his joy, but he had been just as ecstatic about it as Rainey had been. Part of his happiness had come from the fact that Rainey had been more upbeat and carefree again. She had her moments during which she grew quiet and worried about the future, because of the whole job situation, but in general, she had displayed a pretty sunny disposition for the duration of the move.

 

Today she would leave her apartment for good and spend her first night in her new home. Daryl couldn't have been happier, because he missed his girl. The past three weeks Rainey had been busy with packing up her belongings, filling out applications, meeting with the girls, while they were all still living directly in the city, and helping out her friend Simone with some wedding preparations, as Simone and her partner had decided to tie the knot. Needless to say, Rainey had been super busy, and pretty worn out at night, which had caused them to spend more time apart than they had liked. This weekend, though, she had reserved just for Daryl. She would unpack as much as possible in the morning, while he was still at work, so they would have the whole weekend to spend together, without having to think about anything or anyone besides themselves.

 

Daryl suppressed a big smile as he left his own trailer home that night, because he didn't want to run around the trailer park looking like a grinning fool, but when only 3 minutes later he walked up to Rainey's new home, he wasn't able to keep the corners of his mouth from turning up.

 

“Someone looks happy.” Rainey greeted him with the biggest smile from where she was standing and waiting for him in the open door.

 

“That makes two of us then.” Daryl smirked and quickly pulled her against his solid form. Rainey slid her hands up his arms, and gently rubbed his shoulders when their lips met. Daryl held her tight and carefully walked her inside without breaking their long, deep kiss.

 

Shortly after he had kicked the front door shut with his foot, Rainey's lips pulled away from his with a cute little smile. “I missed you.” she admitted with rosy cheeks. It was not an easy admission for her, because it implied that she needed him. Saying that made her vulnerable, which was still a scary thing to the both of them, but she wanted him to know. She wasn't sure if Daryl would see it that way, but to her, telling him that, was a sign of trust. She had been making an effort of showing him that she was all-in. Daryl had noticed and was appreciating the hell out of it, because it had brought his frustrations with her down to an almost non-existent minimum.

 

“Yeah.” he finally let that rare full-fledged smile break out, only for her to see. “Been some damn long weeks.” Daryl lifted his head and looked around, his eyes widening while he did. “Holy shit. You done unpacking already?”

 

“Yeah, like 95% done. I had all day to get it done and you know damn well that I need to get things like that done right away, so it won't drive me crazy all weekend.”

 

“Looks good.”

 

“It does, doesn't it? I love it. I only have a couple of boxes of pictures and random stuff to unpack. But that can wait until I decide where to put it all. For now I put them in the closet where they don't bother me.”

 

Daryl kept looking around and sniffed the air. “And ya made dinner already?”

 

“I did. Wild garlic spaghetti with mozzarella-stuffed Tuscan meatballs.”

 

Daryl groaned as his mouth watered. He loved himself some spaghetti. Until he had met Rainey, he hadn't had any idea, how many different ways to prepare a good pasta dish existed. All the different variations of his beloved mac & cheese Rainey had whipped up for him by now... He really was blessed that he didn't gain weight easily or he wouldn't fit through the doorway by now.

 

“You really should open a restaurant, sweetheart. People'd go fucking broke coming to eat your food every day. I know I would.... Would make ya filthy rich.”

 

“Did you know that a lot of chefs actually eat TV dinners at home, because they cook all day at work, so they don't feel like doing it at home, too?”

 

“For real?”

 

“Yeah. I love cooking. It relaxes me; I would love for it to stay that way. Working in a kitchen is way too stressful. It would suck the fun out of the whole thing.”

 

“But working in a bakery is different?” Daryl sounded doubtful.

 

“From what I've seen, yes. You don't have costumers sitting down and eating there. You're under pressure, sure, but not as much as in a restaurant, I think. A lot of people pre-order cakes and cupcakes and you can sit in the back and make those... I really wanna try it. If it's not for me, I will have to find something else. Anyway, how about we have some of that pasta now?”

 

“Don't have to ask me twice.” Daryl smiled and sat down at the small table, which was identical to the one he and Merle had in their home.

 

Rainey proceeded to serve the food, chatting animatedly while she did. “Oh, I already met the neighbors. An elderly couple, really sweet. I don't think there'll be too much noise coming from them. Also, their house is 30 feet over there and since mine is the first one on this corner, no other troublemakers around me. Man, I should have done this years ago. It's like your own house, just so much cheaper than my stupid apartment. Aaaaaand, you and Merle are just around the corner.”

 

“Yeah, that's awesome. Took me two minutes to get here. If even.” Daryl replied a little absently. He was distracted by the heavenly aroma that was wafting up his nose from the plate in front of him.

 

“I'm so glad I did this.” Rainey said, before she sat down, so that they could eat. “Now, dig in.” she smiled and almost giggled when she saw how Daryl practically started inhaling the contents of his plate. She was perfectly content with eating her meal in silence while she watched him slurp up his spaghetti. Well, she was quiet until she remembered something. “Oh my God, you know what? I saw my very first crush today! I had totally forgotten about him being the first, but seeing him this morning made me remember.”

 

Now she definitely had Daryl's attention. “What?”

 

“I had the TV on while I unpacked and Bonanza was on.” she explained, making Daryl let out a relieved breath, he hadn't even known he had been holding.

 

“Lemme guess... Little Joe?”

 

“Nope. Adam.” Rainey laughed. “I've always been into real men. Little Joe was a little boy.” she winked. “God, that brought back memories earlier. I used to spend a lot of time at my great-grandmother's, and in the morning Bonanza would be on. For years I thought that Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell was my first crush, but no... Adam Cartwright was my guy. Ha, and after some time they started showing Trapper John, M.D. right after Bonanza. I remember how shocked I was, when I realized that Adam and Trapper John were the same guy. My jaw was literally on the floor and I had no explanation for how Adam suddenly turned into a grandpa. My 7 or 8 year old brain was not able to understand that those shows weren't airing live and that Bonanza was a lot older than the other one. I was so confused. So that was the end of my crush on Adam Cartwright.”

 

Daryl chuckled quietly at that story. “You into cowboys then?”

 

“I've always been into guys with dark hair. Obviously.” she laughed, pointing towards Daryl's wild mop of hair.

 

“Zack Morris is blond.”

 

“Yes, I know, but it's fake. He's a natural brunette.” Rainey laughed. “But of course I didn't know that back then. There were exceptions, but 98% of the time, I'm drawn to dark and mysterious.”

 

“Pffff, you callin' me mysterious?”

 

“A little, yeah... YES, I'm serious!” Rainey exclaimed when Daryl arched his eyebrow at her. “Come on, with the way your hair falls in your face and your quiet way of talking most of the time... There's definitely an air of mystery around you.”

 

“Right...” Daryl huffed with amusement as he went back to eating.

 

“Anyway... who was your first crush?”

 

“Ain't never had one.”

 

“Oh come on, that can't be right.” Rainey couldn't believe that he had never had a crush on anyone, and as it turned out, she was right not to believe him.

 

Daryl looked back and forth between her and his plate a couple of times, mumbling and shrugging while the tips of his ears turned red. “Miss Currin... my second grade teacher...”

 

“Awwwww, really? That's so cute. Did you have butterflies in your belly and everything?”

 

“No.” Daryl said a little defensively. “She was nice... pretty. Liked her smile.”

 

“Did you try to make her smile?” Rainey asked with a knowing smirk. Yeah, she was teasing him a liiiiiittle bit, but she didn't mean any harm. It was just so cute to see Daryl squirming for once.

 

Daryl's ears grew even redder and his cheeks took on some color now, as well. “Picked some berries once... some grapes, too... gave 'em to her.” he admitted gruffly. He carefully looked up at her and grew even more embarrassed when he saw the expression on her face.

 

Rainey was smiling so big, but she kept her lips pressed firmly together, so she wouldn't start squealing like a crazy person. She could imagine the whole scene so well and it was so endearing and adorable and cute and all of those things. Her eyes were watering from how hard she had to fight to keep quiet, but ultimately it was of no use. She had to get up and take the two or three steps towards him, until she was able to cradle his red and heated face in her hands. She tilted his face up and kissed his lips several times and then she pressed big kisses all over his face. “My God, you are so freaking adorable, Daryl. I'm sorry, but I just wanna smooch you to death right now.”

 

“Cut it out, woman. Ain't no little boy no more.” he jerked his head out of her hands, but to show her that he wasn't really mad, he pulled her to him again by the back of her neck and planted a big one on her lips.

 

“Nope, you really aren't.” Rainey smirked devilishly. “In fact, you've grown to be a very, very big boy.”

 

Daryl sputtered out a little laugh and gently slapped her butt. “I said cut it out. Now get that pretty ass back over there. Ain't finished eatin' yet.”

 

“Let me refill that plate for you.” Rainey smiled and quickly heaped some more spaghetti and meatballs on his plate. “It's good?”

 

“Damn awesome. I like that cheese in the meatballs.”

 

“I love that, too. When I make something Greek or Turkish themed, I use feta instead of mozzarella.”

 

“Sounds awesome, too.” Daryl said before he started eating in silence again.

 

Rainey kept finishing her own meal and watched him with a serene little smile. It had been a really good day so far and she hoped that the plans she had made for the rest of the evening would turn out great as well. Thinking about her plans caused her stomach to flutter with anxiety, so she took a deep breath and hoped for the best. She had prepared herself for today, now she could only pray that it would all work out, and more importantly, help her out with her nervousness.

* * *

“Please, please, please, please, please.” Rainey was quietly beseeching the small brown glass vial with the bright yellow label she was holding in her hand. Dr. Bach's Rescue Remedy was something she had used to calm herself down when she had been younger, and had been against taking medication. It had used to work well on her, but when the night terrors had started years ago, she had no choice but to switch to medication after all, because the homeopathic remedy had not worked for her nightmares. Over the years she had forgotten about this little trick, something she wanted to kick herself for in retrospect, because it might have helped her with all kinds of things, like work and going out with her friends. She had no idea how those little brown vials had completely slipped her mind until recently, but unfortunately, things like that happened, and you simply forget.

 

_I hope to God this still works._ Rainey screwed the little vial open and used the dropper to put four drops of liquid directly under her tongue. As soon as that was taken care of, she took off all of her clothes with slow, but sure, movements. She quickly freshened up, then she put on the underwear she had laid out earlier for this occasion. The bra and matching panties were a mix of emerald satin and soft black lace. She had been owning this set for a long time and wore it every time she needed to feel a bit better about herself. That was exactly why she was wearing it tonight for Daryl. It was the underwear she would feel the most comfortable in, for as long as it would remain on her body. 

 

Another deep breath and she started to feel better. She took another moment to touch up her hair and remove some slight smudges from underneath her eyes, before she decided that it was time to go out there and take the next step in the right direction.

 

Daryl, meanwhile, was still clueless about what was about to happen. He thought that Rainey was merely getting ready for bed; brushing her teeth, taking off her make-up, brushing out her hair, changing into her pjs, etc... She had instructed him to light the two candles on the nightstand, once he was done with his cigarette and was ready to move into the bedroom, so Daryl knew that she wasn't intending on going to sleep right away, but he had no idea what she had planned for tonight. He still had a little smile on his face, though. He was looking forward to some making out and to spending some time with her in his arms. It had been at least a week since they had fallen asleep together and he was yearning for some closeness with her.

 

“Hey, ready to get in?” Daryl asked just as he was done lighting the second candle. He turned to face her, the surprise clearly visible in his expression, when he didn't see what he had expected to see. She was still wearing her make-up. Her thick hair was still falling around her shoulder in gentle waves... The only difference was that her feet and legs were bare, because she was wearing her bathrobe.

 

“I'm ready.” Rainey replied before Daryl was able to ask what was going on. Daryl looked slightly confused, but Rainey didn't let that deter her from opening her robe and letting it slowly drop to the floor. She was still nervous as hell, but the flattering candlelight, her underwear and the Rescue Remedy helped her a great deal. Daryl's appreciative gaze on her didn't hurt either.

 

_Goddamn... fuck... Shit, Rain... so fucking beautiful, girl._ Daryl wasn't able to think a coherent thought. His eyes had widened, his jaw had gone a bit slack and breathing suddenly seemed to be a bit difficult. He had seen her completely naked, true, but this was a completely different situation. He wasn't fearing for her life, for starters... she wasn't drenched in rain water and muddy snow, she wasn't trying to hide from him... This time it was quite the opposite, and the way her beautiful skin was bathed in candlelight made his mouth water. Not to mention the lingerie she was wearing. And her curves.  _Those goddamn curves. Baby, your legs are killin' me... and your hips... shit, baby, your hips..._ What she considered way too big, Daryl was utterly and completely obsessed with. He loved that she had meat on her, he liked having something to hold on to. He didn't want to stare, but he couldn't help but let his hungry eyes roam her beautiful hourglass shape. 

 

With Daryl doing nothing else but stare at her, Rainey was starting to lose her nerve a little. Fortunately this time she was determined to not back out. They both must have been thinking the same thing, because they both took a step towards the other at the same time. Daryl gently cradled the back of her head. His other hand went to the small of her back and exerted slight pressure. It made her shuffle a bit closer, closing the tiny gap that had still existed between them. His lips were soft and warm as they molded against hers. He had forced himself to stay calm and to go slow; he had thought it would take him way more effort to stay that way, but now that he had Rainey in his arms, he found that going slow was coming to him effortlessly. His instinct and urge to protect her and make sure she felt safe and comfortable was way too big for him to do anything else, but be gentle with her. She was trusting, she was trying, she was letting herself be vulnerable, and she was doing it all of her own free will. He knew that it was his job to put her at ease and to help her ease into this new situation.

 

“You want me to blow out the candles?” he murmured softly against her lips.

 

“No.” Rainey slightly shook her head.

 

_Halle-fucking-luja..._ He wanted to ask if she was really sure, but he refrained from doing so. Rainey was giving him a gift, and he had learned that it was rude to question a gift. In this case, he thought, that it might also make her more insecure if he would ask.

 

He opened his mouth to say something else, but he hesitated, swallowed hard and shifted his weight, before he tried again. Only this time, he put his index finger under her chin and tipped her face up, so she would meet his eyes. “...beautiful, ya hear?” he rasped as he looked deeply into her eyes. He was blushing right along with her. Saying those things out loud was still taking some getting used to, but he wanted her to know that he meant it.

 

Rainey nodded once, and before she would blush any harder, she leaned back in to kiss him. Daryl rested his thumb on that soft strip of skin between her chin and her bottom lip, and gently pulled down, signaling her to part her lips for him. His tongue slid into her mouth to play with hers in a deep and intimate kiss, that had their toes curling. When he felt Rainey relax into the kiss, Daryl dared to let his hands wander. He couldn't wait anymore, he had been aching to do this for a long time. He slid his hands to the bottom end of her ribcage, and then, with great delight, he traced his hands down her waist and over the curve where it flared out into her wide hips. He did it ever so slowly, savoring the feeling of her soft, smooth skin underneath his work-roughened hands, inch by inch, until he had reached her thighs. He did it again and again while their tongues massaged and dueled in a seemingly never-ending hot and wet kiss.

 

He was lost in her, especially now that his hands had found their familiar place on her butt, and were rubbing and squeezing with abandon. That's why it took him a moment to realize that she had started unbuttoning his shirt. He only became aware of it, when he felt her beautiful fingers, which were always so careful and tender with him, skim over his heated skin. His small nipples hardened upon a slow and excruciatingly pleasurable brush with her long nails, causing him to release a quiet, shuddering moan directly into her mouth.

 

Rainey loved feeling his stiff nubs under her fingertips and kept circling them gently. She knew that it always riled him up quite a bit. Right now, she felt it in the way his touch changed. He was still careful with her, but his grip tightened and grew more urgent. She pushed his sleeveless off his shoulders and down his arms, making him withdraw his hands from her body, so the shirt would fall to the floor behind him.

 

Once his torso was completely bare, Daryl wrapped both of his arms around his girlfriend. He pulled her flush against his body in a big, warm hug as he kissed her as lovingly as he could muster. He really appreciated what she was doing... that she was being this brave and confronting her fears again. Now they would only have to find out how far she actually wanted to go. So when he let his hands wander again, he gently rubbed them up and down her back a couple of times, before he slowly let them slide towards the front, where her delicious-looking breasts were waiting for his familiar touch.

 

Daryl unhurriedly let his fingers skim over the smooth material of her bra, giving her enough time to stop him, if she didn't want this, but Rainey didn't stop him. If anything, her kisses grew more intense and insistent, just like her grip on his hair grew tighter. Daryl closed his hands over the cups of the bra in order to squeeze, but an instant frown marred his gorgeous features, when her bra prevented him from doing it right. The material of the cups was stiff and pretty inflexible, and he didn't feel the wonderful softness of her full globes. He hesitated, not quite sure what to do now. Well, there was actually one thing he was very sure of in that moment; he wanted to get rid of that stupid bra. Now. But the candles were still lit, and before, Rainey hadn't even taken off her shirt in the dark. There was a very high chance that she would put an immediate stop to this beautiful thing, if he tried to unhook her bra now. He decided to go for it, though. He knew that at some point they would have to take the plunge or they would get stuck in this routine forever.

 

Rainey stiffened so much when she felt Daryl's fingers fumbling around with the clasp of her bra, that she was close to getting muscle cramps. Anxiety made her belly clench painfully, indicating that the Rescue Remedy didn't seem to be helping with everything, but she pushed through and let him take off her bra. As it turned out, having him take it off hadn't been the hardest part, though. The hard part came when he broke the kiss, pulled away and openly looked at her naked breasts, which he also proceeded to rub and squeeze, now that he was finally able to do so again.

 

Daryl watched himself trace his thumbs over her nipple. He thought she had the cutest, prettiest nipples he had ever seen in his entire life. They were small and kind of round, and looked like smooth little pearls in a creamy, light brown color. They looked good enough to eat, and that's exactly what he wanted to do... he wanted them in his mouth, feel them against the tip of his tongue and gently worry them with his teeth. So that's what he did. But first, he grabbed her legs and hoisted her up, gently depositing her on the bed. He quickly took off his boots and shed his socks and pants, before he joined her. He kissed her hotly, more urgently, while he groped her breasts for a moment, then his mouth wandered down, and he placed sloppy kisses all over her breasts, until he reached a nipple.

 

Rainey let it happen, let him do his thing, but she didn't feel any pleasure at all while he tried to make her feel good. Her fears and worries about this were coming true. It was like her very first time all over again. All she felt was how nervous and uncomfortable she was, even though she wanted this. She wasn't able to let go at all and she hoped to God that this first time with Daryl would be over quickly.

 

Daryl soon felt that Rainey wasn't getting into it at all. She really was stiff as a board. He felt disappointment rise up inside of him. He was disappointed for himself, because Rainey simply wasn't able to be open and relaxed with him, and he was disappointed for her, because she seemed to have a really hard time with this. Just when he was about to ask if she wanted to stop, he heard her quiet voice speak up.

 

“I'm sorry, but we need to blow out the candles. I can't do it like this. Not yet.” _Not ever._ She added inside her head. Right now she was pretty sure she would never ever be able to have sex with him with the lights on.

 

“We should stop.”

 

“No.” Rainey protested. She wanted to get it over with. She **needed** to get this over with. That's what she felt like. She had her mind set on it. She needed to get through this and everything would be okay. She was so sure of it.

 

“I dunno, Rain.”

 

“Please, Daryl. Let's blow out the candles and then let's just do it? Please?”

 

Daryl's eyes widened at that. “You wanna go all the way? Tonight?”

 

“Yes. I know this is not ideal, but if we stop and try again tomorrow or next week, it will have the same outcome. I'll be just as nervous as I am right now. It won't change.”

 

Daryl thought about it for a short moment, but he quickly shook his head and got off of her. “No.”

 

“Please.” Rainey covered herself and sat up as she pleaded with him. “I'm telling you, it will always be like this, no matter when we try.”

 

“Then we ain't never havin' sex, Rain. I don't care. You're fucking uncomfortable and it ain't right to ignore that and fuck you anyway. Ain't never gonna do that.” Daryl was adamant. He would feel like a rapist if he would go through with having sex with her, even though he felt how tense she was. Chances were that pushing himself inside of her in this state, would hurt her a great deal, too. Before he'd do that, he'd rather never nail her, like he had said. He exhaled deeply and rubbed his hands through his face. “You tried. I'm proud of you for that. But it just ain't working out. Ya can't do it the normal way and I ain't gonna do it like this... So...”

 

“So...” Rainey echoed in defeat.

 

“So we ain't gon' do it. We just keep going as before, I guess.”

 

“Forever?”

 

“You see a way around that?” Daryl asked.

 

“I don't know what's wrong with me.” Rainey muttered brokenly, before she quickly dashed past him into the bathroom, where she cried inconsolably. She wasn't able to understand herself. She had had sex before... But then again, she had been highly uncomfortable, just like now, but unlike Daryl, her teenage boyfriend hadn't cared. He had gone through with it. And the internet guy? That had been hand stuff only. So in a way, she had never been able to enjoy sex with another person, she only now realized. She only enjoyed it in her head and when she took care of herself or of Daryl. _Oh my God... What if I am even more of a freak than I thought? What if I really don't like sex after all? I won't be able to ever give him what he needs._ That made her cry even harder. She had been right about what she had told Simone and the rest of her friends months ago. It had been too long, she was too settled in her ways and her condition to go back to being a bit more “normal”. She wasn't made to be with a man, especially not one as wonderful as Daryl. He had been so sweet and patient, and yet, she wasn't able to let herself fall fully into this thing with him. It was hopeless. 

 

Daryl, in the meantime, got dressed again and sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't know what to do. He really was at the end of his wits. He wasn't super experienced with sex and women and relationships, either, so this gave him a headache. Sex wasn't incredibly important to him, not like it was to other men, but he liked Rainey and he would have liked to be more intimate with her. But if that wasn't possible, he thought that he might be able to work with it. She really had tried this time... Maybe she was one of the people who didn't like sex. But on the other hand, she seemed to enjoy pleasuring him. It was confusing. However, now it became utterly and crystal clear to Daryl, that they would never be able to have a “normal” relationship, like other people had. They would have to figure out a way to be together, because he still didn't want to give up on her. They needed to find a way to have a relationship which would work just for them and which would be comfortable, satisfying and enough for the both of them... even if it did mean that they wouldn't have sex for a long, long time or maybe ever. He knew that there were some couples out there like that. He had seen it on TV. It could be done, but it remained to be seen, if they would be able to do it.

* * *

Rainey had talked to her girlfriends about what had happened. Everybody was surprised, because back in the day, Rainey had used to have these bursts of courage, whenever it was necessary. 20 year old Rainey wouldn't have had a lot of trouble to jump into the water and have sex with Daryl. 32 year old Rainey, unfortunately, wasn't like that anymore. Not even Simone knew how to help her best friend anymore. They had all truly believed that it would all work out just fine, like it had in the past. So this time, they urged Rainey to seek help from a professional and to get back into therapy. 

 

She hated therapy, but she still took the necessary steps, because she wanted to do what she could, in order to keep Daryl. She wanted to be a normal girlfriend for him. And if therapy was the way to go, then she would do that. After a couple of sessions however, her hope of ever being a good girlfriend diminished quickly. The doctor diagnosed her with female sexual dysfunction, due to emotional stress in the relationship, anxiety and depression. A condition that was exacerbated by taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, because those tended to kill the libido. 

 

There was no comprehensible treatment plan. This condition was complex and every woman needed different treatment. All they could do was run some medical tests to weed out any underlying physical causes, and then go by the old trial and error method, to find out what would ultimately be able to help her. There was no quick-fix, like Rainey had hoped. Instead she would get poked and prodded by several doctors, mentally as well as physically, and she would have to take a bunch of different pills. 

 

After the diagnosis Rainey sat on the floor of her bathroom and cried until she had to throw up. Why couldn't life be easy for her at least once? Why did she always have to have this weird shit happening to her. All she wanted was to have a happy and fulfilling sex life with her boyfriend, who deserved to have a good partner. But no... he had gone for her... a freak who wasn't able to do what other couples weren't able to stop doing. She really was good for nothing. And just like that, for the first time in long, long years, really dark thoughts started to cross Rainey's mind, and that razor in her shower started to look like her new best friend.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self-harm in this one, but no explicit description.
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is written from my very own experience. I am aware that things might be different in other countries, but I wrote from my own experience, because that's what I know and know to be accurate (in this country;-) )

 

_Daryl, I need help..._

 

It had been three weeks since that night. When he thought about these past three weeks, a crying and bleeding Rainey collapsing in his arms was the last thing Daryl really remembered. That and that horrible, all-consuming dread and panic he hadn't felt since he'd taken his last beating by his father, Will. Everything else between that scary night with Rainey and today was a blur. Mostly he had spent it brooding and worrying, he figured. He hadn't seen Rainey in two weeks, and therefore he had no idea how she was doing. 

 

She was in rehab. A voluntary 30-day stay. After cutting up her arm she had realized that she wasn't able to deal with this on her own and in her usual environment. Rainey and her doctor had decided that a break from everything under professional supervision would be the best thing for her, and now was the best time for it. She needed therapy and she needed to have her medication adjusted. She had been on her meds for longer than 7 years and there were newer and better pills on the market now, and obviously her problems have become more complex in addition to that. Using the time in rehab to find the right combination and dosage would be ideal. This way she could go on with her life and find a job, as soon as she was out and ready to go.

 

The first week was the adjustment time for new patients, which meant that Rainey hadn't been allowed to have any visitors and no other kind of contact to the outside world. This first week she was supposed to adjust to the new situation and to fully focus on her treatment and on getting better. The second week of no contact to the outside world however, that had been her own choice. She hadn't been ready to see or talk to anyone yet. She had needed some more time before she let anything from the outside in. Today was the first day Daryl was allowed to visit and he was hella nervous. He had no idea what to expect. The last time he had seen her, he had barely recognized her. She had been completely withdrawn, exhausted and broken. Her latest diagnosis had pushed her over the edge. It had surprised them both, because she had been doing better, or so it had seemed. Apparently her relationship with Daryl had been a blessing and a curse for her. It had shown her that she was worth being cared about, but it had also brought up a lot of issues, which had developed over the years, she hadn't even been aware of until now. She knew that she hadn't been doing as well in the past couple of years as she had when she had been younger, but she hadn't thought that much of it. She had been able to get through the day. She hadn't felt the need to go back to therapy or to get her meds reviewed and re-adjusted. Now it had all culminated in a case of “too much all at once”. Hence the breakdown.

 

Daryl didn't know anything about rehab, but he had had some nightmares about it in the past weeks. He couldn't help but compare it to all the insane asylums he had seen in horror movies. The treatment center didn't look anything like a hospital, though, quite the opposite actually. It looked like a big, beautiful rustic cabin, surrounded by nature... it was more like a ranch, because there were horses, too, but still... He would never admit it out loud, but he was scared to go in there. What if there really were people in there, who stood in the corner, dressed in their hospital gowns, and just looked straight ahead with empty eyes, completely spaced out? That would freak him out. Especially if it was Rainey he would have to see like that. She had been in so much emotional pain, it had been tough for him to watch. Her eyes had looked so dull and without life... it had truly scared the shit out of him and he had put himself on secret suicide watch until she had started rehab. Now his knee was bouncing up and down as he chain-smoked in his truck. He didn't know if he would be able to bear seeing her like that again, that's why he was stalling to go in there. He was jittery, hyped up on too much caffeine and nicotine, because he hadn't been able to sleep right in three weeks now, which amped up his own anxiety even more.

 

He was just about to light himself another cigarette, when he saw Danni exiting the treatment center. He had known that she would visit today, too, he just hadn't expected her to still be here. Faster than a lightning bolt, Daryl jumped out of his truck and jogged towards her. This was the chance to prepare himself better for what might be waiting for him inside the building. “Hey!”

 

Seeing her colleague and best friend's boyfriend put a smile on Danni's face. “Hey Daryl. How's it going?”

 

“You see her?” he asked outright.

 

“Yes.”

 

“And?” Daryl held his breath while he waited for the answer.

 

“She's doing much better.” Danni replied and put him out of his misery. “She looks good. She's smiling again. They gave her new meds and she's responding very well to them so far. I haven't seen her this calm in years.”

 

_Thank you, Jesus..._ Daryl's system was flooded with so much relief, that he actually got a little dizzy and had to put a hand up against the wall while he took a deep breath.

 

“You okay, Daryl?” Danni asked compassionately. She knew how much of a strain this all had put on him. He was worried sick and it had been glaringly obvious throughout the work week.

 

“Getting there.” he sighed. “She's really okay?”

 

“Yes. It was 'just' a nervous breakdown. She's doing the exact right thing for herself right now. She will be fine. And with the new meds, if they keep working like this, she might even be much better than she was before.” Danni reassured him with a gentle smile.

 

“You think so?”

 

“Yes. It's probably too early to make a prognosis, but right now it's looking good. They are showing her new methods to deal with certain things, they are doing something with her once a day, where she stands in front of a mirror and learns to accept and appreciate her body, and it seems to be helping her. She looks so pretty today and she is incredibly excited to see you.”

 

“Yeah?” That put a small smile on Daryl's face.

 

“Yes, so don't keep her waiting. Go in, you have nothing to worry about, I promise.” Danni reassured him, before she gave him a gentle push towards the door.

 

“Where is she? Do I have to sign in or something?”

 

“No, you can just go in. She's in the lobby. Through the door and to the right.” Danni thought it was cute how nervous he was, but she understood him very well. She had been nervous, too when she had first come here in the morning. After two weeks of no contact and not knowing what's going on, it was really nerve-wracking to go in blind, so to speak.

 

“Thanks.” 

 

“Alright, see ya on Monday.” Danni winked and walked off, so that he would finally go inside.

 

Daryl took another deep breath, then, with determination in his step, he walked straight up to the door and went inside.  _Through the door and to the right._ Daryl repeated Danni's instructions inside his head. Daryl turned to the right, his eyes scanning the people scattered in the spacious lobby. He only briefly noticed that it didn't look like a hospital on the inside either, it was tons of dark wood, natural light and a lot of throw pillows all over the cream, and gray colored, comfy-looking couches. 

All those little observations were completely forgotten as soon as he spotted her. His jaw almost dropped to the floor. Danni had not exaggerated. Rainey looked absolutely beautiful. A far cry from when he had kissed her goodbye in the morning before work the day she had entered rehab. She still looked a little tired around the eyes, but the rest was breathtaking. She was wearing a dress, which looked gorgeous on her. Daryl had trouble identifying the color of the dress, it wasn't a flashy red, more like a muted darker red, kind of like a pretty red-brownish color. The top of the dress was like a halter bikini top, just covering more skin. It was obvious though that she wasn't wearing a bra. The dress was tight at the top, holding up her ample cleavage and gently pushing it together a little in the middle. Right underneath her breasts was a tight band in a slightly darker shade than the dress, which probably helped keeping everything where it was. From the bottom of the band, the dress started flowing all the way down to her ankles, subtly accentuating her slimmer waist and wider hips. Daryl was blown away and he wasn't able to stop feasting his eyes on her while he walked towards her.

 

Rainey smiled, but also blushed, when she saw Daryl's stunned gaze. She shyly averted her gaze and pushed a strand of her thick, long hair behind her ear. “I know... it's weird... It's an assignment from my Body Image group.” instead of saying hello she started explaining right away why she was wearing the dress, so he wouldn't wonder why she was running around dressed like that.

 

Daryl stopped right in front of her. He had briefly lifted his arms, because he wanted to hug and hold her, but he wasn't sure if that was allowed. “Damn beautiful...” Was that him that sounded so out of breath? He was surprised by the sound of is own voice, but obviously, seeing her again was doing things to him. It had only been two weeks, but with everything that had happened and the vast difference in her appearance, it seemed like it might as well have been two whole months.  _Jesus fuck, I miss ya, girl._ He was clenching his hands repeatedly, because they were itching to touch her. 

 

Rainey must have picked up on it. “You can touch me. As much as you want.” she smiled. “It's not prison.”

 

Daryl's eyes darted around nervously. He didn't need an audience for this reunion and there were too many people around for his taste. “There somewhere we can go?”

 

“Yes, come on.” Rainey motioned for him to follow her. She led him through the lobby, through the cafeteria and outside. From there they walked along a gravel path that slung its way through a lush green lawn until they had reached a more 'woodsy' area. The lawn turned into shrubs and bushes, then the shrubs and bushes turned into a small patch of the woods and they were suddenly surrounded by dozens of trees. They crossed a beautiful wooden curving bridge, which was running over a small stream, and ended up in a beautiful and ornate, round wooden gazebo, made out of the same wood as the bridge. It was beautiful out there, Daryl thought, but it didn't really matter to him in that moment. What mattered was his gorgeous, stunning girlfriend, and that they now had the privacy to reunite and reconnect after the past difficult weeks. 

 

“Hey.” Daryl breathed as he tentatively put his hands on that spot he loved so much; the spot where her waist ended and flared out into her hips. He slowly pulled her closer, happiness rising up inside of him, when she came willingly and put her arms around his neck with a huge smile on her face.

 

“Hey, yourself.” she giggled and leaned in, showing him that it was absolutely okay to kiss her as well. 

 

Daryl's lips touched hers and they both made a satisfied sound at the contact. It was like coming home after a long trip, and neither one of them wanted the feeling to end. Daryl let go of his favorite spot in order to wrap his arms around her and crush her soft body against his own solid one. He was surprised when he felt her tongue nudge at his lips, but he didn't waste any time in parting them for her. The tip of his tongue softly touched hers, causing that wonderful erotic tickling sensation that zipped straight down through her entire body until it reached her toes, which automatically curled in response. So did her fingers as she held on to the leather of his vest with a tight grip.

Daryl's hands started to wander her backside. He wished that he had more restraint, but in this moment, he simply needed to feel her. Slowly his hands slid on her butt, squeezing gently when she didn't object. And object she didn't. She actually giggled happily into the kiss. Daryl's hands slid up her back, groaning when he felt the bare skin underneath her long hair at the upper half of her back. Really no bra. She was only wearing panties, which he had felt the lacy pattern of through the light fabric of her dress. 

 

Suddenly, from one second to the next, Daryl sobered up and quickly pulled away.  _I'm a pig. She's here 'cause it all was too much and now here I am, thinking 'bout all the stuff I wanna do with her..._ Daryl looked mortified at his own inability to control himself. He was better than this usually. “I'm sorry.”

 

“No, it's okay. You can do that. I like when you do that. Always have.” She smiled reassuringly.

 

“Shouldn't be doin' that while you're in here, tryin' to get better.”

 

“You showing me that you still want me is helping me get better. I can't believe you're still around after everything I put you through. I'm the one that should be sorry. And I truly am.”

 

“Nah, you didn't do nothin'. We're good, I promise. How you doin', sweetheart? You look real good.”

 

“Thank you. I feel better.”

 

“How's your arm?” he gently stroked his fingers over mass of healing cuts, which thankfully had been pretty shallow.

 

“It's alright. Don't worry. I'm good now. Thank God you didn't see me at the beginning. They were still figuring out a good combo for the meds and at the beginning of last week they didn't have the right one and I was puking and had stomach cramps and headaches. But now it looks like they might have found a good one. They weren't sure at first... They give me something against depression to help with the dysmorphia issues and it takes up to two weeks to fully kick in, so in a couple of days they can tell for sure if this will be the right combo from now on.”

 

“Dys-what? Is that the sex thing?”

 

“No.” Rainey started smiling even bigger. “Gosh, I have so much to tell you. It might be kind of good news. Let's sit...” They sat on one of the built-in benches. “My therapists here think that the therapist out there misdiagnosed me. They don't think that I have female sexual dysfunction. They think it's body dysmorphia paired with all my usual crap. My meds haven't been right for me in years. I shouldn't have been that anxious and nervous all the time, apparently. I never realized that, because I adjusted. It was kind of the new normal...”

 

“What's that body dys...?”

 

“Dysmorphia. My therapist explained it this way: When I stand in front of a mirror I see a really, really morbidly obese woman, when in reality I have some awesome, healthy curves on me. Her words, not mine, obviously.” Rainey laughed bashfully. “I'm not calling them awesome, I'm not there yet.”

 

“Well, I've been there all along...” Daryl smirked.

 

“I guess you have.” Rainey laughed. “Well, they are teaching me to accept that I was born with a curvy figure. No matter how much weight I lose, there will always be curves, my hips will always be a bit bigger. They are teaching me to accept that and that it's okay as long as I'm healthy. I have to stand in front of a mirror every day and tell the therapist something I like about myself, even if it's only the shape of my eyebrows... It sounds silly and at first I really wasn't convinced it would ever work, but I think it actually is starting to work. I was so freaked out about wearing a dress, this dress in particular with all this going on up here...” she motioned towards her cleavage. “But now I actually feel halfway comfortable. Guess the pills are helping with the anxiety about it all, too.”

 

“Looks real good on ya, Rain. Should wear dresses more often, what with summer coming and all. Really like it on ya.” Daryl admitted with a cute little grin and reddening cheeks.

 

“Yeah? Thank you, you're so sweet. How are you-”

 

“No, ain't about me right now. Can talk about that later. Tell me 'bout what's going on in here.”

 

“They keep us busy. Between therapy and group therapy sessions I have the body image thing, fitness classes, art classes, oh and self defense twice a week. That's fun... and useful, obviously. Three times a week I have this muscle relaxation thing after dinner for thirty minutes. That really helps me calm down at the end of the day, so I definitely wanna try to keep doing that at home. The other nights I go swimming for thirty minutes to an hour, then I hit the shower and go to sleep. They will help me find the right job for me and the right therapist and so on. The food isn't very good, though, but that's okay. As you know I have a very specific palate.” Rainey laughed and kept on talking while Daryl listened with a little smile on his face. He loved hearing her talk and to see her so upbeat. She had changed. She was still bubbly and animated when she talked, but Danni had been right, there was some kind of calmness to her now, that had never been there before. Not since he had met her.

 

They went for a little walk to go see the horses, then they got him a coffee from the cafeteria. He made a face at the green tea with lemon Rainey was having after she had him try a sip. “Oh come on, it's not that bad.” she laughed and stole a quick kiss. “No more coffee for me. Never again, because it makes the anxiety and nervousness worse.”

 

“Damn. Ya miss it?”

 

“I do. I really do, but you know what I don't miss? Being a nervous wreck all day long. So I'm okay with making this sacrifice.”

 

“Don't know if I could go without coffee.” Daryl grunted into his paper cup just before he took a sip from his steaming hot brew. 

 

Rainey reached up and gently pushed some hair out of his face. “You look so tired. You haven't been able to sleep?”

 

“Not with you in here. Not knowing what was going on with ya... wasn't able to stop thinking about it all.”

 

“I'm so sorry. You really shouldn't have to go through all that.”

 

“Don't start blaming yourself... I figured that it's part of bein' with someone. I'm in this with ya, you hear? Just kept thinking that I hoped ya knew you weren't alone.”

 

“I knew. I know... and you have no idea how much that is helping me.”

 

“Then why ya gotta stay here so long?” It slipped out before he was able to stop himself. She seemed to be doing so well. Being with her right now made him realize just how much he really missed her, and with her meds all adjusted now, why couldn't she just come home and continue treatment there? 

 

“Because there is still a lot more work to do, Daryl. And I can't do it alone, or with you or the girls. I need professionals around me right now. And I'm not gonna come home until I am absolutely sure that I can handle life without them by my side again.” she explained calmly. She understood where he was coming from. If the roles were reversed, she might have asked the same thing. But only because things looked completely fine again, it didn't meant that they were.

 

Something about what she had said rang a giant alarm bell inside his head. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “What's that mean? You're coming home in two weeks... right?”

 

“Probably not.” Rainey replied and Daryl felt the urge to throw up. “I know you don't like it and might not understand it, but like I said, I have to adapt a new way of thinking and a new way of handling things. I'm on a great path, but it can't be done in just two weeks. I want to make absolutely sure that I am settled enough in those new ways to handle life and treatment on the outside, or all of this will have been in vain.”

 

“I get that.” Daryl sighed. “Just... something's missin', ya know? Even Merle keeps askin'... misses your cooking. Miss ya, Rain.” 

 

“I miss you, too. More than you can imagine. Trust me, I do. It's not like this isn't hard for me at all. It's not all fun and games here. I'm crying more often than not. Therapy is tough, Daryl... I'm not staying here because I like it so much. I'm doing it because I have to do it, not just for me, but for us, too. It will help our relationship tremendously. You know what it's been like... And it's not healthy to keep going that way. I don't want that, that's why I'm in here, fighting to change things. And trust me, it is a fight. It's not all sitting in a circle and meditating or having a knitting circle in the cafeteria...”

 

“Didn't say that. I'm proud of ya and I got your back.” he leaned over and kissed her long and hard. “I'm sorry. You know I can be an ass sometimes. I get impatient.”

 

“I know.” Rainey smiled. “And I know that this is hard for you, too. We'll get through it, though.”

 

“Yeah.” he agreed and pressed his lips against hers again for a long moment, then he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. “So, how long?” he asked quietly as he stared straight ahead at the beautiful scenery surrounding them.

 

“Six more weeks.”

 

_Fuck._

* * *

“Okay, Rainey...” the therapist got her pad and pen ready and got comfortable in the armchair that stood in the corner of Rainey's room. “Tell me what you see.”

 

“I see... myself in a bikini.” Rainey replied as she looked at herself in the full-length mirror that hung next to her closet. She was fidgeting a little, because it was a weird feeling to stand in her room half-naked in front of the other woman.

 

“And do you like what you see?”

 

“Well, usually I prefer to wear a bit more in public.” Rainey joked nervously.

 

The therapist smiled, but quickly got back to business. “You don't have to answer right away. Take a moment and really look at yourself.”

 

Rainey did what she was told and took some time to inspect her reflection in the mirror. “I wouldn't say I like it in general... but... it's not as bad as I used to think. There are parts I like. Not my hips though... I don't think I'll ever be friends with them.” Rainey frowned at herself when she realized something. “I think I'm starting to be okay with it, though. I have a boyfriend who wants me and that's what counts. He loves my curves for me.”

 

The therapist tried not to smile too brightly, but it was a hard thing to do. Even after long years of working in this center, it was still such a joy to see patients get better and having little (or sometimes big) breakthroughs. “You're right, Rainey. But more importantly, what **you** think counts. So let's focus some more on the parts you like.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Okay, look at yourself again and tell me what you like about seeing yourself like that.”

 

“I still like my hair, I still like my eyes and my lips. I still like my fingernails and I like my long lashes. I still like my shins and calves.” Rainey rattled off the things she had listed countless times by now, but not without inspecting those parts of herself for a second or two. She appreciated that she was able to find positive things about her appearance by now. She went quiet as she looked at herself some more. “I like my skin.” she said and thereby added a new thing to the list, which the therapist immediately wrote down on her notepad. “I've always been lucky with that. Even during puberty, I never had zits or acne or something like that. And I do **not** take super good care of it.”

 

“You drink lots of water and avoid staying in the sun too long. I'd say you do take care of it.” The therapist disagreed gently.

 

“Hm, guess so.”

 

“But I agree that you must have good genes where that's concerned. Especially smokers tend to have skin problems. Not all of them, obviously, but a lot.”

 

“Yeah, Daryl is like that, too. He's got great skin.”

 

“Anything else?” The woman went back to the exercise. Rainey still tended to try to shift focus away from her, which wasn't bad, necessarily, but this exercise in particular was all about her, so the therapist didn't allow her to stray from that too much.

 

“I was always okay with my breasts, but...” Rainey stated with cheeks that were turning a bit crimson.

 

“That changed?” The therapist frowned.

 

“Yeah...” Rainey nodded before she went on with a lowered voice, like she was afraid to say it. “I think they're awesome. I might have fallen in love with them.”

 

This time the therapist laughed out loud, because Rainey's expression was too funny. “And you think that's a bad thing?”

 

“No, it's just... It takes some getting used to. I'm still a bit afraid that saying that I love something about myself makes me sound arrogant.”

 

“It doesn't. Not if you don't shove it down people's throats all the time, which you absolutely won't, I'm sure.”

 

“I won't... You know, I was so skeptical about these exercises and assignments when I first got here, but wearing the dresses and bathing suits and a bit more lower cut tops... It really helped me appreciate them even more. I like that they are noticeable, but now overly big, you know? Other women my size have huuuuge knockers and they can't ever go without a bra, and in the heat, they get sore, because of skin rubbing against skin and so on...”

 

“That's true. Those poor woman are in a lot of pain most of the time.”

 

“Yes, I heard from a few in group... That's why I consider myself lucky. Mine are full and round, but they are not super heavy. I can wear things, like that one dress, and I have cleavage, but without an uncomfortable push-up bra... I guess being here and around other people helped me realize that I don’t have an easy life, nor will I ever have that, but I'm very lucky in a lot of ways, because it could be a lot worse, and I try to appreciate that.”

 

“That is very good, Rainey. And I believe you when you say that. You've come far in the past 5 weeks. You've really worked on yourself, but you also understand that you will have to keep working on it for a long time. And you are lucky in the sense that you have something to fight for, to push yourself for. Others don't have that and give up easily.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Do you believe them when other people tell you, that they think you're pretty?”

 

“I guess, yeah. Why would they say it, if they didn't mean it? I'm not a millionaire or something, it's not like they can get anything out of me by buttering me up, right?”

 

“Put on some clothes and come sit with me.” The therapist told her with a smile. It was time to have their regular session, which she had always combined with the mirror exercises. Rainey went into the small bathroom and quickly changed into shorts and a loose-fitting sweater. Yes, she was actually wearing shorts now. Well, in here... in the treatment center, where she knew everyone and everything was like being in a protective, warm and supportive bubble. It might take her a bit to wear them outside in the real world, but who knew? Maybe not. It remained to be seen. “How do you feel about going home next week?” she asked once Rainey was seated.

 

“I feel ready. I really do. And I'm excited.”

 

“I think you are ready, too. As ready as you're ever going to be. Like I said, you really worked on yourself and figured out some useful tools that will work for you. Now, we've talked about it before, but I wanna talk about it again... Getting out of here and going back to living your life will be a true test. It will test how well you will be able to use the tools we've given you and how well you've adapted to a new way of thinking. The important thing to remember is, that life will inevitably throw you curve balls, a lot of them. You have changed, but the people out there? They haven't. The mean people who like to put you down, because they feel miserable about themselves or because they find sadistic pleasure in making others feel bad, they are all still there. Remember that you are not the problem, they are, but you are still the one that has to do all the work unfortunately. Remember that what strangers think is not vital to your life. You have to work through it and brush it off, using the techniques you now have available. Carve out at least half an hour, just for yourself, every day. Not for Daryl, not for your girlfriends, just for you. Do the muscle relaxation or drive to the nearest pool or lake and swim a couple of laps, clear your head and calm yourself down. Be selfish for at least that half an hour per day. It will do wonders for your stress and anxiety level. Keep doing the mirror exercises regularly. Your new therapist will continue working on that with you. The first week of being back home can make you or break you, but you have an advantage here.”

 

“What's that?”

 

“You have a very loving support system out there and even better, you are truly starting a completely new life. You moved to a different part of town. You've barely lived there a week, so we can still consider it brand new. Brand new house, brand new community and neighbors, brand new field of work, brand new job opportunities... You get a really fresh start out there, a chance to meet new people, to make new experiences and to make new first impressions. You carry yourself differently now and people will respond to that. Remember when you came here five weeks ago? The only thing you liked, or more like tolerated, about yourself, was your hair. That was the only thing you accepted as positive. And now? Look at all the things you accept and like now. You started to be able to accept parts of you, you don't particularly like and that is wonderful progress. You might never love your body, but that's okay, because only very few women do, but you are starting to accept that it is what it is, you're making peace with it and you start accepting that other people think differently about it, like Daryl. That was, what we tried to achieve with you, and it makes me very happy and proud to officially say, that we got you there. But keep working on it, okay? You are still only just beginning.”

 

“I will.” Rainey was beaming.

 

“Good. There is something else I wanted to discuss with you. We only briefly touched on your need to be nurturing towards others. Making sure their needs are met and so on.”

 

“Right.”

 

“You said that you always try to make sure that Daryl's needs are being met, but that you barely ever let him make sure that yours are met, too.”

 

“Yes, that's true.”

 

“That won't work out for very long, Rainey. I can assure you of that. You mentioned that Daryl became frustrated with that?”

 

“Yes. But I had such a hard time believing that anyone else would want to take care of me, you know? I just didn't want to be a bother.”

 

“You worked on that in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Dr. Mayer, yes?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“Do you feel it is easier for you to accept that now? That the people around you would actually love to help you and make sure that you are happy, too? Especially Daryl?”

 

“I learned that, just like making him happy makes me happy, it would make him happy to make me happy, too. It's been wrong for me to deny him that. I understand his frustrations now. We had this one exercise in group, where I was trying to make Trisha happy, but she refused and refused and refused, and it made me so mad... So yes, I definitely understand that I have to let him do things for me, too.”

 

“Okay, you understand it, but do you think you will be able to actually let him do that?”

 

“That might be one of the hardest things for me to do, but I will definitely try to let go of some of that bullshit in my head, where that's concerned. I will always remember how Trisha drove me up a tree with her saying no all the time.” Rainey laughed. She had been scared of group therapy, and she had barely participated in the first two weeks, but then it had turned into one of her favorite things, because they had role-played through various real-life partnership scenarios, in which she had taken on the role of Daryl, and she had found out how much she had actually pushed him away without even realizing it. She was determined to change that.

 

“That's good. Always remember that. Remember how you felt in those simulated situations. Wanting to take care of others is a great characteristic, but there's limits. I actually think that this characteristic would make you a very good mother.”

 

“Oh no... God no. Nope, no kids for me.”

 

“I know and that's fine. Not every woman feels the need to have children and a marriage in order for her life to be fulfilled, but you definitely have that urge to be a mother figure, Rainey. And you can't be a mother figure to Daryl or your friends. That's not the way it's supposed to be. They can't give you what you need in this case. Since you do not want to have kids, I would like you to think about adopting a pet. It can be like having a child, without the actual child. You take care of them and they give you unconditional love. You have the opportunity to be a mother figure and lavish that attention upon a more appropriate target. Animals can have great healing effects on people with mental disorders. They might sometimes be a handful, but they are not as stressful as children. You don't carry the same responsibilities. At the same time caring for a pet takes some focus off of yourself. You are always very focused on what's going on inside your head and your body, which is causing you stress. Having a pet distracts you from that and gets you out of your head a little.”

 

“Yeah, that actually makes sense to me.”

 

“It is just a suggestion, but I would like you to consider it until our next session.”

 

“I will.” Rainey promised. She loved animals, so she would really think about it and consider all the pros and cons until the next therapy session, which would also be one of her last. At least one of the last in the treatment center. That thought made her giggle internally. She really was excited to go home soon. It was time.

* * *

“Rainey! Come sit with us!” Sandra Larson, a patient Rainey had met in her second week, was sitting in the cafeteria with her visiting husband as Rainey came in to grab one of the delicious fruity non-alcoholic cocktails, that were being offered.

 

“Just a minute.” Rainey smiled. She didn't want to intrude, but if Sandra was telling her to join them, she figured it would be okay. All part of her new and improved way of thinking. It took a lot of work and would continue to be a lot of work for some time, but Rainey was putting that work in every day. Going back to the way it used to be simply wasn't an option. Her husband was visiting several times a week, but Rainey hadn't seen him until now, and while she neared the table with her cocktail in hand, she found that the guy looked oddly familiar.

 

“Rainey, I want you to meet my Bobby!” Sandra chattered exitedly.

 

“Hi, it's nice to meet you.” Rainey smiled and shook his hand.

 

“The pleasure is all mine. I've been wanting to talk to you.” Bobby told her, which gave Rainey pause.

 

“Me?” she asked with a highly surprised expression on her face. _What in the world would he want to talk to me about?_

 

“Yes, you are the kitchen whiz my wife has been telling me all about, aren't you?”

 

“Uhhmm...” Rainey speechlessly looked at a giddily smiling Sandra.

 

“Yes, that's her.” Sandra answered for her. After three weeks of staying at the center, Rainey had switched from art classes to cooking class. She was not artistically talented in any way, so that kind of therapy had frustrated her more than it had helped her, which was why she had gone back to doing something she already knew, but also loved very much.

 

“Did you know that my wife is a sneaky one?”

 

“That's starting to become clear to me...” Rainey deadpanned, making her new friend giggle. “So, what can I help you with?” she asked Bobby with great curiosity.

 

“Sandy sneaked me out some little treats of yours, saying that I just had to try them.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Rainey finally knew what he was going on about, but she was still confused.

 

“She was right. You're very good at what you do. It was delicious. That tzatziki was the best I've had since visiting Greece last year.”

 

“Oh thank you.” Rainey smiled and blushed a little from the compliment.

 

“It's a simple dish, but somehow, nobody can make it taste just right. People start adding cream or milk or onions and all other kinds of funny stuff, always trying to get that authentic taste, but it often turns into a disaster. Not yours, though. When I tried it, it took me right back to that scorchingly hot summer day in Athens, sitting on the patio of the restaurant and enjoying a salad, a grilled feta and that amazing tzatziki.” Bobby talked about it in a kind of passionate way, and it had Rainey starting to narrow her eyes in true Daryl-fashion.

 

_Why does he seem so familiar?_

 

“You know, that is exactly the kind of experience I like to offer my clients. Good food with authentic taste that takes them into a completely different world. Tell me, do you make your food sticking strictly to the recipe? Or do you like to put your own spin on things?”

 

“Uhhm... a bit of both.” Rainey was still a bit confused, but cooking was something she loved talking about, so she relaxed into the conversation. “With baking for example, I like to stick to the recipe the first time I make something, but then I start thinking about how I can make it even better and I start playing around. With cooking, sometimes something just pops into my head, something I crave and I think about how to combine it with other things and make it yummy, and then I can literally taste it in my head. Sometimes it does turn into a disaster, but then I keep trying. I like to experiment.”

 

“That's exactly what I wanted to hear.” Bobby smiled broadly and suddenly Rainey remembered where she knew him from.

 

“Oh my God... You're Robert Larson. That's why you're so familiar! You're on the back of at least three of my cookbooks. Sandra? Why didn't you ever say anything? Oh my God, I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you sooner Mr. Larson.”

 

“It's still Bobby.” he laughed a little at her adorable embarrassment. He was a chef and cookbook author, he wasn't a celebrity that everybody knew, but he was well-known in the culinary world.

 

“Bobby... okay... oh wow, and you liked my food? Wow, now that's a compliment. Thank you so much.”

 

“I loved it. Your bruschetta the other night was impeccable.”

 

“You're making my head explode.” Rainey grinned and held her heated cheeks.

 

“Oh, let's hope it won't come to that. I still need you.” he smirked.

 

“What?”

 

“I'd like to offer you a job in my test kitchen.”

 

“Get the fuck out.” Rainey's jaw dropped while her statement made the couple laugh.

 

“Not yet, I'd like to tell you some more about the position. Sandy told me you don't want to work in a kitchen of a restaurant?”

 

“Right, too much stress.”

 

“This would be different. I'm not gonna lie, it might turn a bit stressful on some days, but I'm sure that's the case for every job out there. The difference is that a test kitchen is not a restaurant. You don't have to feed the customer in the shortest amount of time. In my test kitchen we come up with new recipes for my books and my catering business. We develop them, try them out, perfect them, and so on. We also review older recipes and see if we can change them, make them more contemporary, healthier, we look for vegan and vegetarian variations of well-liked dishes. Things like that. Like I said, I also do catering, so cooking for clients would still be part of the job, but it's less stressful because there is planning days and weeks ahead, and with great time management, there is even room for error, if something ends up burned or oversalted... I have a great team and I think you would make a perfect addition to that.” he explained smilingly, before he turned a bit more serious. “I know that you and my wife have similar issues, forgive her for blabbing...”

 

“That's okay.” Rainey smiled.

 

“You won't have to deal with clients. Only with me and the others on the team. The work environment and the atmosphere is a familial one. We're all friends and a real team. When things go wrong we don't yell at each other, we sit down and discuss what happened and what we can do better next time. I don't yell at my staff or hold grudges, so that's something you would never have to fear when you work for me. Sandy tells me your last boss was a horrible asshole.”

 

“He was, yeah. He liked to bully.”

 

“That's no way to lead a company. Only happy workers are productive workers.” Bobby sighed. “The downside of this job is, that you will be required to work weekends. Not every weekend and not both days, but if you worked on a weekend, you have a day or two off during the week, because overworked workers aren't productive workers either. So... I'm not kidding. The position is yours if you want it.”

 

“Wow. I don't know what to say.”

 

“I don't need an answer right away. Take a couple of days to think about it, talk it through with your partner and then get back to me.”

 

“Where is the kitchen? I wouldn't be willing to relocate.”

 

“No need. It's in the city.” Bob said.

 

“It's right next to our house, Rainey! On your break or after your shift you could come over for a coffee. Or tea.” Sandra smiled. “It would be perfect.”

 

“Wow...” Rainey wasn't able to say much more. Her mind was blown for the day. She promised Bobby that she would think about it and give him her answer soon, then she left the couple to themselves again.

 

She went and got a book from her room and retreated to the gazebo to read and relax a little before dinner. After dinner she went for a short swim with Sandra, before she went back up to her room and called Daryl after her shower.

 

“Just one more week.” she smiled into the phone.

 

Se heard a big sigh first. “Thank God.” Daryl missed her terribly. He felt lonely at night with his bed cold and empty. “Can't wait ta have ya home, Rain.” Over the weeks it had become easier and easier for him to tell her that he missed her. Practice made perfect after all.

 

“I can't wait to be back.”

 

“Really? Ain't changin' your mind?”

 

“No. I'm ready. My therapist thinks so, too, so don't worry.”

 

“Talked to my boss today.”

 

“Oh, what happened?”

 

“Imma take the day off when ya get home. Wanna be with ya. That okay?” he asked carefully.

 

“Of course that's okay. And it's very sweet of you. I look forward to it. And talking about bosses. I think I just met my future one.”

 

“What?” Daryl let out a confused laugh. Rainey proceeded to tell him about the job offer and asked him what he thought about it. “If ya think that it's right for you and that you can do it, then ya should. Shit like this don't happen often, that ya get offered a good job outta the blue. I say go ahead and try it. If it ain't for you, you look for something else... but from the sound of it, it does seem perfect for ya.”

 

“Yeah, I think so, too. I'm gonna accept. Oh, and you know what my therapist suggested?”

 

“What?”

 

“That I get a pet. She said with my urge to be a mother but without wanting kids, a pet would be good for me.”

 

Daryl smiled at that. “Yeah, you know what? Why not? We could get ourselves a dog. Can stay with Merle when we work.”

 

“We?” Somehow that was making happy tears pool in Rainey's eyes.

 

“Yeah.” Daryl simply stated. “We're gon' go to a shelter when you're ready, look which one's right for us.”

 

Rainey had to press her lips together hard so she wouldn't start bawling. Daryl was her own personal miracle and he continued to surprise her in the best ways. Now she really couldn't wait to end her time at the treatment center and to get back home to her love, who truly was sticking with her through better and through worse.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

 

**Just a heads up, the story is nearing the end.**

 

**Please tell me what you think.**


	17. Chapter 17

The Friday morning Daryl had been longing for, for two excruciatingly long months, was finally here. He hadn't slept much last night, but still surprisingly well. He couldn't wait to pick up Rainey. He was in good spirits, but at the same time he was very nervous. Things would be different from now on, that much was clear. But different how? That was the part he was not sure of yet. What if things would go down the crapper, because now that her head was clear again, she would realize that she could do so much better than him? What about the whole sex thing? Was he supposed to be extra careful now? Wait for her to take the first step? Would she still want to make out at least? They had made out a ton during his last visits to the treatment center, so maybe that was a good sign? He just couldn't wait to be with her again, it's been so damn long.

A sliver of anxiety was mixed into it as well, because he was still a bit scared that he would get there and have Rainey tell him that she decided to stay another couple of weeks. The rational part of him knew that wouldn't happen, but that small irrational part would keep him on edge until she was back home with him.

 

Before he left, he went over to Rainey's and opened the windows to let some air in. The night before he had stocked her fridge with some essentials for a late breakfast and some bottled water, so they wouldn't have to go grocery shopping first thing after coming home. He figured she would want to go to the laundromat and do laundry first, go grocery shopping later, get her prescriptions filled (because the center, for whatever bullshit reason, was only giving her enough of her meds for the first day back), get settled back in, etc., etc. Of course he was hoping for some downtime on the couch with her in his arms, too, and he was praying to whatever was out there, that they would find some time for that before the day was over.

* * *

_It's happening... No goin' back now..._ Daryl kept thinking it while he stowed away Rainey's suitcase and her various bags in the truck bed of his old Ford. He straightened abruptly and gave his girlfriend a surprised look when she let him know that she had picked up on his anxiety.

 

“I'm not changing my mind.” she said with a smile before she planted a kiss on his soft lips. “Take me home?”

 

“Hell yeah.” he half-grunted, half-breathed, then he went to the passenger side door and opened it for her. 

 

“Thank you.” she wore a happy smile on her lips. “Hey, can we grab breakfast on our way home? I haven't had any, because I wanted to have it with you.”

 

“Got everything we need at home.”

 

“I figured, but can we go to Sam's Diner, please? I'm dying for that awesome breakfast there. I haven't had anything but dry bread and eggs for breakfast for months. Everything else tasted like it was made out of sea weed and kale. I need bacon and good, runny eggs. Oh my God, and pancakes! And probably a waffle with strawberries. Pleeeaaase?”

 

“Ya sure? Ya wanna go in there and sit down to eat? Ain't that a bit much for your first outing?”

 

“I'm fine. In group therapy we went to a restaurant a couple of times and practiced eating in public. I'll be fine, I promise. And I have to keep putting myself in those situations so I won't lose my progress.”

 

“Alright. What the lady wants, she gets.” Daryl kissed her with a smirk. He had wanted nothing more than to have her back in the trailer park, but now he thought that going out for breakfast with her sounded real nice. He'd never really been able to treat her to something like that before. Secretly he had wanted to do that very much, have at least one normal date with her, just to try it out. So this was a nice start to their new life together. “Hold on.” he got back out of the car and covered the truck bed with a tarp, so no one would see that there was shit to steal back there, while they were inside eating. When he was done, he pulled out of the parking space and breathed his first good breath in two months, as he watched the treatment center disappear in the rear-view mirror. _Good fucking riddance._

* * *

“You doin' okay?” Daryl wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible.

 

“I'm great.” she replied smilingly and took hold of his hand on the table.

 

“Ya look pretty calm... different than before. Is all of that shit, like, gone now?”

 

“No, it's not gone, nor will it ever be, but it's definitely much better. The pills take away that constant nervousness and fidgeting... and the hardcore anxiety. It's still there, but much more manageable. That body image therapy really helped me, too. I never had a real concept of what I really looked like, you know? I saw a completely different person when I looked in the mirror, than you are seeing. I know that I'm not completely there yet, but at least now I can accept myself more and be okay with the way things are. And basically, I just learned a lot in the past couple of weeks. I learned that it could be much, much worse, so I try to appreciate that the condition is not as debilitating for me as it is for others. I wanna enjoy being able to do things like this, even if it is still anxiety-inducing. The good thing is that I have you with me, I know I'm safe with you. I know that better than ever now, and it helps so, so much.”

 

“I, uh... I don't know...” Daryl wasn't sure how to voice what he was thinking.

 

“What, baby?” Rainey gently squeezed his hand.

 

“I don't know, I kinda feel like I should be doin' something, but I ain't got no clue what. Feel like something's expected of me now, ya know? There something I gotta do now? Like, something to help you better from now on?”

 

“You've always done perfect with everything. You don't have to change anything, if that's what you're asking. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me. Just treat me exactly the way you did before. But you can help me to stay on top of my exercises, force me to go to therapy when I have a bad day and want to throw it all away... yeah, that will still happen every now and then... But in general, just stay as awesome as you've always been.” she grinned when she saw how the corners of his mouth tugged up into that embarrassed, but happy little smile.

 

“Alright.” he nodded, just before the waitress arrived with their food.

 

“Oh my God, I'm so excited, I don't even know what to eat first. Eat the best first or save the best for last?”

 

Daryl shook his head with a smile. Even talking about eating so freely in front of him, that had never happened before. It really was refreshing. He knew that she loved bacon, so he figured that that was 'the best' to her. “Why don't ya take a bite of the bacon now, so ya got a little taste of it, then keep the rest for last? Cold eggs ain't good, so ya should eat those pretty fast.” he told her before he started digging into his stack of pancakes, which he would share with her.

 

“Oh wow, that is an awesome idea.” Rainey rubbed her hands in glee, then she picked up a strip of bacon with her fingers, and bit into it. Daryl swore that he saw her eyelids flutter and he felt himself confirmed when she spoke up. “Oh God... I might be having an orgasm right now... In my mouth at least.”

 

“Better wipe the seat down 'fore we leave, huh? Just in case.” Daryl chuckled quietly.

 

“Ewwww, Daryl! I'm not leaking on the seat. I have panties on and pants, too.” she laughed with a scrunched up nose.

 

“Just fuckin' with you, relax.”

 

“Hm, speaking of...”

 

“Of what?” Daryl asked with his mouth full.

 

“Fucking.” Rainey replied with a lowered voice and giggled quietly when Daryl noticeably choked on a piece of pancake.

 

“Damn, woman. Gotta warn a guy before ya say somethin' like that.” he rasped after having forced down the pancake all the way with a sip of coffee.

 

“Sorry. I just wanna make some things clear before we get home.”

 

“Ain't gonna touch ya, I promise.”

 

“No, no, no, no, no... that's not what I wanted to say. I want you to touch me. I don't want you to pull away and be super careful with me. I'm not saying we're gonna have sex tonight for sure, but I'm saying that the possibility might be there... I don't have a sexual dysfunction... I, ummm...” she looked around, relieved when she saw that it was still relatively deserted around them. “I want you. A lot. I always did, but my issues got in the way.” she was very red in the face while she talked about it, but she knew it was important for him to know what she had on her mind concerning their sex life. “Look, I'm not really sure how to explain it, but I don't want you to pull away. I'm doing better with my whole body issues now... Of course I can't say for sure what's gonna happen when we get to that point again, where it all fall apart the last time, but... ummm... I don't know... I guess I don't want you to be scared to try it again with me? Does that make any sense?”

 

“Kinda, yeah. I'm glad yer bringing it up, 'cause I wasn't sure where we stood with that, ya know?”

 

“You can still touch me.” she murmured in a half-whisper. “I never lied about that, I really love it. Like,... under this...” she tugged at the fabric of her top, referring to her breasts.

 

Daryl swallowed hard and quickly took another sip from his coffee mug. “Shit, girl... better stop or Imma lift the table...”

 

“Sorry. All I'm saying is, that we can go back to how it was and take things from there. Okay?”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Want some pancakes?”

 

“Oh yes, please.”

 

Daryl fed her some of it and loved being able to watch her enjoy her food like that. He really hoped that this wouldn't just be the last shreds of that protective treatment center bubble that was still surrounding her, but that she would keep being able doing this, once the bubble had burst completely.

* * *

“Home sweet home...” Rainey sighed happily as she dropped on her bed. “Ew, gotta change the sheets.” she laughed while she made a face at the stuffy smell.

 

“Guess we'll add that to the long-ass list.” Daryl grunted as he carried in her luggage.

 

“Or we sleep at your place tonight.”

 

“Nah, not tonight. Okay?” he didn't want to share her with Merle tonight.

 

“Then changing the sheets it is. Hm, I might have to wash the clean ones, too. They've been in the closet for over two months. Might smell weird, too.”

 

“Or ya air them out out front.”

 

“We're going to the laundromat anyway, so might as well bring them.”

 

“True.”

 

“Let's think. What do we have to do? First, go see my doctor and get the prescriptions. Laundromat, pharmacy, grocery store... anything else?” Rainey counted the list off on her fingers. “Oh, but first I need to make a grocery list.”

 

“That's all gonna take hours.” Daryl sighed.

 

“Maybe we should split up.” Rainey suggested. “We would get done faster.”

 

“Nah, took the day off ta be with ya. Ain't about to leave ya alone on your first day back. Don't care how long we're gonna be runnin' all those errands.” Well, he did care a little. All he wanted to do was lock them in and not let go of her for at least 24 hours. But things had to be taken care of, no matter how much he didn't like that. The good thing was, that they still had the whole weekend ahead of them.

 

“I guess we should be going then.” Rainey muttered and got off the bed. “The faster we get to it, the faster we will be done.”

 

“Yeah, right. We can grab lun-”

 

“HEY YOU FUCKERS! Y'ALL AROUND?” Daryl was interrupted by an all too familiar voice, which actually made him groan out loud.

 

“So much for getting out of here fast.” he grumbled under his breath.

 

“Back here, Merle.” Rainey laughed and gently poked Daryl in the ribs.

 

“Aaaaah, there ya are. Back with the real crazies, huh?” Merle grinned broadly.

 

“And again, it wasn't an insane asylum.” Rainey laughed.

 

“Well, from what I saw, some of those people in the cafeteria might have benefited from some electric shock therapy.”

 

“That's mean.” Rainey frowned at him and slapped his arm. Thankfully Merle hadn't said that out loud when he had been there with Daryl to visit her.

 

“What are you doing here anyway?” Daryl scowled at his brother. He thought Merle would have been smart enough to know that Daryl wanted Rainey to himself after those two long months.

 

“Saw y'all drivin' down the street. Thought I'd pop in, say welcome back, you know... and ask if there's a welcome back dinner, by any chance...” Merle had the decency to scratch his head with a sheepish grin on his face.

 

Rainey laughed. “Shouldn't you guys be making me a welcome home dinner?”

 

“We could.” Merle said. “But ain't nobody gonna enjoy that. Might make ya run straight back to the loony bin.”

 

“It wasn't-” Rainey started, but decided it was not worth it. “Anyway... to answer your question: yes, there will be a dinner for the three of us, but it's not going to be tonight, probably not tomorrow night either. More like Sunday.”

 

Daryl breathed a sigh of relief, while Merle nodded. “Alright. I can live with that. Waited two months, what's two more days, right?”

 

“Exactly. Now, if you would excuse us, we have a shitload of things to take care of. We're stopping by the store, do you need anything?” Rainey politely told Merle that they didn't have time for him right now, and surprisingly, she didn't feel horribly bad about it. Those roleplay sessions in therapy had really paid off.

 

“Nah, Daryl was at the store last night. Got everything I need. Thanks, Sugar.”

 

“You're welcome.” Rainey smiled and ushered the men out while she stripped the sheets off the bed.

 

“She got some confidence, huh?” Merle grinned at Daryl. “Good for her.”

 

“Yeah. Hope it stays that way.”

 

“Have a little faith, baby brother. She's gon' feel it if you have doubts about it. Won't help her. So cut it out, alright?”

 

“Alright.” Daryl mumbled and pressed his lips together while he nodded in kind of a child-like manner. Merle was right. Daryl had to let go of his own anxiety so he wouldn't drag her back down. He would have to trust in her new self and live this new life with her, without questioning how long it was gonna last.

* * *

Of course the downtime during the day, Daryl had been hoping for, hadn't happened. They had come home in the late afternoon, sitting down for a tea and a coffee, before Rainey had started on dinner. Daryl had suggested ordering in, but Rainey had wanted to cook for him.

 

Finally, after a delicious dinner of honey-glazed Prague ham with sauerkraut and roasted potatoes, they were cuddled up on the couch at last. Daryl had been pleasantly surprised when Rainey had come out of the bathroom in a pair of short sleep shorts. Now he had made himself comfortable in the corner and had pulled Rainey to rest between his legs, with her back against his chest and her head snuggled against his shoulder. Daryl had his arms around her and kept stroking his hands up and down her naked thighs, all the while burying his nose in her fragrant hair, and his spirits were finally lifted to their highest point.

 

“Gosh, it feels like it's been half an eternity since we've last been here.” Rainey sighed as she gently pushed her head against his nose a little more.

 

“Don't I know it... but it was worth it.” he pulled away slightly and smiled down at her.

 

“It was.” Rainey agreed, even though she had been a little disappointed earlier. Going to the store had turned out great at first, but standing in line and have 5 people waiting behind them had made her nervous again. Daryl had noticed right away and had put his arm around her to support her. It had calmed her down, but the little twinge of disappointment had still been there. As much as she always kept emphasizing to people, that she knew she wasn't cured, a tiny part of her had hoped that maybe she was. She didn't let that get her down, though. She might not have been cured, but she was doing better than before, and that was what she kept focusing on... that things could be worse.

 

“Ready to head to the shelter tomorrow?”

 

“I don't know. I've been thinking about it and I'm not sure if it makes sense to get a pet.”

 

“Why not? Thought we agreed that it was a good idea.” Daryl's smiling expression turned into a frowning one.

 

“In general, it would be... but I'm not sure if it should be a dog. They need a lot of attention and we won't be home a ton. You work all day and so will I. We'd get a dog and it would spend the whole day, every day, with Merle. It would be like he's the owner and we're the fun aunt and uncle who bring over treats and take it out for a walk every now and then. We would actually be getting a dog for Merle, but we'd still foot the bills.”

 

“Hm... you ain't wrong.” Daryl had to admit, even though he was not happy about it. He hadn't even thought about it like that in his excitement over the whole thing.

 

“See? We should wait and figure something out. Maybe go for a bunny or a hamster or something like that. Or a cat. Maybe an older one that doesn't mind being left alone for a bit.”

 

Daryl made a face. A bunny or a hamster? Not exactly what he had pictured. He wanted a dog. Like, really, **really** wanted a dog. “Still, I think it should be a dog. I won't always be here and I'd feel better about it if ya had a dog to keep watch. Can't ya take it to work?”

 

“I will be working in a kitchen, Daryl. So,... nope. And you do realize that we can't get a big watchdog, right? Look at the size of our homes... It will be more like a Maltese than a Labrador or a German Shepherd.”

 

“Pfff, like one ya carry in your damn purse? Can tell ya right now, that Merle ain't gonna walk a dog like that. He's gon' be scared that people will think he's playin' for the other team.”

 

“Then I guess we're at an impasse here, Daryl.”

 

“Hm... looks like.” he grunted.

 

“Let's just take some time and think about it. We'll figure something out eventually.”

 

“Yeah, we will.” Daryl nodded and went back to nuzzling her hair, while his hands were still busy with caressing her thighs. He enjoyed being with her like this again so much, he closed his eyes for a bit and let his mind drift off as the warm, comfortable feeling of familiarity wrapped itself around him. He didn't know how long it had been, but he became more alert again, when he felt Rainey shudder and heard a little sound coming from her. He blinked his eyes open and tried to assess the situation, but at first he didn't really know what was happening.

 

“Mmmm...”

 

There was that sound again. He looked down at Rainey, but her eyes were closed as well. His gaze shifted further down and he watched his fingertips slide along the outside of her thighs, over her knees and then (and this was new), down the inside of her thighs. When he passed over what must have been a sensitive spot, he felt her shudder again and heard that little moan come out of her mouth. It put a sly grin on Daryl's face, and instead of letting his fingers slide back to the outside of her legs, he spent some more time in that area, that gave her goosebumps.

 

“Ticklish?” the raspy whisper directly into her ear made her belly clench... in a good way.

 

“Not exactly.” Rainey opened her eyes and reached up to bury her hand in his hair. She pulled his head down and kissed him hotly, letting her tongue slide directly into his mouth to mate with his.

 

This time it was Daryl's turn to let out a small sound. The intensity of the kiss overwhelmed him; it was like her arousal flowed right into him, infecting him and making the small hairs on his arms stand up as he shuddered right along with her. He loved when Rainey kissed him like that, all urgent and desperate, biting his bottom lip, sucking on his tongue, making an even greater mess of his hair... _Missed this. Ungh, keep doin' that baby,_ Daryl thought as she tore another groan from his throat by flicking her tongue against his in the best way. Both of his hands left the insides of her thighs and slid upwards towards a more familiar goal. She had told him earlier that she wanted him to touch her, so he did, without asking special permission first. He slid them right up under her shirt and to her breasts, squeezing the soft globes first, before he gently tweaked both of her stiff nipples simultaneously.

 

The delighted moan, that made its way out of Rainey's mouth and straight into his, was music to his ears. The last time he had played with her like this, she hadn't felt anything except discomfort, so to actually feel her jump and shudder, because of his touch, was an absolutely delightful experience. His cock quickly turned from semi-hard to full on erection, thanks in no small part to Rainey's glorious butt, which kept grinding against him with all the squirming she was doing.

 

Rainey was in heaven. She loved the way he kissed her, all hard and wanting, and what he was doing to her breasts was making her feet twitch from pleasure. He kept rolling and tugging at her nipples just right, releasing them every now on then to massage her breasts before he went back to teasing the hardened tips of her full mounds. She wanted to cry, but this time not because she was so uncomfortable, but because she was able to enjoy it and not question every little thing he did. She was nervous, because it felt like the first time all over again, but it was a good kind of nervous... more like anticipation than dread. Rainey still held her breath, though, when after a long while of making out, Daryl dared to let his right hand slip lower. He hadn't tried that in a long time, not since way before rehab, even. He was nervous, too, because he knew he would be more than a little disappointed if it would all end in disaster again.

 

Just like Rainey, Daryl held his breath as soon as he was past her belly button and felt the elastic of the shorts. By now she had to know what he wanted to do, but she wasn't pushing him away yet. It caused his heart to really start slamming against his ribcage in earnest. So close... His fingers slipped under the waistband, where they immediately met the one of her panties. Pushing his fingers into her abdomen a little, they slipped underneath the elastic of her underwear. His fingers were officially inside her panties and Daryl thought that he might get a heart attack. Either that or he might die from his dick bursting, because right now it felt like it was just about to happen. Before he would die, he wanted to feel her first, so he kept sliding his hand lower, feeling smooth, heated skin underneath his fingertips. His breath rushed out of him in a shuddering exhale when he reached her slit. With three fingers he felt around a bit, spreading her outer lips the smallest bit, getting the biggest shock of arousal yet, when he felt his fingertips slip deeper into very well-lubricated folds. “Holy shit, Rain... you're so wet.” he rasped in wonder, not even realizing that he had said it out loud.

 

Rainey blushed and quickly covered her face with her hands as an embarrassed laugh escaped her. “Oh God, Daryl!” she was a bit embarrassed by how excited he had gotten her, and it made her jitters about being this vulnerable with him a bit stronger for a moment, but when his fingers shifted a bit and brushed right up against her clit, Rainey forgot all about it. “Oh God, Daryl...” she moaned again, but this time with a completely different inflection, as her whole body jumped like it had been shocked by a live wire.

 

“Ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, Rain.” Daryl quietly smirked into her ear. “It's damn hot. Just try to relax, alright?” he couldn't believe that it was really happening this time. He stroked his fingers over her incredibly soft pussy lips, down to tease her wet opening for a moment, before he slid them back up and found her clit again. The little nub was hard and swollen, making it easy for him to rub it in wet little circles. Rainey gasped and moaned, then she seemed to stop breathing altogether for a long moment, as Daryl's fingers worked their magic. She had never felt pleasure like this before. Her first boyfriend hadn't cared about her pleasure and neither had the internet guy. Nobody had ever pleasured her like this, except for herself, so the difference between her own fingers and Daryl's were more than just a little surprising. The sensations were exquisite. Her whole body was quivering from his ministrations and she let him go on and on, letting him play with her as he switched from circles to long strokes back and forth, and then to figure eights, making her jerk and clamp her hand down on his thick forearm when the pleasure got close to unbearable. It was wonderful, but Rainey still wasn't able to fully let go. Maybe because her mind was preoccupied with another thought...

 

“I want you.” she breathed against his lips. “Please.” Rainey wanted nothing more than to finally feel him inside of her.

 

“Ya ain't gotta beg... not this time.” he smirked, but shit, he kind of loved when she did (at least this time, when everything was okay).

 

They took things to the bedroom, where Rainey lit a candle, because she still thought candlelight was the most flattering for this first time, and she still needed something that would give her some security and comfort in this new situation. She let Daryl undress her, completely this time. Now, she was shaking from nervousness again as she watched him get naked, too. But when Daryl saw the sliver of insecurity flash up in her eyes, he acted quickly and got on the bed with her. Together they knelt on the middle of the bed, facing each other. Daryl kissed her passionately, with everything he had while they pressed their naked bodies together for the first time since the hypothermia scare. Her breasts got squished against his chest and his erection was happily trapped between their bellies, until Rainey's hand reached between them, to wrap itself around the turgid length.

 

“Better don't do that right now.” Daryl chuckled, a little embarrassed himself.

 

“Sorry.” Rainey wore a sheepish grin.

 

Daryl kissed her again and gently maneuvered them into a horizontal position. He slowly guided her knees up towards her chest, making her wrap her legs high up around his waist.

 

“I'm so nervous...” Rainey felt stupid when the quiet whisper slipped out, but Daryl had the perfect response, as usual.

 

He kissed her sweetly and winked at her. “No need, I'm gonna do all the work now. You just relax for me, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Rainey agreed, even though she wasn't sure if she would be able to relax. Just a second later she felt him push against her opening, and another second later, she felt the tip spreading her, causing little sharp pinpricks to invade her senses. Tears pooled in her eyes, but not because of the small discomfort.

 

“Rain?” Daryl had stopped immediately, but Rainey shook her head.

 

“No, I'm good, I promise... I'm just so happy.” she sniffed and quickly wiped at her tears. They were finally united all the way and the feeling was a powerful one. So many months had passed and so much had happened, so many ups and downs, but now they were finally here: Daryl was sliding home...

 

He tried to make it last for as long as possible, tried to give her as much pleasure as he possibly could, but way too soon for his own taste, he felt that intense tingling at the base of his spine. He was going to cum and there would be no stopping it. When he erupted inside of her, Rainey was the happiest woman on the planet. Yeah, it had still been a bit awkward, but she knew that it was normal. It had been normal... And normal to her was perfect... It had been perfect.

 

“Hey...” Daryl later murmured into her hair when they were curled up in their post-coital glow.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Ya know that ya might just be stuck with me forever, right?”

 

Rainey's smile could have lit up the whole trailer park. She knew what he was saying and she was glad that he was doing it like this and not outright. “I know.” she replied. “Same here.”

* * *

Bobby had lied a little. The job in the kitchen was pretty stressful on most days, because the catering business was booming, and with several events in one day, even with great time-management, they did end up under pressure. Still, Rainey loved it and kept at it. She liked her colleagues and keeping herself busy wasn't the worst thing. It helped that she took those 30 minutes every night, that belonged just to her. It let her decompress and work through everything that might have happened that day. Sometimes she took a long shower and did her nails or something, other times she took a walk or did the muscle relaxation exercises. She still had some bad days, but they were few.

 

Daryl made sure that she kept going to therapy, even when she sometimes felt like she no longer needed it. He knew better than to ever assume again, that she was doing okay. He had learned his lesson and knew that she was a great actress where hiding her true feelings were concerned. He never wanted her to break down again, so he kept pushing her towards therapy to keep that from happening.

 

Over time he learned that Rainey's condition truly wouldn't ever be cured. There were days where she could go out for a meal with him, no problem, while on other days, she was fidgeting at the table, even with her meds. The brain had a mind of its own, but at least it all stayed manageable.

 

The one thing that almost completely went away over time, though, was the body dysmorphia issue. Surprisingly their improving sex life helped a great deal with that. But it still took another year, until Rainey had reached the point where she was at a normal female level of being insecure about her body. Not in front of Daryl, though. It might have taken a long, long time, but in the end she knew, that he was absolutely crazy about her.

 

A whole month after Rainey had gotten out of rehab, Rainey and Daryl had finally been able to compromise on the pet issue. Daryl had found the perfect solution, with the help of Danni. A dog wasn't allowed down in the shop, but the manager had agreed for the dog to stay with Danni in the office for three days a week. The manager had insisted that it would only be a temporary solution, but after a couple of months during which the dog had shown good behavior, it had silently turned into a permanent thing. This way Daryl was able to take it to work and check in for a cuddle a couple of times a day. The other two days it stayed with Merle.

 

They fell in love with a 3-year old English Bulldog at the local shelter. His name was Grumpy Bear, which had made both of them laugh. It had to be a sign. What better name for a dog who would now go home with a woman whose name sounded like she was Cloudy Bear's wife?

 

Speaking of... Daryl and Rainey never got married. Neither of them felt the need to have an official piece of paper to tell them that they belonged together. Their relationship might have been a little unconventional here and there (for example, they never officially moved in together neither, with Daryl splitting his time between Rainey's and his own home with Merle), but it worked for them. It gave Rainey the space she sometimes needed, which proved to be very good for their relationship.

 

They grew old together, without a marriage certificate, without rings and without babies. They had their canine children and they had each other, which was all they had ever needed in order to be happy. Daryl did everything for her. Even when Rainey got sick at age 68 and refused to move into a nursing home with him, because she didn't want to be surrounded by strangers during her last months, Daryl mobilized all his strength and cared for her by himself, until she took her last breath in the summer of 2051.

 

Just before she went, a heartbroken and crying Daryl pressed one last kiss against her cooling forehead and bid the love of his life goodbye.

 

“I hope you'll rest in peace, my beautiful Rain.”

* * *

**The End**

* * *

** Thank you for reading. **

 

** Aaaaand that's it. This might have been the last new story for a while. Unless I wake up tomorrow morning with a brilliant idea, which actually has happened before, but I somehow doubt it will happen this time. You are welcome to suggest ideas, of course;-) **

 

** Next up I intend to check in on Teddy and Daryl. Gotta see if our favorite redneck got his wife pregnant by now, right? **

 

** Thank you so much to everybody who was along on this ride. I am so glad that I was finally able to finish this and that all of my stories are completed works now (apart from the bonus chapters). There won't be any bonus chapters for Rainey and Daryl, and that's just the way I wanted it. It was supposed to be a little story that shed light on issues a lot of us have, but still nobody seems to know an awful lot about.  **

 

** It is possible to have social anxiety and still find someone who is right for you out there. It is hard, very, very hard even, but if you think someone is worth fighting for, then push through and do it. If you are fiercely independent and don't need/want a partner by your side, like me, that's okay, too. You can do it. **

 

** I know that some of you expected a whole lot of smut and in my usually more explicit style, but the more I kept writing, the more I felt that it simply didn't fit in with them or this story, so forgive me for that. For more smutty goodness people should definitely read Jasper or His Walls;-) **


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